Friends First
by Auburn Hepdrey
Summary: MerDer have always been just friends. But what happens when they both move to the same city for work or school. Living together could be trickier than they planned. Obviously AU MERDER!
1. Chapter 1

-1"Hey just give me a call when you get in." she said into the phone before closing the phone and slipping it back into her pocket as she sat in traffic. She was on her way back to her college after the cruise she'd taken with her friends for spring break. It was her senior year and she was graduating in a few short months. Her phone started ringing a few moments later.

"Hey Princess. How was the cruise?" Derek asked when Meredith answered the phone.

"It was really great! We had so much fun. I'll send you some pictures after I get settled back on campus and we all put them up. Oh Guess what was waiting in my room when I got back home" She said excitedly.

"What!?"

"Acceptance letters…" She said with a smile.

"Where to?" He asked just as excited as she was.

"UVA, VCU, and Duke."

"Wow. That's incredible Mer. I'm so proud of you! So what are you thinking?"

"That I'm stuck in traffic and I have to be at a soccer dinner in an hour."

"Silly girl." He said laughing at her. "Soccer dinner? Does that mean I can't take you out to celebrate tonight?"

"It's Sunday, silly man, you'll be exhausted tonight. How about later in the week or something?" She said knowing that after youth choir, dinner, youth group and the inevitable discussion that somebody would want to have with him he'd want nothing more than to chill out by himself in front of the television.

"Well I need to talk to you about some stuff too. You aren't going to tell me where you're leaving about this decision are you?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know if I wanna move to Charlottesville for UVA or stay close in Richmond and go to VCU."

"No Duke!?" He said pretending to be horrified. It was, after all, where he had gone to seminary at.

"We've talked about this. Duke's for seminary. The rest is for French. Duke'll come later on."

"You could do French and Divinity at the same time."

"I could."

"You don't want to talk now." He observed. She giggled at him. "Okay you. I'm gonna let you go. Drive safely."

She continued to drive back to campus now stressing over her grad school decision, weighing her choices in her mind. She knew UVA was the best. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to be that far away. She knew she wanted to do French before Divinity, but maybe both at the same time wasn't such a bad idea.

Thinking about Duke made her think about Derek, her relationship with him. She met him over ten years before that when he was her a youth leader for the district. Over the next three years while she was in middle school he was there for her. She spend a lot of time around him because of her involvement in the district. The summer before she went to high school he moved two hours away, leaving the district to go to seminary. Then again he moved even further to take a youth position in a huge church. High school was incredibly rough for her. Her mom was never home because she was a surgeon and lived for her job. Her dad had left years before. When it came to adult guidance Derek was it, even though he was only ten years older than she was.

After high school ended she went onto college about ninety minutes from her home. Derek also moved taking another youth position about twenty minutes from her college. She had to admit their relationship was a little odd. A lot of their relationship while she was in high school was purely e-mail. They saw each other once the entire time she was in there. But once college came it slowly changed. She was growing up and becoming an adult. She didn't need him to be there for her as she had before. Instead she was there for him. It became mutual, they became close friends. Being there for each other through break-ups, work and school troubles, all of it.

She adored him and he thought the world rose and set on her. He was absolutely gorgeous, not quite six foot athletic build with the warmest blue eyes and curly black locks. She was a petite tiny little thing, about 5'5" long auburn hair and firey green eyes. But despite their appearances, neither was interested in the other. Their relationship was built on everything platonic. She sighed as she pulled on campus heading towards the soccer house that four of the team seniors shared, where the dinner was being held.

**A/N:**

**Wow confusing huh…well lemme try to explain a little bit. Meredith is about ten years younger than Derek. They met when she was in middle school and he was in college. Now she's graduating college and he's a youth director. Odd choice huh? I LOVE the medicine side of greys, but I don't know it well enough to write about it. I do know youth ministry and I know French junk. Lemme know if I should continue. I'll probably add another chapter tonight…This is my first fanfic, so help me out and review a bit. If you have questions ask them. I'll answer them in A/N's. **


	2. Chapter 2

-1Friday night she was out to dinner with Derek celebrating her acceptance letters.

"You've grown up on me" Derek said after they'd ordered dinner.

"You say this all the time."

"You were the last of my youth from Farmville. That's where I started out. You make me feel so old." He paused as the waitress brought their drinks. "Look at you. One of my little girls drinking a martini. You were only in middle school and now look, you're headed to grad school."

"You're gushing. Stop or I'm leaving. And you know I hate it when you refer to me as one of your little girls. It makes me feel like such a child."

"Okay, look at you, my favorite princess drinking a martini."

"Not any better…I thought I was your only princess."

"You are my dear." He said with a laugh, reaching across the table giving her hand a squeeze.

"I have something to…" They both said at the same time

"You go first." Derek insisted.

She took a deep breath before saying, "I've decided on UVA for French. She looked away as she waited for his reaction. He didn't say a thing, but sat in his seat for a moment. Then he started to laugh. She flashed him a look trying to hide how upset he'd made her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at your decision. I'm happy for you. Excited even. It's just what I wanted to tell you. And it's just funny that you decided to go there. We are just."

"Will you shut up and tell me what you wanted to tell me?!" She interrupted.

"I've decided to move to Charlottesville and be the youth director for a large church there."

"Really!?" She asked her face lighting up. He nodded in response. "Are you going to follow me all of my life?" She teased.

"You know it." He laughed back. "So grad school. Any plans? Are you working? Where are you living?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you'd decide all of that for me."

"Live with me. We can get a house or a large apartment. We're friends. We can live together and not kill one another."

"What about a job?"

"You're killing me."

"And you want to live together."

"Okay. Uh, teach. You're licensed to. Or, I don't know, interpret. Do you want or need a full-time job?"

"Not really. I need a job for spending money basically. When gran died last year she left me a lot of money. A lot. I will use what I need to use, but I'd rather not kill myself with work and school. But I want to work."

Do an internship. Take a few interpreting clients. Find something to do with me."

"You're pushing it. We're going to get sick of one another."

"Do an internship with me. I'm a French speaking youth director you knows how to sign 'I love you."

"You're a funny man." She sighed looking at him. "You know, I party. Have boyfriends, listen to music, watch goofy movies, drink too much tequila. I'm twenty-two. You're thirty-two. You work cook and sleep. You're protective of me with guys." She said listing the problems.

"Yeah but I've lived alone since undergrad and I'm bored of it. You make me sound so stuffy and grumpy. I work with teenagers and college kids all day long. And I'm not that old. C'mon what's the worst that could happen"

"We could grow to hate each other." She shot back.

"Couldn't we give it a try? You would be right there to help me with youth stuff. I'm here to help you with classes and you'd never have to wait for me to return your e-mails.

"That is a very good point." She agreed.

"Of course it is. Think about it. We need to look at apartments or houses pretty soon. And we have to do it together."

She sighed almost dejectedly allowing herself to think about what life would be like living with him.

"What?" He asked after giving her a moment of silence. "Tell me…share."

"Us together. We're a big mess and you know it. But we always have fun. And we will…"

"You're going too fast. You're not making real sentences." He pointed out. She glared at him for a minute before silently returning to her food. They finished the meal quietly, neither mad at each other, just thinking. After they finished she glanced at him to find him carefully watching her. He made a silly face at her nodding towards the exit.

"Okay princess." He smiled. "You drive safe okay. Are you okay to drive?" She nodded and stepped into him for a hug. He squeezed her tight and dropped a kiss on top of her head.


	3. Chapter 3

-1"My dear you have entirely too much crap!" He panted as he carried in the last of her things up the steps.

It was the end of July and they were moving into their new house. Derek had a break of a few days in between retreats. As a youth director his summer was full of retreats and mission trips. He spent the summer with his youth stopping at home long enough to do laundry and leave again.

"You shut up. I was here all by myself when your stuff all came here Friday." She replied from her spot on her bed.. "They piled it all in the den and left."

"I noticed the den was set up." He commented sitting down beside her stretching out.

"Oh you're all sweaty and gross." She groaned shoving him over. "Yeah the den's set up. Along with everything else. The kitchen, the office, the den, your bedroom."

"My bedroom!? Jesus child you were bored this week. Did you say the kitchen too?" He asked hopefully.

"Slow down 'child." She said teasingly. "I haven't had a chance to stock the fridge yet."

"Gotta leave something for me to do!" He grumbled good-naturedly. "I really have to spend my only week off this summer shopping with a twenty-something?"

"Excuse me. I touched your boxers so you wouldn't have to spend 'your only week off' putting all your crap away so you could come home to a nice neat house and be able to function."

"I can function in a mess." He declared sitting up.

She gave him a look, "Oh really, you can function in a mess. You the ocd anal retentive neat freak."

"I'm not a neat freak. I'm messy."

"You're just like me. You can deal with an organized mess. What the movers left was NOT organized. Now I'm going swimming. You can go shop." She said picking up her towel.

"Ha! Where are my trunks." He said standing up to follow her. She gave him a glance that let him know she'd hidden them. "MEREDITH GREY!" He bellowed advancing towards her. She leapt onto the bed trying to escape him. He cut her off, picking her up and tossing her slight weight over his shoulder easily.

**A/N:**

**So my chapters aren't that long I know, but they'll come quick. I know this one's way fluffy. How are you guys feeling? I know it isn't incredibly grey's… I'm thinking that maybe after they get settled in a little some other characters may appear. **


	4. Chapter 4

-1Okay so why do a billion of you read and none of you review. C'mon you can tell me it sucked if you'd like……

"Meredith…" Derek called softly from his raft. They had both pulled on their bathing suits and had walked down from the house to the pool to chill out for a little bit. "Merri-death…" He called again in a sing-song voice. He shifted over to look at her laughing to himself. She was on her raft wearing her favorite pair of over-sized sunglasses with her ipod jamming one hand holding a book and the other hand softly signing along with the music. He watched her hand for a minute making out the signs for devil and night. He listened carefully to the music he could barely hear. It was U2, one of their favorites. He waited until the music ended before calling her name again.

She looked up at him expectantly, pausing her music. "Yeah Der?"

"Do I really have to go shopping?" He asked pitifully.

"Yeah."

"Will you go with me?" He asked flashing her a smile. She sighed not answering him. "Hey whatcha reading?" Mer wrapped up her ipod and tossed it out of the pool onto a chair a few feet away and did the same with her book.

"Nothing." She said laughing back at him. She drifted over to the steps and climbed out, "C'mon lets go shopping. The sooner we can get this done the sooner I can go to sleep."

"Mer it's two in the afternoon."

"Okay maybe you've forgotten, but I was in college for the last few years. I didn't sleep at night. I slept in short naps around classes work and parties."

"I'll give you nap." He told her.

A few hours later, after they had gone grocery shopping and returned the two of them were in the kitchen together trying to decide what to make for dinner.

"Here, let's just make zucchini." Meredith suggested. "That way you can finally learn how to make it." She hopped up onto the island in the center of the kitchen to sit down and instruct Derek. "First you sauté the onions and garlic in olive oil." She explained waiting patiently as he retrieved the various items he needed and set them on the island.

A little later on she had directed him to chop up the zucchini. About half-way through she gasped asking, "What are you doing you have to peel the zucchini first!" Derek paused for a moment trying to figure out the best way to peel the chopped zucchini. Finally he just decided to peel each individual piece. After six or seven pieces Meredith began to giggle.

"Yeah…" He asked afraid of why she might be laughing.

"You don't really peel them." She giggled. "What is wrong with us? We're acting like a bunch of little kids."

"Correction, you're acting like a little kid. I'm acting like a mature adult."

"Whatever. I distinctly remember being thrown over your should because you thought I had your swimming trunks."

"I'll get you back later." He promise, ignoring her. "But right now I have to cook dinner because you're a lazy bum."

"Uh, hello should I bring up the boxers again!?"


	5. Author's Note

-1Questions…hmmm. Okay so no there's not any medicine. Derek is, and don't get thrown off by this, a youth director for a church. This kind of job, it has amazing potential for a fanfic. Sure he goes to the church Mon-Thurs. But what is there to do? (Don't get me wrong, I've worked with and as a youth director before. It's stressful and there are a lot of details that have to be worked on, but it's not like a 9-5.) He has staff meetings. He has youth group/bible study to set up weekly. He has retreats to work on. He is gone a lot during the summer. But he's home through the week every night. Occasionally he leaves Friday afternoon and comes back Sunday afternoon. Sundays are his busiest day.

Okay now for Mer. She spent her undergrad years at a small private liberal arts college in Ashland while he was in Richmond Va. (Now they've moved about 70 minutes west to Charlottesville.) While she was in Ashland at Randolph-Macon she majored in French, physics, and philosophy. She's at UVA for her masters in French. Then she wants to go to Duke for her masters in divinity. She wants to be a youth director also eventually. But mostly she wants to interpret French and ASL. While she's at UVA she's going to take a few ASL classes, but right now she knows a lot of sign from years of teaching it to the youth with songs.

Back in the day Derek went to Hampden-Sydney. RMC and HSC are rivals. Huge rivals. HSC is an all guys school. RMC has been co-ed since the 60's. While he was there he majored in French religion and economics, then he went on to duke for divinity. Exciting huh?

Why are they both single? Derek had his heart broken a few years ago but a chick named…Addison. As far as we know he still loves her. Nothing happened between them, she just decided she'd had enough and is now engaged to another guy. Meredith just hasn't found anybody. There was a guy in high school who she was friends with. And she fell for him. But he wasn't interested in dating at all saying he wanted to wait until he was ready for marriage before he started dating. He also went to hsc. They saw each other constantly throughout college and are really close friends. His name's David. Maybe we'll see him some more…

What does his job think? Well in reality it'd be frowned upon. But I'm ignoring that. Because it's just an annoying little fact. But I think once the church gets to know mer they'll realize that they are best friends and nothing more….


	6. Chapter 5

-1**A/N:**

**These first few chapters I'm trying to give you a sense of their friendship. Most of us who have spent a lot of time in the church have a decent relationship with our youth leaders. And then most of us lose a lot of contact with them once we go to college. But with Mer/Der that didn't really happen. They kept in contact even more after high school b/c they lived closer. She grew up in college even more and they became really great friends. It's not just friends though, because for years he was more of an authority figure. So there's always gonna be some of that protectiveness that he feels and the vulnerability that she only shows to him…Enjoy.**

Derek settled onto the couch, turning on the television after dinner had been cleaned up. Meredith disappeared upstairs for a few minutes returning in a pair of pajama pants and a camisole. He watched her go into the kitchen and come out with a soda for both of them.

"Thanks, I was just about to ask you to grab me one" Derek said. Meredith handed it to him and sat on the couch with him leaning against the arm facing his side rather than the tv. She smiled in response and relaxed against the couch while he concentrated on the news.

"S'wrong doll?" He asked when the commercial came on.

"I'm just tired. It's been a long week for me." She answered smiling.

He lifted his arm, inviting her to his side. She eagerly scooted closer to him relishing the comfort he gave her so innocently. "Yeah it's been a long week for me too. Thank you so much for setting up the house. You're a life-saver." He replied planting a kiss on her head as he ran his hand over her back.

"Are you going to spend the rest of the week here?" She asked.

"Tomorrow I need to drive back to Richmond for one last trip. I have a few more boxes at the office I need to bring back and take to my new church. But after that I'm going to take a break for a few days, then start in on my new office."

"I already made you a new office."

"At home you did, but I need to set up the office at church silly girl. You know what we should do tonight?"

"What?"

"Watch the godfather." He replied. They both loved the movies. And could discuss them to no end. Somewhere in high school they had both discovered that the other knew the movies pretty well. Throughout Meredith's college years if it was on television Derek would give her a call to say so. It was a silly thing, but it made her laugh to watch the movie 'together.' And Derek was all for anything that made her laugh. Her face lit up and she moved from the couch to the dvd's in one fluid movement. She put the movie in and sat back down on the couch with him. She settled into the small space between him and the arm of the couch and forcing him to scoot down a little bit so she could lay down. He laughingly moved over taking her feet in his lap and pulling at her big toe.

"This is almost as good as a bed time story." She offered casually after a few minutes. Neither of her parents had ever read them to her, but Derek would give her 'rules,' more like suggestions, on how to deal with different situations. He thought he was a clever person, so he tried to disguise his rules as cute stories. Meredith ate them up and often asked for them when she was feeling upset. Other times Derek would just make up stories about ridiculous things.

"You're not getting a bed time story too." He said pinching her foot playfully.

"Fine then." She pouted returning to the movie. He propped his feet on the table in front of them and let himself be absorbed in the movie. Somewhere along the movie he fell asleep. When he awoke he looked at the feet in his lap and the scene on the screen, thoroughly confused at where he was. He took a closer glance at the body the feet belonged to smiling deeply when he realized it was Meredith. He reached for the remote turning off the movie and slipped from under her feet. Next he bent down and scooped her up quickly. He tipped her towards him so her head rested on her shoulder. Instinctively Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled her head into his chest feeling a slight scratch from his unshaven face. He easily walked up the stairs with her, barely noticing her slight weight. He pushed into her room turning on the lamp beside her bed before depositing her under the blankets. He pulled them up tight around her and tucked her favorite stuffed bunny beneath her arm. "G'nite Mer." He whispered to her, kissing her cheek, brushing her hair out of her face. She stirred slightly her eyes fluttering open to find her kneeling beside her bed smiling warmly at her. She instantly relaxed and cuddled her bunny close to her. He stood, turning off the lamp and moved towards the door shutting it behind him.

"No." She whispered to him as he shut the door. He paused and turned around to look at her.

"I don't like the dark." She reminded him. He nodded leaving the door open reminding himself to leave the hallway light on for her.


	7. Chapter 6

-1**First off ilovegreysanatomy THANK YOU! That was the first bit of like criticism anybody has given me! I love all of you who have reviewed, but ILGA pointed out something terribly important. Does anybody else think Derek feels stuffy? I think it's happening like that because neither is remotely attracted by the other. Or at least neither thinks about it at all. But them living together like that is bound to stir it up. So lets give them a little bit of time… I think flirty Derek'll show up in a bit…maybe. Guys keep pointing these things out to me, it really does help… Oh one quick question ILGA, you reviewed on the 4****th**** chapter…did Derek seem a little more 'Derek' in the 5****th**** chapter?**

August passed quickly for the two of them. Meredith began classes at UVA finding new friends and catching up with some old ones. August for Derek was about getting to know his coworkers, meeting families in the church and planning the fall events including UMYF kickoff and a few retreats. (UMYF stands for United Methodist Youth Fellowship, basically youth group.) Meredith often went to church with him on Sundays, getting involved in the struggling young adult program the church offered. They fell into an easy routine together sharing household responsibilities. Dinner happened most nights of the week with both of them cooking, an easy time to relax and chill.

As the fall picked up Meredith made sure dinner was ready for Derek after a full day of church. In return Derek tried to keep her favorite drunk food left within easy reach in the kitchen and water and aspirin on her night table on Friday nights. Each taking care of the other the best way they knew how.

He found himself amazed that after ten years as a self-sufficient bachelor he was able to adjust to living with somebody else. He not only adjusted to it, but welcomed her presence. It was a comforting change of pace from his previous existence. Since things had ended with Addison five years ago he delved deep into his work, pretty much destroying the slight boundary that existed for him between his work and personal lives. He worked long hours at the office to come home to an empty house where he either worked some more or chilled out in front of the television or computer. Now there was this tiny youthful ball of energy that was always there, who made him smile many times throughout the day.

Mid-way through September on a Friday night Derek was laying down in his room with a bowl of ice cream and was flicking through the TV stations. Meredith had left before he'd gotten home. He vaguely remembered her mentioning that she was going to be out with some friends and not to worry. She always said this. He always worried.

Not much later he heard the door open and her shuffling up the steps. She went into her room for a moment, then back downstairs. He could hear her sniffling as she passed by his room. He peeked down the steps when he didn't hear anything for a moment. She had found a bottle of tequila and a shot glass. (Mer has the usual tequila problem and the daddy issues and the distant mom and she's dark and twisty, but she doesn't have the boy problem.) She had another shot and then began to sob. Derek fought the urge to go downstairs and comfort her. She was a big girl and he couldn't fight her battles for her. Instead he settled for opening her door turning on the lamp and the light. He turned down her sheets made sure a trash can was by the bed and made sure her stuffed animals were within reach. Then he checked on her again from the top of the stairs. She was still drinking more tequila. He retired to his bedroom leaving his door opened and the television on.

He heard her stumble, a while later, up the steps and into her room. She emerged quickly and leaned against the doorway to his room. He set the book on his nightstand and ran a hand through his hair, taking in the sight of smashed Meredith. He'd experienced this side of her once or twice, usually over the phone. Only once in person. Her eyes were red and swollen, her usually sleek auburn hair tossed messily into a ponytail with a few wispy strands here and there. Her pajamas didn't match. Without a word she teetered her way to the side of his bed. Pausing as he pulled back the sheets. She climbed in and snuggled under the comforter dragging along an ancient stuffed rabbit and an empty satin pillowcase. She laid down just out of his reach, looking at him with a tearstained face. Derek turned on his side waiting patiently.

"David doesn't think anything is working out." She choked out as a fresh wave of tears ran down her face. (I mentioned David in the author's note)

"I didn't know you two had started anything." Derek said, wondering how he could have missed that. David and Meredith had known each other all through school. In high school they became close friends going to proms and homecomings together. About midway through high school Meredith fell for David, but he didn't want to date. Not just her, anybody. The agreement became that Meredith was to date and if when he was ready they were both single they would attempt it. Meredith never could quite put her love for him aside and never had much of a romantic relationship with anybody.

"We hadn't really. We were just talking about it mostly. He asked me to go out with him tonight. So I went. When I got to the restaurant he pulled me in to kiss me, just a quick brush of the lips. Then he got a look in his eyes. We sat down and he told me that he'd always though he loved me, but he wasn't positive. There was another girl. Somebody he'd just met. And he was falling for her he thought. And he wanted to date her." Meredith collapsed into sobs and Derek couldn't stand it anymore. He reached for the tissues on his nightstand and pulled a few out. He reached for her placing a hand securely on her back to bring her to him. He barely put any pressure on her back before she eagerly moved towards his body. She scooted to him, leaving no gap between them. She buried her face in his chest breathing in that familiar scent before sobbing into his chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around her hoping the tight he held her the more the pain slipped away. They laid there for a long time just like that, Meredith crying as Derek murmured into her ear.

Eventually he felt her breathing deepen. She pulled away from him a bit to lay on her back. He smiled softly at her as he smooth her hair back.

"Are you going to be okay princess?"

"I'm drunk." She replied with a lopsided smile.

"I know I can smell you." He looked down at his shirt that was sticking to him, completely soaked with her tears. "I'm going to change now." He said with a smile, backing out of the bed and peeling off his soaked shirt replacing it with another.

"Sorry, when I get drunk and cry on guys I tend to do that…" She apologized softly, clearly still smashed from her run in with Jose.

"You've done that before?" He asked with a laugh.

"Yeah I've done it once before. To David. At my graduation party. I was drunk and we were saying goodnight. I started to cry. We made promises. He still teases me about it."

"I can imagine." Derek said dryly climbing back into bed.

"Everything is spinning. And it gets worse when I close my eyes." Meredith commented.

"How much did you have?" Derek asked concerned, after all she was so very tiny. She shrugged unsure herself. She rolled onto her side with her back facing Derek as she began to cry again. He sighed realizing that she wasn't going to stop anytime soon. He gathered her into his arms holding her to his body allowing her to cry. Meanwhile he rubbed her back and hummed into her ear. Anything to let her know he was there with her as she cried herself into exhaustion.

Long after she had fallen asleep Derek stayed awake listening to her breathe and wiping away the tears that came even in her sleep. He couldn't bring himself to carry her into her own room and leave her alone. Afraid she would awake upset or perhaps even stop breathing. He wasn't sure how much tequila she had consumed. He settled for a sleepless night of watching over her.  
"What's wrong with David?" He thought to himself as she drew in a ragged breath. "I understand not wanting to be distracted by a relationship, but they're good friends. It has always felt like just a matter of time between those two." If he looked at Meredith objectively he realized she was absolutely gorgeous. He knew her personality was amazing. Her fondness of tequila was her only downfall and he knew that since college began she'd made it a point to respect David and not drink when he was around. And even in general it wasn't a real issue. He sighed drawing her closer to him and gave her forehead a gentle kiss.


	8. Chapter 7

-1"Derek!" Meredith whined from the den where she was studying to start on her paper as she watched some television.

"S'wrong doll?" He called from the office.

"This French crap sucks!"

"Good thing you're working on your mater's in it."

"Derek, come help me!"

She heard him scoff in response. He hated the medical drama that she was addicted to on Thursday nights. Jokingly he refused to enter the room she watched the show in.

"I'm stuck on youth stuff in here." He whined back at her. "You come here and help me."

"Shut up commercial's over." Meredith commanded teasingly.

When the show ended, Meredith walked into the kitchen and scooped out two bowls of ice cream. She grabbed two spoons and wandered into the office. She handed him a bowl and pulled up her pink fuzzy office chair. "So what are you working on?" She asked.

"At Sunday school with the senior highs evil was brought up." Derek explained.

"Ah okay." Meredith said understanding why he was having trouble. The 'problem of evil' is a difficult question with many different parts. It's easy to overwhelm the youth. "Do you want to try it out on me?" Meredith offered.

"No." He said with a laugh. Meredith was a philosophy major with a specialty in religious philosophy. And she had the ability to double talk around anybody's head. "You know what would help me the most?" Meredith shook her head her head confused, but still willing to help. "Will you come and do this for me?"

"What if I just help you write this darn thing?" She suggested.

"It's not a sermon, it's a conversation. You can't write it. C'mon you know that. But it's not an informal chat and that's what I'm having trouble with." Derek pointed out exasperatedly. He flashed her a smile turning to a full plead pout when she wasn't giving in. "Meri-death." He said softly.

"Give me a good reason." She said already knowing that she would give in.

"You should form a relationship with my youth. I would love it if you could join us on a few of our retreats as the main female influence because you're the one with the most formal training besides me." He said seriously. When he finished they both cracked up.

"Nice Derek." She congratulated him. "Okay I'll do it."

"This is why I live with you." He teased.

"What about my paper…."

"Guys this is a friend of mine from back when I was a youth volunteer in college. I asked her to come today because she's spent a lot of time exploring these tough questions that we tend to ask a lot about God. And she has a knack for explaining them that I just don't have. She's been involved in many classes, seminars, workshops, lectures, retreats, papers, and conversations. And I'm pretty sure she wants to talk to you about evil and God today. So be nice to her and she'll be back occasionally." Derek said to the group on Sunday night when the time for the study portion came.

"First off." Meredith said stepping forward with some papers in her hand. "Derek is exaggerating. I have spent quite a bit of time with these issues but every time I have shared them with Derek. So he knows everything I do. And lets not forget he was a religious studies major and he's been to divinity school. I'm currently working on my masters in French with a the intention of seminary. Undergrad I majored in French physics and philosophy with a religious concentration on the phil. That is I took a lot of philosophy of religion type classes. But I have no formal religious training."

"Hey don't leave out my French and economics major undergrad" Derek called out smugly from the back. "And you do have training. You've done multiple certifications in lay training." (A/N that basically means she can do different things like clown communion and teach certain classes in the church.)

"Anyway." She said, but relaxing when she saw the youth were enjoying the exchange. "That aside, I want to talk with you about how God and evil fit together, the problem of evil, is what it's usually known as. What kinds of things do you wonder about?" She paused for a moment and waited for a response. "What about questions like, 'if God is completely good then why did He create a world with evil in it?' Do you think He created evil?"

"He didn't." On of the youth answered. "Satan did."

"Well what is Satan?" Meredith asked.

"An angel."

"God created angels right?" The youth nodded in response. "Okay is there anybody who believes God is all-knowing?" All of the youth raised their hands. "Good, good, that's an important thing for us to agree on. Another word for all-knowing is omniscient. Learn the Omni words. It'll make you look smart." She said with a laugh. "Okay so if God knew everything why did he create being that he knew would do evil?"

Derek quietly watched Meredith talk with his youth, carefully noticing the interaction. He studied the look on her face, completely relaxed enjoying the easy banter as she shared her knowledge. She paused for a moment in the middle of an explanation locking glances. She broke the gaze first continuing her sentence. Two of the teens began a slight side conversation between themselves. She took that as a chance to look at Derek once more. She breathed deeply, smiling as she did. He could read her well, no doubt. He knew it came from their years of friendship with only words on a screen and understanding each other. Then this whole new level of tone and body language became part of their day-to-day. A soft smile formed on his face dancing in his eyes as he nodded to her letting her know that she was doing amazing. He continued to gaze at her as she discussed how it was possible to account for a great deal of evil that existed in the world without taking away any of God's attributes.

"Okay so I'm just going to hand out this essay that I wrote a while back that explains basically the same thing we just talked about." She said passing around a stack of papers. "And then this is another paper I wrote and in it I try to account for the other bit of evil that we didn't talk about. I added my e-mail address in case you have any questions. But I recommend Derek." She quickly closed the group in prayer, hanging around with them as the milled around talking with their friends and waiting for their parents.

After everybody had left Meredith and Derek walked out to Derek's car. She leaned against the back door talking animatedly as Derek opened the trunk and put his stuff in there. "That's was so much fun! They were listening to me. Your youth. They cared what I had to talk to them about. And it just flowed so easily. I loved that."

Derek couldn't help but be intoxicated with her excitement. He shut the trunk and stood in front of her waiting for her to slow down. When she stopped to take a breath he picked her up in a hug swinging her around. "You were amazing. Completely right on!" She giggled sweetly and he set her lightly back on her feet, kissing her forehead. A chill swept over him when he pulled back from her. Brushing it away he opened her car door for her, teasingly calling out 'hands in your lap' before he shut the door.

**REVIEW GUYS! It just makes it all easier…**


	9. Chapter 8

-1The rest of September through half of November passed uneventfully for Derek and Meredith. Derek continued building relationships with his youth and the rest of the church, working tirelessly on one project or another. Meredith worked hard on her classes and picked up a few interpreting clients. David had broken things off with the other girl, but strangely enough he and Meredith remained just friends, comfortable with leaving things at that level. She was involved in Derek's church, working with the young adults still, but also coming to youth stuff on Sundays and bible study through out the week. She was forging relationships with the youth as quickly as Derek was. Basically being his female counterpart as is necessary for a good youth leadership team. The two of them were taking a group of twenty youth to the conference winter retreat later that week.

Derek wearily walked from his car to the front porch not even noticing the extra car in the drive way. He opened the front door to find Meredith lounging on the couch with her head in David's lap giggling at the television screen. Derek smiled to his self, knowing how much happier she'd been since her and David ended their fight.

"Hey Der." Meredith called when she heard the door shut. "We're watching Monty Python, do you wanna watch it?" She asked. "We haven't quite gotten around to dinner yet we just got in a little while ago." He didn't answer her, instead he sat down in the recliner leaning back. He looked to her and noticed David's hands running through her hair. Meredith often had severe migraines the only thing there was to do was to rub her head. It didn't really help with the headache, but relaxed her enough that she often fell asleep quickly. Many times over the last few months he had carried her upstairs after she'd fallen asleep from it. His mouth went dry and his stomach iced over in a feeling he couldn't quite place. Silently he stood up giving her toe a gently pinch and tug as he passed by her.

"Must you pinch my toes?" Meredith called after Derek. When she saw him heading for the kitchen she sat up and watched him.

"Yes I must." He answered. "What would the two of you like for dinner?"

Meredith rose from the couch and followed him into the kitchen. "Derek why don't you let me take care of dinner. I can handle it. You look like you've had a long day." She said quietly as he gazed into the fridge. He didn't turn around to look at her when she finished. She put her hand on his back to make sure he was listening. "Der…?" He turned around closing the fridge behind him. She leaned into him laying her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. "Derek, why don't you go catch a shower and let me take care of this." He silently agreed placing a kiss on her forehead before releasing her. He trudged upstairs trying to sort out exactly what was going on with him.

Meanwhile David had joined Meredith in the kitchen after turning on some music. David set about cutting vegetables for a salad while Meredith fried Italian sausage for her spaghetti sauce. They moved around the kitchen cooking the meal laughing and flirting.

Derek finished his shower pulling on a pair of jeans and a comfortable long-sleeved tee. He ran a hand through his hair and hung his towel up in his room before heading down the steps. He passed through the den standing in the door way to the kitchen where he was stopped by the scene before him. Meredith was standing at the stove stirring her sauce, David had his arm around her waist pulling her to him. She speared a piece of sausage offering it to him. He refused and she insisted. Finally he tasted the sausage making faces as he did. Meredith giggled lightly turning back to the stove.

Derek turned out of the room and went to the couch at the sound of her giggle. He hated this. David led her on, or maybe he was scared of commitment. But whatever the reason he still broke Meredith's heart each and every time. But why was he so concerned with Meredith's heart. It was because they were best friends right? Why did he feel like his stomach turned to lead each time he saw David touch Meredith? That was just him being protective right? Of course it was. He was just being ridiculous. He had to stop this. But what was this?

Meredith flopped onto the couch next to him pushing him in the shoulder. "Der, what's wrong with you?" She asked with a concerned voice.

He pulled her into a comfortable hug. "I'm just a little over-tired and I have things on my mind. What did you make for dinner?"

Later that evening David hugged Meredith goodbye and left. Derek was in his room in bed reading a book before bed. He heard David's car pull off and he heard come up the steps. She peeked her head in his room. "G'nite Derek." She said softly from the door.

"G'nite Princess." He called back to her. She sighed softly leaning against the door frame. He smiled to himself knowing what she was after. "You want a bedtime story?" He asked setting his book aside.

"You're tired. I don't want you to…" She said trailing off.

"Maybe I want to tell you one. Go ahead go get ready for bed. I'll be in there in ten minutes." She gave an excited little squeal and happily walked down the hall to her room. "You are the only 22 year old I know who has her roommate tuck her in!" He called after her.

"Derek!" She yelled once she was ready for bed. His breathing caught in his chest and he cursed himself silently.

"It's only happening because I'm thinking about it." He kept repeating to himself hoping it would sink in.

**So I meant for this to actually be at the retreat, but it didn't really happen that way. Maybe it's for the best. It'll give Derek a chance to reinforce that he's not beginning to think about Meredith in any way except his roommate.**


	10. Chapter 9

-1"Meredith! C'mon we need to be at the church in an hour." He sighed when he looked into her room to find nothing in her bag. She was in the middle of her floor happily chatting on the phone. She waved him off hanging up with her friend. "You aren't going to be ready in time." He told her.

"Watch me." She challenged. He eagerly sat down on her bed to watch this. Meredith calmly pulled everything she needed out of the closet, drawers, and from around the room and tossed it onto the bed. In no time at all she was neatly packed in a small bag.

"Okay." Derek said defeatedly as he carried her bag downstairs and into the car. "What do I have to do?"

"I drive the minivan. You drive the huge van." She said with a victorious look.

"But you worked as a valet for how many years, you can definitely drive it better than me." He reasoned.

"You've been a youth director for how many years, you've had more experience." She reasoned back.

"You are a beast." He sighed. "Let's get dinner before we get to the church."

"Subs!" She squealed with a giggle.

"Why before every retreat or event must we eat subs!?" He asked. She always insisted on it, but he wanted to know why. It was such an odd tradition.

"When you were in district we always ate Subway before weekend events. It's a comfort thing." She explained.

After stopping for their subs they continued to the church. Derek put their bags in the youth room and followed Meredith to his office down the hall.

"Are you excited about this retreat?" Derek asked curiously.

"I am because I love going on these retreats. But I've chaperoned a ton of them."

"I was thinking about that you're doing a workshop."

"Again not my first."

"Even though it's a philosophy of religion workshop? Of course you're going to pull some youth in, but you know that a lot of adults are going take that workshop." He asked trying to pull something out of her. She sighed ignoring him.

"I'm excited to spend tons of time with the youth. Retreats can be rough for some of them. I'm looking forward to hanging out with them after lights out. And catching up with Casey, he's the guitarist for the band. I haven't seen him in a few years. And maybe some of my old conference friends. But I expect it to be a regular old retreat." She explained taking an overly large bite of her sub leaving a glob of mayo on her face. Derek leaned forward with a napkin and wiped it away rolling his eyes at her.

Not long later they packed up all the luggage and were on the road. The retreat center they were headed to was one both Derek and Meredith were incredibly familiar with. When they got there Derek headed in to pick up registration information while Meredith got the youth unloaded. Derek returned with rooming assignments. Meredith took the girls to their floor and Derek took the guys to their floor.

That evening their youth were all in their rooms so Meredith and Derek were downstairs at the foot of the steps sitting together talking, sharing old memories. When Meredith was a junior they were both at a retreat. They ended up leading a group for small group time. At one point that weekend they both hung out on those same steps for hours talking late into the night.

"You know where my workshop is tomorrow?" Meredith asked with a giggle.

"No way! What do you do bribe these people for that room?" He asked cracking up with her. There was a lounge that was half way between two floors off in one side of the building. It's was lounge 144, but everybody knew it as the make out lounge. The two of them had spent a long time in there talking over the retreats. "C'mon." Derek beckoned standing up and heading off towards the lounge. Meredith followed quickly.

"So. You want to talk?" He asked like he always did when they were in this room.

"Actually yeah, I could use a talk." Meredith admitted.

"Good because you weren't confiding in me as much anymore."

"It's David. It just feels different. He's still the same incredible guy. And I love him. But I think maybe just as a friend. But I don't know what he's thinking."

"Just act the way you feel. He'll pick up on that."

"I just wish I could find the right guy. Fall in love. Start my life."

"Really you? The entire time I've known you I've heard nothing, but 'I'm never getting married. No kids. Single life's for me.' Are you serious?" He asked.

"Not right now. But I want that guy to show up. I still want to finish this part of grad school and seminary before I get married. But yeah."

"Me too." He agreed softly.

"Don't say it like that." She scolded. "You don't give up just because of one breakup. If you'd just get out there you would find somebody." He wasn't looking at her so she took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her.

"You say this. But I'm just not attracted to any single available appropriate girls." He said with a sigh. She snuggled under his arm trying to comfort him.

**Okay guys you know what I want. Reviews. Can you handle that? Seriously though reviews are great motivators. And well now that it's the weekend I'm going to need to be motivated to update b/c there's lots of fun to be had in the 3-d world. **

**Oh and yeah there really is a lounge 144 and it is known as the make out lounge. It is like the best place to talk though. I always seem to have my family groups placed in there. Family groups are a group of under 15 kids the same age and two leaders. It's just a time to process whatever the keynote speaker talked about. I have spent many many hours in that room. And yeah I have made out in it. There's another retreat chapter coming. I'm just drunk right now so I can't update. I figured by the time I wandered back to my room I'd be sober. But I'm gonna add this (dear god please let me get it right) and then I'll be up in the morning bright and early with a new chapter…**

T


	11. Chapter 10

-1Meredith was in her room getting ready for the formal when a knock sounded on her door. It was tradition that Saturday night's dinner was the senior dinner followed by a concert by the retreat band and ending with a formal dance.

"Princess it's me." Derek called to her. She crossed the room and opened the door. He was already in his suit, gorgeous hair perfectly in place. Meredith however had on a thin bath robe. Her hair was done, she had curled it in long ringlets that caught the light every time she moved. It was loosely pulled back from her face with a few curls left hanging. Her hair was so long that even curled it still reached half way down her back. Derek looked to her dress hanging on the door. It was a gold-ish cream tee-length dress with black lace over the bodice.

"Something wrong?" She asked.

"Nope. I just wanted to come ask you something." He said turning his attention back to her. She was currently slipping a pair of black hose on. "So the youth are all asking each other to the dance. And I was wondering if you had a date yet. And if you'd go with me."

"Well I did promise Casey a dance." She explained. "But as long as you promise not to be a jealous date I'll go with you. Now wait here a minute." She said grabbing her dress and walking into the bathroom. She emerged a minute later with her dress on. She was gorgeous. The bodice fit tightly on her slight frame. She had incredible legs from years of dance and soccer that peeked out from under her dress. Her skirt swelled out like a bell. She slipped on her black shoes and twirled in front of him. "So what do you think?" She asked nervously watching his face carefully.

"I think you are absolutely beautiful." He said in a low voice.

"You don't look so bad yourself." She told him sweetly. "C'mere." She whispered beckoning his face towards her. She fixed a stray piece of his hair that had fallen out of place, then let her hand trail down to his face allowing her thumb to stroke over his freshly shaven face. He gazed deep into her eyes, his entire face softening towards her. She quickly pulled away moving to her suitcase to find her camera.

"Shit." She thought to herself. "Shit shit shit. What the hell was that about. That's Derek. I don't get lost in dreamy eyes with Derek. I cry to him about the guys with dreamy eyes." She avoided meeting his gaze, settling for finding her phone and key, trying to calm herself down. "I need a shot of something." She said before mentally kicking herself. "I'm at a damn retreat! Why the hell do I want tequila?"

She needed a moment without him right there. "Derek can you go check on the girls?" He nodded and left the room. She sat down on her bed trying to catch her breath. "It's just Derek. We can go to this dance and have fun. It was just me. I'm just freaking out over nothing." She told herself. By the time he returned she was calm and ready.

"So are we going to embarrass out youth and really dance?" He asked with a laugh.

"Of course." She giggled returning the smile, calmed when she saw his. When they got downstairs they claimed their spot on the staircase together, not bothering to go in knowing nobody was there yet and the music wasn't good. They watched as their youth filed down the steps in clumps finding their 'dates' to the dance. They talked together about their day even thought they'd been together for most of it. Meals together. Since Meredith didn't have a family group she worked with Derek. Derek had even sat in on her second workshop.

By the time they fell silent the room the dance was in was filling up. Their youth were all dancing to one side together. Meredith led to a clear spot off to one side, Derek followed one hand on her waist. Just as they were about to dance the slower song ended and a upbeat dance tempo replaced it. Meredith turned to face Derek slipping her arms around his neck moving in time with the music. He put his hands on her hips guiding her body to his. She let her fingers stray into his hair wrapping his hair around her fingers. In return his hand strayed up and down her back, enjoying the feel of soft satin playing beneath his fingers.

The song finally changed to a sweet country slow song that they both loved. He wrapped his arms around her leaving no space between them resting his hands on her bottom. He began singing along with the song in her ear.

"I'm going crazy!" She thought to herself. "Derek is not supposed to be attractive. But…" She completely lost her thought as she felt his breath on her ear. She tried to remember what she was thinking about. She tried her hardest, but every time she would begin to remember she would feel him again. She promised herself she would try to figure all of this out the moment he stopped touching her, but for now she gave in placing her head on his shoulder nestling her forehead against his neck closing her eyes. She let him hold her as close as he could, breathing him in, letting his body warm hers.

**A/N:   
Ilovegreysanatomy: thanks I worked a little bit on Derek.**

**Inzaghina: I wanted to add cristina, but I haven't really found a place. Don't worry, a few more characters'll show up soon. Something cools about to happen…**

**Shell36799: I KNOW FOR REAL RIGHT. Gah! I used to be sooooo involved. I was on conference district sub-district charge and church boards/youth boards. I was always at church. Well except when I was dancing/playing soccer/at band practice. I miss it a lot…**

**Dark-an-twisted: Gah I wish they'd just do it already. Haha jk. Yeah things are starting to heat up a little. They'll get it soon I hope…**


	12. Chapter 11

-1The next few weeks were a careful balancing act for Meredith. When the retreat ended neither of them talked about what they felt. Rather they opted for ignoring it, both figuring the other didn't feel the same. Meredith became painfully self-conscious around the house. She didn't wander into Derek's room for late night chats, or curl up beside him on the couch. She stopped wearing little pajamas unless she was actually in bed. She didn't want to fall into a trap of building herself up into a hopeless crush.

Derek sensed her rejection, afraid he had come on too strong. He stopped offering bedtime stories or tucking her in. He quit inviting her to help out with youth stuff. They still did things together; dinner, movies, or chill time. But they were both so conscious of the other it wasn't as fun. It was also exam time, so Meredith was spending more time by herself in her room trying to prepare.

Finally Meredith's last exam was over with and she was completely free until January. Derek came home to find her sprawled face down in the middle of the kitchen. He stepped over her to get a glass out of the cabinet, then he walked around her to get to the fridge. He noticed a lime on the counter beside the fridge. She still hadn't moved. After he poured a glass of juice he set it on the table and checked the trash. Just what he though. Empty Corona bottles. He grabbed his glass and sat down on the floor next to her. "You know some people would find it odd that after you finish your last French exam you drink Mexican beer." He said with a laugh. "I find it charming." She still didn't respond. "Are you planning on explaining why you're taking a nap on the kitchen floor?"

"I'm not taking a nap. I'm relaxing. Cooling off. Winding down." She told him sharply.

"Any particular reason?"

"Every where else in the house is just too damn hot. And I didn't think a shower was a good idea."

"At least you're a smart drunk." He said scooping her off the floor and carrying her outside onto the front porch. He deposited her in a lounge chair and disappeared into the house. He returned with two blankets and two beers. He handed her one of each and settled into the next chair over with the remaining blanket and beer.

"You're a good friend." She said taking a long sip.

"Well since you said that I have something I need to ask you." Derek said with a smile. "Addison's getting married in a few weeks to the guy she's been dating since not long after we broke up. She invited me to the wedding. And I want to go. We've been good friends since the breakup. But I don't want to go along. It'd be so awkward. And I wanted to know if you would like to go with me."

"As your date?" She asked trying to clear the alcohol induced haze. He nodded. "Sure."

"Okay princess. We'll talk more when you're sober and can actually remember your commitments." He told her taking a sip of his beer and leaning back in the chair.

**A/N: Short I know, but I'm posting it like half an hour after the last post…tomorrow I'll work on the lead up to the wedding and the wedding. Review and let me know what you think. And don't forget to read the chapter right before this since they're being added at the same time! **


	13. Chapter 12

-1Meredith happily bounced down the steps the next morning and into the kitchen where she found Derek hungover. "G'morning." She said before stepping to the coffee pot and pouring herself a cup. She slid into the chair next to him taking the sugar and creamer.

"Don't you have a hangover?" He asked.

"From a couple of beers? No." She scoffed. "Wedding. I remember agreeing to it. So give me details."

"It'll be at a ski resort in the Poconos. Skytop Lodge. We'd leave the 27th, the wedding's the 30th. There will be a lot of snobby big family things. You know Addison…"

"Exactly how many family things?"

"I don't know."

"I have to know. I have to go shopping. And soon."

"There's one more thing. I want you to come to Christmas with my family." He said nervously. "I don't want you to be alone during the holidays."

"I can't. I have to go home at least for the day. Maybe another time. But this is her first Christmas without her mom. I can't leave her alone."

"Okay. Here let me call Nancy and find out exactly what you'll need for the wedding."

Meredith talked to Nancy finding out all she needed to know. Then she put her coffee cup in the sink, rinsing it out before leaving the kitchen. "I'm going to get dressed and go shopping." She told him as she walked upstairs.

She picked her phone up off her bed dialing her best friend. "Cristina! I need you to go shopping with me. Now."

"Why!?" Cristina asked thoroughly confused.

"Because I'm going to Addison's wedding as Derek's date."

"You're sleeping with your roommate? Nice. But uh, maybe you don't remember because you never bother to call me anymore, but I'm two hours away."

"I am NOT sleeping with Derek. And it only takes two hours when traffic's bad, now drive. Please…"

Cristina protested a bit more before actually getting in her car and driving from Richmond to Charlottesville. She walked into their house as if she had done it a million times when in reality she had never been there before.

"I like the house." Cristina commented quickly moving through the house towards the kitchen.

"Nice to see you too Cristina." Derek called from the couch when she breezed by him without a word. He chuckled to himself still not understanding how Meredith and Cristina had ended up as best friends.

"Where's the liquor?" She asked Meredith searching the kitchen over.

"Above the fridge. But we have to shop first. We can come back here and get drunk off our asses and make Derek take care of us." Cristina gave her a skeptical look. "What I'm for real yesterday afternoon I was passed out in the kitchen floor and he took care of me."

"No if I'm shopping for Barbie dresses with you I need alcohol." She announced with a sense of finality.

After Dress Shopping:

The two girls blew through the door holding multiple bags apiece. They loudly dumped them in the den before collapsing on the couch. Derek came from the kitchen standing in the doorway, the girls totally oblivious to his presence. He watched as they produced a dark blue plastic bag with a large bottle inside.

"Wait!" Meredith called, putting a halt to their rummaging. "We should take these bags upstairs while we can still walk up the stairs."

"Hah, I shopped with you. Now it's drinking time."

"And one of us needs to go get cran-apple juice and two six packs of Smirnoff."

"Can't we send Derek?"

"No."

"Why not!?"

"Because he works in the church. And I'd feel badly if somebody saw him and caused a fuss about it. You know how people can be."

"Fine I'll take care of the clothes you get the booze." Meredith picked up her keys and slipped out the door as Cristina carried the bags up the steps grumbling the entire time.

A while later Meredith returned carrying three more bags. "Okay it's time to celebrate!" She called loudly. Cristina appeared from the kitchen. "Hey do you know where Derek went?" She asked.

"Yeah. He said to tell you he had to go into the office for a bit, but he would take care of dinner. And we're not supposed to touch the stove. Or the microwave. I found your shot glasses.!" She told her pointing out the line of little glasses on the table already filled with clear liquid.

Meredith went to the kitchen and put ten of the Smirinoffs in the fridge. She also grabbed two glasses for their juice. She returned to the den and set it all on the coffee table with the shots of vodka, taking her place across the table from Cristina on the floor.

"Let's get to it!" Meredith announced picking up her first shot downing it quickly and moving on to the next.

"You can't tell me you aren't fooling around with him. You're living with him. You two have always been close. And now you're going as his date to the wedding of the ex love of his life!" Cristina yelled loudly at her friend as they lay in the floor together.

"Psh." Meredith said waving her hand away. "We're friends! That's all. Maybe you can't keep your pants on, but I can!"

"Oh please tell me you are not still a virgin."

"Yes." Meredith said smugly taking another long sip of her drink. Cristina cracked up rolling on her side unable to control herself. Meredith looked at the drink in her hand realizing it wasn't the bottle of vodka she wanted. She crawled around on all fours looking for it until she discovered it hiding under the sofa. She unscrewed the top and tipped it up sipping straight from the bottle.

"Give me that!" Cristina exclaimed when she realized she was holding a Smirnoff too, lunging for her friend.

Meredith rolled in the other direction narrowly missing Cristina's attack. "You're drunk." She accused pointing her finger at Cristina. "Besides if you don't stop I'm not going to tell you anything!" That caught Cristina's attention. She promptly planted her ass on the ground beside Meredith waiting expectantly. "You keep tormenting me about Derek. But seriously nothing's happened yet."

"Yet?!"

"Yet."

"Well why not. He's McDreamy. I'd do him."

"Because he was my youth leader for many years and he's my roommate now. And one of my best friends. And probably still in love with Addison. And did you just name him McDreamy!?"

"If the Mc fits."

"You're impossible."

"I'm drunk remember and so are you so don't be such a hypocritical bitch." She said cracking up again and swiping the liquor bottle from Meredith.

"Girls I'm home." Derek called as he opened the door. He looked in the den to find Meredith with a bottle of vodka turned upside down to her face. He sighed taking it away from her and saying, "Well at least you're on the right continent this go around."

"For your information it's Grey Goose. That's French. I'm perfectly acceptable." She said cracking up and re-joining Cristina in the floor.

"I think you might just have a small problem." Derek said sitting down on the couch. Meredith scooted to lean again the couch from the floor nudging Derek's leg. She tipped her head back trying to see him but only succeeding in making herself dizzy. He gently moved her head the way it was supposed to be and laughed to himself. "I'm guessing you guys aren't ready for dinner yet?"

"Not for a while." Meredith told him truthfully.

"I'm fucking hot." Cristina said pulling at her shirt. She managed to pull it off without taking the tank top she had underneath it with it. She sprawled back in the floor exhausted from her struggle with the shirt. Derek couldn't help but laugh to which Cristina glared at him and said, "I will kill you."

**A/N: Okay guys like always review. I tried to add Cristina, but I think she came off more like me when I'm drunk than Cristina. Gah! They are stubborn, but I think it's cute. Retreat dance. I always LOVE the retreat dances. They're a pretty big deal. Not because of like dates or anything. But just b/c I usually staff the retreats. And that means after the dance we clean it up and order pizza and hang out in the cabinet room and generally don't go to bed. And usually there's a long talk during the dance too. It's just special. And I wanted you to feel that with Mer and Der…those retreats and dances hold history for the two of them. I don't know if it came through. I thought the two of them drinking together was adorable. But my favorite line EVER was "Some people may think it's strange that after a French exam you drink a Mexican beer. I find it charming." **

**Well REVIEW! And I'll be back with an update sometime soon…**


	14. Chapter 13

-1"Woman!" Derek complained when he saw the number of bags she was planning on bringing with her, barely able to maintain his look of annoyance, knowing that carrying these bags would be well worth it. They were supposed to be leaving in just a few hours to drive to the Poconos together. "These better not be as heavy as they look." He grumbled taking her bags out to the car and packing the trunk.

He returned to find her still on her bed chilling out. "What are you doing!" He asked exasperated. She just giggled at him curling into a ball just out of his reach. He snatched one of legs dragging her to him. He tossed her over his shoulder causing her to scream. So instead he settled for tossing her back on her bed and joining her.

"You're insane." Meredith said simply. "You know I hate that but you always insist on turning me upside down. You're a pain in my ass." She declared throwing her favorite stuffed animal in his face. He tried to pull her into a hug, but she refused.

"Meri-death." He whined. "I don't want you to be mad at me." He nuzzled his face into his neck to tickle her with his stubble.

She couldn't hold it in any longer, cracking up and rolling over into his embrace. "C'mon." She told him standing up. "Let's leave now."

"Are we there yet?" She called out in a sing song voice, a few hours into the drive. He gave her a glance. She giggled before squealing, "I have to pee." She settled down wanting to start a conversation with him. "Why arewe going to this wedding? Do you still love her?"

"Of course I still love her. We dated for years. We're friends, I want to support her decision."

"Oh." She grunted shifting in her seat leaning her head against the window.

"Are you asking if I'm still in love with Addison?" He asked, wondering why she was bring this up. She nodded glancing at his side of the car, but not at him. "No." He watched a smile spread over Meredith's face but glanced back to the road as she finally looked at his face. After a few moments he looked back over to her, letting their gazes meet, his face softening into a smile that matched hers.

They didn't get to Skytop until dark. Derek didn't have the heart to wake her. She always looked so peaceful He left her in the car while he got their reservations straightened out. Then he returned to the car scooping her out of the front seat. He was surprised when he made it into the hotel and all the way to her room without waking her up. He managed to get the door opened and Meredith in to the room without waking her. He gently placed her on the bed pausing for a moment to make sure she would remain asleep. She cuddled into a ball sighing slightly in her sleep. He left the room and hurried back to the car finding a bell hip to help him with all of their things. He dropped his things ff in his room next door before taking her things to her own room. He eased the door open to find her sitting upright on her bed peering at the door.

"It's only me princess." He called softly. He watched her immediately relax leaning back into her pillows.

"How did I get into my room she asked scooting over in her bed so he could join her.

"I carried you up here." He told her, lifting his arm smiling as she snuggled up to his side. He pulled her tightly to his side.

"How long have I been out for?"

"Last hour of the drive. Maybe fifteen minutes in the room. That's my room right there." He told her pointing to the wall behind her. "So do you want to do anything tonight?"

"Watch a movie and chill out. Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? I hate being by myself in hotels."

"Yeah I know. Let me get a shower and I'll be right back in here. Why don't you see if you can get some room service or something?" He told her kissing her forehead before throwing her stuffed animal to her.

For the next two days Meredith and Derek spent most of their time together at different wedding events. Except here and there, there were a few events where she went off with the girls. She hit it off perfectly with Addison and some of the younger girls. She ended up spending the enter morning of the wedding getting beautified with the girls in the wedding party. She returned around noon with her hair, nails, and make up done to perfection. She didn't allow Derek to see her at all, forbidding him entrance to her room. She spent the rest of the early afternoon relaxing before the wedding. Even though she wouldn't let Derek see her, she did sit on the phone with him for a little bit.

Finally it was time to get ready for the wedding. She slipped on her hose stuffing her feet into slippers while she got her dress out of the garment bag. It was a long champagne colored dress sweeping the floor, simple straps with elaborate beadwork all along the dress. The back dipped low with tiny straps criss-crossing. She looked at herself in the mirror touching up her make up. She wasn't sure why, but she wanted to be absolutely gorgeous for Derek. She tried to tell herself it was so people would see he was over Addison, but she knew there was another reason. She wanted him to want her. He said he was over Addison but she needed proof. Some where in the past few months things had changed. And as much as she thought she didn't want to think of him like that she did. So she slipped on her shoes and gathered her handbag. She knocked on the wall and waited.

Derek went into her room when he heard the knock. "Are you in here?" He called out, looking around and not seeing anybody. She stepped out of the bathroom where she had been hiding. She smiled at him as he took saw her, his eyes drinking her in. He was stunned. She was gorgeous. It completely blew his mind. He always thought she was beautiful, there was never any denying that. But this was a different feeling. He took her in again slower this time. His eyes swept up her slight body, she turned for him to see that back of her dress and her hair that was swept up elegantly. She smiled to herself bursting with excitement that she managed to keep hidden as he inspected her lovingly. Their eyes finally met. "You are…my princess…I…" He stumbled trying to find the right words. She just stood there for a moment enjoying his speechlessness taking in how handsome he was in his tuxedo with his hair in perfect place like always, his blue eyes deep and fiery as he stared at her. "You look so amazing." He said finally taking a few steps to close the distance between them. He pulled her into a hug careful not to touch her hair or wrinkle her dress. She pulled away gazing up at him. He broke the gaze just for a second and glanced down at her lips leaning forward into her slightly.

She pulled away coughing quietly. "We're going to be late." She half-whispered picking up her handbag and allowing Derek to lead the way.


	15. Chapter 14

-1Derek and Meredith found their way outside where the wedding was being held. An usher approached the two of them, "Are you here for the bride or groom?" He asked.

"Bride." Derek answered. The usher offered his arm to Meredith leading her to her seat as Derek followed close behind.

Once they were seated Derek watched her carefully trying to figure out what was wrong. She kept wringing her hands and looking around. He put his hand on her thigh to calm her, but she jumped instead. "I have to pull it together." She thought to herself as the wedding began. She smiled sweetly at Derek, allowing him to slip his hand into hers. "What am I doing? I'm holding his hand?" She berated herself knowing it was useless, she wanted him.

He squeezed her hand gently, stroking it with his thumb. He leaned to her ear, "Thank you for being here with me." He whispered before pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. She blushed a deep red, only frustrating herself more.

Eventually the ceremony was over. Derek stood up offering her his arm. Cocktail hour was held on the huge porch that overlooked the garden where the ceremony took place. Derek led Meredith to a seat then walked away to get their drinks. He got them both rum and cokes. For some reason Meredith had rules about what she would drink at a wedding. She started off with rum and coke, moved to champagne, but finished the nights with martinis. She was the only woman he knew who could mix her liquor without the slightest problem. He pressed the cold drink into her hand sitting down beside her.

"Are you okay Mer? You're a little distant." He asked putting his hand on her back rubbing it rhythmically. She nodded giving him a reassuring smile that he accepted easily.

By the time they took their seats for the reception she had finished a few rum and cokes, but so had he. Neither was worried, after all their rooms were just a few floors above them. She could feel herself relaxing and noticed the mellow look Derek got when he started to feel it. She giggled to herself knowing the evening was going to be a fun one.

They sat quietly at their seats chatting with the others at their table sipping on their drinks. Soon dinner was served. Derek sat back in his chair carefully watching Meredith carry on an animated discussion with the guy next to her. He discreetly inched his chair closer so he could slip his hand into hers again. She paused from her conversation to smile at Derek.

As the traditional parts of the evening, like the first dances and speeches happened, Derek moved their hands to her lap absentmindedly playing with the beading on her dress. Meredith found it damn near impossible to concentrate on anything else as he was feathering his fingers over her leg.

Other couples moved to the dance floor a bit later. Derek caught her eye nodding towards the floor. She smiled in response and he helped her stand up and led her onto the floor. The music was fun and upbeat. Meredith couldn't help but fall into giggles at random times. She was having the greatest time. She didn't realize that Derek could really dance. He was relaxed, no doubt a result of the alcohol, but sure of himself, as he twirled her about on the floor, bringing her close at times. A few dances later they both needed a break. Derek brought her back to their seats and walked off to get them drinks again. He returned with a scotch for himself and a martini for her. She let out a small squeal of glee accepting her drink excitedly.

"You're such an easy woman to please tonight Meredith." He told her.

"I'm always an easy woman to please if you offer me the good stuff." She told him giggling quietly as soon as it was out of her mouth.

Next came the cake cutting. Meredith watched Derek out of the corner of her eye as he watched Addison and Mark cut the cake together. She noted that the painful look he usually wore when he talked about Addison was gone, replaced by sincere happiness. This made her giddy as she sipped her martini.

After they finished their cake Derek asked her to dance again. The moment they stepped on the floor the previous song ended and another replaced it. Her face melted into a gentle smile when she realized what song it was. They had danced to this at her high school graduation almost five years ago.

_Some day…When I'm awfully low._

He gently pushed her away allowing her to twirl bringing her back to him holding her close.

_When the world is cold_

She settled against him falling into step.

_I will feel a glow_

He allowed his hand to find the perfect place on her back. As his other grasped her hand.

_Just thinking of you…And the way you look tonight_

He gazed deeply at her beginning to sing softly along with the song, melting her heart with his perfect voice.

_Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm_

Using the hand that was holding hers, he allowed his thumb to drag along her lips.

_And your cheeks so soft_

He feathered his thumb along her cheek.

_There is nothing for me, but to love you_

_And the way you look tonight._

He tenderly kissed her cheek moving to her neck for the lightest of kisses, pulling away just inches to sing along with the song again. She could feel his breath on her neck warming her skin.

_With each word your tenderness grows,_

_Tearing my fear apart…_

_And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,_

_It touches my foolish heart_

As he continued to sing in her ear she placed her head carefully on his chest taking his the smell of his cologne and the sound of his voice and the warmth of his skin.

_Lovely…Never, ever change._

_Keep that breathless charm._

_Won't you please arrange it_

'_Cause I love you._

_Just the way you look, tonight_

They continued to dance together just like that as the last bit of the song played. Derek released her hand so he could wrap both of his arms around her tiny waist. She placed her hand on his shoulder letting her fingers dance in his curls for a moment before resting again on his shoulder. She lifted her head to look into his eye. She was done thinking and trying to stop whatever this was. She wanted it deeply.

Derek smiled a small smile when he saw her bite her lip and draw in a ragged breath. It was taking everything in him not to crash down on her beautiful lips.

_Just the way you look…tonight_

That was it. Meredith was finished. She willed herself to release the lip her teeth were holding hostage. She slipped her right hand from its place on his shoulder to his cheek, guiding him to her stopping just an inch from her lips as her left hand slipped his chest. She took one last look into his eyes urging him with her gaze. That was all he needed. He closed the gap, sighing as he felt her lips on his. He lingered for just a second before pushing gently. She smiled into his kiss, sighing as she parted her lips allowing his tongue to pass into her mouth. Her sigh caused him to smile finding her tongue with his, pressing and swirling for a moment before he remembered they were still on the dance floor. She seemed to remember at the same instant because he felt her pull reluctantly away, just as the song ended. He smiled to himself as he led her off the dance floor and back to their table, she was so amazing.

"Are you okay?" He whispered in her ear as they sat back down.

"Wonderful." She replied quietly.

"Do you want to leave?"

"In a little bit." She answered. "Let's just wait a few more minutes." He nodded, walking off to get them one last drink.

They stayed at the wedding a bit longer finishing their last drink as they watched the party some more. Derek danced with Addison, kissing her on the cheek goodbye. Meredith also said her goodbyes to the girls she met, agreeing to breakfast in the morning. Derek waited as she gathered her things from the table and they walked into the lobby. Meredith pushed the button for the elevator and Derek stood behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. She placed her arms on top of his leaning back into his chest as they waited.

**A/N: I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this. I thought it was moving a bit fast, but maybe not. Well at any rate here you go. And I thought you'd enjoy the elevator stopping point. Heh heh heh**


	16. Chapter 15

-1The doors of the elevator opened in front of the two of them. They walked into the empty elevator and the steel doors closed behind them. Meredith stepped to the back of the car leaning against the wall. Derek faced her just a step away.

She reached out with a sly grin and grabbed his tie pulling her to him clearly still feeling every last bit of those martinis. He stumbled forward, not expecting her to grab him like that. "I'm drunk." She giggled inches from him.

"You always tell me this when it's blatantly obvious." He replied. This time Meredith didn't wait for him to kiss her. She captured his lips and his attention instantly releasing her hold on his tie moving her hands into his hair. She nibbled at his bottom lip, he parted his lips finding her tongue quickly. He slipped his hands to the sides of her body running his hands up and down causing her to giggle into the kiss. The door opened to their floor and rather than break the kiss Derek lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he held onto her bottom all the while laughing at each other. She shifted her weight unexpectedly causing him to fall forward pinning her against the door to her room, making her laugh all the harder. She found her key and unlocked the door. He tried to follow her, but she wouldn't let him in.

"No." She said blocking the door.

"But there should be more kissing." He told her.

"You go to your room. Find some junk food maybe comfortable clothes. I'll sober up a bit while I'm waiting and changing. We can eat. And talk. Maybe kissing mmm..." He interrupted her sentence for one more kiss. Then he turned and walked to his own room without another word, fully intending to get his keys and drive the twenty minutes to the nearest grocery store to get a ton of junk food. He hoped it would be a long night.

**A/N: I know it's short, but I just wanted to get something to you guys. Longer tomorrow.**


	17. Chapter 16

-1Derek unlocked his door, changing into jeans and a t-shirt and grabbed his keys leaving again. He got onto the elevator and smiled to himself. Just a few moments ago he had been here with her. He could still taste where her lips had been. The elevator opened at the ground floor and Derek stepped out and right into a friend of his that had been at Addison's wedding. That's when he realized that he was still drunk. There was no way he could drive to the store.

"Woah Derek. You alright?" John asked

"No I just realized I'm still drunk and my uh…my…Meredith. She asked me to go get her some junk food. And I can't drive." He explained.

"I'm sober. I have to be up pretty early to catch my flight back home. I could drive you if you'd like." John offered. Derek grabbed his face and planted a kiss right on him. "You really are drunk." John declared giving him a shove.

Derek returned to Meredith's room not too much later with a few grocery bags full of food. He found her snuggling with her favorite stuffed animal sleeping. He sighed putting the ice cream in the freezer and arranging the other stuff on the table. He sat down in a chair to watch her sleep while he relaxed before heading to bed. He watched her side rise and fall. He noticed her hair was still done. He began to lose himself in a contemplation of her and what he wanted with her. She had had his heart for as long as he could remember. She was his princess, ever since she was in high school. Somewhere in the last few months something had changed. Nothing really changed, except now he noticed that she was really a woman and not just one of his youth or even his friend. Where he had always loved her now he was falling for her.

He didn't notice her eyes flutter open and come to rest on him, nor the smile that slowly developed when she realized he was watching her sleep. She silently watched him, letting the feelings wash over her, until he glanced back at her.

"What are you doing awake?" He asked smiling at her.

He stood up out of his chair crossing the room to kiss her forehead. She scooted over in the bed, as she had always done to invited him in. He settled down beside her allowing her to snuggle close to him. With his finger he gently lifted her chin to see her eyes. He watched her carefully, sighing as she watched him. He broke the gaze flashing a glance to her lips. She bit her lip as she always did when she was unsure of herself. He moved his hand to her cheek stroking her face with his thumb to calm her. She locked eyes with him moving slowly towards his mouth until her lips found his. She kissed him gently but deeply. He let her tongue dance on his before he responded, enjoying it far more as the alcoholic haze had cleared.

Softly the kiss ended and Meredith settled against his chest while Derek gathered her close cuddling her small body against her as they both tried to find words to begin the talk they needed to have. Before either could find the right ones, they drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Meredith awoke to the sun peeking through the curtains. She cautiously opened her eyes shaking her head a little bit to test out her hangover. "Not too bad." She decided stretching out and rolling over to the other side of the bed. Her eyes landed on the back of a shirtless man. Confusion overwhelmed her until she all the memories of last night flooded back in a rush; dancing at the wedding, kissing there and in the elevator, and finally falling asleep in his arms. Meredith shifted to her back watching the ceiling until Derek awoke.

Not long after she felt Derek roll over to face her. "G'morning Princess." He said.

"Okay." Meredith said sitting up in bed against the pillows. "We need to talk. No more junk food, sleeping, or drinking." Derek laughed sitting up also. They sat in silence for a few more moments, until Meredith gave him a look.

"Oh you want me to start." He said. "Okay I can start. I think you're pretty. And you let me kiss you. And you're just about my best friend. And you're easily accessible since you live just down the hall from me." He said playfully as he dropped light kisses on different parts of her face. "So because of all of that and the way this feels," He told her capturing her mouth quickly, just barely teasing her with the tip of his tongue before pulling away again. "I think maybe we should try out going steady. You could wear my pin and I could take you to the sock hop." He finished with a goofy grin, watching her giggle. "Seriously though, maybe we should try dating." He suggested.

"What about living together? And your work?"

"You worry too much. Relax. We've been living together for the past few months and it hasn't been a problem. With work or with us. The reason this happened is because we're friends. We've always been friends and we'll always be friends. Now get your butt in the shower while I go take one in my room. We have to be at dinner in not too long at all." He told her as he rose from the bed.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay guys, got kinda wrapped up in weekend life. Hope you enjoy it. Review.**


	18. Chapter 17

-1After breakfast (yeah I know I said they were going to dinner in the last update, but I lied it was really breakfast.) Meredith and Derek wandered back to Meredith's room to relax for a little while.

"Today's New Year's Eve." Meredith said to herself as if surprised as Johnny Fontaine showed up at Connie's wedding onscreen.

"It has been all day." Derek replied. "I figured we could spend one more night here and leave in the morning. I've heard New Year's Eve is a pretty big deal here."

"Mmm." Meredith grunted not taking her attention off of the screen.

"Honestly woman how many times have you seen this movie?" He asked her grumpily. She didn't answer him, still focused on the movie. He stood up beside the bed quickly taking a foot in each hand, deftly flipping her over, causing her to squeal in surprise.

"What the hell are you doing?" She demanded, looking aggravated, lightly trying to break the grip he held on her ankles.

"We have that movie on dvd at home. I know you've seen it more than enough. Hell, you've seen it enough to be able to recite and translate the Italian portions. Now." He told her releasing his grip but maneuvering his legs so that they still pinned hers against the bed. "I want your attention."

"You can't make me pay you attention." She huffed turning her head back towards the screen where the Don Vito was giving Tom his plans for L.A.

Taking her words as a challenge he settled onto the bed beside her, using his elbow to prop himself up. With his free hand he trailed light touches down her abdomen and thigh, trying to get a response out of her. But she continued to watch the scene unfold before her on the screen. He inched closer to her and draped his arm over top of her waist. His lips soon found her skin. Playfully he dropped cute kisses on her cheek and neck, but to no avail. He nibbled on her ear whispering her name, before finding a pressure point on her neck and sucking lightly.

Meredith giggled at the feeling of his teeth on her ear lobe, gasping as he made his way to her neck. She tilted her head to allow him easier access sighing happily. Finally she couldn't resist it anymore turning her body to face his she kissed him deeply for a moment, enjoying the feel of his tongue dancing with hers. She pulled away turning back over to snuggle into his chest, wrapping his arms around her, settling down to watch the movie once more as he breathed her in planting a kiss or two on top of her head.

Hours later they were standing together in the middle of a large crowded ball room. Meredith couldn't help but consider how her life had changed as she leaned into Derek giggling over the latest antics of the bridesmaids who were still around.

Last year she and Cristina had stayed in New York City with some friends and went to Times Square to watch the ball drop. The stood in the crowded freezing city passing a flask back and forth as they screamed themselves hoarse, after the ball dropped they hit up a party they had heard about before hailing a cab back to the apartment. She was in college last year. She had of course been single and loving it. She was so young just a year ago.

Now she was supposed to be out in the real world. Instead she was in grad school doing exactly what she loved with French and ASL. Working with the youth when she could. She was living with one of her best friends. She took that back, she was quite possibly falling for one of her best friends. After all this time, all those years of crying to him over David, every time he broke her heart. It quite possibly wasn't going to be David after all, but rather the guy who had been there for her through everything.

By now the ball had started dropping. As they stood together in the middle of the room a tear slipped out of her eye out of complete happiness. She couldn't remember a time when she was this happy. Her life hadn't been easy or fun up to this point. Once college came it got better. Now, right here in this moment, it was perfect. In the last ten seconds of the old year, Derek gently turned her to face him staring into her eyes as everybody around them called out "10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3..." But they were drowned out by the silence Meredith and Derek both felt. They began the New Year with an incredible kiss that both couldn't help but hope would be far from the last.

**A/N: I just realized that I forgot the author's note. And I know you guys love these. Not. But maybe it'll be funnier tonight since I'm…smashed. Here lemme try to answer all the reviews from gagaoverga**

**Yes Derek is in seminary, seriously, because I love the idea of off limits hotness. Yes they will move outta platonic.**

**I don't know who cracks first.**

**The zucchini bit kinda makes me giggle still. And I'm not sure why b/c it's not that funny.**

**It means he was cold I think…**

**You're kinda right. Have I made out in a retreat center lounge (not the church) yes. Have I done it with my old youth leader? HELL NO. My youth leader is one of my best friends (and today's his b-day) but I absolutely CANNOT think of him like that. It really freaks me out. Like so freaking freaks me out. He's dwayne. Old sally tomato. Like I swear to god I could never ever think about him in a remotely sexual way. He's dwayne. Yah know? As for the other stuff, it's more like stuff I'd like to do. Yeah I played soccer and go to rmc for undergrad, but I'm in college now. I'd like to go to uva for my master's but idk. Living with dwayne. I could see it happening, just because we're good friends. I could also see him taking care of me when I'm drunk. (I wish he was here now…) But it'd never happen like for mer and der. So it's a yeah and nah kinda thing. **

**But yeah I made out in the make out lounge. I was there and it wasn't for a retreat and it wasn't like full on make out, it was a few sweet kisses. Have I been there with Dwayne? Yeah. We led a family group together a few years back. We spent a lotta time catching up there, and in the room with the dance and on the spot with the stairs. Because we hadn't seen each other for like two years. But what you have to understand is I spent sooooo much of my life in the church/meetings/retreats. I was involved in the conference (like state) district sub-district charge and local church boards. Once I month I spent a weekend at a strange church with about 15 of my best friends preparing a worship service for the next morning. Once a month I spent my Sunday in a building planning retreats for the district. Four times a year I spent a day or two planning for the conference. Once a month I had meetings for youth council, church council, charge council, and sub-district council. Summer I'm gone staffing retreats. I come home long enough to do laundry and repack and I'm gone again working on leading retreats. A couple of times a year I spent a few afternoons teaching my youth services. I also danced (ballet, tap, gym, jazz, modern lyrical, and irish step) And I played soccer, for the school and rec league. And I did marching band, jazz band, and wind ensemble. I rarely had time to date. I did have a boyfriend or two that was also involved in church stuff. And so…**

**They couldn't kiss there. It wasn't right.**

**Not much…**

**I am a tease…**

**I worried that people wouldn't like my merder b/c they are mine. And not the shonda version. **

**I'm not sure if she's gonna move in with him. I like sweetness. And he's a youth leader. And she's going to seminary too…Idk…**


	19. Chapter 18

-1Derek packed up the car, Meredith helping where he would let her. Finally there were both in the car ready to leave. They pulled away from Skytop with one last glance behind them to the lodge and the mountain covered in a white blanket of snow that had fallen during the night. Meredith sighed turning back around in her seat reaching for the blanket at her feet. Not really cold, but wanting to snuggle under it. Derek glanced at her for a second, then slowly inched his hand into her lap finding her hand. He intertwined their fingers giving her hand a squeeze. She gave him a smile in return.

They stopped for lunch after a few hours, still less than halfway there. As they were waiting in the drive-through Derek asked, "What are your plans for the rest of your break?"

"I have a few clients this week. Just some quick interpreting appointments. And then next weekend I'm going to the winter retreat."

"Farmville's?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me you were going too."

"Why are you going?"

"Wow, you really haven't looked at district stuff in a while. I'm the keynote speaker. What are you doing down there?"

"Just helping out with staff stuff. Leading a workshop. Leading a family group. They only have an interim coordinator right now, so they asked a few of my generation or dcym'ers to come and help out."

"So my kids are going to be there?" Derek asked referring to the youth who had been involved in the district when he was a coordinator. He rarely kept up with them.

"It's gonna be a reunion. We're all going to get to Blackstone Thursday night or Friday morning. Just so we have some down time together."

"Mmmk." Derek said quietly, falling silent.

"Well are you going to come with us?" She asked after a little bit. "I'm going to need to have boy in tow for them to approve of once they find out I'm not single anymore."

"How will they know you're not single?"

She giggled playfully knowing she was being completely silly. "I have a facebook status that says I'm single. But I'm not."

"I thought we were complicated." He said referring to that sketchy relationship status the networking site had.

"I thought you said we should date."

"So you're gonna change it to…"

"In a relationship. But I'm not gonna click who I'm in one with…"

"Why not?"

"I want to surprise everybody at the retreat."

"Ah okay. So I'm gonna be your boy toy?"

"More like my man candy. You're rather hot."

"You're pretty nice looking yourself." He gave her hair a light tug like he always used to do when she was younger. When he first met her she had short spikey blue hair and wore gothic clothes. By the time he moved away she was growing up and out of that stage. She let her hair grow. And left it long after that. Nowadays it was layered mid-way down her back.

"Then it's settled? We'll head down to Blackstone Thursday and meet everybody." She asked. Derek nodded his agreement and continued to drive.

"I'm going to go on in. Do you want to come in behind me in like five minutes?" She asked him as they pulled up in front of the restaurant they were all supposed to meet at Thursday night for dinner. He nodded excited that she was being open about them. And so soon. She had never been one to announce her latest boyfriends. She preferred to keep it quiet and let people find out on their own. Maybe it was because these people were friends to both of them. He waited in the car as she disappeared inside the restaurant.

"Meredith!" Somebody called from a corner when she walked in. A few girls sat at a long table sipping on margaritas. Meredith hugged each of them before sitting down in an empty seat.

Before she could say anything Izzie began to attack her with questions. "I saw on facebook you changed your status earlier this week. Who are you dating? David?"

"No David and I won't ever happen. Well that semi-happened and then crashed and burned. We're just friends." Meredith tried to explain, but she was met with an onslaught of questions about the David situation. She answered them all quickly, not giving too much detail.

"When will we meet him?" Danielle asked.

"Soon. Very soon. He'll be here before long." She said eliciting a round of ooo's from the girls.

"How's living with Derek going?" Callie asked her once that settled.

"Good. It's a lot of fun. I expected us to start fighting or something, but it's the same as ever."

"That's good." Callie replied. "I haven't heard him keynote in a good five years."

They began to talk about old memories of Derek keynoting when he slipped in the front door. Everybody jumped up to greet him while Meredith hung back getting really nervous all of a sudden.

After all of the hello's they began to sit back down. Derek chose the empty place next to Meredith dropping a kiss on her forehead before taking his seat. Nobody thought it was out of place, after all those two had always been close. Nor did anybody notice when Derek slipped his hand under hers that rested on her thigh. Everybody ordered their dinner and Meredith and Derek waited on the drinks.

"Where is your damned boyfriend?" Callie asked when the waiter brought out their drinks.

"Maybe I should give him a call, make sure he's alright." Meredith suggested taking out her phone. She pushed a few buttons on her phone pressing the call button.

"Let me talk to him!" Callie demanded holding out her hand expectantly. Meredith passed the phone across the table. Callie took it and hit speaker phone without bothering to look at who it was calling.

Derek's phone vibrated in his pocket. "Sorry ladies, I need to take this." He told them opening the phone to answer it. "Hello?" He asked walking a few steps away from the table, still facing them.

The phone Callie was holding echoed the hello a second later, but it still didn't click for the girls. "This is your jury calling, we need to know your ETA so we can prepare the questioning." Callie replied into the phone.

"My ETA was about five minutes ago." Derek replied into the phone. That time it clicked with Callie and with the rest of the girls as his reply came out of Meredith's cell phone slightly delayed. Derek began laughing as he took the few steps back to the table to sit back down. The rest of the girls stared at the two of them in disbelief.

"You're dating Derek!?" Izzie exclaimed. "When did that happen?"

"About a week ago." Meredith answered.

"How?" Danielle asked quickly.

"How about we leave this for some girl time tonight." Meredith suggested since the three girls were spending the night at her house. Her mother was on call for the night, big surprise. So they had the house to themselves. Derek would also be spending the night, but the house was huge. It'd be easy to have some time alone with the girls.

The food was brought out soon and the conversation turned away from the shocking hook up of one of their best friends and their favorite youth directors. The rest of the dinner was fun and light. Before long it was over. After a bit of teasing and more conversation the girls got their cars and followed Meredith to her house.


	20. Chapter 19

-1When they got to Meredith's house they all piled out of their cars tugging their bags along with them. Derek grabbed Meredith's before she could get to it along with his making the girls tease her. Meredith directed Izzie, Danielle, and Callie to the second floor showing them where their rooms would be, warning it could be a little dusty since nobody was ever on the second floor. Ellis' room was in the back of the first floor and Meredith's room was the only room on the third floor. Derek stood at the foot of the steps to the third floor waiting for her attention.

"What room am I staying in?" Derek asked. There were three bedrooms on the second floor. The third floor was a den with the steps leading to Meredith's room.

"My room." She smiled. "I have a futon up there." She crossed the room to her where he was standing, giving him a quick kiss, turning away. "I'm going to go talk to the girls. Wait a minute up there for me. I'll be right up." She walked down the hall finding each of the girls telling them to meet in the den when they were finished taking showers.

She quietly walked up the steps to her room looking around for Derek. She found him in the corner of her room sitting in a blue easy chair, looking at all of her books.

"You read?" He asked teasingly, knowing she tore through books as fast as she could get her hands on them. He stood up to pull her into a gentle hug. As he held her he felt her breathe deeply, burying her face into his chest. "What's wrong princess?" He asked allowing his arms to linger around her waist as she pulled away a step.

"Nothing. I'm just a little tired." She explained. He smiled at her pressing his lips to her forehead. She let her hands find his face to pull it to hers for a kiss. Her fingers curled his hair around them as his tongue danced into her mouth. His hands wandered under the back of her shirt just to feel her silky skin. "Okay." She whispered. "I'm really not sure what the girls are going to want to talk about. So if it gets too girly you can escape up here." She walked across the room gathering remotes off of the electronics, handing them all to him. "That's my entertainment center, dvd player, satellite, stereo. The dvd's to the left and cd's to the right. I'm sorry the futon isn't really in the right place to see it. Use my bed. I have no idea if there's anything to eat or drink, but the kitchen is on the first floor at the end of the foyer." She rambled on nervously wringing her hands.

"Would you like me to run to the store to pick up some stuff?" He offered, taking her hands in his.

"Yes." She softly answered stepping away from him. Derek sat back down in the blue chair, catching the belt loop on the back of her jeans. She giggled as she landed right in his lap, drawing her legs up with her. He slipped his arm under her knees holding her securely in place. He remained like that just being still for a few minutes with her, allowing her to relax.

"Meredith…" Izzie called from the foot of the steps a bit later. "We're all finished. But we wanna know do you wanna watch a movie?"

"I'll be down in just a second. There are movies in the den and there are some more up here in my room." She called back, not allowing Derek to release her.

"Doll, you have to go down there. And I have to go too." He snuck in one last lingering kiss, finally pulling away tasting her still on his lips, before lifting her pouting frame and placing it on the ground. While he found his wallet and his keys she slipped out of her clothes pulling on a pair of pajamas, walking down the steps together.

"Uh-huh." Callie teased. "What was going on up there?"

"Wild, hot, youth-leading sex." Derek answered before Meredith could open her mouth. He walked out of the room, calling good bye to the girls as he moved down the next flight of stairs.

"You guys weren't!" Danielle exclaimed questioningly.

"No of course no." Meredith replied.

"Have you two ever?" Izzie cut in.

"No!"

"Anything?" Callie asked.

Meredith shook her head quickly. "No just kissing."

"You two are a pair of youth leaders. Such a shame." Callie declared.

"Why?" Meredith asked confused.

"Well because he's freaking gorgeous." She explained. Danielle nodded her agreement.

"Christina calls him McDreamy." Meredith offered.

"I just can't see him as anything but Derek. Our youth leader. The guy who can talk for hours about quantum mechanics and obscure religious principles." Izzie said. "He's our Derek…not our latest man candy discussion.

"You have to at least try to be objective Iz." Callie told her. Izzie blew her off changing the subject back to Meredith and Derek instead of Derek's McDreaminess.

"How did this thing start between the two of you?" SHe asked.

"We moved into this house back in July. And everything was great. We got along and it was so much fun. Helping with the youth watching movies and bedtime stories. Cooking. Then I went on a retreat with him in November. You guys know the dance? Well the youth all had dates so Derek came to my room and asked me to be his. Things felt weird…but a good weird. A great one. Like I though of him for the first time as a guy, an available one. But then when we went home it was awkward. It lasted for a few weeks. After finals he found me shitfaced in the kitchen floor. He took care of me and asked me to go to Addison's wedding with him."

"Addie got married!? How did Derek take it.?"

"Great. He said he was over her. At the reception we were both drinking. They played our song."

"You two have a song?"

"Yeah from high school graduation party. The way you look tonight. He kissed me at the end. We stayed a bit longer, left for our rooms, but made out in the elevator. I wouldn't let him in my room because I wanted snacks. He got them. We talked a bit about what it meant."

"So basically a sexless drunken hook-up?" Callie asked teasingly.

"No more like alcohol lowered our inhibitions and we admitted what was happening."

"What is?" Izzie asked.

"Can you see this lasting?" Danielle added.

"Objectively it would fit. We both want the same things out of life. We are friends. I've known him since middle school. He knows me…all the bad stuff, all the problems, secrets. I know him." She trailed off. "Can I see this lasting. It's only been a few weeks. I'm not sure. I think so. I want it to. I really want it to."

"Wow I don't think I've ever heard you say anything like that. Not even about David and you liked him for years." Danielle said.

"This is different that David."

"So give us the good stuff. Can he kiss?"

"Like you wouldn't believe! Oh my god! It only gets better each time. He's incredible. I don't know what it even is about it. But it's just…amazing."

"Is he the same Derek as his is like with the youth?"

"Well…you know how he's odd and fun, but completely in charge when it's business time? But then he gets goofier or whatever you may need from him when it's one-on-one time?"

"Less anal."

"Yeah. It's chill like that all of the time. It's great. I never have to wait for returned calls or e-mails. I get the late night conversations that we used to all love. He drops it all if I need him. And he's sweet and un-guyish to everybody. So imagine how he is with his girlfriend. But he isn't overbearing like you would expect him to be. I'm getting so spoiled. And the chill stuff was happening the entire time. Not just since we started dating."

"I'm here!" Derek called out as he let himself into the house. He put the groceries away before climbing the stairs to the den.

" 'ey Der." Izzie greated him easily as he entered the room. He crossed the room to where Meredith was sitting in an over-sized easy chair. She stood up trading him seats, reclaiming her spot sideways.

"You girls finished gossiping about me?" He asked teasingly.

"For now." Meredith answered.

"Can we start the movie?" Callie suggested, moving to the dvd player to start it. They started to watch the movie. Meredith snuggled into Derek's chest. He pulled a blanket from behind him and draped it over her body, carefully tucking the edges in around her making sure she was secure.

"There are move blankets like this in the closet." Meredith told the girls. They retrieved their blankets and settled onto the couch.

"What are you keynoting on?" Izzie asked him a little later.

"Your theme is 'Thirsty' so I'm following that. Stuff about the woman and the well and overflowing. And I'm not giving you any more than that." He told her with a grin.

"It's not like we have that long to wait."

"Is she asleep?" Danielle asked Derek when Meredith let out a quiet little sigh against his chest.

"I think she's drifting." He answered. "Did you guys really gossip enough about me or is there gonna be another round soon?"

"Definitely another round." Izzie teased back.

"What did you say?" Derek asked her.

"How gross it is to think about somebody kissing you." She shot back.

"Thanks Iz." He offered not believing her.

"No really that's what we said.." She insisted. Derek tried to get up and grab her, but realized he was still holding Meredith. His movement woke her up. She lifted her head from his chest and looked around taking a moment to figure out where she was.

"It's not what we talked about." Meredith yawned sleepily. "We all think you're objectively good looking. Izzie's the only one who can't think about kissing you.

"Oh." Derek said thoughtfully.

"Don't worry I like kissing you." Derek smiled at her playfully, pulling her in for a kiss in front of the girls.

"You're just jealous you can't have all of this." Derek proclaimed running his hands over his chest, laughing at Izzie as she gagged at him.

"Stop it Iz." Callie commanded.

"I haven't taken a shower yet." Meredith said slowly as if it were a small shock to her. She stood up untangling herself from Derek. "M'leaving." She announced trudging up the steps.

Callie looked at Derek questioningly. "What was that?"

"Usually I would say that's drunk Mer. But I'm guessing that was sleepy Mer. Whichever one she is she'll be back in no time."

"Now it's time to grill you." Izzie pointed out a few minutes later. "What are you intentions with out sweet Meredith?"

"I don't have any."

"None? Why did you kiss her." She asked again.

"I wanted to."

Danielle leaned to Izzie, "I don't think this is working. Let me take a stab." She turned towards Derek. "When did you realize you liked her?"

"Sometime between her dating David and the conference retreat." He answered truthfully.

"Do you love her?"

"I love every last one of you. Same as I have for the past ten years or more. And it's only been a few weeks. But I will say that I'm over Addison and ready to move on."

"You're falling for her aren't you…"

"Yeah a little bit." He admitted quietly. "It's so different. I've known her for so long and never thought of her as anything but a friend. We were best friends, took relationship advice from one another. I would have never considered dating her. But when I look at it from this side, it all fits perfectly. We know each other so completely and we're still crazy about each other. Everything looks like it was leading here…" He trailed off.

They heard her coming down her steps toweling her hair off holding a brush in her hand. "Quick shower." He commented, allowing her to take his seat. "Anybody want anything to drink?" He asked from the doorway.

"Are we talking alcohol?" Callie asked. Derek look to Meredith who shrugged her shoulders. "If you want it." He offered. The other girls voiced their approval. "Mer, where's the booze at?"

"Upstairs in my room The smaller closet. It's in there in the floor." She told him. "Want me to get it?"

"No I can get it." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and walked up the stairs.

A few moments later the girls heard, "Jeez Mer! How much alcohol can one person hoard?" She giggled at his reaction and continued brushing her way through her hair.

"Just bring down a few different bottles." She called.

"How much do you have up there?" Callie asked curiously.

"Go look." She told the girls from her seat. The other three girls made their way upstairs to investigate. Derek was sitting in the floor looking at the various bottles of liquor. She had more variety than most decent sized bars. He picked up a quart sized mason jar full of clear unlabeled liquor.

"What is that?" Izzie asked as Derek pulled out four mor just like it.

"MEREDITH GREY!" Derek bellowed. Downstairs she jumped at the sound of his voice. She quickly made her way up the steps.

"Yeah doll?" She asked sweetly, gracefully falling to her knees beside him. Then she saw what he had found. "Oh."

Oh is right you little princess." He told her sternly. "Why do you have shine?"

"Cause I'm country."

"Meredith Grey you are not country. You're a yankee that's been transplanted down here.

"We're going to take some of this and make some drinks.:" The girls announced taking a few bottles of liquor down the steps.

"Derek." She softly whimpered far from serious, but playing along. She stepped in between him and the shine bending to his level.

"Meredith." He mocked. She sat down on her butt pouting in front of him. His face softened as he stared back at her. He reached out to her tugging on a handful of hair. When he leaned forward to kiss her she pulled away with a small grin on her face.

"You know I don't think it's a good idea to reprimand me as if I were a child and then expect this to happen. It makes me feel…immature and wrong." She explained allowing the grin to slid off her face.

Derek stood up pulling her with him. Once on their feet Derek wrapped his arms around her, bending down slightly to slip his hands under her bottom lifting her up. She eagerly wrapped her legs around his waist supporting her own slight weight. Carefully she laid her head on his shoulder placing a soft kiss on his neck, nibbling on his earlobe sucking on a pressure point before placing her head on his shoulder.

Derek turned to his left finding her bed. He placed her on her bed climbing on top of her. He covered her neck in warm kisses nipping and sucking at her sensitive skin. He felt her breath catch. He moved on from her neck to her mouth pressing his tongue into hers. His hands caressed her face as hers twisted her finders in his hair.

"My beautiful girl. I'm sorry." He whispered in her ear. She snuggled as close as she could. "Think they'll miss us?" He asked. She nodded regretfully pulling away from his side, walking to the steps.

"There you two are." Callie called as they stepped down and took their place in the recliner again. Danielle passed Meredith a martini that she accepted with a smile. Derek took a glass of scotch from Izzie. "Can't believe we came here for a retreat and this is what's happening." Callie laughed.

"I don't feel so bad." Izzie announced.

"Why not?" Meredith asked.

"Because I may be drinking, but you're dating our keynote speaker for the weekend." They all cracked up laughing together for a bit longer.

Finally the excitement wound down. The girls sleepily wandered to their own rooms. Derek sent Meredith upstairs to get ready for bed. He went to each of the girls rooms' saying goodnight to each of them. Then he trudged up the stairs.

He yawned as he pulled his things our of his bag. "I'm suh-leepy!" He told her. She watched as he brushed his teeth and changed into some pajama bottoms. "Goodnight my princess." He told her climbing into the bed he'd made on the futon.

"Derek!" She called softly but insistently.

"Hmmm?" He asked.

"Will you come hold me?" She asked quietly as if she was unsure if he would. He got out of his bed and climbed into hers, gently pulling her body to his cuddling her.

"I'm glad we're here right now." She whispered.

"You make me want you." He told her before taking her mouth in his.

"Maybe you should just take me." She teased far from serious.

"Not without putting a ring on that finger of yours." He said far from joking. She pulled back to look into his eyes and he stared back at her with the same intensity.

"You know I'm picky about my rings." She softly replied.

"Maybe I'll let you pick it out."

"Maybe I won't say yes."

"Maybe I'll keep asking."

"Why?" She asked earnestly.

He shrugged his shoulders nuzzling his forehead to hers. "I think I may be starting to fall for you over here."

"Falling where?" She said wanted to hear the words.

"Falling in love with you." He whispered in her ear as he snaked his arm pulling her as tightly as he could to him, needing the comfort her small body brought. "I know it's only been a matter of weeks. But we've always loved each other…we've always been friends. And I think this is the beginning…" Suddenly her pressed to his side wasn't enough. Carefully he maneuvered her body so she rested on top of him finding a comfortable position for them both. She sighed contentedly, letting her hair fan out over his chest. They fell asleep like that with his free hand in her hair and slept all night long.


	21. Chapter 20

-1The next morning Meredith awoke alone. She looked into the bathroom and could see the steam still on the mirror. She groaned rolling out

After she finished her shower and was dressed she heard Derek's voice. "Girls breakfast's ready!" He called. Then she heard him walking up the steps. "Good morning beautiful." He said softly.

"How was your night?" She asked, making a joke.

"Wonderful with you by my side." He finished. She giggled quietly delicately climbing back into her bed snuggling into the pile of pillows and blankets. He laughed at her playfulness climbing in after her.

"What did you make?" She asked after a quiet moment.

"Your favorite."

"With stuff?" She asked. He nodded. Her favorite was French toast with fruit, powdered sugar, syrup, and whipped cream. She climbed back out of bed and down two flights of stairs joining the girls for breakfast.

After breakfast they packed their stuff to leave for the retreat center a few miles away. The other girls left to do a little shopping leaving Meredith and Derek to a little quiet time before they needed to be at the retreat.

Meredith went up to her room to go over her material for her family group. After about an hour she pushed it aside and picked up her phone. She sent a text to David, "m'at home. Bet if I look out my window I can see your house." They had always lived down the street from one another.

"Seriously?" He texted back.

"Yeah, home for the winter retreat."

"I'm at home for the weekend. Are you up to anything?"

"Nah. Just come in. I'm in my room." She texted him giggling as she tossed her phone over in the bed. She made up the bed and picked up her suitcase putting it in the corner of the room. Meanwhile Derek was in the backyard reading through his notes and taking some time out for that. David walked down the block from his house and let himself in the front door. He walked up two flights of steps and into Meredith's room as he often had. Meredith jumped off her bed excitedly squeezing David hello.

"So I haven't seen you in a few weeks. And I haven't heard from you since your trip with Derek. How is everything?"

"Fine." She answered not really wanted to tell him everything that had happened at the moment. Best to leave that conversation for a time when they could really talk about it all. David nodded and sat down on her bed. He kicked of his shoes and comfortably sat back against the pillows. Meredith followed suit fumbling for the remote and turning the television on.

"We didn't get together over Christmas." He pointed out.

"Yeah I know. I have your present sitting in my room at home." She said smiling.

"Let's have dinner or something soon and we can exchange them then." He offered. She agreed and the fell silent watching the tv. After a few moments David grew tired of the quiet. He propped himself on his elbow, turning his body towards her. Poking her in the side he waited for a smile. He began tickling her lightly making her giggle. She pulled just out of his reach, but he moved closer tickling her more. They play fought rolling around the bed giggling and squealing. Derek stood in the doorway unnoticed by either of them. He turned and walked back downstairs to be by himself while they were visiting.

Not too much later Meredith explained that she needed to get ready for the retreat and clean up the house before she left. She walked him down to the first floor to say goodbye.

"Don't forget about dinner." He reminded her picking up the sweatshirt he had worn.

"I won't. Don't forget about my present." She teased back.

"Never." He told her with a smile. He pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly. She kissed his cheek after he released her. "See you soon Mer." He said shutting the door behind him.

Meredith walked into the kitchen, passing Derek in the den without realizing it. She found the kitchen already spotless so she wandered back into the den. He was sitting on the floor with his back against the couch working at the table that sat at the perfect height to work like that. Meredith sat down on the couch with a leg on either side of him. She ran her fingers through his hair letting her nails graze his scalp. He pulled forward, pulling his head out of her hands.

"Derek?" She asked. He turned around to look at her. "Are you okay?" He didn't answer her, just continued to stare at her. She bit her lip unsure of what was going on. He placed his hands on her knees and followed her thigh up to her waist. He picked her up off the couch and placed her gently on his lap.

"I'm sorry. I'm just being…" He softly told her. He looked into her eyes, past the deep green, seeing that he was confusing her. It made him want to comfort her. Unable to find another way he pressed his lips to hers.

A few minutes later neither heard the door open, they were too busy with each other. Finally the woman at the door cleared her throat. "Mom!" Meredith said startled. She pushed Derek away straightening her clothes and hair, standing up.

"I saw your car in the driveway." Was all Ellis said to her.

"Yeah there's a retreat this weekend that I'm helping out with."

"So you bring a boy to the house and make out with him beforehand. Really Christian." Ellis told her cynically.

"Mom this is my boyfriend Derek." She tried to explain. Ellis stepped closer taking a second look at Derek.

"It had better not be your old youth director Derek. What does David think, you cheating on him?"

"Well one he doesn't know. Two yes this is that Derek. And three I'm not dating David."

"I think you should leave." Ellis told her coldly walking to the kitchen.

Meredith looked to Derek who pulled her tight, "I'll go get our things. You just sit still." He walked up the steps and returned a few moments later.

"Goodbye Dr. Grey." Derek called as he carried their things out to Meredith's car.

Meredith walked into the kitchen, "Goodbye Mom." She offered. Ellis ignored her, continuing with her meal. Meredith turned and left the house before she could begin crying. She got into the car through the door that Derek was holding open for her. He shut the door and walked around to the other side.


	22. Chapter 21

The rest of the retreat Derek seemed a little distant to Meredith. She figured it was just because of the retreat and maybe he was giving her a little space after facing Ellis. Whatever the reason was she still had a blast at the retreat. Derek's keynotes were amazing. She loved hearing his voice fill up the auditorium as it had when she was much younger. It made everything feel right. It was a little strange, not spending a lot of time together as their friends were finding out about their relationship. But she didn't think anything of it.

Her workshops both went off without a hitch and she was pleased with the turnout and response. But after an entire weekend of going until early morning and being up long before everybody else to keep the retreat moving with the rest of the staff she was exhausted and ready to go back home.

Sunday morning she packed her things and took them out to her car ready to get out of th ere the first moment she could. Finally around noon the retreat ended and kids began to pour out of the building. Meredith and Derek stuck around long enough to help the interim coordinator pack up the van and made sure everybody had a ride home. Then they hit the road themselves wanting to get home and take a long nap.

"What do we want to have for dinner?" Derek asked from the passenger seat.

Meredith yawned widely. "Hmmmm. We could always just order something in."

"Excellent idea." He teased. "Italian or Chinese?" He asked knowing that was about all Meredith was ever interested in ordering in.

"Your choice." She offered. "About all I'm up for in a warm bath and a long nap." They rode in silence for a bit longer. Derek noticed how exhausted Meredith looked and that she continued to yawn, each one bigger than the next.

"Hey Mer, do we need gas?" He asked. She wouldn't accept an outright offer to drive. She liked the control of driving and didn't easily give it up. But at this point it was a bit dangerous for her to be driving the two hours back to home. Meredith checked the gas gauge, nodding to him. She took the next exit and pulled into the first gas station.

"Will you run in and get us sodas?" He asked handing her money. She nodded again and accepted the money. "Thank you princess."

He laughed as he watched her slip on a pair of flip flops even though it was in middle of winter and there was snow on the ground in patches. She trudged into the convenience store and went to the sodas. He got out of the car and opened the gas tank. He slipped his debit card into the machine and waited as he filled up the tank. He finished while she was still waiting in line with their drinks, so he pulled the car into an empty parking space right by the door of the store. After she paid for their drinks she came out to the car and stood by the driver's side waiting for Derek to get out. He shook his head and pointed to the seat beside him. She sighed and turned away, but he caught a glimpse of her smile. She settled into the seat beside him, drawing her legs underneath her, yawning again.

Once Derek pulled back onto the highway he looked over at her. She had rummaged through the backseat until she found her oversized stuffed dog that she had been using as a pillow on car rides for at least the last seven years and was holding it in her lap running her fingers over it. With a quiet smile he reached into her lap and pulled the dog away from her putting it in his own lap. Meredith sleepily scooted closer to Derek, placing her head in his lap and getting comfortable. Derek quickly glanced behind him spotting a small fleece blanket. Then he reached into the backseat and pulled it into the front with them. As carefully as he could while still driving, he spread the blanket out over Meredith, tucking it in around the small body.

"Are you okay to drive?" Meredith asked a few moments later.

"Yes, but you certainly weren't. I was afraid you were going to fall asleep at the wheel."

"Yeah I thought so too a little bit." She offered sleepily.

He brushed the hair out of her eyes that had fallen into it, allowing his hand to rest in her hair. "How about you just take a nap." He told her. She gratefully agreed, relaxing enough to quickly fall asleep.

Once she was sleep, Derek took the time to try to figure out what was going on. He felt a little angry at her, but he wasn't completely sure why. He was fine until he saw her with David. But it was stupid to be jealous of him. David had had his chance and had blown it, but didn't seem too upset about it. They seemed perfectly content with just being friends. But he knew all too well that once you saw a friend like that dating somebody else, no matter how happy they are or how much they want it, jealousy strikes. And it isn't pretty. So what was wrong with him? Was he jealous of David's prospective jealousy? It was ridiculous. But he did have a right to be jealous. What man wouldn't be jealous if he saw his girlfriend lying in bed with the man of her old dreams? Maybe that was a little harsh. After all, they were just watching a movie and catching up. But it was during what should have been their alone time. So he was a bit jealous. He knew he could trust Meredith with his life. He always had. So why couldn't he just let this one go?

He sighed frustratedly and ran his free hand through his hair. He was getting pissed off and this was not like him at all. He needed to not think about it for a little while and just try to enjoy the peaceful time he had with his gorgeous girlfriend. But she was asleep.

**AN: Just thought I should point out that I'm adding multiple chapters today so make sure you start where you left off!**


	23. Chapter 22

David called Meredith the next day to make plans for dinner. They agreed to meet at Meredith's on Wednesday night and exchange gifts and eat.

On Wednesday morning Meredith awoke rather early and padded down to the kitchen. It was still winter break for her, so she had been spending her vacation either going into work with Derek if they were working on something together or just relaxing at home. She pulled out a skillet and some ingredients out of the refrigerator. She started making breakfast as she heard Derek turn on the shower. She had remembered earlier that morning that Derek had a bible study on Wednesday nights so he wouldn't be home. She excitedly finished making them breakfast happy to surprise him. She had the table set and the food all ready by the time he came down the steps.

"Coffee?" She asked handing him a mug the way he liked it.

"Thank you." He accepted it gratefully sipping at the steaming liquid. "You made me breakfast?" He asked surprised. Meredith was a good cook, amazing even. But she rarely cooked anything besides dinner. Neither of them really made breakfast, but if it was a lazy morning Derek would often surprise her with breakfast when she finally woke up.

Meredith nodded proudly, sitting down in the chair across from him. "What are your plans for the day?" She asked sweetly.

"Nothing much. I need to work on stuff for UMYF this Sunday and maybe prep a little for tonight's bible study. Are you going to come?" He asked taking a bite of the omelet she made him. She shook her head not getting up from the table to get the orange juice out of the fridge.

They finished breakfast and Derek helped her clean the kitchen back up. Meredith was sitting in the den curled up under a blanket watching the morning news when Derek came back down the stairs.

"Okay Princess. I've got to get going." He told her slipping his shoes on his feet and kissing the top of her head. She glanced back at him and he paused before walking away and returned for a short, but real kiss. "I'll see you later tonight."

"I'll wait up for you." She told him happily.

"How about I pick up some dessert and we can spend some time together?" He asked.

"Sounds great. I'll see you tonight." She went back to the news and he walked out of the front door.

Meredith spent the day by herself not doing much of anything. She straightened up the house, vacuumed and dusted the downstairs. She did a few loads of her and Derek's laundry. She started dinner and got it into the oven before heading upstairs to take a shower.

She shaved her legs and washed her hair with her favorite shampoo. When she got out of the shower she gently shook out her long auburn hair. Wrapping a towel around her body to found her blow dryer and carefully dried her hair. She plugged in her hair straightener and brushed her teeth as she waited for it to warm up. She slowly straightened her hair taking special care to make sure she got it all. She took a break from getting ready to check on dinner in the stove. Satisfied she wasn't ruining that, she wandered back upstairs to decide what to wear. She decided on a pretty simple outfit of a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. She quickly dragged on some eyeliner and mascara dabbing on her lip gloss before hurrying back downstairs to finish dinner.

She finished much sooner than she thought she would so she set the table and retrieved David's gift from her room, waiting on David to arrive. He showed up a few minutes later holding a bouquet of roses and a wrapped box. Meredith let him inside. "For you." He told her offering her the roses.

"Thank you." She put the flowers in a vase and set them on a table.

"Mmm. Dinner smells good." He told her with a grin.

"Do you want to eat immediately?" She teased. He nodded eagerly. "Mmmk."

Dinner was uneventful; they ate talking about the stuff that was happening for both of them. Except Meredith still hadn't told him that she was seeing Derek. She kept looking for the right place, not wanting to blurt it out.

She still hadn't told him by the time they had finished eating. She cleared the dishes in silence. Once dinner was cleaned up from, they sat down on the couch in the den.

"I have something..." Meredith began but David interrupted her.

"I know I've done some stupid things over the years." He said earnestly, turning to face her on the couch. "And this fall was definitely another one of those stupid things."

"David, wait." Meredith protested.

He ignored her and continued. "No Mer, it was stupid. And I hate myself for doing that to you. I know trinkets won't make up for it, but when I saw it I thought of you. And I knew…Meredith I want you. I want the whole deal. I'm ready for it. You just have to forgive me."

He leaned towards her, one hand cradling the back of her head. Meredith, still stunned at what he was saying, made no attempt to stop him.

"What is this!?" Derek asked shocked from the doorway. "What is going on here?" He demanded.

"David came for dinner. We were exchanging Christmas gifts."

"And somehow that involves my girlfriend's ex with his hand in her hair about to kiss?"

"Girlfriend?" David asked.

"I was trying to tell you." Meredith tried.

"You didn't tell him yet? We've been dating for almost two weeks and you hadn't even bothered to tell one of your best friends? You told everybody, but yet somehow you forget to tell David. You were in bed with him this weekend, my things all around, and you didn't think to tell him?"

"Derek." Meredith tried again.

"Don't Derek me." He growled. "I'm going back out." He turned around and walked right back out of the door. Meredith stood there in shock for the second time that night.

"You're dating him?" David asked quietly. She looked to him and nodded. "Are you happy with him?"

"Very."

"Then I'm going to go Mer."

"David wait."

"What do you want from me now? You're with Derek."

"Jesus David. I was right there with you all of those years. I loved you. But I stayed because we were friends. And then you decided to date that other girl, we were still friends. Why can't we do it now? That's a double standard."

"I'm sorry." David offered. "You know I'm here for you. I just think it's best if you deal with Derek right now. You know where I am. You know how to get a hold of me." He pulled her in for a quick hug and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

After David left Meredith went to her room. She snuggled under her blanket and found some tissues. She tried to call Derek, but discovered he had turned off his phone. She began to cry then.

About two hours later she heard Derek come back in the house. She listened to him move around downstairs before making his way up the stairs. She heard him enter his room and shut the door behind him, but she didn't hear it lock. She wiped her eyes and checked her reflection in the mirror. After fixing her hair she went to his room. She knocked softly on the door, but he didn't answer. She tried the door knob and found it unlocked just as she suspected. He was standing by his dresser, shirtless, putting away his laundry.

"Derek. We have to talk."

"You don't have to talk to your roommate if you don't want to."

"I'm you girlfriend, not your roommate."

"Not anymore."

"You're breaking up with me?"

"Mer, I can't just stand here like a fool and watch you with him. If you love him go to him."

"Derek."

"No, don't tell me you don't. You always have. And I see you with him."

"Derek of course I love him. He's one of my best friends." She said tears spilling down her face. She closed the space between them and attempted to lay her head on his chest and let him pull her into a close hug. But he remained rigid.

"Mer just go away." He said coldly. So she did. She turned around and walked out of his room. She packed a suitcase for a few days and carried it quietly past Derek's room, down the steps, and out to her car. She started the engine and roared out of the driveway.


	24. Chapter 23

-1Meredith flipped open her phone once she got out of sight of the house. She found Cristina's number and dialed.

"Cristina, are you home?" She asked when she finally connected.

"No and I won't be until tomorrow night. Why are you asking?"

"Because my life just fell apart and I can't stay at my house with Derek right now."

"Uh-oh. Well you know where the key is and you know where the alcohol is, but I suggest getting food before you get there because there isn't any." She suggested. Meredith thanked her best friend and headed for the interstate, knowing she had a long drive ahead of her. She turned her phone on silent not wanting to be bothered by anybody else for the drive.

Hours later David was still trying to dial Meredith's number. It just kept ringing. He sent her a text knowing that even if she was furious with him she would answer it. But she still didn't answer. He finally gave in calling the house phone. He hadn't wanted to interrupt in case Meredith and Derek were talking, but he felt like something was wrong.

"Hello?" Derek answered curiously not recognizing the number.

"Hi. S'David. I'm really not trying to get in the middle of you two at all. But Mer isn't answering her phone. Is she there with you?"

"Not with me. I guess she's in her room." Derek replied uninterested in discussing Meredith with the cause of the problem.

"Okay thanks, that's all I wanted. And listen, I honestly had no idea about the two of you. And she was trying to tell me something, but I just wanted to get what I had to say out." David tried to explain. Derek merely grunted and hung up the phone.

Meredith stopped at a wal-mart on the way and numbly picked up some groceries. She knew she looked horrible. She had been crying since Derek left her alone with David hours earlier. She carried everything out to the car sighing when she realized Derek wasn't going to be there to meet her at the car and help her carry them in and put them away. She picked up her phone to check for messages out of habit. She had quite a few missed calls from David. And one text asking her if she was okay and where she was. She noticed she had a voicemail so she checked that while she was at it.

"Mer you aren't answering your phone obviously. So I called the house and got Derek. He said you're in your room. So just give me a call to let me know you're okay and you know where I am if you need me. Mer I never meant for anything like this to happen. If I had known you were dating him I would have been so happy for you. Insanely jealous, but happy nonetheless. Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine if it isn't already."

Meredith sighed at the message and wondered if Derek had figured out she wasn't there yet. She finished her drive deep in thought, arriving at Cristina's before too long. She found the key and let herself in. She stumbled to Cristina's bed and collapsed into it falling into a fitful sleep.

Derek was also having trouble sleeping. He hadn't spoken to Meredith since he told her to get out of his room and it was driving him nuts. But not as much as she was making him pissed. Still, it had been a long time since they had gone to bed without saying good night. Only hours and he was already dying to talk to her. He needed a life. Unfortunately he realized that his life was lying in her own bed down the hall. Maybe he would be satisfied with just watching her sleep for a moment.

He crept down the hall as quietly as he could and eased open the door that she had left open just a sliver letting the light from the hallway spill into her room and onto her bed. But there was nobody in her bed. It was still neatly made up. He spun on his heel to figure out where in the house she was. He checked the bathroom as he headed towards the steps checking the entire downstairs before it dawned on him to look out into the driveway for her car. It was gone. He searched the downstairs and her room again looking for a note. Not finding one he raced for his phone. Nothing. Not a text, not a voicemail, not even a missed call. David had been onto something. She was missing. "Wait a minute." He thought, "She isn't just gone. She left. Got out just like I told her too. I abandoned her, just like everybody else." He felt an intense wave of hate run through his body before it was replaced with tears. He had just done to Meredith everything he had been trying to repair for years, everything he had to reinforce incessantly wouldn't happen in their friendship.

The next morning Meredith awoke a little groggy. Her eyes and throat burned from a long night of crying. She cleaned up the mess she had made with the bed and tissues and spent to rest of the day alternately cleaning and crying while she waited for Cristina to return.

Cristina walked into the house that evening completely unsure of what to expect. She found Meredith calmly sitting at the kitchen table staring into space.

"Mer?" She asked stepping into the kitchen. Meredith looked at her with a blank stare. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

"I had the world's best boyfriend and I screwed it up."

"Okay how about you be a little more specific."

"I was dating Derek Shepherd and he thinks I'm cheating on him with somebody else."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Then why the hell didn't you tell him that?!" Cristina demanded.

"Because he wouldn't listen to me."

Cristina got up and opened the liquor cabinet. She found a bottle of vodka and picked it up nodding towards the den. Meredith followed her into the den where Cristina offered the alcohol to Meredith who shook her head. "Okay don't say I didn't offer. I need the whole story." Meredith began telling her exactly what happened. Once she finished she picked up the bottle and took a healthy swig knowing she would feel the numbness before long.

"Have you called him at all since you left?"

"No. He hasn't called me." Meredith reasoned. Cristina continued to question her as they passed the bottle back and forth.

An hour later they were smashed. But it wasn't the usual fun and giggling they usually shared. That mood was replaced by bitching and man-bashing. Meredith was growing increasingly pissed at Derek, surprisingly leaving the tears and depression behind for the night.

"We should get blankets." Meredith suggested.

"And pillows." Cristina added. They both made their way to her bedroom changing into pajamas while they were there. Meredith picked up her phone and carried it with her in addition to the pillows she was given. They clumsily shoved a table to the side of the room and pushed the couch back, spreading the blankets on the floor

"What time is it?" Cristina asked after they finished.

"Derek's Cell." Meredith replied glancing at her phone.

"That's not a time." Cristina pointed out.

"But that's what my phone says right where it says the time."

"Is Derek calling you?"

"Ummm…" Meredith trailed off unsure.

"Damnit answer the phone."

"No I don't wanna talk to the asshole. Maybe he should listen." Meredith growled angrily.

Cristina accepted the logic and let it go. A few minutes later Cristina asked, "But why didn't it ring?"

"I think it's on silent. Yeah see there it goes again." Meredith explained holding up the flashing cell.

"What are you going to do when you go back home?" Cristina asked.

"I have no idea… This is all just a big mess."

"Why is he calling you? He seemed pretty pissed off from what you were saying."

"He probably figured out I wasn't in the house." Meredith said reasonably.

"Huh?"

"I left without saying anything to him. David left me a message saying he called the house and Derek said I was in my room. I had been gone for a while. He probably discovered the empty room and the missing car."

Cristina sighed sitting up against the couch waiting for her inebriated friend to follow suit. "Mer, I know I'm usually pretty hard on Derek and cynical about relationships in general, but Derek and you have always had a great bond. And now you're in this relationship with him."

"I was." Meredith interrupted.

"Shut up or I'm cutting you off from the booze." Cristina threatened. When Meredith didn't push any harder she continued, "I know both of you well enough to know that even if he was madder than hell at you, he would still be worried out of his mind about you." Meredith turned away from Cristina falling silently still. "Mer?" She asked.

Meredith glanced quickly at her. "I just don't know why he is so damn mad at me. I honestly wasn't doing anything wrong. I had a friend over to exchange gifts because we didn't have a chance at Christmas. And I was trying to tell him about Derek, but before I could he told me he wanted to get back together and tried to kiss me. That's when Derek walked in."

"You know." Cristina began. "Think about how Derek must feel. How would you feel if you walked into your house and found Derek and Addison all cozy on the couch. You would probably get pissy and yell. Same as he did. And what did you do? You ran away. I'm not blaming you. I'm blaming both of you."

"But.."

"No!" Cristina enforced. "Let's stop talking about it. Maybe we should just put in a movie and forget about it for a while. We can figure it all out in the morning.

So they did just that. Meredith, of course, couldn't just forget. But she did manage to stop talking about it and eventually relaxed into a light sleep. Cristina fell into a deeper sleep not long after the movie began.


	25. Chapter 24

The next morning the girls awoke to terrible hangovers. They grumbled as they stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. Once it was made Meredith poured Cristina a cup and handed it to her.  
"You are the vilest whore to ever walk the earth." Cristina declared.  
"I probably am." Meredith agreed taking a sip out of her own mug.   
They finished their coffee, but remained at the table for a while trying to make the pounding and swirling subside. As the coffee crashed into their system both headed for the bathroom. They remained their together puking violently for the next few hours. Once the nausea calmed Meredith gathered her toiletries to take a shower. She finished and Cristina took her shower.  
By lunch the girls managed to force down some food. Meredith packed her things and thanked Cristina for being there and helping her out. Then she climbed into her car and headed back to Charlottesville.  
The last half hour of the drive was the worst. She knew she should call Derek and let him know she was alive. But she didn't want to talk to him quite yet, especially when she had to face him in no time at all. She left her phone on silent and ignored its existence. Denial always worked for her.  
But finally she arrived at their house and could no longer deny the real world. She turned the engine off, but remained seated for a moment long breathing deep before going into the house. When she couldn't stand it any longer she walked into the house and quietly slipped in the front door. Derek's car was in the drive so she knew he was here somewhere. But he wasn't in the den. She carried her bag to her room and glanced into his room. Still no Derek. She returned down the stairs and checked the kitchen. But it was empty too. The only place left was the office. She silently made her way down the hallway and could hear him tapping at keys. Not wanting to disturb him and being too much of a coward, she sat down leaning against the wall facing the closed door and decided to wait for him to emerge.  
Derek was in his office working on the UMYF plans for the week. He grew hungry and decided to head to the kitchen and make dinner for himself. When he opened the door he was met with a familiar pair of legs. The body attached to those legs was fast asleep leaned up against the wall. Relief flooded his body when he realized she was home safe and sound. He was battling the compulsion he felt to be angry with her and the love he knew he couldn't stop. He nudged her with his foot waking her up.  
"Derek." She yawned tiredly. "We need to talk." He looked at her expectantly. Out of habit she reached her hand up to him for him to help her up off of the ground. And just as much out of habit he pulled her up to her feet neither immediately releasing their intertwined hands. He looked down at their hands a split second later, causing Meredith to remove her hand from his almost shamefully. She pulled away wrapping her arms around herself. Derek walked into the den and settled at one end of the couch and she settled on the other facing him.  
"Derek, you have to believe me when I say that there is absolutely nothing going on between me and David besides the friendship that's always been there."  
"That's what worries me. The relationship you guys have always had is friends. But you have always been willing to change that the moment he was willing. You love him. Same as I would have jumped at the chance to have Addison back."  
"Der things change. David and I tried. And we failed. And now there's you."  
"It looked like I was forgotten about at your house and then again Wednesday night. There being another guy was sure to make David jealous."  
"I hadn't told him about that yet."  
"Why hadn't you?"  
"Well because I was trying to Wednesday, but then he told me he wanted me back." Meredith tried to explain.  
"And so that's when you kissed him."  
"I did not kiss him!"   
"It didn't look like you were telling him you didn't want him back."  
"Well I was kind of interrupted before I could get to that."  
"So it's my fault?"  
"No."  
"Is it your fault?"  
"No. It's not mine either."  
"Then whose is it Meredith's? Nobody's? Because that would be really convenient." Derek declared nastily.  
"I don't know whose fault it is. I know that I was trying to tell David that I was involved with you that night. And I know that I wasn't about to let anything happen with David. And you came in and jumped to the wrong conclusions." Meredith shot back at Derek. Derek started to open his mouth to reply, but Meredith cut him off. "I know it looked bad. But you should trust me. We've been friends for years and years. You should know to trust me."  
"You make it awfully hard sometimes."  
"You don't make everything a piece of cake either."  
"So where does this leave us?"  
"Damned if I know."  
"Well what are we doing here? What do you want?" Derek asked.  
"I want to try again. But I don't want to if you don't think you can trust me to do this. Because I trust you with my life, same as ever. And I thought you felt the same. I guess not though."  
"You didn't exactly appear angelic either time you were with David."  
"Everything we did was completely innocent. I was hanging out with a friend. Absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary."  
"Mer you can't lounge in bed with guys while you're dating somebody else or make them dinner with your boyfriend due home at any moment." Derek explained.  
"How am I supposed to know these things? I was just doing what I've always done." Meredith defended.  
Derek grew thoughtfully quiet as he considered what she had just said. She was right. She had never been in a long term relationship. She had always kept things short and sweet waiting for David. Derek stood up walking away from the couch. Nervously Meredith drew her legs up to her chest as she watched Derek pace silently. He ran his hand through his hair and after a moment stopped moving to gaze at Meredith.

"Mer, what is it exactly you feel for David?"

"He is one of my three best friends in the world. But I don't love him like I used to."

"When did your feelings change?"

"After he dumped me. We started hanging out together after we made up. That's when things changed. It all just changed. He stopped being David and became just David."

"Just David?"

"Yeah didn't you reach that point with Addison where you just didn't think of her like that anymore?" She asked.

Derek considered it for a moment. He had reached that point. It took forever, but he had found it. And things just changed. Not in an instant. Looking back on it he could see the gradual progression, but as it happened it had seemed instantaneous.

"Yeah you know what I did." He answered. He returned to the couch and gently settled down beside her. After a moment of stillness Meredith reached her hand out to rest it on his knee.

"Der?" She asked questioningly.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I should have just seen it…or listened to you."

"No you were justified." Meredith countered. "I should have realized how all of it looked. Der, I swear I didn't mean for anything like this to happen. I was just hanging out with a friend. It's just, you know I haven't done this before; I'm in way over my head. You have to help me."

"I guess we know we need to talk more." Derek suggested.

"Funny considering that for years we talked more than I talked to any other person."

"Must just be one of those pesky details that nobody bothers to mention about relationships."

"Must be it." Meredith agreed softly. "So what happens now?" She asked.

"You should scoot a little closer." Derek recommended. Meredith obliged moving from her end of the couch to Derek's. "Okay. Now I'm going to kiss you. And it's not going to make everything magically better, but it'll be a start." He explained leaning his face towards hers.

"Wait, are we done fighting?"

"Yeah pretty much. Unless you can think of any reason to keep fighting."

"No I just want to be happy."

"Happy?" He asked. She nodded in response, "Oh I can do happy." He assured her taking her mouth in his and gently kissing away any remnants of their fight. Meredith melted into his arms kissing him back with the same passion. She carefully placed her hand on his chest, but gripped his shirt when she felt him pull away from her.

"No." She breathed into him. She switched their positions dominating him until he was reclining on the couch and she was straddling his waist. She pushed his hair back from his face eagerly finding his mouth.

Eventually Meredith found a comfortable place on his chest and snuggled into him pulling a blanket over herself. Derek picked up the remote and flicked through the stations until he found something decent. Then he returned his to Meredith who was drifting off. He tried to sit up but she whimpered the slightest sigh and clutched into his chest again. He wrapped his arms securely around her slight body. He turned on his side and cuddled her to him relishing the warmth against his body she provided.

"Everything may not be back to normal." He whispered in her ear. "But this makes it a million times better." He kissed her forehead and drifted off himself for a late afternoon nap.


	26. Author's Note 2

Authors Note:

First off let me apologize. I'm very sorry if I have offended anybody. I honestly did not mean to at all. I'm extremely sorry if Meredith and Derek grossed you out in any way at all. I know he's a youth minister and she _was_ a youth. That's the premise that this entire story is based on. BUT, and I mean this more sincerely than anything, it is not meant to be looked at as the youth director seduced a little girl. Not at all. They met when Mer was in middle school and he was in college. Absolutely no romantic interest there. They just both took part in the same ministry, organizing events designed to help youth in the area learn and grow in Christ. Derek moved away. Meredith grew up. They became friends. Now Mer's an adult and she moves in with her best friend. Now come on I know some of you have lived with your best friends before. Everything was innocent and platonic. She did him a favor. Went to Addison's wedding with him so he wouldn't be along. Good friend thing to do. Then they fell in love. Not ten years before. Not him as a dirty old man and her as a little kid. It's like meeting your best friend at a soccer game when you're a kid and one day a long time after deciding that you love them.

They've been friends for a decade. And in that time they've developed some inside jokes. One of them happens to be that he calls her princess. I don't mean it in a dirty way or even in a parental way. It's a joke between them.

I'm sorry guys.


	27. Chapter 25

"Hey Mer." Derek greeted as Meredith came out of the bathroom in her robe a few weeks after their fight. They were just getting used to their schedules again as she was three weeks into her spring semester.

"What's your day like?" Meredith asked from the doorway, laughing to herself as he left the bathroom door open so they could talk, but leaving his boxers on until he had drawn the shower curtain. Yes they were a pair of youth leaders.

"What's so funny?" He asked turning on the water. When she didn't answer he began again. "Kinda long. Staff meeting in the am. Meeting at ive. And then bible study tonight with the senior highs. How's yours?"

"Morning classes. Then I have the last of those meetings." She said referring to a series of meetings she had been interpreting for that week.

"No bible study?"

"No bible study."

He stuck his head out of the curtain and saw her leaning against the doorway. "Do you want to eat lunch together?" he asked. "I can't just not see you all day. Vacation spoiled us." She nodded moving towards him, kissing him softly. Then she went to her room to get ready for her day.

Once she was ready she started to walk downstairs, but heard Derek moving in his room. She knocked lightly on his door waiting for him to call before she opened it. She found him still getting ready without a shirt on, sitting on the bed. She climbed across the bed putting a leg on either side of him. She wrapped her arms around him and placed her cheek to his bare back breathing deeply. After a few moments she let her hands drop to rest on his thighs. He covered her hands with his intertwining their fingers.

"Can't we play hookie?" She asked.

"No." He replied softly. "But we have a little time now." He turned around laying her down on his bed and hovering above her. She pulled him down beside her so that he was cuddling her. He kissed her ear burying his face in her long hair. Something had changed in her since their fight. She wasn't as giggly, more mature. That wasn't it. She had always been mature. Serious? Maybe. He continued to think about it as he nibbled on her ear.

"Derek." She whispered insistently. When he didn't listen he pulled his face to his hers and got his attention. "I need to go to class." He pouted cutely, but she ignored him getting up out of bed.

"Hookie sounds good now." He called after her. She laughed and ran out of the house.

The rest of the morning passed slowly. Finally her professor ended her last class. As she was hurrying out of the building one of the guys stopped her. It was a friend that she often ate lunch with. He was also working on his masters in French.

"Hey Mer, I was wondering if you'd like to maybe catch a coffee with me some time this week. Or maybe even dinner." He said in a way that made her unsure if it was a date or not.

"Oh uh, I'm kinda seeing somebody." She said carefully.

"Hmm, I thought you had broken up with your boyfriend."

"What? No. It was just a fight."

"Well it could be just dinner." He offered.

"No I don't think so." She said simply knowing she wasn't going to fall into that trap again. They said their goodbyes and Meredith found her car. She fumbled through her purse with one had until she found her phone. She called in an order from the Chinese place down the street from Derek's church. By the time she got there her order was ready. She stopped into a convenience store and picked up some thing to drink.

"Der you ready for lunch?" She asked when he picked up his phone. "Come meet me in the parking lot."

She parked the car and got out as she saw him walking out of the back of the church. She pulled the food out of the back seat and set it on the trunk. He held his hand out to her and pulled her in for a quick hug. "Mmmm. This all smells good." He commented. He picked up the food and offered his free hand to her. She grabbed the drinks and followed him inside.

"Hi Donna." Meredith called to the secretary. Derek released her hand and took the drinks from her to put all of it in his office.

"Hello Darling. How are your classes going?"

"Great. I love them. It's so much fun." She answered as Derek slipped his arm around her.

"Take care and I'll see you Sunday." Donna told her as Meredith leaned into Derek. They walked into his office while the associate pastor walked up to Donna.

"Are they together?" She asked Donna.

"I'm not sure. I don't think so."

"If that's the way he acts with one of his former youth it could mean trouble for him."

Donna tsked her away, but she continued. "And if he's dating her that would mean trouble too. I'm sure the board wouldn't take too kindly to one of our staff living with his girlfriend."

"He seems happy. Isn't that what matters?"

"You know as well as I do that church politics do not take his happiness into consideration." Donna agreed with her and stood up to use the copier.

"I did not want you to leave this morning." Derek told her with a devilish grin.

"I'm sorry. I had classes. You had work. We're adults."

"Bad word bad word." He teased wrapping one arm around her waist and dropping kisses all over her face and neck. She giggled trying to escape from him, but he added another arm.

"Let me go!" She demanded.

"Mmmm. No." He replied. "I don't want to let you go."

"What about lunch?" She asked

"You stand still." He said. He set everything up for lunch. He settled on the floor and tugged on the leg of her jeans. He pulled her into his lap.

"Derek do you have…" A man asked opening the door to his office. "Oh uh I'm sorry." He stammered. Meredith quickly slid off of Derek's lap.  
"It's okay John. What do you need?" Derek asked addressing the senior pastor of the church. He stood up and offered Meredith his hands to pull her to her feet also.  
"Nothing. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to lunch with the rest of us. But it looks like you already have that covered." He said eyeing Meredith.  
"Yeah. A little work picnic. You've met Meredith before." He offered.  
"Your roommate?"  
"My girlfriend now too."  
"Oh." John said surprised. "Well I'm going to meet with the rest of the staff."  
"Bye John." Derek said as he left. He nodded to Meredith who smiled politely at him.  
Once he left and Derek shut the door behind him, Meredith pushed his chest. Derek rubbed the spot she had just shoved. "Oww. What was that for?" He asked  
"You should have told him we were dating. It can only mean trouble."  
"Or it could mean absolutely nothing. I'm not going to lie to my boss." He said giving her a look. She returned it and he laughed kissing her nose.  
"Fine then." Meredith muttered settling back down on the floor. He joined her and they finished their lunch.

That night Derek was sitting in a circle of senior highs chatting before they began their weekly bible study.

"Where's Meredith?" One of the girls asked. They had gotten used to having Meredith around youth stuff.

"She had work. One of her interpreting clients had some evening meetings this week. A conference of some sort." Derek answered.

"I saw on facebook you're not single anymore. You going to tell us who it is?" Another girl asked.

"Uh…Why don't we just get started?" Derek tried.

"Not we want to know. Tell us." The girls begged.

"Is she hot?" the guys asked. Derek ignored them trying to get them to start.

"Maybe Meredith will tell us." Somebody pointed out.

"I saw she isn't single anymore either."

"Did it say who?"

"Nope."

"Derek do you know who it is?" They asked him.

"Of course I do, but I'm not sharing that with you. It's Meredith's choice whether or not she tells you these things." He explained.

Eventually they got bored and Derek was able to take control of the group. Once they left the church Derek slowly made his way to his car. When his youth had confronted him he shied away. He had always been happy to share with his youth. His experiences past and present were often open to his youth. He was unsure of why he had denied Meredith. He just wanted to go home and bounce his turmoil over this off of her.

He stopped in the grocery store and picked up some of their favorite ice cream. Then he drove to their house. When he got home he walked into the kitchen and scooped two bowls of ice cream to take to Meredith. He checked the rest of the downstairs and couldn't find her. So he headed upstairs and could hear her television.

He opened the door wider and silently crossed the room to her bed. He handed her a bowl and began to eat. Meredith was unsure of what was wrong, but followed Derek's lead and ate her ice cream.

When they finished Meredith took the bowls and sat them aside on her nightstand. Derek reached for her and she eagerly slipped into his embrace. He buried his face in her neck and hair, breathing deeply. He let his hands explore her face and body reminding himself of who he was with. Meredith let her hands trail across his back comfortingly.

"Derek you should talk to me." Meredith whispered. She placed a kiss on his temple that he accepted gratefully. He lifted his head to gaze into her eyes. He nudged his face towards hers, his nose skimmed hers. She tilted her head and waited for his lips to press down against hers. But they didn't come. She looked at him deeply wanting to comfort him, but unable to figure out how. She instinctively wanted to protect him from his. She pulled him to her chest and leaned back into her pillows so that he had his ear and face to her chest. When he did that for her it always helped.

Sure enough his breathing steadied into deep slow breaths. He was relaxed by the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest combined with the sound of her heartbeat. She rubbed his head letting her nails drag across his scalp lightly. In response he pressed a sweet kiss to the breast his head was resting on.

After a few minutes he sat up and sighed. "Okay. So I was with the senior highs this evening before the bible study. And they asked who I was dating because they saw it on facebook. I wouldn't answer them. Then they asked me about you and I told them that it was your choice to tell them." He explained. Meredith nodded for him to continue. "I didn't want to tell them because I've never been for living together before marriage and I don't wan them to believe I'm okay with that or pre-marital sex because I'm not."

"I know and neither am I."

"But I felt ashamed to admit it to my youth. We aren't doing a thing wrong, but I don't think anybody else will really understand that. I've never withheld anything like that from my youth." He admitted. Meredith rubbed his thigh comfortingly. "How should we handle this? The staff definitely knows and you know it's going to leak out. I don't want the youth to think I was hiding it. But I don't want the parents to think I'm advertising something that's morally sketchy to their kids."

"Derek I don't know. I've never dealt with anything like this either."

"Do we want to tell them?" He asked.

Again Meredith shrugged. "I think we probably should. Maybe we should talk to them about relationships and sex and all of that in the next few weeks. I'm sure they've all got an interest in that. And you need a guy/girl team to handle all of it."

"But what about us living together? What happens when we address that and they say 'but you're doing it."

"Hmmm…I don't know." Meredith considered. "Der it's going to be okay. We didn't lie to them and we haven't done anything wrong. We're just waiting until we're both together." Derek nodded to her giving her a shaky McDreamy smile.

"Thank you Meri-death." He whispered. She smiled sweetly at him. He pulled her to him cuddling together under her comforter.


	28. Chapter 26

Derek laid still for a while watching his girlfriend long after she had fallen asleep. He wasn't sleepy himself, but not ready to leave the room. He looked at Meredith, pulling back a bit so he could see her.  
He had known her forever, it felt like. His entire adult life. She had been just a kid when they met. Tiny. Skinny. Nervous. Shy. She had come to a meeting and rehearsal that his youth were holding. Well they weren't his youth at the time. He was only an assistant in college. Richard was the director. He had been leading the youth in practice. Derek was standing near the doorway watching it all go on. Miranda, Meredith's pastor, had walked into the room greeting Derek and taking a seat on the couch. Meredith trailed in quietly behind her, sitting next to her, opening her book and reading without another glance to what was going on around her. Miranda introduced her to Richard and Richard introduced her to Derek. She stood up to shake Richard's hand, but Derek pulled her into a hug without another thought. She immediately stiffened and pulled away. They talked through the practice together while Miranda and Richard chatted away about some new resolution the district had proposed. She was reserved at first. Derek noticed her hands trembling and asked her about it.  
"I haven't eaten today. Forgot to with church and then this meeting." She responded. So Derek led her downstairs to the kitchen and found something she would eat. In the quiet of the kitchen she began to open up, revealing things about herself. Derek ate them up, listening with a sympathetic ear. The bond was foraged. For the next ten years they would talk almost daily. Derek knew that he knew more about Meredith than any other soul, possibly more than she knew about herself. There was a comfort and a trust between them. In fact when she left that meeting she had hugged him goodbye smiling over her shoulder as she made her way to the car with Miranda.  
That was years ago. He had seen Mer every which way since then. Happy, sad, depressed, heartbroken. He had been there and experienced everything right with her. Very rarely did he see her completely relaxed. Of course she was always comfortable around him. And she did relax, but only to a certain degree. Looking at her in this moment asleep and snuggled up to his side he couldn't believe what he held. A secure Meredith. And as he thought back since they had started dating he had been seeing more and more of this Meredith. She was happy and content. Things he had always strived to provide for her, but never managed until now.  
It seemed almost an oxymoron. When things got the scariest and the most unstable Meredith felt the most secure. As friends there was no way that Derek would ever leave her side, but romantic relationships were fickle. A fight or a misunderstanding could conceivably tear her world apart. This thought began to pick at him. Finally it started to exhaust him. He slipped out of the bed and tucked the covers tightly around her sleeping form. He bent low to drop and light kiss on her temple. He whispered goodnight and set the sleep timer on her tv, tip-toeing out of the room before she could awake.

The following week Derek was walking down the hallway to his office. He had 20 minutes. until the staff meeting and he needed to find a folder he had left in there.  
"Derek. You got a minute?" John asked from the doorway.  
"Sure thing." He asnswered indicating that John should take a seat in one of the empty chairs.  
"I'm a little concerned about your friendship with Meredith. Is it true that she's a youth of yours?"  
"Yes. When I was a volunteer in college I worked with Meredith for a couple of years. But that's been quite some time."  
"And more recently?"  
"We've been friends. I moved away and she finished high school. In her college days we lived near one another. It's pretty much been just that." Derek explained lightly.  
"How did you both end up here together?"  
"Quite an accident." Derek asaid with a chuckle. "Both made decisions on our own. And we discovered the other's plans one night over dinner. We were going out to celebrate grad school acceptance. She was accepted every where she applied." He added, loving to brag about her. John nodded vaugely. "By the time we lived near enough to do more than e-mail occasionally she was an adult. Different dynamic than any of my other youth." He found his folder and straightened up the mess he had created looking for it. "John what is this about?"   
"I'm worried about parents' reactions when they find out about this relationship..." He replied solemly. "And I want to take care of this situation." 

Derek stood in front of John, still unsure of what exactly was in story for this conversation. But after a lifetime in the church he had an inkling. He sighed and took a deep breath. "So what needs to happen?"

"Mer we have to talk." Derek texted her that evening after his talk with John. Within moment his phone rang with a reply from her.

"We always need to talk. It's a perpetual issue for us, because while we love to talk we never actually get around to talking about our relationship. Doesn't help that I'm an avoider and you're a peace maker." He read chuckling to himself as he did. He waited a moment trying to decide how to respond. Apparently he took too long because his phone rang again. "Well, we gonna talk or what!?"

"I'm driving to the studio. Meet me there as soon as you can get there." He texted her, knowing she would know what he meant.

Meredith looked at her phone completely confused. The studio? She assumed he was referring to her old dance studio. Her mother had always despised Derek. He was never really welcome. So if Meredith ever really needed to see him they met there just to be safe and out of a small sliver of respect to Ellis. The owner of the studio was a woman in the church who knew both of them. She had no problem with her place of business being turned into their hide-away after hours. Madame Veronique Noelle kept a close eye on Meredith as she was growing up. Ellis was always at work and Meredith was always at the studio dancing. She had a passion and a talent for ballet. She worked hard and once had a dream of dancing professionally.

Meredith packed a small bag of a few things she figured they would need if they were indeed going to resurrect their old studio nights. She was almost out of the door when she ran back upstairs. Rummaging around the bottom of her closet she found her old dance things, knowing she couldn't be in the studio and not dance. She grabbed them and hurried out to her car and left.

Derek arrived at the studio around eight that night. He had called Veronique and cleared it all with her. The last class was ending when he got there. He watched as slim teens wearing baggy overshirts, tights, and flip flops wearily filed out of the studio. Veronique greeted him warmly, explaining where things were and passed him a key. Then she left him alone with his thoughts.

He wandered into the main classroom. Flicking on the lights he dragged a mat into the middle of the room. Shrugging off his coat he balled it up and used it as a pillow as he laid down on the mat and thought back to the first time he had been in the studio.

_After receiving a call from an old friend he had driven from Durham to Veronique's studio after his classes. It was getting to be late in the evening, but Veronique was worried about a student of hers who was also a good friend of Derek's. He was unsure of how exactly he was going to help, after all he was only a grad student, not really qualified to be in this position, but Miranda, Meredith's pastor, was out of town and he didn't know who else he could trust to make sure one of his favorite youth was okay. _

_Veronique had told him Meredith was dropping weight quickly from her already slender athletic frame. She seemed withdrawn and depressed. And she was throwing herself into rehearsals for the upcoming performance. Derek had not even seen Meredith for a year and a half, not since his graduation party. He had been at school. They e-mailed, but that was their only communication. He could tell Meredith was getting down about something, but she seemed to be reasonably okay. And he trusted her to come to him if she needed him. _

_He slipped into the studio silently. He followed the sound of the classical music he heard into a classroom. He only opened the door a sliver and watched the scene before him without being noticed by instructor or student. _

_"Meri I think that you have this. Maybe you should go home and get some rest." Veronique suggested to the young girl. "Won't your mother be worried when you aren't home by now?"_

_"My mother won't notice. Please Madame Noelle can I just stay by myself then?" _

_"I'll stay with you for a bit longer." Veronique said, pointing a remote at the stereo to restart the music from the beginning. Derek watched as Meredith fluttered to the center of the room to get into position. Holding her arms gracefully beside her and pointing her toe she closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. He could see her mouth moving as she counted the beats before she began. _

_"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight." Veronique counted off as Meredith began to dance. Meredith spun around and came out of it leaping into the air. "Watch your left arm in the pirouette, you're letting it drop in the second turn before your jeté." The older woman called. "That's it there you go. And port de bras. Nice, nice, bourée bourée. Turn out!" She emphasized as Meredith tiredly stopped to catch her breath. "In your arabesque you're letting your leg be lazy. Watch." She said as she demonstrated the proper turn out for the arabesque. Meredith gave a little cough as she took her position again in the center of the room. _

_"Non non ma petite ballerina. Nous finissons pour la nuit." Veronique ordered in her native tongue, knowing Meredith understood all the same. She was ready to go having caught sight of Derek at the door. "I will see you tomorrow, Meredith. Make sure you warm down." She placed a kiss on the young dancer's head. "Get some rest, Meri." She walked towards the door, but Meredith's eyes did not follow her. She made her way to the barre to warm down. Derek noticed how thin and frail she seemed as she did. _

_"She's all yours now." Veronique whispered when Derek gave her a hug hello. "Take good care of her." He nodded as she patted his back and walked out of the door. _

_He walked to the center of the room and waited for her to notice his presence as she did her pliés. After a few minutes she pulled up on her tip toes in a relevée and turned to do her pliés in the other direction. But she caught sight of Derek in the middle of the room. _

_"Derek!" She said excitedly. "Think you can catch me?" She asked. He smiled as danced on her toes around the room before suddenly taking a flying leap towards him. He caught her awkwardly and set her back on her feet. She immediately rose back to her toes, raising a pointed foot to his face, giggling. He went to grab at it and she pulled it away turning into a triple pirouette landing with one foot extended behind her and one arm gracefully offered to him bouncing from demi back up onto her toe until her leg buckled. Derek quickly caught her and lifted her from her feet. _

_"I'm fine." She insisted. "I need to warm down." _

_"No more dancing?" He asked, not wanting her to hurt herself._

_"No more dancing tonight." She smiled. He set her on her down and she made her way back to the barre. He watched silently as she finished the routine that she went through at least twice a day. Once she finished she pulled an old mat from the corner of the room and placed it in the center. She sat down and invited him to do the same. _

_When he saw her wince as she drew her leg to herself to take of her pointe shoes he carefully took her foot in his own hands. "How do I get these off of you?" He asked with a smile. He found the small knot tucked beneath the ribbons. He untied it and unwound the ribbons from her leg. He tenderly slipped the shoe from her foot. She tried to pull her leg to herself before he noticed her foot, knowing he wouldn't understand. But she didn't move quickly enough._

_"Mer!" He gasped upon seeing the mangled feet of a dancer for the first time. The tape she had carefully placed over each toe had been rubbed bare and her feet were covered in blisters and bleeding in places. _

_"What?" She asked innocently. "Honestly Derek, every dancer's feet look this way." She explained with a smile. She allowed him to remove her other shoe before she stood up and began her first aid ritual. _

_"It doesn't explain the bruises." He pointed out indicating the dark marks around her ankles still not satisfied._

_"Derek. I play soccer. A lot of soccer. And we had a game yesterday. Of course I'm going to have bruises. Why are you here anyway?" She asked confused._

_"Because Veronique is worried about you." He said matter of factly._

_"Madame Noelle? Oh don't listen to her. I'm fine. Honestly. I just love dancing, so I'm here a lot." She tried to explain._

_"I don't really buy that Meri-death." He replied softly. "Tell me what's going on." _

_"What do you mean?" _

_"I mean why are you rail thin? Why do I see healed cuts beneath your tights? Why didn't you give me a hug when you saw me? Why haven't you been e-mailing me? Why does your dance instructor think you're depressed?" He pressed._

_"I need to get some ice on my ankles." She said avoiding his questions. He followed her into the back room as she filled multiple back with ice and picked up a wand of what looked like a small section of plastic wrap. She placed a bag where she needed it and struggled with the wand, trying to secure the bag in place with the wrap. Derek took it from her and did it himself, securing bags on various places. _

_They walked back into the classroom and Derek patiently waited. Meredith sat down beside him on the old mat with her back facing him. After long moments of silence he heard her sigh. _

_"When I tell you these things you don't get to judge me, you don't get to advise me, you don't get to tell anybody anything." She said without looking at him. "You have to promise me." _

_"I promise." He said automatically regretting it instantly knowing that what she had to tell him may very well require him to tell somebody. _

Meredith arrived at the studio a while after Derek. She tried the front door and found it unlocked. She silently slipped into the dressing room and changed into tights and a leotard. She carefully slipped on her pointe shoes and tied the ribbons as she had done daily for years, but hadn't done at all in months. She stretched out her body cautiously pliéing and relevéeing, allowing her knees and ankles to crack and pop. When she was satisfied she opened the door to the classroom, finding Derek in the middle of the floor, laying on an old smelly mat.

"Think you can catch me?" She asked echoing the same question she had asked years before and every time they met at the studio after. Since that first night she had taught him how to catch her and lift her. A pas de deux101 as she jokingly called it. She danced around him for a moment waiting for him to step away from the mat. She leapt at him as he picked her body up above him, holding her high in the air effortlessly supporting her weight, slowly and deliberately lowering her towards the ground. She laughed softly at him before finding her seat on the mat.

"So what is it that we needed to travel this far away just so we could talk?" She asked.

"I didn't want to be in the house." He answered. "I thought that this was a good place for us to talk."

"About what though?" Meredith pressed.

"John asked to talk to me today." He began. Meredith didn't respond knowing it would only slow the explanation down. "He's concerned about the parents' reactions when they find out about us. And he worried about what the board may say about us living together."

"Did you explain to him that" Meredith tried to ask, but Derek cut her off.

"It doesn't matter. The fact is that we're dating and living together. How that came to be is unimportant. John has suggested that either one of us moves out, we end our relationship, or I quit."

"Or what happens?"

"We can let it go through the church and then it will make its way to the board where I'm sure to receive the same ultimatum."

"What do you want to do?"

"Whether we act now or let it go to the board we'll need to find separate places."

"You don't think the board will allow us to remain in the same house? I mean honestly. If we get separate apartments we'll still be together just as much only maybe a few nights a week we may be a house apart rather than just a room. It's none of their business anyway. Why do they care about your roommate?" Meredith vented.

"They care about you because you're also working with the youth." Derek explained patiently.

"What if I agreed not to work with the youth anymore?" She asked.

"That may make the situation none of their business, but why would you want to do that? I love having you on retreats with me and I love having you teach with me."

"I like living with you more."

"Mer, think about it this way. What if you keep the house and I get an apartment. That way we can both still have our own rooms at the house. You're right that we'd always be together anyway, but this way we would have our own spaces. In a few months after all the newness wears off we're

going to want our own space."

"I haven't grown tired of you yet and we've been living together since July. If I haven't gotten tired of you after seven months I don't think I am."

"Relationships are different than friendships." Derek tried, but Meredith looked at him stonily. "Meri-death, c'mon separate places really is the best idea."

"I have conditions."

"Of course you do." He teased earning a smack from Meredith.

"No more than ten minutes away. You have to promise you'll come any time I need you. Even if it's just to tell me goodnight. And if I need you to stay you have to stay. And you can't use your apartment to hole up in. Spending time with your girlfriend is an absolute must."

"Okay. The same goes for you." He said.

"Why didn't we just do this at home?" She asked yawning tiredly.

"Because I wanted to be here. I like watching you dance."

"You like what I'm wearing." She teased.

"Well now that you mention it, the attire's appealing in a way that it never was before." He laughed. She shoved him in the chest leaping to her feet and letting herself dance across the room. He remained on the mat watching her gracefully glide around the room elegantly tossing her body through the air.

After she had tired herself out she rejoined him on the mat breathing heavily. He wiped her sweaty face with a towel before he kissed her.

"All done?" Derek asked.

"All done." She replied catching her breath.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Not yet, but I will be. We should probably get home. It's getting rather late and we still have to drive back." Meredith reasoned. Derek agreed and stood up.

"I'm going to the car. I'll meet you out there." He said softly pressing a kiss to her lips. He left her to change into some regular clothes and get ready to leave. She did this quickly, but paused to leave a note for her old dance instructor, thanking her for her generosity to them. They left once Meredith was finished, driving back home, confident that they were making wise decisions about their future.


	29. Chapter 27

-1A couple of weeks passed since their studio night. Derek had been on the lookout for a place that met Meredith's stipulations, but was in no real hurry to find a place not having heard a final decision from the church. Derek had told the staff, asking them to keep it to themselves, and had then gone to the board to ask for their decision. The next evening was the board meeting where they would discuss what should be done about the Mer/Der situation.

But tonight was UMYF. The first night of their "sex and stuff" study. Meredith had classes all morning so Derek spent the day preparing for the evening. By the time Meredith met him at church he was tired of prepping on his own and was busying himself online while he waited for Meredith.

"Hey you." Meredith greeted him. She placed a kiss behind his ear as she walked around his desk. She pulled a chair up to his desk reading this screen over his shoulder. He nodded in acknowledgment, but didn't say anything to Meredith.

"You excited about telling them tonight?" He asked her after a moment.

"Yeah I really am. Feels like after tonight all of the important people in our lives will know."

"My family doesn't know yet."

"Maybe they do. Have you talked to Mark or Addison since the wedding."

"No Addison sent me an e-mail saying that the four of us should go out something, but nothing substantial."

"Yeah I got the same sentiment. Think she would have talked to Nancy? And Nancy was at the wedding."

"I haven't seen a pushy overwhelming sister since the wedding, so I really don't think she noticed."

"Hey now, I like Nancy!"

"Try growing up with her and three others." Derek grumbled.

"I wish I had." Meredith replied wistfully. Derek gazed at her with that comforting look that had always been reserved just for her. She flashed him a smile to let him know it was fine.

"You know what? Now you can have all of my sisters." He offered standing up form his desk to return a file to its drawer on the opposite wall.

"I can." Meredith echoed, "for now at least."

"Forever." Derek clarified firmly, but gently.

"Says who?" Meredith asked standing to challenge him.

"Says me!" Derek teased bending towards her capturing her lips for a moment. Once she relaxed he grabbed her, scooping her up as she struggled and giggled.

"Put me down!" She demanded with a shriek as she fought against his grip, making him tickle her all the more.

"Owww!" He cried nearly dropping her as he clutched his shoulder. "Biting!?" He asked causing her to nod proudly in response. "I'll give you biting!" He cuddled her body tightly to his own nipping at her shoulder, neck, and ears while she struggled to get away.

"Mmmm." She sighed taking a break from fighting him.

Within moments he found her mouth gently parting her lips with his. With a teasing smile he grasped her bottom lip with his teeth pulling at it, letting it slip through. She gave a giggle doing the same to him. He laughed at her giggle loving the melodic sound of it.

"Later." She whispered in his ear untangling herself until she was back on solid ground.

"I think you're kind of mean." Derek declared as he took his seat behind his desk.

"I am kind of mean." She agreed.

"I'm going to leave it to you to tell my mom." He threatened.

"Nope! You can handle that one. Maybe even by yourself."

"You scared?"

"You bet!" She replied. "Stealing a woman's little boy. Her only one at that. Especially one that's spent the last five years moping around after the same girl. And that girl has been in a serious relationship for like four years with somebody else."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"It means that she thought you were safely hers for a long time. Now here I come wrecking all of that. She's going to hate me. Think I had it all planned out from the moment we moved in together."

"Well didn't you!?" He asked, stepping out of her reach. "You know what I think?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me. Just like always." She teased, receiving a poke in the side.

"Of course I am." He sneered. "I think that my mom will be happy that I found somebody who makes me happy, as clichéd as that sounds. And I think that she'll be ecstatic to find somebody to take me off of her hands. You know with me being a whiney mopey little boy."

"You're my whiney sappy mopey little boy."

"And you're my butch." He said. This time he didn't move quick enough as Meredith punched him hard in the shoulder and kicked him in the shin. "Uncalled for." He declared.

"Same to you."

"If I promise to never call you butch again will you tell my mommy with me?" He asked.

"We'll see." She compromised.

"Can we get to work then?" He asked pretending to be exasperated. "Women!"

Later that night once they were ready to start teaching, Derek stood in front of the group trying to get their attention. Although he wasn't really trying, because if he was he would have already tried what Meredith was about to try. She smiled at his attempt to be sneaky before calling out, "Lord be with you."

"And also with you Mer-ah-dith" The group sing-songedly echoed back to her quieting down and turning their attention over to her.

"Guys I think Derek's ready for your captive audience." She pointed out.

"Thanks Mer. Mmmmk well she's right. It's time for us to get down to business, but before we start our study there's an announcement that should get made. A couple of weeks ago a few of you noticed a change in the relationship status' of both Meredith and myself, being the facebook fiends that you are. But what you failed to discover is that we are dating each other. "

The room erupted in squeals and gasps, the girls jumped up surrounding Meredith and Derek. The guys smiled and nodded, not as excited as the girls, but happy for their youth leaders all the same. Derek slipped an arm around her waist.

"When did it happen?" One of the girls asked.

"December 30." Derek answered without a moment's pause.

"Aww that's so sweet he remembers." The girls giggled. "How did it happen?"

"I'll let Meredith tell you guys in girl talk some other time before I embarrass myself further." Derek said with a grin.

"Bye Meredith. Bye Derek." The last of the youth called as they climbed into a car to head home. Derek turned back inside of the building to gather a few things that he had brought with him and picked up Meredith's purse as he turned out the lights and locked the doors. He slipped his hand into Meredith's, walking her out to her car. He opened her door for her and waited for her to get situated. He bent down to give her a quick kiss on her cheek.

"I'll see you at home in a minute?" Meredith asked.

He nodded whispering in her ear, "It's later."

"Almost." She replied closing her door. With that she pulled off into the night towards their house. Derek got into his car following her.

"It is most definitely later." Derek said over her shoulder as she unlocked the front door once they got home.

"Showers first."

"Kisses first."

"Go take your shower." Meredith told him pointing up the stairs. He did as he was told. Once he finished he ran her a bubble bath and lit a few candles. Then he came out of the bathroom calling for Meredith.

"Yeah Der?" She asked walking out of her room in a robe waiting on him to finish.

"Your turn." He told her. She pushed the door open to reveal what Derek had done. She squealed excitedly giving him a quick kiss. Then she skipped into the bathroom and shut the door right in his face. He chuckled to himself and went to his room to find something to wear.

Meredith soaked in the tub enjoying the time he had given her to chill out at the end of the day. She sighed as she lathered sweet smelling soap over her body.

"Hey Derek?" Meredith called.

"Yeah?" He asked through the door.

"You wanna do something incredible sweet for me?"

"Hmmmm. Probably not." He said off-handedly making Meredith giggle.

"Can you take my suitcases to the guest house. I can't get 'em in the closet so they're just sitting there and it's really starting to bother me."

"I'll see what I can do." He answered dryly. "I'm gonna go get some ice cream too." Meredith finished her bath and toweled off, slipping her robe back on and heading to her room. After she found her favorite lotion and smoothed it over her body she found her favorite pajama bottoms and a camisole that matched it. Then she blow dried her hair so that it fell in soft ringlets around her face and down her back.

By the time Derek returned she was sitting on the couch in the den watching television. He went to the kitchen and came back a few minutes later with two bowls of ice cream. He handed one to Meredith and sat down beside her on the couch. She snuggled beneath his arm and they settled down to eat their dessert.

_Seems like everyone else has a love just for them_

_I don't mind, we have such a good time, my best friend, _

_But sometimes well, I wish we could be more than friends._

_Tell me do you know?_

_Tell me do you know?_

_Oh…_

He set his empty bowl to the side, on the coffee table once he was finished and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head as he took in the scent of her. She smelled gorgeous, like a flower mixed with a sweet chocolate or candy. She silently passed him her bowl, that he placed right with his on the table.

"Mer?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

_I get so breathless when you call my name._

_I've often wondered, do you feel the same?_

_There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity when we're all alone._

_So don't tell me you can't see what I'm thinking of._

Meredith turned her head to gaze up at him her green eyes blazing. He placed his hand on the side of her face, pulling a stray strand of hair from across her eyes. He dragged his thumb tenderly along her cheek, smiling softly as he coaxed a smile from her irresistible lips.

_I can understand that you don't want to cross the line. _

_And you know I can't promise you things will turn out fine._

_But I have to be honest, I want you to be mine._

_Tell me do you know?_

_Tell me do you know?_

_Oh…_

He bent towards her face slowly, inching towards her lips as she closed her eyes and waited for his lips to land upon hers. They finally met causing Meredith to sigh deeply as he nibbled at her bottom lip, running his tongue along the crease between the two. She parted her lips, encouraging him to do the same. Her hands settled in his hair as his tongue mingled with hers.

_I get so breathless when you call my name._

_I've often wondered, do you feel the same?_

_There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity when we're all alone._

_So don't tell me you can't see_

_Oh!_

He shifted his body slipping a hand beneath her and behind her neck, lifting her from his right side to his left. He settled her bottom between him and the arm of the couch allowing her legs to lay across his lap. And he let her head rest against the arm of the couch. He pulled his face away from hers allowing his hands to explore her face and her hair, letting his fingers tangle in her locks, breathing deeply as her eyelashes brushed against his hand. Meredith waited patiently for him to finish his exploration, enjoying the feel of his warm soft skin as it danced over her face, knowing he would make this completely worth it as soon as he had his fill. She urged him on with her gaze utterly locked on his.

_Cause I've tried to do this right in your own time._

_I've been telling you with my eyes, my heart's on fire._

_Why don't you realize?_

_Tell me do you know?_

_Tell me do you know?_

_I get so breathless…_

Finally he did grow tired of study of her face. He bent towards her slowly, relishing every moment of this. Rather than waiting for him, Meredith took charge slipping a hand around the back of his neck and urgently pulling him towards her until they met once more. She found his lips and gave them the same treatment he give her, nipping at his lip when he tried to take control. She took her time, moving slowly, enjoying the slow, easy pace he was allowing her to set.

_I get so breathless when you call my name._

_I've often wondered, do you feel the same?_

_There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity when we're all alone._

_So don't tell me you can't see what I'm thinking of._

Derek couldn't take it anymore and had to slip his tongue into her mouth. She moaned a small protest, causing him to smile into the kiss, but allowed him to continue. Their tongues dueled, fighting for control as their hands wandered freely across the others face, drifting into their hair, and across their chests. Derek ran his thumb across the strip of exposed skin where her camisole and pajamas didn't quite meet at the moment. She jumped as electricity coursed through her body stemming from where his thumb grazed. In return Meredith slipped her hands beneath his shirt trailing her fingers along his back, needing to touch his skin. He tugged at her lip and he felt her fingernails tighten against his skin sending a jolt down his spine.

"My God Meredith, you're beautiful." Derek whispered as he drew back to look at the woman before him. She smiled softly at him, as if unsure whether to believe him. He made her feel beautiful, and he was always telling her this, but she didn't believe it. "You are." He breathed into her neck, reading her thoughts as he left a path of hot kissed over her exposed skin. She pulled his hovering body towards her own, deftly switching their positions. He allowed her to straddle his waist as he relaxed against the sofa. She kissed her way along his neck to his mouth, kissing him deeply for a long moment before stretching the length of her body on top of his. He wound his arms securely around her. And she snuggled into his body finding the spot on his chest that her head was made for. She sighed happily and he breathed in the top of her head.

_I get so breathless when you call my name._

_I've often wondered, do you feel the same?_

_There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity when we're all alone._

_So don't tell me you can't see what I'm thinking of…_

"Derek?" She whispered quietly.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Talk to me." She requested, wanting to hear his comforting voice. Wanting to feel the vibrations through his chest, knowing that all of this would lull her into the sweetest sleep.

"Would you like a story?" He asked. She nodded into his chest. "Okay my dear. Once. A long long time ago. In another land far from this one there lived a tiny little princess. And this tiny little princess had many many talents. She could dance more gracefully than any other princess who ever lived. And she could play soccer harder than any little prince she came across. And she was the most beautiful princess in all the land with her deep long auburn hair and her firey green velvet eyes. " He began, tugging the blanket that laid across the back of the couch onto their bodies. She made a happy little "mmph" sound as the blanket warmed her body. He continued his story until her breathing deepened into an even steady flow. Even after he knew she was asleep he continued to hold her, not wanting to wake her, not wanting to let her go. Before he knew it he too was asleep on the couch soothed into relaxation by the rise and fall of the tiny little sprite that rested on his own chest. They remained just like that holding one another, uninterrupted the entire night through.


	30. Chapter 28

-1The next morning Derek wandered slowly into the kitchen where Meredith stood at the counter.

"G'morning Der." She greeted softly passing him a cup of coffee that she had just finished pouring.

"Mmmm. Tastes so good." He thanked her sinking down onto a stool at the island.

"So today's the day." Meredith pointed out after a moment.

"Yes it is." He replied giving her a look. "May be our last legal cup of coffee together."

"Derek don't tease." She said upset by his joke.

"Don't worry my dear. Illegal coffee tastes even better." He said dropping a kiss on the top of her head as he passed her.

"Cute." She muttered annoyed as he shook his butt, walking into the den.

"So what's gonna, I mean, how are they…" Meredith asked from the doorway of the bathroom while Derek was brushing his teeth.

"During the board meeting they'll just give us their decision. Whether we stay here or find separate places. Just one of the subjects on the plate for tonight. Not a big deal." Derek answered smoothly.

"Aren't you nervous?" She asked.

"Nope. I'm willing to comply with any of their suggestions. No reason not to. Mer calm down." She was fidgeting and shaky. She shook her head no. "Princess go to class. Then we'll eat a late lunch. Is three okay? Your choice." He offered trying to comfort her, but she didn't respond except for a small nod.

They walked out of the front door together both ready to leave, but Meredith was silent and sullen. Derek sighed and stopped Meredith by her car.

"I'm going to worry about you all day long now." He said quietly a she loaded herself into her car.

"Don't. I'm fine." She said with a grin. "I'm just a brat. All your fault." Then she shut the door and backed out of the driveway.

"Meanie." He texted her once he got on the road himself. "You didn't even kiss me goodbye."

"Tant pis." Was her response. They both laughed at each other and turned their attention to the long day ahead.

A few hours later Meredith's classes were over and she drove back to the house to do some housework before the board meeting. She gathered their dirty laundry and started a load. Next she returned all the misplaced items throughout the house to their homes as she dusted. Then she tackled the bathrooms. And after that the kitchen. Finally she vacuumed and mopped the floors. Once she washed away the bleachy smell from her hands as best as she could she relaxed on the couch, but before she knew it she was fast asleep.

Derek unlocked the house finding Meredith asleep on the couch as he walked in. he knelt down in front of her smoothing her hair out of her face, waking her up gently.

"Silly girl, we were supposed to eat lunch together. What's with the not calling and not answering your phone?" He whispered. She closed her eyes again, really not awake yet, and ran her hands through his hair. "You smell like bleach." He commented. "Is that what you were doing? Cleaning rather than eating lunch?"

"Not the momma!" She groaned boinking him on the forehead.

"Get up right now, you pitifully overtired soul. Up! Up! Up!" He demanded smacking her butt.

"Derek! Leave me alone" She whined.

"No, I will not. You need to get up right now. Stop being pitiful and sullen. This is not he end of the world. It is the right thing to do. Statistically people who cohabitate before marriage have a higher divorce rate"

"Marriage?" Meredith asked still half-asleep. "What? Why are we talking about marriage?"

"I'm just saying."

"Saying what?"

"Saying." He answered.

"Derek…" She sighed sitting up, pulling her legs up Indian-style

"There you go with the pitifulness." He pointed out scooting closer to her, resting an elbow on each of her knees as he balanced still crouching. Meredith sighed and rolled her eyes. Derek fingered the hem of her shirt waiting patiently for her next move, but she was content to sit in silence, waking up from her nap.

"You need to eat. You're hungry." Derek told her as her stomach growled.

"No I'm not." She replied pushing his hands away and laying back down, pulling a blankey over herself. "Don't tell me what I am and what I need to do."

"What would you like me to do then?" He asked. She scooted over a few inches in a silent invitation. "I don't think so." She turned her back to him in response to his refusal, but Derek had a better idea. He slipped his arms underneath her, picking her up. He carried her up the steps depositing her in her bed. He disappeared downstairs to find Breakfast at Tiffany's and returned slipping it into her dvd player. Then he got into bed beside her. She wrapped him around her gratefully, relaxing into his chest.

"Look they don't live together." Derek pointed out.

"But she's a call girl and he's kept by another woman." Meredith countered. "I don't think I want our relationship compared to that."

"She is not a hooker. I have watched this movie with you more than once and I have seen no hooker-ing."

"It's because you don't pay any attention."

'I pay attention. How is she a hooker?"

"Uh she sleeps with men for money."

"Nuh-uh."

"You're arguing with me? Me, the Hepburn worshiper?"

"Pretty much looks that way."

"Then how does she survive?"

"She has an agent…I thought that she was an actress or a model."

"Then what does $50 for the powder room mean?"

"I never did understand that."

"It's called a euphemism."

"No."

"Yes."

"Well then, why don't we see her calling on anybody."

"We kinda do."

"Where?"

"In the beginning when that guy was waiting in his car for her to come home. Or when the guy was banging around her apartment and she slipped onto the fire escape and into Paul's apartment."

"I thought those were just dates…"

"Of course you did. That's the way Hepburn wanted it. Underplayed. She had just had Sean and didn't really want to do the movie. Capote wanted Marilyn Monroe."

"Oh…"

"I think you're cute when you're confused." Meredith laughed lightly.

A little later Derek paused the movie and left the room. "Why did you pause the movie?" Meredith asked.

"The movie is suddenly far more interesting. You should have shared this a long time ago."

"Sorry I figured you knew."

"Did you know it when you first watched the movie?"

"I read the book first. And literature didn't have the same content restrictions as movies."

"Geek."

"At least I'm not a hot empty headed ditz."

"You calling me hot?"

"Meredith! C'mon we need to leave." Derek called from the bottom of the steps a little later. They had finished watching the movie and then Meredith had kicked Derek out of the room so she could get dressed. Now he was waiting on her so they could leave. Finally she appeared at the top of the steps. "You look gorgeous, Mer." Derek whispered kissing the top of he head as she slipped into a coat. She smiled at him and followed him out to the car.

"We have one last piece of business to attend to before we adjourn this meeting." John announced from the head of the table later on that evening. "We have met and discussed this and we have reached a decision." he began speaking to Derek who was seated to his left, Meredith at his side. "We are not trying to pass judgment you understand, it is just that as a member of the staff you are expected to live as a model of a Christian life. The youth are just beginning their lives. I'm sure you have the purest of intentions in this relationship; however, the fact remains that you're teaching the youth, by example, that it is okay to live with your significant other. And the reality is that more often than that, this leads to temptations and disaster in the end."

"I understand." Derek acknowledged as John paused.

"Then you also understand that you must find separate residences."

"By separate you mean?"

"Different houses for the pair of you."

"We can handle that."

"Of course we understand that you didn't plan for any of this to happen, so we are willing to be fairly flexible concerning a time frame. Please take your time finding a place."

"I already have a place in mind." Derek replied.

"Excellent. With that note in mind, I suggest that we end this meeting." John clapped his hands together and delegated closing prayer to another attendee.

Meredith stood gathering her things and Derek's papers. Derek picked up her coat and shook it out for her, holding it as she slipped into it. He smiled softly at her. She bit her lip watching him carefully. Wordlessly he slipped his hand into hers making their way through the crowd out to the car.

Once they were buckled in and on their way Meredith turned to him expectantly. "You have a place in mind?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Are you going to tell me where?"

"Let's get home."

"Derek! Please just tell me." She begged. But he wasn't giving in. She teasingly punched his arm a few times, laughing when he kissed her at a red light. "Derek!"

"Fine. Our house and the guest house have different addresses." He smiled as he pulled into the driveway putting the car in park.

"OH MY GOD!" She squealed climbing across the gearshift and into his lap. She took his face in his hands and kissed him hard. He could taste her excitement and it warmed him. He placed his hands on her waist fingering her belt loop. "You are a brilliant brilliant man!" She told him happily between kisses.

He laughed, genuinely consumed in her excitement. "Of course it meets your under ten minute rule and I'll always be just a walk out of the kitchen door so there won't be any holing up in there."

"Wait." Meredith pulled away. "You're actually going to move into the guest house?"

"Well yeah that's what I was saying."

"But I thought…" She began. She stopped herself and grabbed her purse fumbling with the door and running up the sidewalk.

"Mer wait!" Derek yelled running after her.

"NO!" She screamed slamming the door behind her.

"Mer what is your problem!?" He asked confused as he chased her up the stairs.

"YOU! You are my problem. You don't even want to…" She trailed off. "I hate you and I wish I had never agreed to move in with you. I never want to see you again. Go to hell Derek Shepherd." She screamed shoving him away from her pummeling his chest with her fists when he tried to hug her. "Get away from me Derek. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! You're a selfish hateful man!" She screamed running to her room and slamming the door. She threw herself on her bed absolutely fuming at Derek.

Derek stood in the hall in shock for a few moments before he headed to his own room confused as hell. This was the last reaction in the world he expected. But now that it had happened he understood. Maybe she would come around with time, maybe not, who knew half the time. He had a retreat this weekend. Maybe it would do them some good to get away from one another. At any rate he needed to pack. When he left the house in the morning he wouldn't be back until Sunday afternoon. He hoped by the time he came back home Meredith would be a bit more approachable.


	31. Chapter 29

-1Friday morning Meredith awoke early leaving the house to get breakfast with a friend before classes. After breakfast she had two classes. After those she made plans for lunch and dinner with friends, feeling like she needed to be out of the house. In between lunch and dinner Meredith headed to mall. While she was shopping she called Cristina.

"Cristina please tell me you are free this weekend." She asked when her best friend answered.

"I can be. But it depends on what you need."

"I need to have some fun."

"Now there's the Meredith I remember. God it's been a while." Cristina exclaimed cynically. Meredith laughed along with her as they made plans for the weekend.

"Okay bitch." Cristina yelled. "You get your ass here asap after dinner and we'll hit the city."

"Cannot wait skank." Meredith yelled back. She focused on finding a few new outfits to go clubbing in Friday and Saturday. Once she was finished she headed back to the house. She pulled into the drive when she saw the Derek wasn't around.

Meredith went to her room turning on the stereo slipping in a cd. She remembered Derek had taken her bags to the guest house so she ran down there to retrieve her smaller bag. She opened it up and started dumping in everything she'd need for the weekend. Before she knew it she was heading to dinner with a large group of friends from classes. After dinner she hit the interstate blasting Bad Company flying far faster than she should have been driving.

She navigated downtown Richmond finding Cristina's apartment in the Fan. She pulled into the garage and grabbed her bag out of the backseat. Cristina pulled the door open seconds after she knocked handing her a drink.

"C'mon Mer get your ass ready. We're hitting the bottom in two hours." She screamed over the music blasting our of the stereo. "Poison is at Toad's Place. And there's a battle of the bands at the Canal Club. Saturday we're hitting the Cotton Club."

"Oh hell yeah!" Meredith screamed ecstatic to be back in the thick of Richmond. She had missed the party scene since she moved to Charlottesville. She rarely went to clubs there. She downed her drink and Cristina tossed her the tequila.

Hours later they were at their third club. Toad's Place was too crowded and the battle was a bust. The music here was blasting and the lights flashing. Meredith and Cristina were both drunk as a bitch. They were on the floor dancing with another round of drinks. The band was an ACDC cover group that sounded astoundingly like the actual band. All of a sudden Meredith heard the opening riff of her favorite ACDC song.

"CRISTINA!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. It was too late Cristina was already dancing towards the stage. Meredith was quick on her heels. By the time the first verse started they were already up front screaming it out at the top of their lungs. When the band saw them they pulled them onstage tossing the girls a mike.

"KNOCKING ME OUT WITH THOSE AMERICAN THIGHS TAKING MORE THAN HER SHARE HAD ME FIGHTING FOR AIR SHE TOLD ME TO COME BUT I WAS ALREADY THERE CAUSE THE WALLS START SHAKING THE EARTH WAS QUAKING MY MIND WAS ACHING AND WE WEREN'T FAKING WHEN YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG."

They continued to sing the song, dancing onstage, surprisingly good for the amount of alcohol they had consumed. They both had good voices and this had long since been one of their favorites. Cristina grew bored and jumped offstage to dance with a hot guy that caught her eye. Meredith however was getting into it. Next came Back In Black she pulled the guitarist to her asking for a guitar. He pulled his off handing it to her nodding for another from offstage. She could hear Cristina screaming from the crowd, knowing what was coming. They had been pulling shit like this since high school, when their best friends had gotten a band together, doing gigs in Richmond on the weekends.

She took a minute to get used to the feel of it trying to remember the song. When the solo came she started off hesitatingly, but after a moment really got into it following right along with the lead guitarist. It had been a while since she had had a guitar in her hands, but she was good and it came naturally. She had been playing since high school. The whole place was getting a huge kick out of this and the band was having a blast. She and the real guitarist played the outro together perfectly. And she started offstage when it ended, but the singer grabbed her arm.

"What the hell." Meredith thought knowing she could follow along well enough. She looked around for a set list and the guitarist pointed it out with his foot.

The band took a break a few songs later. They nodded for her to follow them.

"What's is your name?" The guitarist asked.

"Meredith." She answered.

"I'm Jack. The drummer, he's Steve. That's Mark and Ben." He said pointing to the singer and the bassist. "Where'd you learn how to play?" He asked.

"Uh, church mostly." She replied laughing at herself, they band joined it.

"Yo Mer, want anything to drink?" Cristina yelled.

"Tequila." She yelled back. She squealed with excitement when Cristina returned. She slammed her shots and stood up.

"You are so fucking hot out there. Way to come back from Derek land. I was wondering if it'd ever happen" Cristina yelled cracking Meredith up.

"You going back out with us?" Mark asked. Meredith cocked her head to the side considering it.

"Get your ass back out there you fucking whore." Cristina yelled. Meredith jumped up, long used to being ordered around on a Friday night by Cristina.

A few songs later the band was finished and packing up, music still blasting over the sound system, people still going hard. Meredith and Cristina were sitting at a table with their drinks laughing at themselves. Jack walked up to Meredith and took her by the arm a few steps away. He put a hand on her waist to pull her close.

"So here's my number. Give me a call sometime. I'd love to take you to dinner or something."

"Oh, um, I'm kinda seeing somebody." Meredith replied apologetically.

"Keep my number in case that changes then." He said with a wink, dropping a kiss on her cheek.

"Hell Fucking Yeah." Cristina screamed from the table.

Not much later they stumbled out onto the street, lucky to catch a cab back to the Fan. They clambered back to Cristina's apartment falling into the den. Meredith found her IPOD and plugged it into Cristina's stereo finding the play list she wanted. Trunkin' flooded the apartment. The girls changed into their pajamas, stumbling around the apartment. By the time they settled down Pink Floyd was playing.

"You know what would be amazing right now?" Meredith asked Cristina giving her a look.

"We are in luck my friend. I knew you'd be in the mood." Cristina answered rummaging in the cabinet under the stereo. She produced a large wooden box and passed it to Meredith who started to unpack it. Then she cleared off the coffee table. Meredith found the cones and the Buddha, setting that up she lit the incense. She opened the baggie and started picking the stems out of it. Minutes later she packed 'Herbie' as they had lovingly named it years ago. She lit it, taking a hit before passing it to Cristina. They held it in as long as they could barely taking a breath before hitting it again.

Cristina blew smoke in Meredith's face, making her cough hers into Cristina's face.

"Oh my god." Meredith said from the floor not much later.

"Yeah." Cristina said slowly, sprawling out beside her.

"I don't think I'll move from this spot for years."

"Yeah."

"I feel you." Meredith said answering the song they were listening to. "I feel you." She said again. "I won't." She replied.

"Why the fuck do you always talk back to this song?!" Cristina asked, getting annoyed.

"Because I feel like they're talking to me." She replied closing her eyes, laying on her back, moving her hands along with the music getting into her high.

"But it was only fantasy. The wall was too high as you can see. No matter how he tried he could not break free. And the worms ate into his brain." She sang softly.

"I never understand this about you." Cristina muttered. "You always get so into this. I mean if feels good, but you always turn deep on me."

"It's because we're different. Like I'm always like this. It's the philosopher in me. It just brings it out." Meredith explained. She lit the bong again hitting it deep, offering it to Cristina who shook her head.

"I'm good." Cristina said, shaking her head. Meredith sat Indian style on the floor letting her head hang backwards as she stared at the ceiling listening to the music blowing smoke out of her nose. She hit it again moving her head along with the soft music, eyes closing on their own.

"Why Christian music?" Cristina asked groaning.

"Shhhh." Meredith commanded softly as the next song came on. She began to sing and sign it.

_I am the only one to blame for this._

_Somehow it all ends up the same._

_Soaring on the wings of selfish pride,_

_I flew too high._

_And like a caress I collide,_

_With a world I tried so hard to leave behind._

_To rid myself of all but love,_

_To give and die._

_Turn away and not become,_

_Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loved,_

_More deeply than the oceans,_

_More abundant than the tears,_

_Of a world embracing every heartache._

_And can I be the one to sacrifice?_

_Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow?_

_To love you, Take my world apart_

_To need you, I am on my knees_

_To love you, Take my world apart_

_To need you, Broken on my knees._

_Said and done I stand alone,_

_Amongst remains of a life I should not own._

_It takes all I am to believe,_

_In the mercy that covers me._

_And did you really have to die for me?_

_For all I am, for all you are,_

_Cause what I need and what I believe are worlds apart._

_So I pray:_

_To love you, Take my world apart_

_To need you, I am on my knees_

_To love you, Take my world apart_

_To need you, Broken on my knees._

_On my knees_

_I look beyond the empty cross_

_Forgetting what my life has cost_

_Wipe away the crimson stains _

_And tore the nails that still remain_

_More and more I need you now_

_I owe you more each passing hour_

_Battles between grace and pride_

_Gave up not so long ago_

_So steal my heart _

_And take the pain_

_Wash my feet _

_And cleanse my pride_

_Take the selfish_

_Take the weak_

_And all the things I cannot hide_

_Take the beauty_

_Take my tears_

_Sin soaked heart make it yours_

_Take my world all apart_

_Take it now, take it now_

_And serve the ones I despise_

_Speak the words I can't deny_

_Watch the world I used to know_

_Fall to dust and blow away_

_I look beyond the empty cross _

_Forgetting what my life has cost_

_And wipe away the crimson stains_

_And tore the nails that still remain_

_So steal my heart_

_And take the pain_

_Take the selfish _

_Take the weak_

_And all the things I cannot hide_

_Take the beauty _

_Take my tears _

_Take my world apart_

_Take my world apart_

_And I pray_

_And I pray_

_And I pray_

_Take my world apart_

_It's worlds apart_

"Okay." Meredith said lifting the imposed silence.

"I actually rather like that song. I think because it's just so familiar because of you."

"I know what you mean. I think that's why I'm so into some of the classic rock I like. I can remember Mom and Dad listening to it when I was like two."

"Yeah." Cristina said giving her all purpose response.

They continued to talk to one another late into the night. Being best friends, Cristina understood that something was going on between Meredith and Derek, but also knew that when Meredith was ready she would bring it up, so she didn't push her.


	32. Chapter 30

-1Meredith set her bag on the couch, sighing as she walked in after a long day of classes and clients. Which was preceded by a weekend of outrageous partying and a lot of driving. Saturday morning the pair had awoken to mild headaches and had slept the day away waking up in the afternoon to get ready to party again. Saturday wasn't as wild or as illegal as Friday, but it was still a blast. Sunday Meredith was finally ready to talk to Cristina. They had spent the day padding around the apartment in pajamas just talking. Generally Cristina was a cynic, but she softened long enough to offer Meredith a good sounding board. Meredith was too exhausted to drive back Sunday so they went to bed at a decent hour. She left Monday morning from Charlottesville and made it back just in time for class. Then she had work. She hadn't yet been home. She yawned deeply and considered momentarily just going to bed. But Derek was home now too and she needed to deal with what she had said.

He was in the office typing away with the door cracked, music playing softly. He looked tired. His hair looked as though he'd run his hands through it a time or two.

"Der?" She asked quietly. He jumped at the sound of her voice, looking across the room at her, unsure of what she wanted. "Derek. I'm sorry."

"Hmmm?" He asked, confused.

"For Thursday night. The yelling and the running to my room. It was stupid and immature. I should have just listened to you. But I'm selfish and I just wanted you here. I'm sorry Der. I don't hate you. And I don't want to never see you again" She explained crossing the room and letting her hands drift to smooth his tousled mop.

"It's okay." He replied.

"Is it?" She asked, surprised at his ease.

"It is." He reassured. She smiled at him glancing at the computer screen.

"Mmmmm, I'm almost finished with this." Derek sighed tilting his head back into her stomach, looking up at her. "Let me get back to this and I'll make some dinner after."

"I made manicotti last week. It should still be in the freezer. Let me heat that up." She replied, her hands still tangled in his hair as she bit her lip. Derek smiled at her pulling her hands from his hair to his lips. "I'm going to…" Meredith interrupted removing her hands and walking away.

She put the manicotti into the oven with a loaf of French bread to heat up while she made a salad. She set the table and set the food on the counter to cool until Derek was ready to eat.

He emerged from the office washing his hands at the sink. He walked into the den to get Meredith, turning on the stereo as he passed through. "Princess?" He asked holding out his hands to help her off of the couch.

They ate dinner in relative silence, but comfortable nonetheless. Derek volunteered to clean up, so Meredith went upstairs to take a shower. She took the time to blow dry her hair and slip into comfortable pajamas before returning to the den.

By the time she came back down Derek had cleaned up and was sitting on the couch with a book, music still playing in the background, candles flickering throughout the room. Meredith gracefully curled up on the opposite side of the couch, pulling the throw over her legs. With one hand holding the book open Derek gently tugged her feet into his lap, absentmindedly rubbing them as he read. Meredith relaxed against the arm of the couch relishing the mellow feeling that hung in the air. Silently Derek passed her a glass of wine and a glance. She accepted both with a smile taking a sip and a deep breath before setting the glass on the coffee table in front of them.

"Read to me?" She asked Derek quietly. He began to read aloud softly as Meredith nursed her wine and another glass. The light scent of the candles combined with the wine and Derek's voice soothed her into relaxation, allowing her to feel the tightness of stress in her shoulders and neck. Unconsciously her hand drifted to her shoulder. Noting the look on her face Derek set aside his book taking her aching shoulders in his hands, loosening the muscles dropping healing kisses as his hands skated over her skin. His hands ventured from her shoulders to her stomach as he gathered her in his arms pulling her into his side.

"Der." She whispered, stopping his actions.

"Mer. I need you right now." He whispered back, waiting for her permission to continue, but it didn't come. "You never even welcomed me home. I need you." He waited again, not wanting to push her.

Suddenly she stood up, pulling him with her, melting into his arms, melding every curve against his, feeling his chest rise and fall against hers, feeling his breath warming her skin, feeling his fingers dance over her body, collecting her. She took a deep steadying breath.

"I need to go to bed." She whispered. "I have a long day tomorrow. And I had a long weekend."

"Mer…" Derek pleaded watching helplessly as she backed away.

She glanced back at him one time as she walked upstairs before focusing on getting to her room. She turned on her bedside lamp and climbed into bed. She found her stuffed rabbit and cuddled it to her. Before she could stop herself tears were streaming down her face. She didn't bother to wipe them away.

She had missed Derek this weekend. Wanted to be in his arms, wanted to kiss him in the den just now. But she couldn't. And she didn't understand why. Maybe she would try to talk to him again tomorrow. But for right now she focused her mind on the tears that were falling.

Derek blew out the candles and took their wine into the kitchen. He washed them and gave the kitchen a final go-over. Then he checked the den turning off the stereo and the lights. Satisfied with the state of the downstairs, he climbed up a flight. He headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

After his shower he hung up his towel in his room and crept by her room. Her door was cracked open and a light was on. Listening closely her heard her sob. Not wanting to stress her anymore he settled for sitting at her door listening to her cry.

Eventually her breathing steadied and Derek could tell she had fallen asleep. He stood to go to his room when he heard her whimper in her sleep. He paused for a moment, pushing the door open further trying to make out what she was crying. He heard her call out for somebody, causing him to instinctively move towards her. She grasped the blankets tightly around her breathing sharply.

In a single movement Derek scooped her against his chest as he slid her over in bed, crawling in with her. She immediately cuddled closer to him, wrapping her arms across her chest, nestling her head into the crook of his chest, under his chin. He held her tightly as she relaxed remaining asleep. He brushed a strand of hair off her face, burying his hand in a tangle of her hair, pressing his lips to hers. She eagerly took her fill, still asleep. This caught Derek's attention. She didn't want him just a bit ago, but here she was kissing him, maybe she didn't think it was him. Pain welled inside of him as he pulled away until she murmured "Derek."

"Okay so it wasn't that." He thought. He got out of the bed, taking care to tuck the blankets tightly in around her. He waited in the doorway, until he was satisfied she wouldn't awake. Then he closed the door behind him and headed towards his office.

There he sat in his chair and flipped on the small light that sat on his desk. He rummaged through a stack of books until he found his journal. He opened it and began his ritual of writing pure stream of consciousness prayer.

_Mer is worrying me again. We were fighting because of the moving out thing. She doesn't want me to go. When she came home tonight I thought things were fine. She apologized and we ate in peace. Even read together on the couch after. When I tried to kiss her she shut down. Ran away to her room. Cried herself to sleep. Cried in her sleep. So I went in to comfort her. She tried to kiss me while she was sleeping. What is it that causes her to pull away. Obviously she's fighting something. I'm here. I'm right here. And I've tried showing her in every way that that isn't going to change. God I'm at a loss here. I know I need to move out. I know it's best. But what if it destroys us? I love her so much. So completely. She consumes me. But she doesn't realize it. I try my hardest to let her adjust. Not force her. I try to love her as you love her. Clichéd as it sounds. I know that's what you want me to do. But I need more. Not from her. From you. I need for you to help me understand what she's going through. Does she believe that I'm leaving because I don't want to be around her? What is she fighting so hard? What makes her feel as if she can't show me any affection? God you brought me my best friend and the love of my life, please keep her, please love her, please let her realize how deeply I love her, help her to fix everything that's broken. I want her to know that I'm in this. _

Derek continued to write, pouring it all out, getting rid of all of it. The tears slipped out of his eyes and he set his head down on the desk, continuing his prayers. Before he knew it he fell asleep.


	33. Chapter 31

-1The next morning Meredith awoke slowly, groggy as hell. She stumbled downstairs, starting coffee and rummaging around for something to eat. She gave up. Neither of them had done much food shopping.

No classes, no work. It was Tuesday she remembered, back to bed. Rubbing her eyes she let her feet carry her where they wanted. She ended up outside of Derek's bedroom. Pushing the door open she felt like a child, sleepy, upset, and insecure. Her hand went to her hair twirling a piece around her finger in an attempt to feed this feeling. His bed was empty. The childlike frustration intensified. All she wanted was to curl up in his arms and be fawned over. Good dreams and sweet kisses. Why couldn't she ever have what she wanted?! She stomped her foot and clambered down the steps. His car was still in the drive. Where was he? The frustration was beginning to overwhelm her and a tear slipped down her cheek. Clumsily she wiped it away with the back of her hand and began a search of the downstairs.

She let out a sigh of discontent when she couldn't find him. She had an idea and ran out the back door in the kitchen. She knocked on the door of the guest house, but no answer. She tried all of the doors, but they were all locked. She beat at the door to no avail panic welling up inside of her like a child who had lost sight of her parents. Tears poured over her cheeks and her nose ran.

Dejectedly she tromped back towards the house. After wiping her nose she roamed in small circles through the kitchen and den until she realized she hadn't checked the office. She threw the door open and found him fast asleep with his head on his desk. He jumped at the sound of the door and took in the sight before him. She stood in the doorway hyperventilating, not sure why, but unable to move, except her hands as she shook them up and down trying to stave off this panic that consumed her. He started towards her, but she stopped him. "No, don't!" She cried.

"Meredith." He said softly. "Sweetie, please princess what's wrong? What happened?"

"I…I…Derek…" She cried panicking. She closed her eyes squeezing them shut, clenched her hands and mouth as she curled into herself.

In a flash Derek grabbed the blanket off of her chair and swept it around the both of them, enclosing her in a tight embrace. She started to fight him as the claustrophobia set in. She was crying hard and fast now, sobs wracking her body, her hands started to tremble and the rest of her body followed suit.

"Fight it Meredith, not me. You're safe. It's fine. I'm right here. I'm not letting go. Mer baby, it's okay. It's okay love. It's okay. We're right here. We're standing in the office. You're safe. I'm not going anywhere. We're here. We're good. Baby it's okay. We're fine. It's okay. Breathe. Slow and deep love, slow and deep."

He could feel her starting to slow down. "That's it Meredith. Fight it. It's all okay. We're right here. I'm not going anywhere. We have forever right here. Just breathe my love. Just breathe. There's nothing else. Nothing else in the world. We're just here. You're here in my arms. We have all the time in the world. That's it. There you go. Slow down."

He turned to grab some tissues off of his desk. When their bodies parted she panicked again. He pulled her into him once again. He began to rock her as they stood there and softly he sang into her ear, "The sea it swells like a sore head. And the night it is aching. Two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed and the day it is breaking. On rainy days we go swimming out. On rainy days swimming in the sound. On rainy days we go swimming out. You're in my mind all of the time. I know it's not enough. If the sky can crack there must be some way back for love and only love." She lifted her head from his chest to lay it on his shoulder, eyes still buried in his neck, arms still across her chest pressed to his. He paused searching his mind for the next line, but it wasn't coming. At the silence Meredith felt the panic rising again. She clenched her fists around his shirt.

He desperately tried to think of another song, singing the bits and pieces he could remember. "Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight. I woke up this morning to a blood red sky. Burning on the bridge, turning off the lights. We're on the run I can see it in your eyes. If nothing is safe then I don't understand. You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man. One more day then it's all swimming with the sand. You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand, the back of my hand. Guess we both we know we're in over our heads. We've got nowhere to go and no home that's left. The water is rising on the river turning red. It all might be okay or we might be dead. If everything we've got is slipping away, I meant what I said when I said till my dying day. Holding onto you holding onto me. Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see, you're all I see."

Once again no words were coming to mind. He had a play list of songs that reminded him of Meredith. He tried to remember what was on there.

"There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard. No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart. And our dreams they are made out of real things like a shoebox of photographs with sepia toned loving. Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart. Like why are we here, where do we go, and how come it's so hard? It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving. But I can tell you one thing it's always better when we're together."

"Some day, when I'm awfully low, I will feel a glow just think of you. And the way you look tonight. You're lovely. Never ever change. Keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it because I love you and the way you look tonight."

"She's a Saturday out on the town and a church girl on Sunday. She's the cross around her neck and a cussword cause it's Monday. She's a bubble bath with candles, baby come and kiss me. She's a one glass of wine and she's feeling kinda tipsy."

"Tell me that we belong together. Dress it up with the trappings of love. I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips, instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above. I'll be your cryin' shoulder. I'll be love suicide. I'll be better when I'm older. I'll be the greatest fan of your life."

She was calming slowly. Which was a good thing because he was out of songs. He knew she had panic attacks, but had never actually seen her have one. She had told him once a long time ago that if she ever did have one the best thing to do was to talk to her. Somehow it helped her. He also knew she had some kind of medicine she should take. He pulled back to look at her, gauging to see if he could talk to her yet. He reached for his cell on his desk and flipped it open as he held her close murmuring in her ear. He found Cristina's number and texted her. "Mer's had a panic attack. I've got her calm, but I have no idea what to do next. Meds? What?"

A few moments later his phone buzzed. "Xanex. Purse. It may knock her out. Call if you need."

"Princess. How do you feel?" He asked when he felt her pull her head away from his chest.

"Drained." She whispered. "I'm sorry Derek. I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Freaking out. For last week. For the yelling and the craziness lately. I…I don't know. I just…lost it."

"I think we should probably talk. About everything that's been going on. We can't just keep going on. It's just piling up."

"You're right, but right now we can't."

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because you need to get to work. You have a staff meeting." She explained, not really wanting him to leave her, but trying to be an adult. She found her chair and sat down pulling the blanket around herself, freezing.

"Are you going to be okay by yourself?" He asked, not really comfortable leaving her by herself. "I can just call in, there's nothing really for me to do at the meeting this morning. I have nothing pressing this week to prep for. We could have an us day. Lay in bed. Watch movies? Far more appealing than staff meetings." He rambled.

"You promise you aren't missing anything at work?"

"I promise."

"Are you sure you want to deal with me? I've been a bitch lately…" She asked. He placed a kiss on her lips, stopping her.

"Why don't you just relax and let me take care of you for once?"

"I could try."

"Okay. First off. Off to bed with you. Take your medicine. I'll be up as soon as I call in." He ordered gently. She stood and draped the blanket back over her chair and padded off to her room taking her medicine and climbing into bed.

Derek joined her a few minutes later, climbing in beside her.

"Der?" She asked once he was settled.

"Hmmm?"

"I'm going to fall asleep in a few minutes because of the meds. Stay with me?"

"I'm going to go to sleep in a few minutes because I slept at a desk last night." He laughed. "I'll be right here." He assured her with a smile.


	34. Chapter 32

-1A few hours later Meredith rolled over in bed feeling awake. She accidentally woke Derek up when she moved. Derek brushed her hair aside. "Are you feeling better?" He asked

"I'm calmer, but we really need to talk about everything." She sighed. Derek pushed himself up among her pillows and Meredith followed suit taking the hand attached to the arm he wrapped around her.

"Mer?" He paused wanting her to turn and face him. She continued to inspect his hand, turning it over, carefully running her hands over the skin. "Meri-death, what's bothering you. Talk to me."

"The panic attack, the crying and not breathing, freaking out, it was because I couldn't find you. Your car was in the drive but you weren't in your room and I couldn't find you. I was afraid that you had taken off. I hate that you are moving out. I hate it completely. I feel like you're abandoning me, just like everybody else. I think that I'm doing something to drive you away. I think that's why I fought with you too. I thought that you were going to stay with me, but when you said you were leaving that was the second time in just a few days that you were leaving me. And to the guest house!? Seriously! If feels like you have to have an escape. From me. You want to escape from me. And so we fought. And I hid out with Cristina for a weekend. And when I come back we just slip into comfortable. But I still felt overwhelmed by the leaving and the way you needed me. It confused me; how you could need me, but want to abandon me at the same time. And I don't know. Everything seems messy. And I haven't been talking to you. It's all getting bottled up and channeled around. "

Derek continued to stare at her with a look he generally reserved for her. "Do you want to know why moving out isn't killing me?" She nodded, turning to look at him. "It has nothing to do with wanting to be away from you or me abandoning you. Absolutely nothing. I'm not worried about missing this interaction or changing things simply because I do not believe that this is the last time we'll live together. I see us back here in this place again." Meredith looked confused and then wounded, but Derek was able to follow her thinking, cutting her off before she could get upset again. "And I don't see it being because of a break up."

"Derek don't you think everything is going crazy fast? This only started in December. And here you are telling me not to worry about moving out because it's only a matter of time before we move back in together. If the church is forcing us to move into separate places now the only way we would be allowed to live together is if you left the church. And you can't do that. The church, the youth, it's who you are, what I want to be. So it's stupid of you to tell me we'll be back here later.

"Meredith." Derek said softly with the slightest trace of a smile, amused at the way her mind wandered. "Don't you understand. Don't you see?" he took her face in his hands. He let his lips skate over hers for a moment before parting hers, kissing deeply. He felt the tips of her fingers rest on his cheeks and then the soft cotton of the sleeve of her pajama top before her nails grazed his jaw line as she curled her hand into a soft fist. He pulled back first, staring into her eyes, knowing that she really didn't understand.

"Quitting the church isn't the only option we have." He reminded her.

"You cannot mean getting married!"

"And why not?" He asked.

"Because we've only been dating a second. And it's the craziest thing I've ever heard of."

"Well I didn't mean today. When we're ready, the both of us." He laughed.

"I don't think you're thinking clearly. How can you say this? It's only been months."

"Clearly you are having a time issue. How long have we known each other?"

"Elevenish years." Meredith answered.

"Over a decade. And for the last five years we've talked daily…as friends, not as youth and leader. I know you as well as I know myself. Most newlyweds haven't known each other as long as we have. Most separations happen at seven years and divorces at eight years. We are past that. Don't you think you know me?" He asked. "I know you do because you take care of me even when I don't. When you set up the house I could find everthing I needed in moments. Even in my office." He said with a laugh. "When Addie told me she was getting married I immediately wanted you there with me to hold my hand because you are one of the few souls I ever talked about her to. And you are the only one who made me feel justified to feel as I did all those years. I've known you forever. I've loved you forever. And now I'm in love with you. Doesn't it feel like a logical progression? Doesn't it just seem natural that in a few years we get married, buy a house, raise a family. I know you've longed for a home for a long time. We can have that. It absolutely blows my mind that I've fallen for my best friend. Most people struggle for years and still never find what I think we have. Jesus Meredith! Doesn't this feel incredible? I can't believe it. I thought I was wasting years of my life moping around after Addie left me. And I threw myself into the church and the youth. I got to know my little princess, who became my best friend. And there wasn't a romantic thought between us, so there wasn't any type of pressure to meet any standards. We have built stronger foundations than any couple I know. And we know each other. And we accept each other with no questions asked. Hell David couldn't say these things. And you said you would marry him."

"I said that, but it was something that I knew would never really happen." She countered.

"I say all of that and you choose to respond with a retort against David?"

"M'sorry." She said quietly. Derek allowed her to be silent knowing that she needed time to absorb all of that and figure out what she wanted to say. She leaned back into his arm, resting her head on his chest. Using the same hand that she was leaning against, he ran his fingers through her hair rhythmically while she thought.

"Can I still hate you leaving?" She asked.

"If you must, but I'm not really leaving. I'm gonna be like a ten second walk away."

"Hmmph." She grunted.

"You could think of it as temporarily relocating." He offered. Meredith glared at him. "Okay, just teasing."

"I can't tell you I love you too. I mean I love you, like we always have, but I can't say that back. Because you're scaring me. All this talk about forever and kids and houses. I am twenty-two years old. I'm a baby still. And I'm just not ready."

"I understand." Derek said sincerely.

"Der?" She asked after being silent for a few minutes. "How was your retreat this weekend?"

"It was okay. The speaker was a bit clichéd. The programming was fine though. And it stayed on schedule. The youth had a blast though. The ride home was pretty interesting." He chuckled at the memory of the youth holding up signs to passing cars. "Hey why weren't you home Sunday?"

"I was too tired."

"From what?"

"A long weekend with Cristina. You know how we can get."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"Not really. It was just us being stupid. The usual drinking and being silly. We went to a few clubs. We spent Sunday in the apartment just talking through everything. It was good for me."

"Glad to hear it."

"Yeah…"


	35. Chapter 33

-1Tuesday turned out to be unseasonably warm. Derek came home after work to find Meredith sitting at the kitchen table with the windows all thrown open. She was wearing a tank top and capris. He laughed tossing some papers on the kitchen table.

"Hun you are going to get sick." He told her smiling as he kissed the top of her head. He opened the door to the fridge.

"I will not." She sighed.

"Si tu penses alors."

"I'm still not convinced that's grammatically correct. Can you grab me a wine cooler."

"Ah well…" He trailed off with a shrug. "Hey I need to talk to you." He handed her the drink after he opened it for her and took a seat beside her.

"Me too."

"You wanna talk now?"

"I wanna finish these bills."

"Need help?" He offered.

"I got it." Derek stood up, drink in hand, heading toward the door. Meredith caught his hand. "I could use company though. I'm almost finished."

She quickly finished doing the bills, cleaning up her mess and dropping the papers off on her desk. She tossed their empty drinks in the trash. "Talk time?"

"Talk time." He agreed. "Wanna take a walk. I mean since it's nice out." She nodded and climbed the steps to grab herself some shoes. He held the door for her, locking it behind them. She followed him down the sidewalk allowing him to choose the route. As they fell into step side-by-side their hands naturally slipped into the other's.

"You go first." Meredith said after a while.

"I picked up a change of address form from the post office today on my way home, you know, to satisfy the board. And I started thinking about our talk last night and where this may be headed. I realized that there are a few more forms I wanted to change. I'd like to change my will and I want you to have power of attorney. What do you think?" He asked.

"Do you mind if I take some time to think about it?"

"Nope. As long as you promise to actually think about it."

She nodded giving him a silly smirk wrinkling her nose. He brought her their hands to his lips giving her hand a quick kiss. "Ewww boy germs." She teased quietly.

"You're in a playful mood." He commented.

"I am. It's the weather. Makes me feel…" She shrugged releasing Derek's hand, spreading her arms like an airplane and zooming in a few small circles on the sidewalk ahead of him. "…childish." She finished giggling. She sandwiched Derek's left hand in between hers, leaning on his arm. Derek paused, crouching down a little bit. Meredith immediately understood, climbing on his back for a piggyback. She locked her legs around his waist and draped her arms over his shoulders. He playfully galloped down the sidewalk for a few minutes, Meredith yelling out happily.

They passed a bench on the sidewalk. Meredith slipped down from his back and he teasingly collapsed on the bench. She punched his arm, giving him a dirty look.

"Why do you let me act like a kid? Aren't you afraid it's the wrong thing to do. That'll I'll never learn how to be an adult."

"I think you're pretty grown in a lot of ways. But you've missed out on something. And I think whatever it is that makes you crave that attention is tied into your fear of relationships. I don't believe I'm hurting you. I think that by giving you the childish attention maybe it'll help heal you."

"You've thought this through?"

"I think about you a lot."

"I'm thinkaboutable?"

"You are my dear."

A silence fell over them as they sat there together. Meredith fidgeted with her hands as she tried to think about what she wanted to say. Derek sat still, patiently waiting for Meredith to figure it out. Meredith leaned against Derek's arm, kissing it softly.

"Are you thinking about me?" She asked.

"Of course."

The silence fell again, but this time Meredith enjoyed it. She traced a nonsensical mess of squiggles over his worn jeans with her finger as she remained leaning against his arm.

"Do you really believe will get married?" She asked finally.

"It's not outside of the realm of possibility is it?"

"No, but…"

"But…" He prodded.

"I don't know." She pouted.

"I know you don't, my love. Can you believe me when I say that it doesn't matter? You will in time" He asked.

"Maybe." She offered hopefully. "What do you see for the future?"  
"You."

"Seriously." She demanded sweetly.

"No really. I don't have a plan. I have no idea what's next. For now we're dating. You're doing school and I'm here at the church. I'm not much for making big plans. I don't have a detailed sketch of a house and a family portrait filed away somewhere if that's what you want to know. I know I want to be with you still. But that's as far as it goes."  
"No map?"

"No map." He assured her.

"That's good." She smiled. "Because I don't have any plans and I was afraid you were moving too fast or I was moving too slow and I wasn't sure who was right. And it was scary."

"See you are an adult. If you truly were a child you would have just hinted around and wondered and been a brat." He teased.

"I do know I want to go to seminary next."

"Duke?"

"Or Candler. We'll see."

"We'll see Duke." Derek said with finality, but joking nonetheless. He stood up and offered her his hand. They started walking again.

"Can we talk about what we want?"

"Like?"

"Out of life. Honestly." She added. After a long moment Derek nodded. "Okay. Do you want to go back to school?"

"Definitely. I don't know where or when, but I want my doctorate. What about children?" He asked dumping a big question on her right away.

"I'm not sure. Most of the time I want kids. But it'll depend on the guy. And my career. And whether I think I have the patience. If I do have 'em I want two or three."

"I want 'em. One of each."

"I want to travel first. And I want to live in a city for a while."

"I love the city. I've been in 'em since I left Farmville. But any of your creepy safari trips you'll have to do on your own."

"I think I'd want to stay home with my kids. Or he would. Or have a job with enough flexibility to be there. Two active parents."

"Something you missed." Derek replied understandingly.

"No divorce."

"Never." Derek agreed. "Forever means forever."

"No cheating."

"Definitely none of that." He agreed again. Meredith started to giggle and broke into a full laugh. Derek followed suit until they were both breathless and teary eyed.

A few minutes later they finally made it back to the house. Derek slipped a key from his pocket and unlocked the front door. Meredith happily settled onto the couch. Derek poured them both some juice and shut the windows throughout the house.

"Temperature's dropping fast." He said when he handed her a glass.

"Supposed to be pretty cool tomorrow." She said pouting.

"It is February." Derek pointed out, pinching her leg. With the free arm he picked up the remote and offered it to her. She waved it away. He found something to watch and set it back down. "Easter's in about a month."

"Early this year." Meredith said.

"What are you planning on doing for Easter?"

"Uh nothing. Church."

"Easter's a big event for the family." Derek explained. Meredith nodded absently. "Mer you didn't want to come home Christmas with me. What about if you meet everybody Easter?"

"Oh I don't know. I've never been around a big family. It might be too overwhelming. Isn't it a little too soon to be introducing me to the family?"

"I'm not going to get into all this rules you seem to have set in your mind about timelines. I'm just going to ask you once more, Mer please think about spending Easter with me." He said lightly.

"Too many things to think about. Wills and family and holidays and responsibility." She joked.

"About time you took some responsibility." He grumbled. Meredith once again punched his shoulder, giving him a glare while she pointed a finger at him threateningly. He bent down and kissed the tip of it making her laugh with him.  
"Der?" She asked a bit later as they were still watching television.  
"Hmmm?" He answered.

"What about animals?"

"What about them?"

"Why don't you have any? Do you not like them?"

"I'm never home enough to care for one."

"Can we?"

"Get an animal?"

"Well yeah."

"No hamsters. I hate rats."

"Snake?"

"Uh…I wouldn't ever touch it or feed it."

"Cat?"

"Allergic. And I don't like the way they jump on the counters and stuff. It's gross. Sweetie what about a dog. I know it's a little mundane, but we have the yard, I love dogs, and they're pretty easy to care for."

"A snake's easier. You clean the cage once a week and toss in a baby rat every so often."

"You can have a snake. I just don't like 'em."

"I'm teasing. A dog is great. What kind?"

"One with four legs and fur."

"You're gonna let me choose the breed?"

"What kind do you want?"

"An akita or a neapolitan mastiff." She answered. "Or maybe a Newfoundland. Or a Pomeranian. A teacup poodle. Or a Keeshond."

"Huh?" Derek grunted. "Apparently you know something of dogs."

"Yeah."

"What are those things you named? Are they big? Do they bite? Can't you just pick one?"

"Akitas, mastiffs, and newfies are pretty big, but they're big old babies. A Keeshond is medium. A Pomeranian and a poodle are around 5-10 lbs."

"How much do those first ones weigh?"

"80-150 lbs. Maybe more."

"That, my dear, is absolutely ridiculous. We cannot have a dog that weighs more than you. And we cannot have a dog that weighs less than a newborn. Dogs not rats."

"You're leaving me with keeshond."

"Tell me about them."

"They are grayish with streaks of black and silver. Smallish. Bred in the Netherlands to be used on the barges. But not as working dogs, merely for companionship. One of the few dogs bred for that purpose. They smile. It's called the keeshond grin. And they have markings around their eyes that look like black spectacles. They don't have to be professionally groomed, but they have to be brushed every few days. A lot of work. Really smart. Love to run."

"How do you know all of that?"

"I don't know. I just do."

"Freak."

"Dog Nazi."

"Fine. Well I'm not all that interested in a lot of grooming. Anything a little lower maintenance?"  
"Well that knocks out Pomeranians, they're like a smaller version of the keeshonds. And the newfies are really furry plus they're the biggest. Akitas don't need to be groomed except when they blow their coats. Same with mastiffs. And poodles don't shed out. You have to brush the fur out about once a week. But they go to the groomer's every so often."

"What's the difference between a mastiff and an akita?"

"Akita's are a bit smaller. Probably better for the house. Remember in Harry Potter Hagrid's dog fang?"

"Uh-huh…"

"That's the mastiff I want."

"It could be a guard dog for the gates of hell. And it drools by the bucketful."

"Okay no to the mastiff."

"Can't poodles be bigger than 10lbs?"

"Yes. There are teacup, toy, miniature, and standard poodles. All the same dog just different sizes."

"So akita or poodle."

"Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Can we have two dogs?"

"Two!?"

"It really wouldn't be any different than one. Except they could play with each other when we weren't here."

"What about retreats and stuff?"

"We could get a dog sitter."

"How about we make a deal? You can have whatever dogs you want here as long as it's legal. But I don't have to take care of them other than the basic walk water and food if I don't want to."

"Can we go get ready for them right now?" Meredith asked excitedly.


	36. Chapter 34

-1Wednesday Meredith woke up slowly, groggily, fighting with herself to get out of bed. She trudged downstairs to find a note from Derek on the fridge.

"Missed you this morning, but you're so cute when you're asleep…And I have an early staff breakfast. I'll make dinner today so don't worry about it. Call me when you get a chance around lunch. --D"

She plucked the note off the fridge and went back upstairs to get ready. Once she was finished she grabbed her books and a coat and took off for her day.

About fifteen hours later Meredith finally pulled back into the drive. The porch light was on, but she didn't see any others. She sighed wearily as she got her bag out of the backseat and walked up the sidewalk.

First she headed to the kitchen to eat. Sure enough Derek had left a plate for her sitting in the microwave with a note. She smiled as she pulled it off the microwave door to read it while she heated up her dinner.

"I hate these days when we only talk through texts and post its. Come give me a goodnight when you do get it. And yeah there's food in there."

First she took a shower and found some of her more comfortable pajamas. Yawning, she knocked on Derek's door before slipping in. He didn't wake though, not even when she climbed into bed and under the covers. She cuddled to his body, draping an arm over her waist as she relaxed for the first time all day. She was achy and chilly from the shower and the wet head. Derek propped his head up on his elbow, sitting up enough to talk to her. Meredith brought his hand up to her cheek as she often did. His hands were so big and her face was so delicate. She loved the way it made her feel secure. Sometimes when they kissed he would hold her face and stroke her cheek with his thumb, it made her feel like everything would be alright as long as he was there with her. After a moment she kissed the palm of his hand and intertwined their fingers as she snuggled closer, fitting her head into the triangle he was making between his arm and his head.

"How was your day?" He asked.

"Long. I'm tired. And I feel yucky."

"Aww I'm sorry. Did you eat?"

"Mhmmm. Thank you. Ugh, I'm so sleepy and exhausted, but I'm freezing. I don't wanna get out of bed."

"Go to sleep. I'll get you to your bed." Derek promised.

"Tell me about your day." Meredith requested. Derek understood that his voice was relaxing for her and talked to her, stroking her hair until she was fast asleep. He waited awhile after her breathing deepened to make sure she wasn't going to wake up.

Finally he started to doze himself so he scooped her up and tucked her into her own bed. He brushed the hair out of her face and dropped a soft kiss on her cheek. He set her alarm clock and cut off the light for her before going to bed himself.

Thursday Meredith awoke to a sore throat. When she tired to get out of bed she found all her muscles ached like after a good long run. With a groan she found some slippers and walked downstairs.

She found Derek at the counter putting away dishes. She slipped her arms around him and laid her head against his back.

"Hun you alright? I heard you coughing last night."

"I don't even remember that. My throat's sore though. I guess that explains it."

"I haven't made breakfast yet. Do you have time to eat?"

"Yeah I don't have to be anywhere for a while. I was just going to clean up some around here. If you bring your laundry down I'll get some of it done today." She said softly, pressing a kiss to his back. Derek stood still for a moment, letting her hold him. After a bit he turned around and bent down for a kiss. "Don't kiss me I might have strep." She warned with a dramatic flair and a laugh. Derek took it as a challenge. He picked her up and set her on the counter, slipping a hand into her hair, behind her neck to draw her closer.

Right then she had a coughing fit, followed by a wheezy attempt to catch her breath. "Yuck, I'm not kissing you." Derek teased, dropping a few on her cheeks and lips.

"It's not funny." Meredith said with a whine. She leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder. "I'm still sleepy. And I have a lot of work this afternoon. And I won't be home until dinner. And I don't want to do anything. And…and…" She trailed off with a pouty look. Then laughed and hopped off the counter.

That evening when Meredith walked inside she felt even worse. She had finished the laundry and gone food shopping before work. But had been going nonstop all day long. The coughing had gotten worse. No congestion, just coughing. And wheezing.

She trudged up the steps and dropped everything in the middle of her floor and peeled her clothes off pulled on a robe wrapping it tightly around her.

After her shower she found a pair of pajamas and quickly changed into them, freezing her butt off. By the time she finished getting her pajamas on she was exhausted and aching, so she laid down on her bed, not even bothering to get underneath the comforter.

"Mer, you gonna come down for dinner?" Derek yelled up the stairs a while later. "Mer?" He yelled again. When she didn't answer he went to her bedroom and found her sacked out. He touched her arm to wake her.

"What time is it?" She asked groggily.

"Dinner time. It's downstairs waiting. Princess you look like death warmed over."

"I feel like hell. Except I'm cold." She admitted. And with that she started coughing again. Derek put a hand to her forehead to check her temperature.

"You definitely have a fever. And you sound all congested." He diagnosed as she tried to catch her breath. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really, but I should eat." She said wearily. She found a sweatshirt and Derek found her slippers, bending down to put them on for her. She gave him a smile and leaned into him for a moment.

They ate quietly in the kitchen. Derek was worried. She seemed to feel pretty crappy. And she looked horrible. After they finished he took the dishes away before Meredith could try to take them. She followed him into the kitchen, sitting Indian style of the counter as he washed the dishes. She started coughing again. After that fit she couldn't stop wheezing.

"Mer what are you supposed to do about that?" Derek asked knowing she would ignore her mild asthma as long as she could.

"Nebulizer."

"Go do it!" He ordered firmly.

"Can you get it out of the top of my closet."

"Yes m'am." He replied. He went up to her room and found the machine. He cleaned out the mouthpiece while Meredith produced the albuterol she needed to put inside it. Derek plugged it up for her and pulled the covers up around her when she climbed in bed. He took his own shower while she was doing the treatment. They finished about the same time.

"Mer, you're shaking." He said slowly as he took her hand.

"It's the albuterol. That's just what it does." She explained softly. "I'm so tired though."

"You look it." He commented with a grin eliciting a weak shove from Meredith. "Well, you still have all of our strength I see." He teased. Meredith started laughing, choking herself.

"You're being mean to me." Meredith sighed.

"Scoot over." He ordered. "I wanna see how much of what you've got I can catch."

"You don't want this. I promise. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow."

"What do you have to do tomorrow?"

"Early class. And a meeting with one of my professors about a paper I'm writing."

"We can't go puppy shopping if you're sick!"

"I know. And I was looking forward to it, but I can't help being sick."

"Sweetie. I need to start moving into the guest house. Are you going to be okay with that?"

"I pretty much have to be don't I?"

"I just don't want you to get upset about it."

"Right now I don't care about much. Except sleep." She admitted, patting the spot on the bed beside her. Derek climbed over her legs, settling his head in her lap, not bothering to get under the comforter. She ran a hand through his hair, gently grazing his scalp with her nails. Derek sighed as Meredith reached for the remote turning on her Thursday night obsession. She tugged on his hair warningly, causing him to laugh. He found a book on her nightstand and opened it to read while she watched TV.

"Der, you're vibrating." Meredith said, giving him a gentle push.

Derek pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened it up. "Hello?" He answered. He paused for a moment before sitting up. "Slow down love, I don't understand what you're saying." He settled himself against the pillows next to Meredith as he tried to calm whoever was on the phone. He listened for a few minutes making sympathetic noises.

Finally he said, "Addie hun, you have to expect rough times here and there. It's just part of a relationship." He looked over at Meredith and offered his arm. He pulled her to him dropping a kiss on her temple. "I know we had our share of rough times, remember, but we always talked through it. At least until it just wasn't worth it anymore."

Meredith kissed his neck softly, wanting his full attention. She nibbled on his earlobe for a moment. "Der." She whispered in his ear. But Derek continued to talk to Addison. Eventually the conversation began wind down and Meredith increased her antics.

At last she heard Derek say, "Alright princess goodnight. Mmhmm, love you too."

"I thought you only called me princess." She pouted, pushing him away.

"I do. It just came out because I was thinking about you." He said with a grin. Meredith wasn't sure if she believed him, but she figured she should probably give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he was only a guy. She bit her lip as she stared at him. He laughed bending down to kiss her.

"Believe me Meredith, you're my only little princess. I don't know if the world could take another spoiled one like you." He teased between kisses.

"You're going to get sick." Meredith warned.

"Doesn't matter. I spend so much time around you anyway." He brushed her comment off as he rolled over on his back, picking her up and setting her on his stomach. She leaned back against his legs and stretched her feet out. He turned his head a pressed a kiss to her calf, pulling at her toes as he always had.

"Der?" She asked after a quiet moment.

"Hmmm?"

"Are you sure you're over Addie?" She asked tentatively, afraid he was going to get mad.

"I am."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die." He said proudly. "I promise you Meri-death."

"Derek?" She asked again.

"Meredith?" He echoed.

"I love you." She said finally. Derek sat up slowly and Meredith gracefully slid off of him.

He stared at her for a moment before he tucked a stray strand behind her ear. He left his hand against her cheek and brought his forehead forward to touch hers.

"I love you too." He whispered.


	37. Chapter 35

-1"Derek?" Meredith wheezed out when she saw him peek into her room Friday morning.

"You don't sound too well." He commented as he entered her room.

"I don't feel well. I can't get up."

"Really?" He asked doubtfully.

"Well I can. I just feel yucky."

"Too yucky for a kiss." He asked.

"Mhmm." She nodded pitifully.

He reached a hand out to her forehead to check her temperature. "Warm." He muttered passing a soothing thumb over her cheek. "I can't stay home sweetie. But I was heading in early so that I could get home and start the weekend with you."

"That's okay. I'm self-sufficient."

"I know you are and that's perfect. But I want to be here when I can. It's part of being a boyfriend." He whispered making Meredith smile. "Okay I'm going to go to work. You can go to your meeting if you think you can do it. Call me if you need me."

"Bye Derek." She said softly.

A bit later she rolled out of bed and found her phone. She called her professor to reschedule their meeting. Thankfully he was okay with it and had time open Monday. After she finished talking to him she filled her nebulizer and sat down on the bed to use it.

"How is today going?" Derek asked later into the afternoon.

"Uhhhhhghhhhhhhhrrrrhhhh." She groaned.

"That good huh?" He laughed. "Need anything? I'm on my way home." She didn't answer him and a moment later the phone went dead on his end.

"Something I can eat and oj." She texted him a moment later.

He quickly stopped into a grocery store picking up some stuff she could eat. He drove home in record time.

He left the food in the kitchen and immediately walked up the steps to check on her. He slipped into bed beside her, allowing her to snuggle against his side. He ran his fingers through her hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Are you hungry." She pointed to her throat and ran her finger down its length. "You're thirsty?" He asked leaning down to kiss her throat making her smile wearily. "Okay I'm going to go down and get you something to drink." He promised hurrying downstairs, returning before she could get comfortable.

He helped her sit up to drink the juice he brought her. When she finished he put the glass on her nightstand for her. "I'm going to go start dinner." He told her giving her a sad look.

She shook her head with as much vigor as she could muster, "I wanna go." She hoarsely, causing a coughing fit. Derek sighed looking around the room quickly. He grabbed a quilt off of her reading chair and pulled the blankets off of her. Wrapping it tightly around her fevered body he scooped her gently off of the bed. He carried her to the couch.

"I want you to stay here." He said clearly. He made dinner in the kitchen, continually glancing into the den to make sure she was alright.

As she sat in the den waiting she turn on the tv. She found a mindless reality show and sat back. Blankly staring at the screen she began to think. Derek was taking care of her, not just checking in on her, but not even letting her out of his sight while he did everything he could for her. A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped it away.

A bit later he set the food in front of them and she made room for him on the couch. She was so tired from sitting downstairs that all she could do was lean against him holding her plate on her knee as he ate. He noticed she was still warm as he wrapped an arm around her. He finished his dinner and set his plate on the coffee table. He realized she hadn't eaten and took her fork from her. He gently fed her until she has eaten what he decided was an acceptable amount. He set her plate on top of his and leaned back against the couch. She smiled at him, touching her lips and pushing her open hand forward.

"You're welcome Mer." He said comfortingly. He could feel her tiny body heaving with the effort it was taking merely to breathe. "C'mon. Upstairs with you. I think you need to use your machine." He directed.

After she finished her treatment, he brushed the hair from her eyes as she leaned back against the pillows exhaustedly. He left her room and came back a short time later carrying some things. He handed her a few pills and a glass of juice. She obligingly took the medicine and looked back up at him. He stuck a thermometer under her tongue and took a seat beside her on the bed. After a moment he removed it and checked her temperature.

"You're running a fever." He murmured concerned. "What else is hurting?"

"My throat's, my chest hurts from coughing, I'm stuffed up and my nose is leaking, my eyes are runny and itchy, I ache everywhere, my head hurts. I feel sick all over."

"My little girl, you are sick all over." He agreed. He helped her to sit up so he could listen to the rattle in her chest, the wheeze was continuous. He found a robe hanging in her closet and slid some slippers onto her feet. He walked her to the bathroom where he had a hot shower running with the door closed. He hung the robe on the back of the door, as she settled on the floor. He put a trashcan in front of her and grabbed a few washcloths. He sat on the floor with her, a leg on each side of her, one hand holding her stomach and one rubbing her back. He dipped a washcloth into the hot water of the shower and pulled her shirt up. He rubbed the cloth on her back for a moment before dipping another cloth to put on her chest.

After a while the heat started to work and she started to cough more. He pat her back trying to help her. She kept leaning back against him, worn out, before another coughing fit would strike. Once she had had enough he helped her back to her room and tucked her under the blankets while he went back to the bathroom to clean it up.

He returned with a jar of chest rub offering it her, she sighed and pulled at her robe. Derek took the hint and rubbed some on for her, trying hard to not think about where his hand was. She flashed him a coy look and he smiled screwing the top back on the jar, setting it on the nightstand. He went to his room for a moment and found some lounge pants, discarded his shirt, returning to Meredith's room. She moved over in the bed, allowing him to climb in with her.

"We don't have anything to do tomorrow. I'm going to stay with you tonight." He explained. "Your breathing sucks. We may go to the hospital tomorrow." He warned. Meredith ignored him, moving closer to him so their chests were touching. He could feel the heat resonating off her slight body as she snuggled into him. He allowed her tuck her head under his chin so he could breathe in the scent of her hair.

The next morning Meredith woke before Derek. She rolled away from him trying to keep her breathing steady as she tested out her muscles. She tried to stand up to go to the bathroom, but didn't even have the strength to do that. She laid back against the pillows breathing heavily leading to a coughing fit. She tried to say Derek's name, but found the only sound she could make was a wheeze and a cough. She fell back asleep trying to pull the blankets back over her.

An hour later Derek awoke. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep that night, every time she would cough it would wake him. He looked over at her and pulled the blankets over her body. He felt her forehead, finding it still warm. She opened her eyes staring blankly at him for a moment.

"C'mon Mer." He said helping her sit up. "Talk to me sweetie." He asked. She shook her head. She made a fist, sticking her thumb between her middle and pointer fingers and shook her fist. "Do you need help?" He asked, knowing that was a sign for bathroom, grateful he had paid some attention over the years. She nodded. He helped her to the bathroom and shut the door walking to his own room for moment.

Meanwhile Meredith was getting pissed off. Every other time she had gotten sick she had taken care of herself and here she was needing help to the bathroom. She washed her hands and determinedly opened the bathroom door. Before Derek realized she was finished she walked to her bedroom and shut the door behind her climbing into bed to rest. That short walk had winded her and she was wheezing. And the wheezing led to coughing.

"Uhnnhhh." She grunted clearing her throat.

"Jesus Mer, you're going to hurt yourself."

"M'fine." She managed before she started coughing again. "I can do it." She signed as she was coughing. "Leave me alone. Go away and let me be. I'm an adult, not a child." She signed in a rush. Derek stared at her blankly.

"I caught child." He offered with a smile. "You're a child?" He teased knowing she probably was reminding him she wasn't one. "In that case you need lots of care and attention." He kneeled beside her bed smiling at her.

Angrily she pushed him away. She stood up and he stood too. She started pushing him towards the door, weakly shoving him along. Once she got him past the doorway she leaned against it and broke into a coughing fit.

"Meredith, you're hurting yourself. Why don't you just lay down and let me take care of you."

"Because. I can do it." She sputtered. "I always have."

Derek stood outside her room and watched her wheeze and shakily make her way around her room. She paused for a moment to glare at him standing in the doorway. "Mer are you sure you're okay?"

"Go away." She growled.

He shrugged his shoulders and glanced to her night table to make sure her phone was there. Satisfied she would be able to get a hold of him if she needed he turned and went to his room. He grabbed a key to the guest house and his cell and trotted downstairs.

When they had moved they put all of the extra things out in the guest house. Meredith had tried to straighten the things out, but hadn't been too serious about it. And they had also stuck the empty boxes in there, not thinking they would actually need to use it. He moved from room to room gathering boxes and setting them in the den. He also tried to take inventory of what was out there. They both had more than enough stuff to fill two houses. He was surprised she had all the stuff she did. She was only 22 and never lived on her own. He figured it was mostly stuff from her grandmothers, stuff from her dorm, and maybe stuff that filled her third floor apartment at Ellis' house. He looked through the kitchen and found all sorts of gadgets and silverware. He looked in a few boxes sitting on a kitchen table and found some appliances. There was a stove and a fridge in there too.

Finally he took the boxes up to the main house and started to pack up his room. He emptied his drawers and then his closet into Meredith's luggage he hauled up from the guest house. He gathered knickknacks and everything else in his room over the next few hours and slowly carried it down to the guest house leaving enough things for a few days in the main house. Once he finished that he looked in the office contemplating where he should move that down to the guest house. He decided to leave it merely taking his laptop down to the guest house. It was pointless to move everything since he didn't really have an office down in the guest house.

He considered checking on Meredith, but decided against it since he could still hear her coughing occasionally. He shook his head. She was sick and probably needed to go to the doctor, but she was being her stubborn old self. It upset him that she closed up like that. She rarely did that anymore, but something triggered that reaction. He needed to find out what it was. But for the moment he settled for transferring his possessions.

Once everything was actually in the guest house he looked in what would be his bedroom. Meredith had made up the bed and hung curtains. He checked the guest room and found that that was too ready for an occupant, except for the boxes piled on the bed filled with their things. He returned to his room and first filled the closet with the things he had left on hangers. Then he hung his shoe rack over the door and filled it with shoes. He had almost gotten through with filling the drawers when he got a weird feeling, uneasy. He checked his cell, but there were no messages. He tried calling Meredith, but he didn't get an answer. He tried to calm down, telling himself that Meredith was self-sufficient, but would call him if she needed him. But he knew she was stubborn. Too stubborn. And what made him think she would admit when she needed help. She'd never had anybody to turn to for help except him and Cristina.

Reluctantly he opened his phone and found Cristina's number. He dialed and took a breath preparing himself.

"What did you do?" Cristina asked, knowing Derek wouldn't willingly call her. He would never admit it, but they never quite got around to liking each other and he didn't like her too much. But she was Meredith's best friend and he respected that. Much like she respected that for some reason Meredith actually liked this guy.

"Nothing. She's sick and she won't let me take care of her." He said.

"And you're calling me because?"

"I just wanted to let you know that she was sick. And since she is refusing my help I'm guessing she's going to call you if she needs help." He admitted.

"Yeah. Okay. I'll keep an eye out for her calls. You just keep an eye on her. She'll start getting congested and ignore it and before you realize it she's got bronchitis or pneumonia or something else. Keep an eye on the asthma." Cristina suggested.

"Wait when should I drag her to a doctor?"

"When she starts using her machine a lot. If it doesn't clear up and she starts running a fever take her. Just listen to the congestion and if it sounds bad take her. How is she sounding?"

"Sore throat from the coughing. Rattle in her chest. Wheezy. She has a fever."

"Maybe you should start thinking about taking her in. Don't let her go out anywhere on her own. Especially with it this cold. She's probably exhausted."

"Yeah. Alright Cristina, thanks."

"No problem. Keep me posted."

He hung up with Cristina and sighed. He had left her by herself since this morning and it was now heading towards evening. He still had a few boxes to go, but decided to leave them for now and check in on Meredith. Maybe she had calmed down and would talk about it.

He sighed as he walked out of the guest house. He went straight to her room and opened her door. He found her sitting on the bed, elbows resting on her knees as she struggled to breathe with her machine. He could see her shaking form across the room, but he wasn't sure if she was cold or if the albeuterol was working.

"I'm fine." She gasped as he walked towards her.

"Mmm." Derek grunted in response.

"I can do it."

"Yes and I know you can. You've done it forever. But Mer seriously! Let go! I can take care of you too."

"I don't need to be taken care of."

"But maybe I need to do it. So shut up and let me." He responded. "I think you're on your way to the hospital." He declared. She glared at him for even bringing up the hospital. "You're going to make yourself seriously sick." She continued to puff on her nebulizer ignoring what Derek saying, knowing he was right.

He sighed and went to get her juice and something to eat. He returned with a tray and set it on a dresser. She let him turn off the machine and set it under her nightstand. Then help her lean back against the pillows. He put the tray on her lap and sat beside her.

She picked at her toast while he peeled an orange for her. "You're supposed to eat it, not pull it apart." He reminded her. "Here." He held a slice of the orange to her mouth. She took it with her hands and picked at it. Finally she ate it. The moment she swallowed he held up another.

"I don't wanna eat."

He offered her the juice and she sighed taking a sip and pushing it away.

"I want to sleep, but my throat and chest." She told him. Derek sighed sympathetically. "Can you get a xanex outta my purse?" She asked. He knew she was only supposed to take them for anxiety, but she took it to help her sleep after a couple of days of sleeplessness. He reluctantly fished the pills out of her purse and handed her one with the juice.

After she took it she handed him the juice. "Thank you." She coughed. "Can you put a new movie in the dvd player?" She asked. He picked out one of her favorite chick flicks and settled back on her bed.

"Are you going to watch this with me?"

"I don't know are you going to be all bi-polar on me?" He teased

"Stay with me until I fall asleep."

"Is that an apology?"

"You're going to keep on aren't you." She grumbled. "Can't you stop. I'm sick and I'm letting you take care of me. So you shut up."

He laughed at her taking her in his arm, hugging her close. "Fine. Let's just watch the movie." He said grabbing the remote.

She fell asleep about an hour later, but he stayed with her longer listening to her rattled breathing. He checked his watch and decided to go ahead and make some dinner.

He checked the freezer and found some frozen manicotti Meredith had made on one of her cooking sprees. He stuck the pan in the oven and found some garlic bread. He set that on the counter and went to check on Meredith. She was still asleep but her breathing was quieter. Satisfied he went back downstairs. Another hour later he took the manicotti out of the oven and set it out to cool. Then he put the garlic bread in and waited for it to cook.

He took their plates up to her room and tried to wake her up. She stirred, but didn't wake. He set the food aside and set her up on the pillows. Groggily she looked at him.

"Mer…what's wrong?" He asked putting a hand to her face, finding it warmer than ever.

"I'm hot." She coughed. He picked up the thermometer and stuck it under her tongue.

"Uh-uh babe." He murmured. "This is too high. We're going to the emergency room. Can you get dressed?" She shook her head. He went to her closet and found a pair of track pants for her. He found a thin long sleeved shirt and a R-MC sweatshirt.

"I need a shower." He shot her a quick glance. "I can do it." She assured him. He helped her to the bathroom. She had to rest for a moment because of the pounding in her head. She showered and dressed.

Derek was waiting at the door for her. He had grabbed her purse, meds, and a book for the both of them. He gathered her things and helped her to the car.

On the way there he noticed she used her inhaler, but only started wheezing more. When they go to the hospital Meredith could barely breathe. Derek scooped her up and carried her in.

By a small miracle, the ER waiting room was practically empty. Within no time Meredith was taken into the back. Derek ran back out to the car to get their things that he had forgotten in the rush to get her inside. When he returned Meredith was hooked up to an IV and had a mask over her face. He looked at her questioningly.

She reached to move the mask, but Derek bat her hand away and repositioned it. "I'm dehydrated." She explained

"Mask?"

"Treatment."

"My little girl." He murmured against the top of her head. "I know how you hate needles. I'm sorry I was gone."

"They poked me with the biggest one they had." She said tiredly. He laughed relieved that she was breathing easier.

Eventually they took Meredith to a room. Then they took her away to get a chest x-ray. Various doctors and nurses came and went, checking and poking on Meredith.

"Miss Grey?" A doctor asked, waking Meredith up. "It looks like you have bronchial-pneumonia, pretty bad case of it. How long have you let this go?"

"Not long." She answered.

"Too long." Derek interjected.

"Well with your asthma and the extent of this infection, we are going to keep you for a few days. And start you on an antibiotic through your IV along with the fluids for the dehydration. If your asthma kicks up again we'll give you another treatment, but something stronger. Any questions?"

Meredith shook her head. The doctor excused himself. Derek sighed glancing at her. "I don't understand why you let this go. You knew you were sick. Running around being a brat. Silly little princess."

"I wasn't sick until today." She protested.

"Damn it Mer. You were sick, the doctors agree. I'm going to go call Cristina."

He walked outside to call Cristina. When she answer, he explained what the doctor had said to them and told her how Meredith was acting. Cristina laughed, but agreed to come to Charlottesville to keep Meredith company. Derek hung up and checked his watch, making a note of the time so he knew when to expect Cristina.

"I'm not a brat." She told him.

"You sure do a good impression. Scoot your butt over." He told her.

"Why?"

"Because I'm tired. And I have work in the morning." He replied. She smiled and allowed him to get into the bed with her.


	38. Chapter 36

-1Cristina placed a hand on Derek's arm hoping to waking him without disturbing Meredith. He turned and looked at her for a moment.

"Go home. Get some sleep." He told her, reaching in his pocket for a key. "Just come back around seven." Cristina nodded, grateful that she'd get to sleep in a real bed, but aggravated that she had more driving to do.

"How is she?" She asked before she left.

"She keeps waking herself up coughing, but she hasn't needed another treatment so that's a good thing. She's still on the iv though."

"She'll probably be on the IV most of the time she's here. Do I need to bring her anything when I come in the morning?"

"Yeah, you'll see everything in her room. You can sleep in the guest room. You're welcome to whatever to eat. If you need to get online you know where the office is."

"Alright D." She said closing the door behind her.

The next morning Cristina made it back to the hospital a few minutes before seven and made her way back to Meredith's room. Meredith was sitting up in bed by herself absentmindedly flicking the remote.

"Where'd your other half go?" Cristina asked.

"To get coffee." She answered.

"I would have brought breakfast, but I wasn't sure if they were letting you have coffee."

"Why wouldn't they let me have coffee?" She asked.

"Because of your tendency to migraines after intense asthma attacks."

"Oh. See this is why I speak French and you're in med school." Meredith laughed ending with a few coughs. "Besides what they know won't hurt them."

"Scoot over sicky." She ordered, sitting down beside her on the bed.

A few minutes later Derek walked in balancing two bags and a tray of Starbucks. "Ah Cristina you're here already. I got you breakfast too." He announced passing everything out.

"Alright. Keep her in line." Derek laughed as he picked up his things. "I'm going to go to home and get ready. I'll try to come back here in between the 11 o'clock service and youth choir. But I don't know what may come up."

"I've got it Derek." Cristina assured him. "After all we're already in the hospital."

Derek shrugged her off and bent down to drop a kiss on Meredith's cheek. Meredith wrinkled her nose and turned away. "No kisses. You've got me all poked up with needles. No kisses." She explained childishly.

"Fine no kisses." He agreed. "I'll have to remember that."

"You can't give up kisses." She challenged.

"I can and I will. Maybe I'll even give up kisses for lent." He said lightly, closing the door behind him.

"Sick, Mer. Sick."

Meredith rolled her eyes and started eating. "Why did he call you down here?" She asked with her face stuffed.

"To babysit. What's the story anyway? How did you get that sick with him watching over you?"

"We fight. I sleep. He does his thing. I do mine. And my thing included a lot of not drinking."

"You're an idiot."

"Perhaps." She shrugged.

"No Mer. You are such an idiot. You could have easily killed yourself. Why the hell would you take xanex when you couldn't breathe anyway!? That is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. That's how you got so dehydrated, I bet. What did you do, take 'em to sleep? Fuck, Meredith you have got to start thinking. And thinking doesn't include taking meds that knock you on your ass when your lungs are all shitty. Grow up."

"I am grown." Meredith countered. "I have been on my own for quite some time."

"No Meredith. You had an absent mother and you took care of yourself. Now you have Derek taking care of you. You're turning into a spoiled child. You are emotionally dependent on Derek. And God knows he's the same. Honestly, you need to take a step back and look at what the hell you're doing. Since when do you need a babysitter? It isn't healthy, nor is it healthy for Derek to be uncomfortable leaving you by yourself while he goes to work. Before you start bitching that I can leave shut up. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be. But you need to understand that it is not necessary to be a baby about everything. You two are starting an unhealthy relationship. I think you both should learn distance. Take some time to be apart. Otherwise it's going to cripple the entire relationship.

Cristina quieted down allowing what she has said to sink in for a moment. Meredith continues to fume at Cristina's outburst as they sat there in silence. She eyed her feet and tugged at her blanket.

"Maybe I have a right to a screwed up relationship?"

"How so?"

"Because I've been unhappy all of my life. I am in love and…"

"You can't tell me you are truly happy. You are happy with Derek, yes, I'll give you that. But real happiness, the good deep lasting kind, only comes from being happy with who you are, finding contentment in yourself. Not in some guy. You still haven't found that out. Derek doesn't make you who you are, you happiness doesn't depend on him. You two are making a pretty good go of it, but he's compensating for you and you're conforming for him. You're happy right now, but I can see this developing to a point where you lose your identity and Derek winds up with another broken heart. That's unacceptable when you can fix this. You need to talk to Derek about this. And maybe you should start going back to your shrink."

"Fine." Meredith sighed. "I'm tired."

"How are you feeling besides that?"

"Achy and sore. But my headache's subsiding."

"Is your chest tight?"

"Not so much. I wanna go home."

"I'm sure you do. And if you're breathing is under control, they may let you go this afternoon, but maybe they'll keep you for a few days. You have a pretty nasty infection in your chest."

"Well I don't need a babysitter."

"No you absolutely don't. But for now you've got one."

Meredith sighed and cracked a smile, paving the way for a lighter note between the girls.

"Who are you dating these days?"

"I don't have time for dating." Cristina replied nonchalantly. "I am a med student. The only people I interact with are dummies and professors. And dummies cover two categories."

"The other med students?" Meredith asked. Cristina nodded. "Who are you dating?" Meredith pressed again.

"Nobody."

"Somebody."

"Nobody."

"Bitch tell me!" Meredith demanded. "C'mon, you have to tell your best friend."

"What I say does NOT leave this room. Not Derek. Not our friends."

Meredith sighed. "Just tell me."

"One of my professors."

"WHAT!? CRISTINA!"

"Shut. Up."

"You aren't serious. Please tell me you aren't serious. Lecturing me about my unhealthy relationships and you're doing your professor."

"There is no doing. Just coffee and talks."

"So far…" Meredith interjected.

"So far." Cristina agreed with an evil grin.

"I cannot believe you. You are ridiculous."

Derek finally returned late in the evening, walking into the room with a smile. Cristina nodded to let him know she was doing better.

"Are you gonna leave me now?" Meredith asked as Cristina gathered her things.

"You bet your ass I am. I have classes tomorrow." She laughed bending down to kiss the top of Meredith's head. "You behave and we'll get together soon." She teased.

"How'd you make you today?" Meredith asked after Cristina left. Derek stood beside her bed watching her closely.

"I didn't." He replied slyly. Meredith rolled her eyes, but smiled at him.

"I really want to go home and they wouldn't let me go today. I didn't have any problems or anything." She sighed and reached her hand out to tug on the hem of his shirt. "Take me home."

He took her hand and pressed a kiss to it. "I can't take you anywhere. You're still all iv'd up."

"Please? I'd be the happiest princess ever." She asked lightly pulling on his hand this time, feeling a pang of guilt at the mention of happiness.

"Nope." He answered. "But I can spend the night here if you'd like."

"Nah. Go home. Go to work tomorrow too."

"I'm not going anywhere yet. I just got here." He laughed. "Scoot over."

She moved over in the bed as he slipped in, rolling over to lay her head on his chest. He wrapped on arm around her and used the other to brush the hair away from her face. He leaned closer to kiss her, but Meredith held up her hand.

"No kisses." She reminded him. "And you can't give them up for Lent if it's half over already."

"Fine I won't give them up then." He countered.

"See you can't give them up."

"I can and I will. Not for Lent, but just because."

"Maybe you should go home."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted kisses and now you don't have any for me."

"Hmmm…" Derek said trying to kiss her.

"No! Noooo!" She shrieked giggling.

Her giggling led to a coughing fit. By the end of it she was wheezing. Her breathing deteriorated after that until Derek got scared and called for a nurse. The nurse walked in a took a look at Meredith struggling to breathe. She flipped her chart open and hurried out of the room. She returned moments later, hooking the tubing up to the wall and sliding a mask over Meredith's face. But Meredith would not have it. She tried to fight the mask. Derek moved to the other side of the bed and took her hands. Trying to talk her down.

"No!" Meredith grunted, trying to pull away. She tried to breathe, but was met with only wheezing. She began to hyperventilate strangely because she couldn't get a deep breath and the wheezing overshadowed it all. Tears leaked out of her eyes and under her mask.

"She's panicking." Derek told the nurse. "Get her something quick please!" He sat her up and slid into bed behind her, still holding her arms. He wrapped himself around her and began to talk softly in her ear. The nurse pushed a needle into the iv, injecting it with something, Derek didn't know what it was, nor did he care.

After she started to calm, Derek grabbed some tissues and pulled the mask away wiping it off before leaving it on her forehead. He gently wiped her face off and told her to blow. He situated the mask back over her nose and rocked her until the treatment was finished, wiping away the tears that were still leaking out of her eyes.

"I think you won yourself another night here." He teased.

"You weren't going to take me home anyway."

Derek shrugged her comment away as she tiredly leaned back against him. He could tell the drugs were starting to take effect. "I'm sorry I did that." Derek whispered into her ear. "I should have known not to rough house when you're in the hospital."

He held her until she was fast asleep. He got out of the bed and made sure she was comfortable. He leaned down to her, not to kiss her, but to smell the top of her head. "I love you." He said before pulling away to leave.


	39. Chapter 37

-1"So I was thinking." Derek said Tuesday evening, leaning against Meredith's doorway. It had been about a week since Meredith was released from the hospital. She was feeling a lot better, had even gone back to classes. Derek moved into the guest house the Friday before.

"Really? I didn't even know you did that." Meredith commented from inside her closet.

"Snarky. You talked to Cristina today?"

"I'm putting away laundry. What do you want?"

"Kathleen called today. She wants to check out my digs. And the new church."

"The shrink?"

"Mmhmmm."

"Perfect, just enough time for her to inspect me and decide I'm a nut job."

"Oh c'mon. You and Nance hit it off. Besides maybe Kathleen could be your shrink."

"Not funny." Meredith warned, pointing at him with a hanger.

"Point taken."

"Have you heard from Nancy?"

"My family doesn't know." He answered simply.

"Oh." She grunted, turning back into the closet.

"Well Kath's gonna be here Saturday. She'll stay at the guesthouse with me. We will all get to know each other. And there'll be alcohol involved for us all. Soon will be Easter and we'll take a long weekend to meet the family. And you'll already have allies. Sound okay."

"I wish you wouldn't refer to it as the guest house. It makes it sound like I took over and deported you to the lowly dog house.

"But it's huge." He countered. Meredith grunted again. Derek slipped his hands to her hips pressing his lips to her shoulder, she pulled away quickly. "I'm headed home. I'll call you before I go to sleep okay?" Meredith grunted a third time, folding her jeans.

Derek slipped out of the back door and walked down the path to his place. He studied the outside of it for a moment before unlocking the door.

It was a one-story version of the larger house, under a hundred yards away with the pool separating them. Inside was the den and the kitchen in the front two rooms, then a decent sized bathroom, two bedrooms, and an office. Hardly a dog house. And he hadn't been deported. He spent the night with Meredith Friday night watching movies together. Something was bothering her.

He headed to the guest room to get it ready for his oldest sister. Only four days to get ready. He couldn't wait for Kathleen and Meredith to meet he thought as he put fresh sheets on the bed and carried the extra boxes into the office that he didn't actually use.

Davadini: Hey

MerGrey: Away Message: We are a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer.

Davadini: Oh you're away.

Davadini: Hmm are you a man now…

MerGrey: Nah m'here.

Davadini: Hey. What's the away for?

MerGrey: Der invited his shrink sis for a visit. And he hasn't told his family we're dating, even though we're going for Easter.

Davadini: You two…

MerGrey: I'm not mad.

Davadini: Then what are you?

MerGrey: Idk. I hate being alone in the house. I'm not used to it yet.

Davadini: Yeah I could see that. Need me to stick around. I was signing off when I caught your away.

MerGrey: Nah m'self sufficient

Davadini: Fine have it your way. I'm out like a fat kid at a dodge ball competition.

MerGrey: G'nite chubs.

Meredith stood up to get something to drink when Derek's screen name came back from idle. She headed to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of juice. When she sat at the computer it was flashing with a message.

Dshepherd: Princess Snark

MerGrey: Away Message: We are a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer.

MerGrey: Idk what you're on about

Dshepherd: that quote you're either watching the movie or you're being snarky about Kathleen

MerGrey: So

Dshepherd: Hah. Do you want to do something tomorrow night?

MerGrey: Nah. If Kathleen's going to be here I need to get a jumpstart on some work.

Dshepherd: Thursday bible study

MerGrey: Not likely

Dshepherd: Lunch Friday

MerGrey: Def not. Test at one

Dshepherd: Friday night. Come home. Relax. I'll take care of dinner. After we'll make out like a pair of teens on the couch in the dark. We can snuggle until you fall asleep.

MerGrey: No kisses remember?

Derek pulled on a sweatshirt and put up an away message. He quickly walked to the house. He tried the back door and Meredith pulled it open as he did, surprising the both of them. They laughed falling easily into an embrace. She nuzzled her forehead against a full day's stubble. He laughed rubbing his chin again the delicate skin of her neck. With both her hands on the sides of his face she guided his face to hers. Her hands glided into his hair. His hands moved to circle her waist, lifting her up to sit on the island. She rested her elbows on his shoulders, still fingering his locks as they stared at one another.

"I make bad rules." He admitted.

"You do." She agreed. He leaned forward to kiss her neck. She let his lips barely scrape her skin before she pulled away.

"Fine no kisses." Derek agreed.

"Thank you."

"This cannot continue. Ten days is enough."

"True. But not tonight."

"Why not tonight?"

"Because you're going home and I'm going to do some more work. You invited your sister. I have to clean the house and do all of my work."

"I'll help you clean up."

"You've got your hands full with your house. You let me deal with this one."

"The house isn't keeping my hands full. You're keeping my hands full, what with your hospital visits and all."

"Shut up." Meredith demanded, upset that he was bringing the hospital up against her.

"Okay." He apologized, pulling a stool up to sit on from the other side of the island. Meredith set her feet on the seat of the stool as they talked. "What are you doing Saturday?"

"I have work in the morning. But I'll be done before one. Maybe around eleven."

"I think Kath's gonna be here in that same time frame. I'll have lunch made for us, but I think we'll go out for dinner. She's going to be here until Tuesday afternoon. Do you have any work?"

"No, but I have class Monday morning."

"If you are comfortable with it. I'd like you to spend some one on one time with her."

"We'll see."

"Only if you're comfortable. He assured her. "I'm going to go to bed since there aren't any kisses here."

"Good night Derek." She smiled pulling him into her for a hug.

"Good night Mer."


	40. Chapter 38

-1Derek was in the house Friday afternoon cooking dinner, waiting on Meredith to get home. He wasn't sure if she remembered that they had plans together tonight, since he had mentioned it so casually, but at any rate he expected her home soon anyway. He turned on some music and went back to the kitchen to finish dinner.

Meredith got home an hour later. She walked upstairs and put all of her stuff away and changed into some jeans and one of her favorite long sleeved shirts. She brushed her teeth and washed the light makeup off of her face, spraying a body spray before she left.

She stood in the den for a moment looking around. Her gaze settled on the stereo and she walked towards it to change it, but the Buddha on the shelf above it caught her attention first. She laughed to herself as she reached behind the incense burned and found her favorite scent. She lit the sandalwood and set the burner on the coffee table. She stood still for a moment trying to remember what she was doing in the first place.

"The stereo." She murmured to herself, turning around and picking up her ipod. She found sublime and put it on shuffle. As the music started she started dancing around the room singing, just bouncing along.

"Early in the morning. Rise into the street. Light me up that cigarette an I strap shoes on my feet. Got to find the reason. Reason things went wrong. Got to find the reason why my money's all gone. I got a Dalmatian. And I can still get high. I can play the guitar like a mother fucking riot."

Derek bit back a laugh at that last line and had step away from the door when she started dancing again, not because she was bad at it, but because she was just so into it. He peeked back when he heard start singing again.

"I don't cry when my dog runs away. I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay. I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot, hit's the bottle and it's back to the rock. Fucking and fighting it's all the same."

"Tell me did your mom ever smoke pot?" Derek asked interrupting her.

"Shit." She screamed. "Are you trying to kill me? You're lucky there isn't a puddle in the floor because you'd be cleaning it right about now." She berated.

"How was your day?" He asked.

"Good." She replied flouncing onto the couch, waiting for the next song. "I don't think my mother ever smoked pot." She answered thoughtfully. "I don't know why not. Maybe it would have chilled her out some." She began to laugh as she realized what the next song was.

"What are you listening to?" Derek asked.

"Sublime."

"This is just straight pot music."

"Why do you say that?"

"The guy smoked about fifteen joints in that last verse."

"Doesn't make it pot music." She countered and started cracking up uncontrollably at the thought of fifteen joints. She clicked her way through the list until she found Date Rape and laughed even harder. Then she caught herself. She had to stop giggling before Derek suspected something.

He came back into the den a few minutes later. "Dinner's ready." He announced holding out a hand to help her up off the couch. She smiled and took his hand, moving to his side for a quick hug. He smiled and squeezed her gently.

After dinner Meredith helped Derek clean up the kitchen. By the time they were finished Meredith was still feeling laid-back, but the haze was clearing. She breathed deep, taking in the sandalwood that had flooded the house and sighed.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked.

"Nothing. I feel good." She told him, pulling him to her for a hug. He bent his head down to brush her lips with his, waiting for her to push him away as she had been doing for the last two weeks. She didn't push him away, sweetly returning his kiss. She looked him in the eye, glancing at his lips, before returning her gaze to his. She tilted her head and moved towards him. He responded automatically, his arms swept around her body. He closed his eyes as her tongue passed into his mouth, languidly exploring for a moment. She hooked her fingers into his belt loops, pulling his body closer to hers as she took a few steps backwards into the den, kissing him all the while. Derek let her control, relaxing in response to her mellowness. She gathered his shirt in her hands, tugging on it slightly as she bit his lip pulling away with it in her teeth letting it slide through. She pulled back to look at him, giggling at his face. She lifted a hand, lightly gliding it over his face, running her fingers over every bit of skin. She paused at his lips, tracing her way around his mouth, dragging her thumb over his bottom lip, pulling it down slightly. Lightly he let his tongue slip past his teeth lifting her thumb guiding it to rest on his teeth, biting her finger, sucking on it. Meredith surveyed this action intently, her lips slightly parted. Her tongue darted out to run over her lips. Derek crashed down on her lips, his hands flying into her hair pulling her as close as he could, breathing deeply. They stumbled their way to the couch, falling back on it. He shifted their bodies so he was hovering over her. He found her ear, giving it the same treatment she had giving his lip.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered.

"You always tell me that when we do this."

"It's because you're gorgeous like this. You let your guard down. You relax. Do you not let me in unless it's like this?"

"I always let you in."

Derek smiled at her, lightly kissing her cheek. He paused close to her ear whispering, "I'm the luckiest prince there ever was."

She giggled at the way her breath tickled her ear. She smiled at him leaning to his ear tickling his side as she said, "Then where's your armor?" He laughed tickling her in return. She shrieked, being terribly ticklish. "Stop. Stop!" She begged. He lifted her shirt blowing raspberries as she fought him. He wouldn't stop so she used one hand digging her nails into his stomach, but not hard, and rotated her hand. With the other hand she dragged her nails across his stubbly chin. She had his attention.

"Don't tickle me." She demanded with a laugh. He advanced towards her and she held up her feet to stop him. He took one foot in his hands and pressed a kiss to it. He pushed the leg of her jeans up to her knee and drew imaginary lines from her ankles to her knees. He paused at her knee and circled it with kisses.

"Did you know that I can't feel my knee right here?" She asked pointed to a spot right below the bottom of her knee cap.

"No I didn't know that. Why can't you feel anything."

"Two part story. Remember when I used to skate?"

"Back when you wore chains and spikes?" He asked with a laugh remembering Meredith all decked out in black with angry metal objects protruding from all angles. She had bright blue hair too. Always smelled like blueberries he remembered.

"Well I was at the skate park downtown with Izzie. She used to come with me to meet guys. And I was on the half pipe. With my balance I was a master at manuals. The boys bet I couldn't manual down the half pipe. This pipe was about eight feet tall which is scary. So I dropped in and came up the other side. I did a revert going up the side and hit the manual, but I don't know what happen. All of a sudden I was in the air. I dropped from at least eight feet and landed on my knee. I could definitely still feel it." She described laughing at the memory. Derek made a sympathetic noise and kissed the knee again.

"So what's the second part?" He asked.

"Ah. Later that week I was in dance rehearsal. I had a pas de trois and one guy was tossing me off to another. For some reason I freaked out as he let me go and I fell again. The pain was so intense because I landed right on the bruise. After that it got numb and then it started itching like crazy. I would scratch it, but I couldn't feel it. After that I couldn't even feel it right there again."

"What did the doctors say?"

"Nothing much. I damaged some nerves. It hurts sometimes, but that's about it. They were more interested in getting a hold of my ankles." She explained. Derek laughed rotating her foot so her ankles cracked. Rarely could she sneak up on him because the popping sounds from her feet gave her away.

Derek knew it was borderline freaky, but he couldn't help it. He loved that she had these weird stories about how her body malfunctioned. At times her right shoulder would be hot to the touch because of an old soccer injury. The bridge of her nose was sensitive because of another soccer injury. Her ankles popped and cracked. She had a callous on the side of her right hand near the knuckle of her first finger where her clarinet would rub. One of her toes came out of socket randomly. Her feet had dark red spots on them from the years of blister on blister scars. She had a scar on her big toe that came from running to jump in her dad's arms when she was very little. No matter what she did, she had a patch of dry skin on her ankle bone from where the Irish step hard shoes had rubbed. The fingers that looked perfectly formed where the ones she had broken. She had ripped a toenail off of her pinkie toes that had never grown back. She had a dozen or more scars in random places, mostly from skating and being clumsy. He adored these stories. They gave her history a life a real story. They gave them history, he had been there for some of them. But there were two places on her body he couldn't stand to look, her left thigh and her left arm. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of tiny little scars that were only visible if you knew they were there. He knew these were from cutting. It made him sick because he hadn't been able to help her. He couldn't stop it and he couldn't make it better. He couldn't even imagine how unreal it had to be to feel so completely horrible that self-mutilation was the only escape, the only relief.

He pulled the sleeve up and rubbed his thumb over her arm, taking a deep breath. He peered closely and could see the scars all lined up in straight little lines. He kissed her arm wishing he could kiss them away and take away the memories too.

"Stop." She whispered, knowing what he was looking for. The scars had faded as the years went on, but she had only stopped cutting the year before. So there were still scars that hadn't faded as well. He didn't know that though, he thought she had stopped years before. He also didn't know that she still battled the compulsion at times. She knew she couldn't tell him, it would hurt him too badly because he couldn't control it.

She needed to stop thinking about it though. She pulled her sleeve back over her arm and cuddled into herself pulling her hands halfway inside her sleeves and letting the legs of her jeans cover her feet as her knees touched her chest. She set her chin on her knees then changed her mind and leaned into the back of the couch.

"I'm sorry." Derek offered softly, noticing the way she was shutting down and withdrawing. That wasn't what he wanted for this evening at all. He set his head on her knees, looking her in the eyes. She smiled at him as she stared. She ran a hand through his hair. He sighed contentedly so she stretched her legs out, putting her feet on the coffee table. The table was so close to the couch that her legs were still bent. She settled Derek's head into the 'V' made by her body and legs. With one hand she started scratching his head. The other hand Derek took in his. They sat there in a comfortable silence as Derek caressed her hand, kissing it occasionally.

He loved her hands. They were small delicate, with long slender fingers. Her nails barely extended past her fingertips. No polish on them. She didn't consider it appropriate for work. Every once in a while, if she was bored, she'd give herself a French manicure, but that was rare. She didn't do a lot of girlie things, but her feminine side always shined through. He glanced at her toes, noting she had a coat of bright pink polish on them. He smiled. She rarely wore rings either because of work. He wondered if she would wear an engagement ring when he gave it to her. Or would she wear it on a necklace. She almost always had a cross or something like it on. And she often wore a small gold ring with it. It was a ring her dad had given her when she was young. It had been too big for her then and she had worn it on a chain ever since. It probably fit her finger now he mused.

His mind drifted back to the engagement ring. He hadn't bought it yet. He had started to look around though. Just to get an idea. He had seen a few Meredith would like, none that stood out to him. He still had a while. A couple of years even.

"Meredith do you want a big wedding?" He asked.

"What?!" She asked, taken aback

"What kind of wedding do you want?"

"I'm not sure. I've never really thought about it. The only thing I ever thought about my wedding was the dress. I want a gown like Belle wore in Beauty and the Beast. And that Cristina would be my maid of honor." She replied.

"How long does it take to plan a wedding?"

"A year. Maybe longer."

"Well then…" He started

"Derek please stop." She interrupted him. "I don't wanna think about that right now. Let's just be for a little while before we start worrying about all of this."

"I was just asking."

"I know sweetie, but I'm all stressed out about tomorrow with Kathleen and I need this time with you right now."

"Why are you stressed out?"

"Meeting Kathleen. It's weird. I mean, you don't have to meet anybody for me. My dad's gone. My mom hates you. My friends all know you or were your friends too. You know everybody already. And you knew them before we started dating. I never met your family. Except the few times I met Nancy. And I knew Addison. And I'm just starting to meet your friends. And now your sister is going to be here. A shrink at that. And we both know I am terribly fucked up."

"You're not fucked up."

"But I am Derek. Just a few minutes ago you were inspecting those scars. You know I'm fucked up. It will only take Kathleen a few minutes before she can tell I belong in a nut hospital. She's going to go tell the rest of your family and they're going to hate me. Especially your mom. You're her little boy. And you dated Addison. And now you're dating me. They won't like this. You're 32. You're supposed to be settling down and getting married. I'm 22. I'm supposed to be fooling around and partying."

"We could fool around, get married, and have a party." Derek suggested. Meredith looked at him for a moment. Then she straddled his waist, burying her face into his chest. Derek knew she was looking for comfort. He pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over her. He couldn't tell if she was upset by what he had said or if she was okay with it. He wasn't about to ask her though. He slipped a hand beneath the blanket and under her shirt, gently rubbing her back.

"Mer I can't assure you that my family will react a certain way. Because they are very opinionated. But I can assure you that they will be completely respectful. They won't lie to you, but they won't be mean or nasty. But the family is big and varied. I'm sure you will find allies in some of them if you don't win them all. But I wouldn't worry about it. Because you are an amazing person. You aren't a fuck up."

"That doesn't change me being scared about meeting your family."

"I know."

"Well, make me not scared."

"I can't."

"You suck."

"I suck at a lot of things." He agreed.

"I love you though."

Derek smiled at her, taking in everything about the moment. Every time she told him she loved him it made him feel like nothing could go wrong again. He wished he could make her feel the same. But instead he settled for holding her against his chest, waiting for her to make a move. She slipped off of his lap, stretching her legs across his lap and leaned against the arm of the couch. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and gently maneuvered him closer to her. She smiled at him softly, a little mischievously, inviting him to make his own move. He did, kissing her gently. She pulled away to study his face, his eyes still closed, his mouth open just a sliver, curled in a slight smile. She kissed him a little deeper and pulled back again to study his face. She kissed him a third time, but when she pulled away he followed her, not breaking the kiss. His hands slid into her hair and over her body, encouraging her. She relented and allowed her own hands to explore after a moment as they continued to make out on the couch just as he had predicted.


	41. Chapter 39

-1The house phone rang the next morning. Meredith was contemplating going after it when she heard Derek answer it. She yawned wondering what he was doing downstairs already.

"No I think she's still asleep." She heard him say after a moment. "Okay. Sure. I'll let her know. Thanks. Alright you too."

Derek knocked softly on her door before sticking his head in. "That was Mr. Jones. He doesn't need you this morning." He explained. She groaned and rolled over, pulling the blankets over her head. This meant she couldn't escape from Kathleen at all. "I really hate TTY. It just throws me off. I mean I was supposed to be talking to a guy, but it's a woman. And the pauses."

Meredith just laughed at him. TTY took a little time to get used to but she had been dealing with it for years. She wondered why he hadn't texted her. She reached for her phone and realized the battery was completely dead. She had forgotten to charge it last night. She sighed and plugged it up.

"Would you like something for breakfast?" Derek asked. "I was going to make some French toast."

"Sure I'll be down to help you in a minute." She offered. Derek nodded and left the room. She stretched back out in bed for a minute, wishing she could stay there the whole day. But she couldn't. So she pulled her hair back into a pony tail and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Then she went downstairs to help Derek.

"Coffee's ready I think." Derek said when she walked in. She pulled two mugs out of the cabinet and poured them both some coffee adding sugar and milk.

"Here you go." She said handing him a mug.

"Mmmm good coffee." He said with a laugh kissing the top of her head. She got the syrup out of the fridge and set it on the table along with the plates and silverware. She poured them both a glass of orange juice, setting that on the table too.

Derek had his back to the room as he stood at the stove making the French toast. She ran a hand over his back, adjusting the twisted waistband of his lounge pants and fixing his t-shirt. She tucked the tag back in and fingered the lettering on the shirt.

"Am I presentable now?" He asked with a smile. She picked her coffee back up and took another sip. He looked over her shoulder at her standing there beside him in pajamas, messily pulled back hair, drinking her coffee. "C'mere Beautiful." He said lightly. "How about a good morning kiss?"

"After all the goodnight kisses I don't know if I have any left."

"I do." He slipped one hand to her back to pull her closer, kissing her teasingly. He left his hand on her back as he turned back to the stove. She leaned into him, snuggling her head on his chest, watching him cook. He pressed another kiss to the top of her head, resting his cheek there for a moment while he finished the food.

He handed her the French toast to set on the table while he put the bacon in a bowl. The both sat down at the table, making their plates, enjoying the silence. Meredith rested her feet on the rung beneath Derek's seat.

"What time will Kathleen get here?" She asked after a few minutes.

"Four or five hours." He answered. He let his hand wander to her leg. He snuck his hand under her pajama bottom, gently rubbing her leg. She bit her lip, watching him closely. "I have to go shopping. Then I'm going to make lunch for us here. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. I'll clean up breakfast." She offered.

"Thank you." He said. "Do you need anything from the store?"

"Lotion."

"Okay anything else?"

"A surprise." She teased. He laughed bending down to kiss her.

"A surprise it is my dear." He agreed. He walked back to his place and changed into some clothes and left.

Meanwhile Meredith went about cleaning up the mess they had made with breakfast. Once she was satisfied she made her way upstairs to get dressed. She showered and dried her hair as she rummaged through her closet to find something presentable. She pulled on a pair of her favorite jeans and a bra while she did her hair. She flipped it over lathering mousse in it, then a spraying it with a spray to make it curl. She slipped a diffuser on the end of her blow dryer and went to work.

The result was tousled wavy curls. She pinned back the hair that was falling in her face and added some eye liner and mascara. That was all the make up she ever wore. She found a top and put that on and sprayed a little perfume. "Good to go." She thought looking in the mirror.

As she came downstairs she heard a car in the driveway. Apprehensively she peeked out the door to find Derek. She sighed with relief and hurried outside to help him.

"Thanks Mer." He grunted when she took some bags from him. They walked inside dumping it all on the kitchen table. "You look pretty." He complimented easily. "I like your hair curly like that." He added tugging on a piece as he always did. They quietly put everything away. Derek handed Meredith her lotion and sent her upstairs with it. He went back out to his car and pulled the small box off the front seat.

Meredith was bouncing down the steps as he opened the front door. Her hair flowing messily behind her. She looked so happy.

"I've got a surprise." He announced with a hand behind his back holding the box. Her face lit up and she excitedly flew down the remaining steps. He opened the box to reveal a pair of earrings. Nothing extraordinary, each a simple fish with a cross inside of them. "They aren't very expensive. They're just silver and…"

Meredith interrupted him with a soft kiss. "I love them." She announced. "They're perfect. And I have a necklace to match."

"I know that's why I decided on them." He admitted. "Do you really like them?"

"Of course I do." She assured him, to prove she really did like them she pulled out the hoops she was wearing and slipped on the fish. "This is the first piece of jewelry I've been given in a long time."

"It won't be the last." Derek promised bending down to meet her in a kiss.

"Thank you Derek." She said seriously. He nodded, running a hand over her hair. She ran upstairs to put the hoops back in her jewelry box while Derek flopped on the couch to watch some television before he needed to start making lunch.

Derek's phone rang a while later. He fished it out of his pocket and flipped it open, "Yeah?" He asked.

"I'm about half an hour away." Kathleen answered.

"Sounds good. Do you know where you're headed?"

"Yeah. I've got the directions right here. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"She almost here?" Meredith asked, tensing up.

"Calm down sweetie. Do you want to help me make lunch."

"Yeah." She agreed standing up, following him into the kitchen. As he got the food out of the fridge she paced circles around the island. She picked up a knife and Derek noticed she was shaking. Her knife slid off the pineapple she was attempting to cut up, nearly slicing her finger. Derek leaned around her, removing the knife from her hand

"No offense, but I don't want to go to the hospital. Here." He said slipping a chunk of strawberry into her mouth. "You need to eat something." Meredith smiled slyly at him, pulling him closer. He leaned in for a kiss, tasting the sweet fruit on her lips and tongue. "Mmmm." He moaned, he tucked his hands around her waist and lifted her up to sit on the island. She giggled, kissing him again.

"I would love to continue this, but we need to get this done." He said regretfully. He finished the fruit salad and moved to the opposite counter to use the can opener. Meredith stretched her foot out naturally for a dancer and poked him in the butt with her pointed toe. He turned back to her laughing as he tugged on her toe. She continued to poke him as he worked on the chicken salad. When he was finished he put the food back into the fridge and wiped down the counter and the island.

She poked him with her toe one last time and he took a few steps back so that he was standing right in front of her. She wrapped her legs around him wriggling her toes. He pinched her toes again, as he always did making her laugh. He bent down enough for her to easily slid onto his back for a piggy back ride. She covered his eyes as he teasingly bumped into the doorway and then into the couch.

The doorbell rang causing Meredith to whisper, "Put me down!" She tried to wiggle free, barely succeeding before Derek opened the door.

"Kathleen!" Derek welcomed, pulling the woman inside and into a hug while Meredith stood to the side. She was used to Derek's enthusiasm, but she wasn't comfortable. The woman pulled away from Derek after and smiled at Meredith.

"Kath, this is Meredith." He introduced as they stepped into the room.

"Hi." Kathleen said, pulling Meredith into a warm hug.

Meredith froze for a second glancing at Derek. He smiled assuringly and Meredith hugged her back. "It's good to finally meet you. Derek's been talking about you for years."  
"He has?" Meredith asked.  
"Yeah. When Derek moved in with you the rest of us figured we could stop worrying about him." Kathleen answered. Meredith moved aside, beckoning her inside. Meredith instinctively moved towards Derek as they stood in the den. He placed a comforting hand on her back, running his thumb down her spine.  
"Kath would you like something to drink?" Derek asked.  
"Yeah anything's good." She replied. He got up to get her a glass of soda.  
"You were in the hospital last week. How are you feeling?"  
"Better. It was just a chest thing."  
"Don't let her lie to you." Derek called from the doorway. "Pneumonia, bronchitis, asthma attacks, Ivs. Poor little princess." He handed Kathleen her drink and settled down on a chair facing both the girls.  
"Derek what's new with you? You look good."  
"Nothing much. Work is good. Confirmation's gearing up. I stay pretty busy."  
"How do you like living in Charlottesville?"  
"Different that Richmond. But the church is pretty basic. It's huge. The youth do only what's required and never take it a step further, so that's frustrating. And the young adult program sucks. Right Mer?"  
"It's getting better." She answered with a dirty look, causing them all to laugh.  
"Oh Mom said you were coming for Easter." She said to Meredith. "We're excited to finally meet you."  
Meredith blushed scratching her arm. Derek leaned forward in his chair putting a hand over hers to stop her from scratching. She would scratch the skin off of her arm in that nervous habit of hers.  
"How was Addie's wedding?" Kathleen asked, carefully watching her brother's reaction.  
"It was good. The whole thing was gorgeous and perfect. And I had a blast." He answered winking at Meredith. "Are you hungry?" Kathleen nodded and Derek stood. As they went to the kitchen Derek whispered in Meredith's ear, "Of course I had a blast. I was drunk with the hottest chick there." Meredith poked him in the side, trying not to laugh.  
Derek went about pulling things out of the fridge as Meredith set out the dishes and silverware. Kathleen took a seat at the table and waited. They made their plates and Derek said grace. Kathleen watched Derek as he smiled at Meredith after. He seemed happy to her and she was grateful to Meredith for that. Derek and Kathleen continued to chat as they ate. Meredith hung back a bit. Finally she got up to clean up.  
"Mer I can get it." Derek said she started wiping the island off.  
"I can get it too." She said with a smile.  
"She's stubborn." Derek explained lightly to Kathleen. Meredith sighed with a hand on her hip. "Okay I'll be quiet." He watched Meredith for a moment realizing how nervous she was. "C'mon Kath. Let's get your stuff outta the car." He said standing up. "Mer why don't you come to my place in a while and we'll all decide on dinner." She nodded that she would and they left.  
"She's sweet." Kathleen said once they were out of the house. Derek grunted his agreement as he lifted a huge suitcase out of the trunk. "Is she okay? She seems on edge."  
"She was just nervous about meeting you. She can be quiet at first." He explained tossing another bag over his shoulder. He led the two of them down to his house.  
"When you said guest cottage I didn't realize it would be so big." She commented at the front door.  
"Two bedrooms and an office that could be another bedroom. I like it."  
"Does Meredith like being in the house on her own?"  
"She's fine with it, but we still hang out a lot. Do you really like Meredith?" He asked setting her stuff on her bed.  
"I've heard a lot about her over the years. She seems alright. It's good for you to have daily forced interaction whether you like it or not. Especially with somebody who has known you since before Addie. The two of you are close."  
"We are close." He muttered as he headed for the den. Kathleen followed him. He turned around and pulled his sister into a hug. "I've missed you." He told her.  
"We all miss you too. You live so far away from all of us."  
"I always expected to move back home after college, but one thing led to another with school and then addie."  
"How do you feel about her getting married?"  
"I told you I had fun there."  
"Yeah but that just means there was plenty of booze."  
"No. I'm over her." He said honestly glancing at her.  
"Good. You were always meant to have a family I think. Are you dating yet?"  
"Yes."  
"How do she and Meredith get along?"  
"It uh.."  
"Der…" She asked trying to pull it out of him.  
"It's Meredith." He admitted, unsure of how she would take it.  
"I'm not sure I know what to say." She replied keeping her voice and face carefully neutral.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked.

"Der, she's young. And she's one of your youth."

"She hasn't been one of my youth in a decade. Not since I was at HSC."

"I don't know Derek."

"Why aren't you happy for me. I'm finally over Addison. And I'm in love. Just give her a chance. She's amazing. You'll love her."

"I will try. But Derek I'm worried about this."

"You're allowed to be. But please please give her a fair chance."

Kathleen sighed. "I will try. But we're gonna have a talk at the end of this visit."

Derek pulled his sister into a hug, "Thank you Kath."


	42. Chapter 40

-1"Well my dears." Derek said standing up in the den stretching. "I hate to say it but I have work tomorrow." The three of them had gone out to dinner and were now in the den of Meredith's house drinking wine and roasting Derek. It had already been decided that Meredith and Kathleen would meet Derek at church but then hang out together the rest of the day while Derek was stuck at church with the youth.

"Stay until eleven." Meredith asked looking up at him over her shoulder. Derek checked his watch and sighed, but settled back onto the couch. He lifted Meredith from her spot beside him and set her down leaning against the arm of the couch with her butt between the arm and him, still facing Kathleen.

"You know I'm getting tired of these stories about me. And I'm sure there will be another round at Easter. Can't we pick another subject?" He asked picking up his glass of wine and refilling Meredith's.

"So the war really sucks." Kathleen said seriously.

"Any idea for an exit strategy?" Meredith replied.

"Okay fine. Talk about me if I'm really all that interesting." Derek grunted as they laughed.

Meredith began a story about Derek coming to a soccer game of hers and Kathleen took it as an opportunity to observe them rather than what she was saying. She noticed the way Meredith's body turned into Derek's, while Derek wrapped himself protectively around her. One of Meredith's hands was resting on Derek's chest, she kept rubbing it as she talked about him. Meredith glanced up at Derek for a moment as she spoke and Kathleen watched the flash in her brother's eyes. Each time they connected he smiled softly at her, Kathleen could see her relax just slightly. No doubt they were in love. From what Kathleen could tell and had heard of Meredith that was a surprise. And Derek didn't fall easily either. Sure he had fallen hard for Addison, but look how long it had taken him to recover. Nobody had even remotely interested him until Meredith. Maybe he had been interested in Meredith for a while. No that couldn't be it. He would have never moved in with her if that was the case.

But being in love wasn't enough for their relationship. They had some serious issues. She could see it in the way that Derek needed to protect Meredith. And in the way that Meredith shut down when Derek stepped away. Perhaps Meredith was really just that shy, maybe she could figure more out tomorrow when she was alone with her.

"Kath do you want to head down to my place?" He asked, moving Meredith aside. She nodded. "I'll be back in a bit." He said to Meredith pressing a kiss to her forehead.

He and Kathleen walked to the guest house and Derek showered her where everything she needed was in the bathroom and stood in her doorway. "Are you warming up to her any?" He asked.

"I like her. A lot. And you two mean a lot to each other, but there are still some things I don't know. Give me some more time to get to know her." Kathleen replied looking at her brother. He had fallen hard, but it was no wonder. Meredith was perfect for him."

"I'm going to go back and check on Meredith before I go to bed okay?"

"Mhmm." She agreed. He crossed the room and pulled his sister into a hug wishing her good night and then he left.

He found Meredith still sitting on the couch, but with a blanket pulled over her, in the quiet sipping another glass of wine. He braced an arm against the back of the couch and one on the cushion as he leaned down to kiss Meredith before joining her on the couch.

"You ready for bed sweetie?" He asked taking the glass from her to take a sip. The other glasses had already been removed. He guessed she had done that while they were gone. The wine was gone too. He sighed and finished the glass.

"I don't know." She said. "Sometimes I wish we could exist all by ourselves and not have to interact with anybody else. I know it's silly. But I just want to be alone with you."

"You're alone with me now." He pointed out.

"Yeah."

"Do you like Kathleen?"

"She's fine. I mean she's funny and sweet, but I don't really know her. I'm still nervous about tomorrow, being alone with her. It's one thing when you're here, but you won't be tomorrow." She explained. "You need to shave." She commented, running her fingers along the stubble on his face, before gathering him to her. They shared a slow lingering kiss, before Derek stretched out resting his head on her chest. She softly raked her fingers through his hair, across his scalp, pressing a few kisses to his temple.

"Five minutes." Derek whispered as Meredith covered him under the blanket. She smiled knowing he was almost asleep and wouldn't move from his spot for a while.

Five minutes passed and Meredith brushed his hair back from his forehead. "Derek?" She asked, adding her other hand to his face. "Der?" He didn't answer. Instead he shifted her so his body was cuddling hers. He pushed her hair out of his face, letting it spill over the arm of the couch. He kissed her neck, his lips resting against her skin, his breath tickling her. He draped an arm over her waist, securing her against him. She put her hand over his, locking her fingers in between his.

She waited another ten minutes and rolled over to face him. "Derek?" She tried. He still didn't move. She kissed his lips softly, running her fingers over his lips after. "Hun. You need to go home. You have to get up early and you're going to regret this."

"I never regret the time I spend with you." He promised, still not opening his eyes.

"C'mon. Go home." She insisted, slipping her hands under his shirt to scratch his back.

Finally he got up, rolling carefully over her. He scooped her up, hefting her against his chest. As he walked up the stairs, he leaned down to kiss her. She laughed into kiss, almost causing him to fall. He opened her door, nudging it open with his foot and pulled down the blanket. He deposited her in her bed and kissed her once more.

"Good night." He whispered, still holding her hand.

"G'nite." She echoed watching him leave.

The next morning Meredith woke up early and padded down to Derek's to have coffee with him before he left. She could hear the shower running so she made the coffee herself and set out some mugs. She took a seat at the kitchen table and waited for the coffee to finish.

She stood up to pour herself a cup when Derek walked into the room dressed for the day. "G'morning Princess." He offered kissing the top of her head. She handed him a cup and stood over the sink looking out the window.

"We're going to come to the 11 am service." Meredith told him.

"Just come to the sr. high room. I have confirmation right before that."

"I know." She reminded him, having joined him almost every Sunday.

"I need to get some stuff outta the office and then I'm going to leave."

Meredith watched him walked out the front door and up to the main house. A few minutes later she heard his car start and she assumed he pulled out. She finished her coffee and went to the den. She sat down and pulled the remote out from between the cushions, flicking through the stations until she found something she wanted to watch. She pulled the blanket off the couch and over her, settling down until she had to go get ready herself.

"G'morning." She called over her shoulder as she noticed Kathleen walk into the kitchen. Kathleen jumped startled.

"Gosh. So basically the church had you guys add the guest house to your playground huh?" She asked. Meredith agreed with laugh.

"The mugs are in the cabinet right above the coffee pot." Meredith explained. Kathleen poured herself a cup and walked into the den where Meredith was sitting. She sat at the other end of the couch rather than in a separate chair. She noticed that Meredith immediately pulled her legs in tighter than they were and she stared into her coffee cup.

"Derek said you played soccer. And danced. All of us girls danced, but we never played soccer."

"I loved it. I started playing a long long time ago and just kept it up. It is so intense. I played in college too."

"Really? Derek never mentioned that."

"School was a great time for me. I was involved in everything."

"Like what? What was your major?"

"French, Physics, and Philosophy."

"Is that even possible?"

"I took college classes in high school. Did a couple of summer sessions. Few classes online. It was tough. I played soccer in the fall. We still practiced in the spring. I was in a sorority, so I had tons of events going on. I was an RA for a year. Did intervarsity and church stuff like that. Always had a job. Things are so much slower these days. Sometimes I start to miss it, but all I have to do is find Derek and he puts me to work."

"Do you have a job now?"

"Yeah I'm an ASL interpreter I have clients here and there. And I have school."

"French?" Meredith nodded in response. "So what do you want to do?"

"After I finish this degree I plan on going to seminary."

"And then?"

"I'm not sure. I think I'll continue to interpret, possibly with French too. I'm not sure where I want to go with the divinity degree. I may take a church."

"What about the physics?"

"Actually that was just for fun." Meredith admitted feeling like an idiot. "I really don't have much of a plan And.."

"No no. Sweetie. I'm just trying to get to know you." Kathleen explained seeing Meredith shut down.

"Is the family going to hate me?" Meredith asked after a minute. "I'm dating Derek. And he's amazing. And he's had his heart broken so badly. I'm young. He's known me since I was in middle school. I know these things. And I understand how you see them. Will it make everybody hate me?"

"No. We won't hate you. We'll probably talk about you for a while until we get comfortable. And we'll find reasons why you shouldn't date him."

"Oh great." Meredith muttered.

"But what will really matter is that you make him laugh. And it's been a while since we've seen that from him. I think if the two of you work hard on yourselves then you can have an amazing go at this. But it's going to take work."

"Yeah I know. I'm a mess."

"Everybody has their messes…" Kathleen assured. She decided to probe a little deeper. "How did this start?"

"With Derek?" Meredith asked. Kathleen nodded so Meredith continued. "Hmmm. That's hard to answer. I guess I started to think about him as a guy in November. At the conference retreat. I went to help him with his girls. Then I don't know we both backed off. I had school picking up towards the end of the semester. So many papers and exams. On top of that there was work. Addison's wedding was when it really started. Since then we've been together."

"Two months…"

"I know it hasn't been long."

"No you have known Derek long enough to know that he hasn't dated since Addis. And before that it was sporadic at best. I believe Derek doesn't date for very long because he has a way of just knowing people. And he's not going to fool around in a romantic relationship if it isn't going anywhere." She sighed taking a sip. She didn't want to admit it but her little brother had excellent instincts. "He's known you for a long time right."

"Decade-ish."

"Okay. You're gorgeous. But Derek has known you a long long time. He wouldn't all of a sudden jump into a relationship based on a physical attraction. He started this because he saw real potential. Two months, in light of all of that, is a good length of time.

Meredith nodded. "This wasn't our plan. It isn't why we moved here together. Derek's been just a friend for years."

"Has Derek met your family?"

"There's just my mom. She hates him, and me. My grandmother died two years ago. And my father left. Gran met Der once at graduation. But she was indifferent. He and my best friend have a love-hate relationship. But my other friends love him. David is okay with him."

"Who is that?"

"David? He's my Addie. We never dated, but we always thought we would later on. I had been hung up on him since high school." Meredith checked her watch. "We should start getting ready. Do you want to meet me at the house about 10:30?" Kathleen agreed and Meredith left to get dressed.

At 1030 Kathleen opened the back door and stepped into the kitchen. "Meredith?"

"M'upstairs. Come on in." She called back. Kathleen walked up the stairs and found Meredith's room. "'ey" Meredith said softly, standing in the closet looking for a pair of shoes. Kathleen looked around the room. On the bed she noticed the stuffed animals. A pair of battered cleats hung with a worn pair of toe shoes on the back of the door. Very classic, clean woman's room, with a girlie touch. But it was filled with pictures. Hundred's of pictures. Soccer, dance, band, parties. Lots with a petite Asian woman. A few with the same young guy.

"Is this David?" Kathleen asked.

"Yeah. That's Cristina." She said pointing out her best friend.

Kathleen continued to look at the pictures, finding a few of her brother with Meredith. Ones from years ago, some of them recently. Even one of them kissing on the dance floor of what she assumed to be Addison's wedding.

"I'm not really sure who took that." Meredith said when she noticed Kathleen fingering the picture. "There are some funny ones of him years ago there somewhere." She pointed to a picture of him being pied and another of him fast asleep on a set of stairs. She picked up a black photo album and flipped through it. It was filled with pictures of Meredith dancing, costumes changed, the hair changed, and gradually Meredith grew older. There was another album with a soccer ball on the front.

"You love pictures don't you?" Kathleen asked jokingly noticing another bookshelf with a few albums set on it.

"They remind me of the happier times." Meredith admitted. "Oh we need to leave if we're going to find Derek before church.

"Morning." John called to Meredith as she headed down the hallway towards Derek's office. She stopped to shake his hand.

"John this is Kathleen, Derek's sister. Kathleen this is John. He's the senior pastor here." Meredith stepped to the side to allow them to speak.

As they were talking Derek walked up beside them. He slipped his hand into Meredith's giving it a gentle squeeze. Once Kathleen and John were finished Derek greeted his sister, walking to his office. He dropped off a folder he would need later and led the girls to the sanctuary.

"Oh this is gorgeous!" Kathleen exclaimed.

"Get Derek to give you a tour." Meredith whispered. "He's only been here seven months, but he knows more stories than any of the other staff."

Kathleen looked at Derek expectantly and he nodded. "After the service." He promised.

Meredith slipped into the pew first followed by Derek. Kathleen sat next to the aisle. Kathleen continued to inspect the sanctuary. Meredith leaned her head against Derek's shoulder.

"How was Sunday school?" She asked softly, pulling back to look at him.

"Fine." Here replied. "I'm fine." He assured. He opened his bulletin, reading the announcements while he waited for the service to begin.

Meredith tried to relax but she felt anxious, especially after Derek's dismissal. She glanced at Kathleen who was listening closely to the sermon. Meredith crossed her legs, cracking her ankle as she did, putting space between her and Derek concerned she was bothering him.

"Amen." John said finally, bringing the sermon to a close.

"Amen." The congregation echoed. John instructed them to turn to the word and table service in the beginning of the hymnal.

Meredith and Derek both flipped to the correct page, but they both spoke from memory. They shared a fondness of the simple, but impactful liturgy. They also shared some important memories involving communion. It was considered acceptable, even expected, to spend forty-five minutes at the altar rail crying after communion on a retreat. Derek and Meredith had served the meal together a few times over the years.

The invitation to the table was offered and the three of them stood to join the line. Derek led them to the front. Kathleen noticed their interaction; Meredith's hand on his back as the line moved slowly forward, Derek's hand reaching behind him to cover hers, how Derek took the bread and the juice walking to the rail as Meredith took hers. He had left her behind, but paused and waiting until she was beside him to kneel. Kathleen followed them both watching as Derek reached for Meredith's hand after a moment of his own prayer. Kathleen closed her eyes and began her own prayers. She heard Derek stand and walk away. Meredith remained until Kathleen moved to stand.

Their interaction was fascinating. A curious combination of solitude and unity. Here in the church it was as if they were more defined and secure as a couple and as individuals. Derek didn't hover, Meredith didn't shut down. It comforted Kathleen to see some semblance of a healthy relationship between them. But Meredith still waited for Kathleen, indicating an insecurity, a need to please.

After the benediction, almost as if to prove Kathleen wrong, Meredith went off in her own direction, greeting her friend and acquaintances, while Derek took Kathleen's arm pulling her towards some of his friends introducing her.

The sanctuary emptied out and from across the room Derek caugh Meredith's eye. He finger spelled 'tour,' cocking his head. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head signing 'catch you later.' Derek signed 'where' and Meredith responded 'office food.' He nodded and signed 'pizza.' Meredith laughed and nodded wondering if he really wanted pizza or if that was the only sign he could think of. She quickly navigated her way out of the building and to her car while she placed an order for pickup.

When she returned to his office neither of them were there. The hall was silent. She pulled open Derek's drawers finding plates, cups, and napkins. The two returned just as she finished. Derek ruffled his sister's hair and Kathleen elbowed him in the ribs.

"What's the problem here children?" Meredith asked with a smile, rubbing the spot Kathleen had poked.

"She hit me." He whined.

"I'm sure she had a good reason."

"I gave her a noogie." He admitted.

"See." Meredith said. Derek pulled her tight and rubbed his knuckles briskly across her head. Meredith punched him in the hip softly as she always had and he moved to do it again. She caught his shirt and gave him a dirty look.

"Sorry." He responded kissing her head to make amends. Kathleen laughed figuring this interaction had been going on for years.

"What do you have planned for today?" He asked the girls.

"See a few of the sights. Wander around campus a bit." Meredith answered. "Late dinner?" She asked. Derek nodded.

"I hate to say it, but I have a meeting in a couple of minutes. I will see you guys around 8:30." Derek announced. Kathleen hugged him and walked into the hall. Meredith moved to follow but Derek reached for her hand. "Hey pretty woman, how about a good bye?"

She rolled her eyes allowing his to pull her closer. "Love you." He offered.

"Love you too." She replied.

By the time Derek got home the girls had killed a blender of margaritas, laying in lounge chairs at the poolside with blankets. He walked past them to his place without them even noticing him. After he changed he made his way back to the girls. Instead of taking his own seat he slipped behind Meredith leaning her forward and sinking down into the chair. He rearranged their pillows and Meredith stretched out against his chest and rested her arms on top of Derek's legs. She passed him her glass and he took a sip.

"Little strong don't you think?" He asked. Meredith ignored him and held up the empty blender.

"I'll make us another round." Kathleen offered knowing Derek was tired. She got up and took the blender for Meredith. "Where's the tequila?" She asked.

"I left it on the counter." She answered.

"Thanks sis." Derek called.

"You tired doll?" Meredith asked rubbing his leg.

"Not extremely." He replied. "I did miss you." He added running his fingers through her hair. He let his hands linger and trail down to her shoulder, rubbing them. He leaned forward to kiss her neck, his hands moving to encircle her waist. She laughed hugging him tighter to her.

"Oh great." Kathleen sighed teasingly. "I would prefer not to see this." She poured each of them another glass and handed them out. Meredith took a healthy sip and Derek took her glass out of her hands, setting it beside the chair.

"What about dinner?" Derek asked.

"There's a pan of ziti in the oven waiting to be turned on." Meredith explained. "I'll go start it."  
After a few minutes Derek got up too. "I'm going to make sure she's okay." Kathleen nodded and Derek left.  
He opened the back door to the kitchen and found her sitting on the counter sipping her margarita. "You little sneak." He accused. "Why are you here?"  
"Give you and Kathleen a minute." She answered.  
"It's not her and I that need a minute. It's you and me."  
"I'm not drunk!"  
"Shhh." He hushed standing in front of the counter. He pulled her into a hug, smelling her hair. He rested his forehead against hers looking into her eyes for a minute. She lazily smiled at him, then scrunched her face at him.  
"Funny face." He laughed. Meredith hopped off the counter and walked out the door. Meredith sat down fist and Derek settled himself between her legs. He draped the blanket over them and leaned back. Meredith lazily scratched his head, letting his hair fall through her fingers. The three of them continued to talk as they waited for the ziti to warm up.  
It was late by the time they went to bed. Derek watched Meredith slink back into the house and walked Kathleen back to the guest house. "Tomorrow will be just us. Do you mind f I go to Meredith's for now?" He asked. Meredith had a full day and wouldn't be around until breakfast Tuesday. Then they wouldn't catch up much for the rest of the week.  
"Sure. Sure." Kathleen told him. "Go spend some time with her. Besides I need to make a few calls."  
Derek pulled his sister into a big hug. She pushed him away, wiping her arms off. They laughed and he smiled over his shoulder at her as he walked away.


	43. Chapter 41

-1Derek and Kathleen didn't wake until late the next morning. They both wandered into the kitchen about the same time. Derek started the coffee and Kathleen took a seat at the table with a groan.

"How much did we drink last night?" Derek asked.

"Too much. My head hurts." Kathleen answered. Derek opened his cell and began clicking buttons in a message to Meredith.

"Mer says she feels great." Derek announced after his phone rang indicating a message.

"Lucky girl." Kathleen muttered.

Derek got up and poured them both coffee. They remained silent until the second round was finished. As the caffeine hit their systems they began to feel human again

"Wanna watch some tv?" Derek asked. Kathleen agreed and they both moved to the couch. Once they found something they could agree on, they relaxed for a while.

After a few hours Derek poked his sister with his toe. "We gonna talk?" He asked.

"Sure." She replied, not moving.

'What do you think of this?" He asked.

"Of what?"

"The house. The church. The girl."

"The house is fine. Stupid that you're here, but understandable. I really like the church. It seems to be a good place for you. You seem happy and healthy."

"And the girl."

"The girl. I'm not sure about the girl."

"Why not?"

"The girl's got issues. You're in love sure, I'll grant you that. You're friends and right now you're happy. But I don't believe it will ever work out. She's never been in a relationship. She's only twenty-two. She's got no dad. Her mom's not a mom. She has no sense of family. She doesn't know what she wants to do.

Your relationship is fucked up. You are both compensating for one another. You're being an emotional crutch. And worse is what Meredith's doing. I'm sure she doesn't mean to but she's looking for a father in her relationships. This thing isn't mutual.

You are both happy right now. And I'm sure you find her quirky and childish aspects amusing, but will you in a few years? Are you going to want to get into bed at night and fight a sea of stuffed animals. Or lean over to kiss her, but find a thumb in her mouth. Don't you find her insecurities aggravating? She's still just a child. Despite her abilities to take care of herself and make a good go at being an adult. Wouldn't you rather her grow up a little more?"

"Mer's been more of an adult since I met her than half of the adults I know." Derek retorted.

"I understand what you mean. I honestly do. And I'm happy you're dating. I'm not trying to ruin this for you but Derek listen to me! This is not a healthy relationship!"

"I'm not sure I agree."

"Oh come off of it. I'm not saying end it, I'm saying please help her fix it. Talk to her, suggest therapy, at least make her aware of what it is she is doing wrong."

"I'm not sure if I think what we have is unhealthy."

"Explain." Kathleen encouraged, understanding her brother could be correct since she had only known Meredith for a weekend."

"Okay. I understand she is young and inexperienced. But we're working hard. Not necessarily in our relationship, but in the bigger scheme of things. Kath you don't know her. You don't know how incredible it is that she spoke to you at all. Or that we're actually in a relationship. She is amazing and I will be as patient as I can be."

"Derek I can imagine. But what Im trying to say is why stop there? Let's say you break up tomorrow and she starts dating some guy from class. He isn't going to understand these things. She's going to get hurt. And if you stay with her you will both be happier, not just happy, if you help her understand."

"So what can I do? If I wanted to help her I mean."

"Avoid giving in to her childish tendencies. You will need to make a conscious effort to recognize those antics. Instead of carrying her up to bed and tucking her in, hold her hand and kiss her at the door. Slow down on the princess and little girl remarks. You have to figure out ways to ease her insecurities. Affirm her gifts and talents. Don't just tell her she's pretty. Tell her how much she means to you as a person. Set boundaries. She's an adult. Treat her like one. It's okay to be a gentleman…just boundaries. Balance is key."

"Balance is key." Derek echoed. "I'll try to think about it.

Kathleen scooted her foot down the couch and poked her brother affectionately. "I hope you will. I could always use another girlfriend."

"Do you really like her?"

"Yeah. If I didn't I wouldn't make these suggestions. I'd just let you fall apart. Yah know? She's a sweetheart. I don't think you will ever grow bored of one another. But you have to fix the crappy parts. And you need to realize how young she is. Understand she still needs to grow up. Granted she's an 'old soul,' you were too. Think back on how much you grew during seminary."

"I want to marry her." He admitted.

"Derek Shepherd you cannot be serious! She is no where near marriage."

"I am serious. It's quick. But I love her. And I've known her since I was younger than she is. Not until we're settled. Finished with grad schools. Ready to buy another house."

"Fine I can accept that."

"Okay Easter. What do I do?"

"Huh?"

"Do I tell mom I'm dating before or do I tell her when I get there or do I not tell her at all and let her get to know Meredith and tell her later?"

"Oh wow. Why are you scheming about this?"

"I'm nervous. And you know how mom is. On top of that Meredith is terrified. She thinks mom'll hate her no matter what. She has this idea that mom will believe she's stealing her little boy. Especially since I've been single for so much of my adult life and hung up on Addie since the breakup."

"Meredith's a smart girl. I'm not sure if she's going to be wrong. The best way to get around that would be to let mom get to know her. But I don't think that will end well when she finds out. You're kind screwed!" She laughed.

"Kathleen you're my sister!"

"That I am. But I'm feeling a little resentful that you're using me. I am not a messenger pawn." She replied in a serious tone, but couldn't keep a straight face.

"I just need you to answer Mom's questions when you get home. Plug Mer a little. But don't tell her I'm dating her."

"I'm not going to get in trouble for your crazy schemes."

"Then help me come up with a plan!" He pleaded.

"I think you should tell her." Kathleen advised. "Because we'll all get in trouble for it if we hide it."

"I can't have her hating Mer."

"That woman can hold her own with mom. But only if you can get her to open up. If she freezes mom will eat her alive."

"Meredith knows you and Nance. I'm hoping that she'll be more comfortable with allies."

"Sneaky man." She complimented.

"You came here on your own." He reminded. "I don't know how to Meredith to open up. Sometimes she does and she's this crazy-confident woman who completely kicks ass."

"I feel like she shuts down when she can rely on you to take over. I noticed it a lot. She glances at you for encouragement, she reaches for you for reassurement. And you give it to her. So while she is perfectly capable of handling herself, you make it easier for her to shirk her social responsibilities. She needs to be forced to have those social interactions daily. I know she's able to do it. We had a great time one-on-one. She talked to the senior pastor with ease and after church she went off on her own to talk to her friends. Those are really good signs considering that the church is primarily your world. The fact that she's comfortable there on her own and has carved out her own niche should be comforting to you. But does she ever let you into her world?" Kathleen asked. "Do you eat with her friends, hand out, double date?"

"No."

"Does she hang out with her own friends?"

"Sometimes. She has her study partners. And she goes out for drinks a lot. But it's usually spur of the moment. A whatever after class sort of thing. Or on campus events. I work all day. I'm away for retreats and conferences. It's difficult for us to find times to go out in groups. We both work so hard.

"Don't make excuses." Kathleen warned.

"I'm not. But we both like to be at home when we can since our jobs entail so much time out. Dinners, luncheons, meetings. I figured we'd have a few parties here at the house. We do have a pool. But it's still too cold yet. Meredith's friends from college and home come to stay sometimes. If I'm around I'll chill with them."

"And she lets you hang out with her friends. She doesn't mind?"

"No."

"Good. That's a good thing. Try to do more things socially where she's in charge. Or it's on her terms. Encourage her to do stuff without you. Or things that would normally be considered your things."

"She helps out with youth. A lot. She's the main female influence there."

"Well have her handle stuff more. How does she do there?"

"Amazing. I had her come in last fall, not long after kickoff, and talk to them about the problem of evil. How God can be who he is and the bad stuff still happen. She was totally comfortable, just stepped in started talking to them. And she had their attention which is quite a feat considering the information they were working with.

She teaches them signs for songs. So she has her own relationships with the youth. She helps out with the music. Leading it, organizing the youth musicians. She can sing decently and play guitar."

"So the two of you have pretty much already divided roles there. That's a start." Kathleen complimented.

The two of them continued to talk. They spent the rest of the day lounging around the house, gabbing about their lives and old memories. Derek got caught up on everything his nieces and nephews were up to. And how his sisters were doing. Living this far from the rest of the family he missed out on tons. He barely made it home a couple of times a year. He loved his family, but he was busy and had a different life than the rest of them.


	44. Chapter 42

-1The next morning Meredith wandered down to the guest house about six a.m. She quietly moved through the house and slipped into Derek's room. His face was smushed against the sheets, hanging half off the bed. She stood by the door watching him for a moment. She was reluctant to wake him, knowing he had a lot to do today. But this morning was the only time she really had with him for a couple of days.

Finally she sighed and climbed into the bed. She wriggled under the comforter and snuggled into his body. Instinctively he wrapped an arm around her. She laid there quietly for a while longer. She heard him breathe deeply and sigh, smiling as his warm breath tickled her neck.

"What are you doing down here?" He asked.

"Figured you didn't need any more sleep."

"Pfff." He grunted.

"I got in so late I wanted to say good morning since I didn't get to say goodnight." She explained.

"What time did you get in? I waited up for you for a while."

"One."

"Yeah I didn't wait up that long." He admitted. "So breakfast. With my sister. You going to join us still?"

"Yeah I need to say goodbye to her anyway. Might as well do it with food." She teased. "Oh I can't do bible study Thursday. Lecture and dinner."

"That stinketh." He grumbled. "I leave Friday afternoon."

"Yeah." She agreed. "Do you need me to cover confirmation class Sunday?"

"If you could it would be a huge help. Otherwise I would have to drive back to church do it and dive back to Eagle Erie to pick up the group and drive back to C-ville with them."

"I can do it. Just leave me something to go by." She assured him.

'No problem Sweetie. You're a lifesaver. We need to talk soon." He said softly as if he didn't think she would agree to talk.

"What about?" She asked. "Is it something that we can talk about right now?"

"No not now. It's about what we're going to tell mom. And I think we need to talk about our relationship."

"Why?"

"Because I've been talking to Kath about how to tell mom."

"And she told you I'm a basket case and to drop me off at a nut home?"

"Mer…" Derek tried, but she cut him off.

"Shrink sister. Fake shrink brother." She muttered. "I wish you would just stop trying to 'help me."

"C'mon Meri-death. Calm down. You're flipping out over basically nothing. Why don't you just chill?"

"I don't wanna chill. I'm cold!" She growled. He laughed and wrestled her back into his embrace.

"Then let me warm you up." He whispered in her ear before giving it a gentle bite. He kissed her neck pausing to suck softly while his hands roamed across the skin of her stomach. She rolled over to face him. Before he could react she reached out capturing his lips. She ran her tongue over his lips, nibbling softly. His nose grazed hers, she giggled against his mouth.

"Pretty pretty girl. Sweet little princess." He murmured into her hair, feeling a pang of guilt as he did.

Meredith moved, situating herself against his body and feeling around for the remote. She found a movie on tv and turned the volume up so they could hear it.

Derek propped his elbow up, setting his head on his open palm. His free hand was tangled in Meredith's hand. He quietly dropped kisses on Meredith's face, pulling back to watch her smile. He bent his face towards hers, leaning down for a long kiss. Just as he felt the tip of her tongue graze past his lips his door was pushed open.

"Hey der…Oh I'm sorry." Kathleen said, stepping back out of his room and closing the door.  
"Kath. It's okay." Derek called sitting up in bed. Meredith rolled into his chest blushing furiously. Kathleen walked back inside hanging onto the doorframe as she leaned against it.

"I'm sorry. I heard your tv so I figured you were up." Kathleen apologized feeling guilty for interrupting them.

"Kath seriously." Derek replied. "Come on in. It's fine, isn't it Mer?" Meredith didn't bring her face from his chest. He bent his neck to kiss her hair. "Sit down." He mouthed to Kathleen as he lifted Meredith to scoot her over in bed, giving Kathleen a place to sit.

Derek sighed as Meredith scooted up against his chest, settling half way up, still in the crook of his arms. "So let's talk about Easter." Meredith suggested.

"I can't do much of anything without some coffee." Derek replied, knowing that all of them were exhausted and this plan would take some actual thought.

"I can go make it." Meredith and Kathleen both suggested at the same time.

"I've got it ladies." Derek assured. He pulled the comforter aside as he slid out of bed. He picked up a shirt from his clean laundry pile pulling it on as he left the room.

Kathleen laughed as she watched Meredith watch Derek. "I still can't get over it." She smiled.

"What?" Meredith asked, a little confused.

"That there's a woman out there who thinks my brother is…attractive."

"Really?"

"I know he's good-looking, but he's Derek."

"I think I know what you mean. Sort of like the way I thought about him growing up. Other girls had crushes on him, but he was always just Derek."

"Exactly."

"Yeah. I'm sorry I think your brother's sexy." Meredith apologized with a teasing glance, causing both of them to laugh.

A few minutes later Derek returned holding three mugs filled with coffee. He handed one to Kathleen and settle on the bed, handing Meredith one. He also shot her a long glance, his eyes crinkling at the corner as he smiled at her.

"Okay the plan…" Kathleen reminded.


	45. Chapter 43

-1"Sweetie, you need to get up. We need to get going." Derek said softly as he placed a mug of coffee he had brought her down on the nightstand.

"Noooooo I don't wanna go." She groaned, yawning as she looked at him from her pillow. He had woken her up an hour ago. She had gotten a shower and was ready to leave, but was back in bed.

"But we need to get on the road."

"Drive's too long."

"Good thing you aren't driving."

"Maybe I want to drive."

"It's too long." He mocked, pinching her toe.

"Don't pinch." She whined playfully, poking a toe back at him. He laughed, pushing her hair out of her face and bending down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Meredith's hands traveled to the hem of his shirt, grazing the skin of his stomach.

"Mmm." He sighed, covering her mouth with his. He pulled back and helped Meredith up out of bed. "C'mon sweetie. I'm going to check my place one final time. Then we need to roll out." Meredith nodded and stretched, Derek ran a hand over her side. She giggled and danced outta the room.

"I'm ready to leave." She announced from the bottom of the stairs. Derek followed her, pulling her into his body. She turned around, sharing a gaze before he left light kisses on her face.

"I love you." He murmured in between kisses. She rested her head on his chest.

They were getting ready to drive to Derek's family's for Easter. They were both nervous. So nervous. Hopefully it would all work out for the best.

"I love you too." She sighed. "Could you make this weekend be over?"

"We make it through this weekend and I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He assured her. She allowed him to kiss her forehead before leading her out of the front door.

Derek yawned sighing as he pulled the lever on his seat so it moved back into position. He rubbed his eyes, checked his watch, and turned down the radio Meredith had blaring.

"Are you getting hungry?" He asked. They had already been on the road for a couple of hours. Meredith shrugged her shoulders and continued to sing along to the song. Once it ended her hand automatically traveled to the radio, turning up the volume and pushing the seek button to find another station. Derek groaned when he realized what she was doing. She would do it forever if he let her. Just keep clicking through the stations, listening to a minute of the song before changing it again. It drove him nuts. He turned the music down as he tried again.

"Meredith? You hungry?" He didn't get an answer aside from the volume hike. He angrily reached for the radio and turned it completely off. "Damnit Meredith!" He growled.

"I was listening to that song!" She exclaimed reaching for the volume control.

"No you were getting ready to change it anyway." He grumbled batting her hand away.

"I want to listen to the music!"

"I want to talk about lunch."

"Fuck lunch."

"Fine fuck lunch."

They rode in silence for twenty minutes while Derek stared out the window and Meredith weaved in and out of traffic. Meredith's stomach gave a loud groan. Derek smiled to himself knowing she was hungry. He was too, starving actually. Neither of them had eaten breakfast.

"I'm getting kind of hungry Mer. You want to stop?" He offered apologetically.

"Fine." She replied. After a few miles she found a suitable exit and pulled into a diner. "This an okay place?" She asked. Derek nodded, knowing her love for diners above the Mason-Dixon line. Derek quickly got out of the car and walked around to the driver's side and opened the door for her. She stepped out and pulled on a sweatshirt while he shut the door. Once she got it on he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled at her. She fingered the hem of his shirt and leaned in for a quick kiss.

Hours later it's dark out and they're still driving. Derek was at the wheel and Meredith was passed out against the passenger window. Derek smiled as he began to recognize the area. Not long later he pulled into the driveway and put the car into park. He reached over to Meredith and put a hand on her lap, squeezing her leg. She woke up and looked around clearly confused. He gave her a moment to get it together before he opened his door letting in the cool night air. She opened her door and met him on the sidewalk. She was still sleepy. She yawned and leaned into Derek's side. He gave her a quick hug and she pulled away, remembering his family still didn't know.

They had almost reached the porch when the door opened and an older woman stuck her head out. Meredith recognized her instantly. She had seen pictures before.

"Mom!" Derek happily called. She held the door for them and they both stepped inside the large foyer. He pulled his mom into a hug. Meredith smiled happily as they exchanged the miss you's.

"Meredith Grey." His mom said, turning her attention to her. "It is so good to finally put a face with the name I've been hearing about for years."

"It's good to meet you too Mrs. Shepherd." Meredith replied happily as she was pulled close into a hug.

"Nonsense, call me Kay." She demanded in a friendly manner. "Derek why don't you bring in the bags while we pour some coffee." She told her son as he lead Meredith down the hallway. Derek glanced at Meredith looking for some sign she was nervous. He was relieved to find she was at ease. He nodded to his mother and turned back around to the car. Meredith followed Kay into the kitchen and helped her pour the coffee and carry the mugs into the family room.

"Derek's told me some about you over the years. But what do you do now?"

"I'm a grad student at UVA and I'm an ASL interpreter. Other than that I help Derek out with the youth and I'm involved in the young adult program. That takes up most of my life."

"Busy girl."

"Mom. Which rooms?" Derek asked, indicating the suitcases.

"Yours and the pink room next to it."

"Der I can help." Meredith offered. He shook his head and left the room. "Stubborn man." Meredith laughed playfully. Kay smiled, understanding there was a deep friendship there.

They heard the front door open and voice call out, "Mom?"

"We're in the den Kath." Kathleen walked into the den and smiled warmly at Meredith.

"How was the drive?" She asked.

"Long." Meredith answered

"I hear you." Kathleen agreed having just driven it herself a few weeks earlier. Meredith stood to give Kathleen a hug. As they embraced Kathleen whispered, "And by long you mean my brother was a complete ass."

"Not a complete one." Meredith whispered back.

"Where are my grandkids?" Kay asked.

"At home. I just got off work. I thought I'd stop by and see Mer and Der."

"Mer and Der." Kay laughed. "That's cute."

"Besides you'll have more grandkids than you can handle this weekend." Kathleen pointed out.

"Yes but I wish I had more. Do you think your brother will ever get married?" She asked. Kathleen shrugged throwing a careless glance at Meredith once Kay's attention had been distracted by Derek's arrival.

"Hey sis." He called hugging her quickly. Kathleen took the mug of coffee meant for Derek. But Derek merely settled beside Meredith and took her mug from her. "You don't need this anyway." He teased taking a sip before handing it back to her.

"Cute." Meredith smiled.

"How did your paper turn out?" Kathleen asked.

"An A." Meredith offered quietly. She was fighting her nerves, Kay was sweet and Kathleen was her ally in this whole ordeal, but she was still nervous. Maybe Derek was right, she didn't need the coffee.

"Mer, you want a tour?" Kathleen asked. Meredith nodded and they left the room leaving Derek and his mother alone.

"She's sweet." Kay said lightly.

"She is." Derek agreed.

"Nancy said she was your date to Addison's wedding."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because we're friends Mom. Friends support each other."

"Relax Derek I'm just saying that it was nice that you had somebody to go with."

"It was Mom. She's my best friend." He said giving a glance towards the doorway half expecting to be able to see her.

"What does she want to do?" She asked.

"After she finishes at UVA she wants to go to seminary. Her first choice is Duke, but she's thinking about Emory and Princeton. I think she'll end up in some sort of teaching position. Probably a professor. But maybe youth ministry."

Kathleen and Meredith returned laughing about something and took their places in the room.

"Derek was just telling me you want to go to seminary." Kay said to Meredith.

"Yes."

"So you enjoy being in the church?"

"It's been a big part of my life since middle school. Here I am in grad school and I'm still at church most days of the week. Getting dragged along to help with something all the time." She replied, tossing Derek a playful look.

"You love it and you know it!" Derek declared. "I don't think I could keep you out of there even if I wanted to." Derek set his hand on the cushion between their laps and signed 'I love you.' Meredith slid her hand over Derek's and pulled it away just as quickly.

"Kathy come look at the Easter baskets and tell me what you think. Derek in the morning I'll need you to hide the eggs for me." Kay said as she walked out of the door with Kathleen.

"Our rooms share a bathroom." Derek whispered in her ear, lightly biting it as he did. Meredith pulled away with a giggle. "I say we go to bed." He teased again. Meredith rolled her eyes and pushed him away.

Kathleen and Kay walked into the living room where she had put the Easter baskets. The grandkids knew they weren't allowed in the living room.

"I've never seen Derek so flirty with a girl. He drank her coffee" Kay said softly to Kathleen as she shut the door behind them.

"I think that's just the way they interact. They are pretty close."

"Do you like her?"

"A lot. She's a sweet woman. And she takes good care of my brother. I think it's good for Derek to have that forced interaction every day with a friend and not just coworkers. And it's probably good for her too."

"What do you mean?"

"She's been through some crap. Probably why they're close. I think they're alright together. Just watch them over the next few days. When Derek goes home you won't be worrying about him anymore. I'm going to say goodnight and go home. I'm exhausted."

Kathleen walked back to the den and hugged them both goodnight. "Watch the flirting." She warned. "Mom's taking notice." She walked out the front door passing her mother in the hallway. "G'nite mom. I'll see you at church."

"Mom we're both ready for bed. I'll see you in the morning." Derek told him mom kissing her cheek.

"Happy Easter Eve." Meredith said with a smile as she passed Kay. Derek waited for her, placing his hand in the small of her back as they walked up the steps. He opened the door for her and turned on the lights then shut the door behind her continuing on to his room.

He gave her a few minutes to change before he knocked softly on the door between the bathroom and her room. She opened the door for him and went back to unpacking her things. He sat down on the foot of the bed and waiting for her. Eventually she sat beside him, laying back on the bed, turning her body towards him.

"I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy."

"I'm sorry your room doesn't have a tv. I could change rooms with you." He offered.

"No it's fine."

"Do you want to watch a movie with me?" He asked. "I'll put you in your room."

"You make me sound like a puppy."

"You're too pretty to be a puppy. And your kisses aren't that sloppy." He said moving closer to kiss her. "C'mon let's go to bed." He offered standing up and bending down to scoop her up. He held her in his arms for a minute waiting for an indication to put her back down or not. She nestled her head against his shoulder and placed a few kisses on his neck. He carried her through the bathroom to his room and deposited her on his bed. She snuggled under the covers while he slipped in a movie. He got into bed beside her cuddling her to him.

"This bed it small." She commented. They both had king sized beds, but this was only a full. "No matter where we live our bedroom has to be big enough for a king size." She told him. He breath caught in his chest for a moment. She was talking about beds, knowing the only time they would really share a bed was after they were married. He smiled to himself and kissed her temple, snaking his arms tightly around her.


	46. Chapter 44

-1"Happy Easter." Meredith said softly to Derek as he appeared in the kitchen. She had been drinking coffee with Kay for about an hour. He was wearing pajamas and his hair was sticking up. She was ready for the day, hair curly light makeup, wearing jeans and grey t-shirt with some witty message on the back. He took a seat in the chair beside her at the table, yawning as he ran a hand through his hair. Meredith stood and walked to the coffee pot. She poured him a cup fixing it as he liked it and handed it to him

"Thanks Princess." He murmured before taking a sip. Kay was surprised. She had never seen Derek allow a girl to take care of him. He was too much of a gentleman for that. And the most affectionate name she had heard Derek call Addison was Addie.

"Derek you need to get a move on this morning." Kay said with a smile. "You need to be ready for church, if you're going. And the eggs. The children will be here around one."

"I'll help you with the eggs." Meredith offered.

"Mom its like seven." Derek pointed out. "Church is at eleven. We'll be home long before one. I'll do the eggs then."

"No I need you to fill the plastic eggs with candy and dye the hard boiled eggs."

Derek got ready to protest, but he saw Meredith's face light up. He sighed and nodded to his mom. "I'm going to get a shower. Then I guess we'll start." He replied softly walking out of the room.

"Kay if you show me where everything is at I'll start setting it up and stuffing the eggs." Meredith offered. Kay brought her everything she needed. Meredith quickly added vinegar and water to each of the mugs. She spread newspaper over the table and pulled off a few paper towels. With the dye ready and waiting she moved on to stuffing the plastic eggs with candy.

"I don't think I've ever dyed Easter eggs." Meredith said quietly while she sat with Kay working on the plastic eggs.

"Your parents never did it?" Kay asked.

"It was always just me and my mom. And she's a surgeon, never home." She explained simply. She gave Kay a smile and took a deep breath.

She was almost finished with the plastic eggs when Derek walked back downstairs, freshly shaven and showered, brow furrow in aggravation. Meredith caught his eye and she nodded towards the table. He let his gaze travel back to her after he saw what she had already finished. His face melted into a smile and he gave her a look, their look. He pulled a chair close to hers and took an egg. He bent the little metal holder and passed one to her and bent one for himself. He used it to drop the egg in the dye and sat back. Meredith followed his lead.

"Mer! You almost ready?" Derek called from the bottom of the stairs. Kay was in the hallway switching purses. It was time to leave for church.

"Don't bellow at the poor girl." Kay admonished. Derek laughed and dropped a kiss on his mom's cheek. She squeezed his arm happily and let him go. Derek heard a bedroom door shut and Meredith appear at the top of the steps. She gracefully walked down the steps, stopping in front of Derek. He picked up her coat and shook it out before helping her slip her arms into it.

"You look beautiful." He offered as she turned back to face him. Kay nudged Derek in the back forcing him towards the door.

The church was huge. Easily over twice the size of the church Derek worked for now. Meredith took it all in as Derek greeted people he apparently knew. All of a sudden a group on young children swarmed Derek. It seemed the rest of his family had arrived. He hugged each one of them and talked to them until the fathers came to collect them.

Kathleen caught Meredith's eye and smiled tossing her a look that asked if she was ready for this, this would be the beginning of the hardest part, meeting the sisters. She moved towards Meredith's side as three more women followed. Meredith recognized Nancy who gave her a faint look of recognition. The other two women moved to Derek, who was standing next to Meredith once again. They looked as though they fell in between Nancy and Kathleen age-wise, Meredith noticed.

"Girls." Derek said getting their attention, after he had greeted them. "I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Meredith." He introduced, slipping a casual arm around her waist. "Mer, this is Lena and Abigail. You've met Nancy. And of course that's Kath." He said with a laugh as he pointed to each sister. The girls exchanged polite greetings and they all filed into the pews. Lena and Abigail sat beside each other, kids on the other sides, dads spread throughout. They took up and entire row, so Meredith and Derek sat a row ahead by themselves.

"They're going to hate me." Meredith whispered softly to Derek.

"No they aren't. How could they hate such a beautiful woman?"

"Have you met many girls? We're vindictive, hateful, nasty bitches."

"Hey, c'mon. Kath loves you. Mom likes you so far. And you're going to get along wonderfully with the rest of them. Calm down. Think about all those cute little nieces and nephews of mine. We can go play with them if you don't like the grownups. Did you see the babies?"

"There are babies?" Meredith asked happily. Derek nodded. He put a hand on her lap, soothingly stroking his thumb against her leg. She settled down and opened her bulletin.

"Why is she here?" Abigail whispered to Lena.

"I'm not sure. I didn't know she was coming. Is it the same girl Derek wanted to bring for Christmas?" Lena asked. Abigail shrugged so she beckoned Nancy to slide down.

"Who is that?" Lena asked.

"Derek's roommate." She said. "I don't know they're friends or something. He brought her to Addie's wedding. We need to talk to Kathleen. She was just in Virginia a few weeks ago."

"Why is she here?"

"I don't think she has any family. She and Derek have been tight for years. Remember the girl Derek was always talking about that went to that rival college of his?" She asked, Abigail nodded but Lena shrugged. "Well that's her. I think he's known her since he was in college."

"She doesn't look that old." Lena commented.

"She looks younger than you Nance."

"Shut up." Nancy said affronted. "Let's talk to Kath after church." She slid back to her seat as the service began.

Kathleen rolled her eyes as she noticed the girls huddled together. She was sure she would be questioned the moment the service was over. But her mind was drawn to her children as her husband passed her their youngest.

A long while later the pastor finally ended his sermon. Kathleen glanced at her sisters, still talking together. She tossed a glance at Meredith and Derek. Derek was flipping through the hymnal, he passed it to Meredith who gave him a playfully dirty look and passed the hymnal back to him and opened her own.

The pastor led the congregation through the liturgy of communion and the lines began to form and file towards the front. Meredith stood behind Derek in line and put her hand on his back unthinkingly as they moved. When they neared the front of the line Derek took his bread and wine and moved to stand in front of the altar. Meredith took hers and followed to his side. They knelt and after a moment found each others hand, remaining at the altar for a moment longer. Although they both had the physical ritual that was automatic, the meaning of communion wasn't dimmed for them. Derek's eyes were wet as they made their way back to the pew.

Abigail, Nancy, and Lena saw the exchange between Meredith and Derek. Kathleen watched her sisters as they passed glances between them. She sighed, knowing their minds were reeling a mile a minute, but they couldn't guess the real meaning behind Meredith and Derek's actions. She had noticed it too, while she was in Virginia, and pressed him into telling her.

"You really want the story?" He asked, while they sat there together on the couch.

"Yes."

"You can't tell Meredith that I shared this with you. I don't think anybody knows besides the two of us." He warned. Kathleen nodded. He sighed before he started. "Meredith was a leader in her own youth group even while she was a part of the district ministry. She had found out that one of the younger youth had been cutting. So she had taken her out to grab a pizza and talk. She had been stressing out earlier in the day about meeting with the youth and had had a hellacious week. So she had promised to call me when it was all over to let me know she was okay. She didn't call me and I began to worry. I called, but she wasn't answering. She was supposed to meet with the district coordinator soon after and he called me to see if I had heard from her. I knew something wasn't right. So I checked out of the grocery store and drove to her town to start looking for her. I looked all over town. Checked the dance studio, soccer field, her house, asked her friends that I knew to check with the ones I didn't, checked the church in town and the retreat center. Couldn't find her. I found her at a church out in the country. One of the other churches on her charge." Derek started to cry, remembering how he had found her. "She was at the altar, her head resting on the rail. Her left arm was wrapped in a cloth soaked red. She was so white. She had cut and then decided to come to the church to pray. She choose this one so she wouldn't be bothered. We talked and talked. And we prayed together. I had bought a loaf of French bread and a bottle of wine while I was shopping. It seemed so perfect. I walked out of the car and brought it in. We just ate and drank by ourselves and talked. We promised each other that every time we took communion, no matter what, that we would pray for each other. For strength in the crazy situations we find ourselves in when we're trying to reach people for Him. The stress it brings on us that sometimes just gets to be too much.

See when we kneel we pray for ourselves and our separate needs. But then we also pray for each other still, even though we're together. And after so many times of doing it on our own, it's amazing to reach for her hand and know she's going to be there."

The service ended as Kathleen was thinking over the story. Everybody was standing up and leaving, so she began to gather her things. There was a flurry of messages and confusion as the family separated at the door. But everything got straightened out. Derek led Meredith to the car and helped her in the car. They quickly drove back to the house to hide the eggs before the children came a long.

They changed into more comfortable clothes and took the eggs into the back yard to hide. Derek seemed to have a knack for ridiculous hiding places. With all the eggs they had to finish and how particular Derek was, Meredith didn't think they would ever finish.

"Are you ready to get to know the rest of the sisters?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"If they're mean, just tell me." He assured her sweetly. "I'm just teasing!" With that the door bell rang and Derek went to answer it. "Abbie!" Derek greeted. They talked for a moment before the next sister came in. Meredith wandered into the kitchen where Kay was cooking madly.

"Can I help with anything?" Meredith asked.

"Oh no sweetie."

"Please. There's so many people running around." She pressed softly.

Kay took pity on her and handed her bags of potatoes. "Peel these." She said with a smile giving her a giant pot, a knife, a bag for the skins, and a peeler. Meredith sat down at the table and got to work.

"I'm done." Meredith said happily a bit later. Kay laughed and took the pot from her.

"I'm going to set these in the mud room." She said.

"Psst." Derek sounded poking his head around the doorway. Meredith looked over at him. "I brought you something!"

"What kind of something?"

"A not for keeps something, but if you like it maybe I'll get you one."

"Lemme see!" Meredith demanded. Derek brought his body out from behind the doorway, revealing the baby he was holding. "Ohhh." Meredith sighed softly holding out her arms. Derek gently settled the little girl into her arms, watching as she greedily brought the child to her body.

"This is my newest niece, Kayla. Just under a month old. First time I've seen her."

"Oh Derek." She said. "She is beautiful. And so little." She shifted the baby, supporting her head so that she was settled in her lap facing her. "You are so pretty. And look you have your Uncle Derek's eyes. Beautiful little girl. So tiny. Tiny little girl."

Derek glanced up looking around for his mother. He found her standing in the doorway of the kitchen watching the exchange. He stiffened for a moment, wondering if he had heard the comment about getting her a baby. But Kay merely walked to the stove and continued cooking. Maybe he was safe.

"Mom, is it time to start the Easter egg hunt?" He asked.

"Almost. Round up all the kids and give them their empty baskets. Explain the rules and I'll be out there." She ordered with a smile. Derek left the kitchen, leaving Meredith behind. She didn't even noticed, so enchanted by the newborn she was holding.

"She's a beauty isn't she?" Kay asked walking away from the stove.

"Absolutely perfect." Meredith agreed.

"Do you want children?"

"I want them, but I don't know if I could be a mom. Or a good one at least. I wouldn't want to have children if I… I don't know. I guess I'm waiting until the time comes to decide that. I do love them though."

"Do you want to come watch the hunt?"

"It's a little chilly out there for this one."

"At least watch from the sun room." Kay told her leaving the kitchen. Meredith followed her to the sun room and settle in a chair facing the backyard. She watched at the children ran around the yard, grabbing eggs and squealing happily. Derek was in the thick of it all, helping the youngest ones. Meredith laughed to herself. He was so good with the kids.

Meredith wandered back into the kitchen, checking and stirring everything as she held the baby. Kay returned and found her softly talking to the baby as she cut and gutted the hard boiled eggs for deviled eggs.

"Lena said she'd probably want a bottle about now." Kay said offering it to her.

"Does she mind?" Meredith asked indicating Kayla.

"No. Not at all." Kay assured her. "Here let me cook. You take care of my littlest grandbaby."

Meredith took the bottle and unscrewed the top. She set it in the microwave and hit a few buttons. She tested it out on her wrist and reset the microwave. She shifted the baby off her shoulder and offered her the bottle. Kayla greedily latched on. Meredith smiled, dancing slowly in the kitchen as she fed the tiny girl.

Meanwhile the three youngest sisters were outside gathered in a group talking. "Kath said she's only twenty-two." Lena relayed to the girls.

"No woman is ever going to date a man who lives with another woman. Especially the way they act." Abigail agreed.

Nancy sighed and looked at Derek. "He does seem awfully happy though." She pointed out. "Where's Kathleen?" They tracked down their oldest sister to question her.

"Why is Meredith here?" They asked. Not in a mean way, but in a questioning way. After all Derek hadn't ever brought any girls home besides Addison. Sure he had brought a few guy friends home from college, but not girls.

"Her and Der are best friends. Meredith doesn't have any family, except her mother. And she cares far more for her job than her daughter."

"She's just a kid." Abigail scoffed.

"That kid has taken care of our brother better than we could ever have." Kathleen explained.

"She's one of his youth."

"No. She wasn't ever one of his youth. They met while he was in college." She combated. They continued to question and Kathleen tried to reassure them as best she could, while still keeping them off the relationship track. Those two weren't making it easy though.

Derek walked up to the group and the conversation stalled. "Talking about me? I'm irresistible, I know." He laughed. The girls rolled their eyes. "I'm going to check on Mer and Kayla."

"At least she likes kids." Lena laughed as he walked away, grateful for a break. "Let's go talk to mom."

"No you don't!" Kathleen said. "Let mom make up her own mind about Meredith. You stay out of it. Why don't you guys go talk to her? Nicely. I didn't like her when I went down there. But you have to look at how happy Derek is. And how well he is doing. It's been years since he broke up with Addison. Years. She'll be gone in a few days and then you can poison our mother." She demanded before stalking away.

Dinner passed. Everybody was in the den drinking coffee while the kids where in the playroom. Minus Kayla who was sleeping in the living room. The baby monitor crackled as Kayla began to whimper. Lena started to stand up.

"Oh can I?" Meredith asked quietly. Lena laughed and nodded and Meredith left the room.

"She loves babies doesn't she?" Kay asked.

"Yeah." Derek agreed. "She was an only child so I'm not sure where she gets it from, but she loves all kids. But she certainly has attached herself to Kayla. She thinks she'd make a horrible mother though." Derek said with a sad chuckle.

"Phew. Stinky woman." They heard Meredith giggle softly to the little girl. Lena stood.

"She'll be fine." Derek assured.

"I want to watch." Lena explained. She quietly left the room to watch her brother's best friend take care of her baby. She stood in the doorway as she watched the young woman, change Kayla's diaper, talking to her all the while. She carefully positioned the diaper and situated Kayla's legs into her suit. She picked up the baby, tickling her tummy before shifting her against her body. She cleaned up the mess and wrapped the little girl in a blanket. Lena moved from the door and quickly made her way back to the den, sitting down before Meredith came in with the baby.

"Come here and sit by your Uncle Derek." Derek said softly as Meredith walked in the room. All eyes were on the two of them as they leaned close, cuddling the baby together. Derek supporting Meredith's hand that was holding Kayla's head as she sat on Meredith's lap, his right hand behind Meredith as he used it for support against the couch. Meredith's left hand rested on Derek's leg. "Hey there little girl." He cooed. "Do you know how much your Uncle loves you? Oh I love you, tiny little bundle of sweetness."

Kay couldn't stand it anymore. She whipped out her camera and captured a pictures of this moment before Meredith or Derek could refuse. Derek was surprised when Meredith actually posed for a few pictures.

"How about dessert?" Derek asked after she turned the camera off. "I'll help you Mom." He offered. The two of them walked into the kitchen to get everything ready.

"Mom…" He said quietly as he got the plates down.

"Hmm?"

"What do you think of Mer?" He asked.

"She's a sweetheart. You should have brought her ages ago." She said happily.

"I want to talk to you about her later tonight."

"About what?" Kay asking, surprising Derek that she didn't know yet.

"Just some stuff." He said pulling the last pie out of the oven. She kissed her son on the cheek and went to call the family in.

Lena distracted Kathleen, talking to her while Abigail moved in on Kay. "Mom what is Derek thinking?" She asked. "You have to do something about Meredith. How is he ever going to start dating?" She tried feeding her some line hoping she would bite. The sisters had agreed the best way to get rid of Meredith was to make Kay think she threatened Derek's chance at dating. It was apparent Kay liked Meredith But hopefully she wouldn't stand for Meredith's interference.

"What do you mean?"

"Would you date a guy who was joined at the hip with his roommate?" She asked. Kathleen hooked her arm and pulled her away. Abigail quickly looked towards Lena who was tending to her son. She sighed and allowed herself to be led away.

Hours later the house was quiet. Everybody had left. The three of them had been picking up random items left throughout the house, but Kay was in the den with a glass of wine. Derek and Meredith were getting ready to join her.

"I'm going to go take a quick shower." Meredith said. "So you can talk to her."

"Wish me luck." He said softly. She smiled at him tiredly, wanting to comfort him, but not knowing what to do. He kissed the top of her head and walked into the den. He sat beside his mom and relaxed against the couch.

"One of your sisters believes that no woman will ever date you because of Meredith." Kay said wearily. Derek chuckled and rolled his eyes. "So you want to talk about Meredith." She began. He nodded, but didn't say anything. "Derek I know you're not ready to date yet, but maybe you should think about what your sister said."

"Forget about what they said. Mom I want you to be totally honest with me. What do you think of Meredith?"

"I already told you I liked her."

"Except that she's preventing me from dating?"

"No. But what are you going to do when you do start dating? How are you going to balance your affection for Meredith and your girlfriend? I wouldn't want to see either relationship suffer. And it seems like your time with Meredith would have to be reduced simply because you spend so much time with her."

"Mom you don't have to worry."

"I do though. Because Meredith is relieving a lot of worry from me and your sisters. And if you were to hurt her… You have to admit, not too many people can put up with you." She jabbed. "That's why you've been living on your own since college."

"Meredith puts up with me." He sulked.

"I know she does dear. That's what I'm saying. Derek where are her parents?"

"Her dad left when she was five. Her mother…" He trailed off. "Her mother is horrible. She hates Mer and treats her like crap."

"Family?"

"She had a grandmother who died about a year ago. She didn't like Ellis, her mother. But she lived too far away to be anything real. So she gave her money."

"Why haven't you brought her before?"

"She never wanted to come. Always insisted on being at home in case her mother was home."

"That poor child. Why did she agree to come this time?"

"I thought you'd want to meet my girlfriend."

"You're dating Meredith?" Kay asked incredulously. "Derek she's insanely young."

"Mom you were 13 years younger than Dad."

"That was a different time. How long?"

"Three months." Derek sat quietly for a while letting her absorb the information. Kay's mind was in overdrive considering the last day and what she had learned about Meredith. She was weighing the possibilities when Derek cut back into her thoughts. "Mom I'm happy with her." He said softly. She reached for his hand and knew that as long as Derek was happy, the rest didn't matter.

"You love her don't you?"

"I always have Mom. I didn't think I'd ever want to date after Addie. And if it wasn't for Meredith I wouldn't have. But as I worked my way over Addison there was always Mer. I know it's crazy, but she's my best friend." He shifted in his seat, knowing that Meredith would have to make a comment about this being too much of a Hallmark moment.

Kay and Derek sat together for a bit longer. Derek heard the water shut off and the door creak.

"Sounds like she's finished." Kay commented. "I'm going to pour some more wine and grab a piece of pie."

Derek quickly made his way to Meredith's room and slipped into the room without knocking. "Mer?" He asked not seeing her in the room.

"Bathroom." She said.

"I told her. Now come downstairs with me." He said taking her hand.

Meredith followed Derek down the stairs and nervously perched herself in a chair across the room from the couch Derek was in and opposite Kay's seat.

"Come now Meredith, you and Derek have been glued to each other's sides since you got here. Sit next to him and relax." Kay ordered soothingly. Meredith looked at Derek and back to Kay before moving to the couch. "Now I get to ask some questions." She announced with a grin.


	47. Chapter 45

-1Finally it was Tuesday morning and time for them to drive back to Virginia. Derek was loading their things while Meredith and Kay were standing in the kitchen saying goodbye.

"Now you call me anytime you want." Kay reminded Meredith. "Call me if he gets out of line. Though I know you can handle him. And you call me the moment you find out about any grandbabies."

Meredith turned bright red at the last demand. She tugged at her hair and looked for Derek, who conveniently was still packing the car. "Oh well Kay there won't be any of that until after we're married, we haven't umm. We just… You don't have to worry about that for a long time." She finished. "And besides we aren't even thinking about an engagement."

"Mom, stop badgering Mer about kids." Derek ordered from the doorway. "We might not even have any just to spite you."

"Why are we talking about children!?" Meredith asked a little frantic. Kay and Derek laughed at her. She stepped forward and gave Kay and quick hug. Kay kissed her cheek and Derek moved in to say good bye to his mother. She followed them to the door and watched Derek help Meredith into the car.

Derek drove for a long time, finding his was back to the interstate while Meredith quietly stared out the window. She was tired. Derek could see this weekend was a drain on her.

"Are you emotionally scarred forever?" He asked playfully when he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Your family is big." She said softly. "Overwhelming."

"Yeah." He offered sympathetically.

"I like your mom."

"I don't like yours." He said with a grin.

"Neither do I, but she's my mother." She replied. "Loyalty bothers me. That inherent loyalty to my mother. I love her. And I would do anything. But she hates me. And I have no control over any part of the relationship."

"She doesn't hate you my love. She just…She has issues. Maybe stuff has happened we know nothing about. But nobody could ever hate you. Especially not your own mother. She's just mean and selfish. But she does love you."

"Everybody knows."

"Hmm?"

"Everybody knows. About us. Everybody. Work. Friends. Family."

Derek sat quietly for a moment letting her work it out for herself.

"Are we going to be able to do this?"

"What?" He asked confused by the curveball. This wasn't what was supposed to be said next.

"Are you happy like this?"

"Like what?"

"Dating."

"I am very happy."

Wednesday morning Meredith woke up early and packed her suitcase. She dragged it out to her car and tossed it in the trunk. She walked along the path down to Derek's house and walked in. She kicked off her shoes and pulled the blanket back. Derek rolled over and pulled her close.

"I love morning snuggles." He laughed.

"I have to get going."

"Where are you going?" He asked confused.

"To Cristina's. It's spring break for the both of us. We wanna hang out."

"Does hang out mean drunkenly dance on a bar like it used to?" He asked.

"I'm not really sure. But I wanted to tell you bye."

"I can't convince you to stay?"

"Nope. I need girl time."

"What about us time?" He asked quickly covering her mouth with his own, teasing her gently and pulling away.

"As much as I enjoy us time. I need girl time."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, while I'm picking up hot boys on that bar you mentioned."

"Hey." He growled holding her close. "You don't get to do that anymore. If you want to shake your money maker you can shake it for me. And that's it." He ordered stumbling awkwardly over money maker.

"I don't like the bossing."

"I apologize. Give me kisses."

She kissed him one last time before sliding out of bed. "I'll give you a call later today."

Once she got to Cristina's she grabbed her duffel bag and tossed it over her shoulder. She let herself into the apartment and quietly set her bag inside Cristina's bedroom, where her best friend was still sleeping. She glanced into the kitchen and saw every dish she owned in the sink. She sighed and began to clean up.

When she finally finished she crashed onto the sofa and flicked through the stations. A long time later Cristina came stumbling out of her room. "Turn it off bitch." She ordered. Meredith flicked the volume down a few notches turning to look at her friend.

"You party way too hard for a med student."

"The fuck you do to my place? Looks like my mother was here." She grumbled flopping on the couch beside Meredith. "Alex said he'd be by with some shit for us."

"Nice." Meredith said. "Go take a shower. You smell like a brewery."

Early on that evening Meredith and Cristina got ready to hang out with some friends. It was a Wednesday night, which in the bottom meant a bunch of drunken college kids. Cristina voted they hit the clubs and pick up cute young boys, but Meredith turned her down. They instead settled on hanging out with a bunch of their old coworkers.

Cristina and Meredith had valeted for the hospital not too far from where Cristina lived during college. It was an easy job, despite it being outside all year long. The running kept them in shape and the tips were nice. Mostly college kids worked there. Well over three quarters of the valets were guys. Usually girls took the easier job of cashier or key attendant. But Meredith and Cristina were among the few girls who actually parked the cars. They had long since been hanging out with the guys outside of work. Most of whom were now in grad school at VCU, still working at the hospital.

Meredith pulled into the driveway parking close behind another car. Cristina grabbed the liquor and Meredith slipped what Alex had brought her into her purse. They didn't even bother to knock on the front door. Even though it was the middle of the city the boys rarely locked the house because they were constantly losing their keys.

"Look at what the bitch dragged in." Greg yelled from the kitchen doorway. Loud and vaguely lewd greetings were exchanged as Cristina tossed him a handle of vodka and smaller bottle of tequila. "Processed, labeled, and taxed, just like the government likes it." He laughed offhandedly. Greg often brought shine to the parties, his family's own. He and Meredith always joked about being from the country.

"Dude you look good." Alex complimented from the other side of the room where he was playing cards with some guys.

"Uh hi Meredith. Cristina." George said awkwardly taking their coats.

"Don't rifle through the pockets either." Cristina called after him.

"Anybody called Izzie?" Greg asked from the kitchen. Meredith was beginning to wonder what he was doing in there.

"No!" Alex yelled back, aggravated. "We agreed the list was jocks only; supervisors, valets, and lane captains. No key attendants, cashiers, or greeters."

"I'm just saying let's have some boobs."

"I have boobs." Meredith cut in.

"Are you gonna share them?" Alex asked.

"No." She replied with a laugh.

Greg stuck his head around the kitchen door and gave Alex a knowing look. "Fine I'll call Iz." He dug into his pockets and flipped open the phone. "Yo Iz."

"Did you ever call Derek?" Cristina asked not wanting to deal with Meredith after they got home and she realized she had forgotten.

"Yeah. He didn't answer. I left a message." She answered. Cristina gave her a look and she shrugged. "I'll deal with him after the hangover subsides."

Derek was in his office at church that afternoon, cleaning out e-mails and checking messages that had piled up while he was away. He was in the middle of returning a message to the chair of the youth council with Donna beeped in.

"Yeah Donna?" He asked.

"I have a pretty friend of yours standing out here." She answered.

"Is it Meredith out there pulling something? I knew she wasn't going to just leave me at home like that." He replied as he walked out of his office and down the hall to Donna not waiting for her answer.

He was shocked to find a tall slender redhead standing in front of him, elegantly dressed smiling calmly. He took a long moment to take her in, something was wrong, he could already tell. "Addie." He beckoned warmly, gathering her in his arms for a tight hug. "Donna this is an old friend of mine, Addison Montgomery."

"Montgomery-Sloan." She reminded him.

"Montgomery-Sloan." He echoed. Donna and Addison exchanged pleasantries before Derek led her to his office. "What are you doing down here?" He asked.

"Just in the area for work and I wanted to stop by. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No I just got back from home for Easter, so I'm just clearing crap." He explained. "How long you got?"

"As long as I want."

"Let me get through a little bit more and we'll go get something for dinner." He explained and she nodded quietly settling in one of the chairs in front of his desk while she waited.

He shut his computer down and stood up leading Addison out of the church. "Let's go. I know what I want to make you. Meredith taught me how to make this dish, I wanna show off." He told her with a laugh. They stopped by the store and picked up what Derek needed before driving back to his house.

"Welcome to my humble abode." He said waving his hand as he opened the door for her. She laughed, comforted by the familiarity of his teasing. It had been a long time since she had seen him. "If you want to change into something more comfortable I can get your bag, Meredith's room is top of the stairs to the left of the bathroom." He offered. She nodded and he grabbed her back. "I'm just going to start dinner. You take your time."

Derek went to the kitchen and started making what Meredith referred to as a masterpiece. He cut the angel food cake in half sliding the bottom into glass dish. Then he cut up the strawberries and added a layer of them, then a layer of blueberries followed by whipped cream. He repeated it again with the top layer of angel food cake and put it in the refrigerator.

Addison changed quickly checking her reflection in the vanity in Meredith's room. The pictures on Meredith's dresser caught her attention and she moved to look through them. There was a cluster of Meredith and Derek together that caught her attention. Random shots. She laughed as she touched the pictures. With a sigh she walked out of the room.

She leaned against the counter as Derek chopped zucchini. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Derek asked quietly.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" She asked thoughtfully. He gave her a look over his shoulder. "Fine something is." She admitted. He nodded turning back to the zucchini. "Mark and I. We. I don't know. All we do is fight. We're rarely both home. I think I made a mistake." She whispered. She watched Derek's body, his back facing her, as his shoulders rose and fell. He scooped all the zucchini into the pan at once and covered the pan. He switched on the water for the pasta. Then he turned to face her.

_Now and then I confess you cross my mind_

_Now and then I guess I have a little too much time_

_I've changed my way of thinking_

_I've tried hard to separate what came too soon_

_From what came too late _

Since they had broken up they had remained good friends. Six years was a long time to be in love with somebody who didn't love you. At least not anymore. His mind instantly flashed to that night. He could still remember every detail. The way she had pulled back when he walked in and tried to kiss her forehead. The pain in her eyes when she said the ominous words 'we need to talk.' Sitting on her couch as she ended it, feeling like his world was crumbling and he couldn't even catch his breath.

_I don't think about me in terms of you_

_I don't think about you in terms of us_

_I don't think about us in terms of love_

_I don't think about then in terms of now_

_I've found a way to start again some how_

_I don't think about what we though it was_

_Oh in terms of love_

**_He left Addison's apartment in a blur. A surreal blur. He needed to get away from everything. It was too much. Too crazy. He didn't understand how she could end it. They were in love. But now they weren't? How did you just turn it off like that? He felt his phone vibrate against the cup holder in his car. It was Meredith. _**

_I'm counting on heaven to understand_

_I didn't mean to go and mess up all you plans_

_Sometimes you know where you should go before you know the way_

_I'll bother with tomorrow once I've made it through today_

_**He sighed, not wanting to answer it at first. When Meredith called it usually meant some emotional crisis. It wasn't that he didn't love that little girl. He did. He worried about her and prayed for her and thought about her every day. But he didn't know if he could take another blow. Especially not when Meredith's blows generally included some pretty stressful issues. He let it go to voicemail and listened to the message as soon as it arrived. "I'm sorry to call." She said softly, her voice warm. "But I've been thinking about you all evening and I know it's silly, but I had to check on you. Just shoot me an e-mail or a text. And I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something…"**_

_I don't think about me in terms of you_

_I don't think about you in terms of us_

_I don't think about us in terms of love_

_I don't think about then in terms of now_

_I've found a way to start again some how_

_I don't think about what we though it was_

_Oh in terms of love_

He wasn't sure why his mind flashed back to that moment. But it did. He took a deep breath before he quickly moved to Addison, pulling her to his body to comfort her. Her head quickly landed on his shoulder, burying her face into his neck as she began to cry. He held her closely one hand secured around her waist, as she sobbed, whispering comfort in her ear. His other hand glided over her hair a few times before he slipped it into her hair, cradling her head.

_I don't think about black in terms of grey_

_Revelations in the light of day_

_I don't think cold in terms of ice_

_Or second chances happening twice_

"Derek I'm so sorry." She whimpered against his body. "I'm sorry for what I did to us. Sometimes I wish we could just go back. We were happy together."

"Shhhh. We did what we thought was best." He breathed, resting his cheek atop her head. "Addie we've moved on. We've grown up. You can't tell me you don't love Mark. I know you do. You guys were together for far too long before you married. It's just…an adjustment you have to make."

He pulled back to look at her, eyes red cheeks wet. He tenderly kissed her forehead. "It's an adjustment." He repeated. "I'm sure Mark's just as frustrated as you are. You should talk to him Ad. Sit down and have a conversation. Please?" She nodded and he pulled her close again for another hug. "It'll take work, my dear. But anything that's worthwhile will take work. Love is worth it."

_I don't think about me in terms of you_

_I don't think about you in terms of us_

_I don't think about us in terms of love_

_I don't think about then in terms of now_

_I've found a way to start again some how_

_I don't think about what we though it was_

_Oh in terms of love_

"Why don't you go clean your face up." He suggested. She sighed and walked away while he returned to dinner.

The music was blasting in the house. Meredith was sitting on the couch, George sitting beside her. Drinks were every where. Shot glasses, empty beers. Clouds of smoke from cigarettes and the occasional bong hit.

"Scarlet Begonias." Cristina called out randomly. George made his way to the stereo and flipped it to the right song. Cristina hit a passing joint and offered it back to Meredith as the song began. She shook her head and George awkwardly looked at it. Finally he shook his head.

"Well there ain't nothing wrong with the way she moves, scarlet begonias and a touch of the blues." Meredith sang softly, leaning against George. "I feel sick." She mumbled. She stumbled to the front door and puked off the side of the porch. She went inside and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"You okay?" George asked from the doorway. He had followed her to make sure she was fine. She nodded with a smile.

"I guess my dinner didn't wanna stick around for the fun tonight." She laughed. "Do you not smoke?" She asked. She knew George from work, but she hadn't ever hung out with him.

"I haven't ever tried it." He softly replied

"You wanna?"

"Sure, but I don't know how." He admitted, scratching his head. Meredith laughed and led him into the kitchen. She quickly rolled a blunt, knowing it was the easiest way to learn.

"Okay I'm going to light it. What you do is draw the smoke into your mouth and then breathe in. Hold it for as long as you can and then release." She explained easily. "I'm not really in the mood for smoking, let me get Cristina to show you how. CRISTINA!" She called.

"No don't call her. She won't let me live this down."

"Shhh, just keep quiet and watch her." She replied easily.

Cristina walked into the kitchen looking at her expectantly. "We sleeping here?" She asked as she rotated the blunt, making sure it was completely lit. Casually she offered it to Cristina who hit it and shrugged walking back out of the room.

"Did you see how she did it?" She asked. He nodded and she handed it to him. "Now be careful about mixing this with alcohol until you're used to it. Hit it one more time as you walk into the room and pass it off to somebody."

"Mer." Cristina said as she walked by. "That kid has a massive crush on you, be careful with him." She warned with a smile. "Now what's wrong with you? C'mon, let's party."

"I just feel odd that Derek hasn't called me back." She admitted. Cristina shot her a look. "I'm sorry. I'll try to have fun." She promised. Cristina handed her a beer with a smile. "Thanks." She said tipping it up and chugging it in a moment. She let out a loud belch and the guys clapped and cheered appreciatively. She did a little curtsy and sat back down on the couch to do a little more drinking.

Derek and Addison were sitting together on the couch eating dessert a while later. Addison had calmed down and they were talking about the youth group. When they were together, she had helped him out where he had needed her to, but she was no where near as involved as Meredith. It just wasn't her forte.

"Are we going to talk about Meredith?" Addison asked as Derek described what had happened at youth group a few weeks ago.

"Well I didn't want to force that on you."

"You're not forcing it. C'mon I want to know. Tell me how things are going."

"They're really really amazing. Meredith is…I don't know. It's incredible to be in love with my best friend."

"In love? Isn't it a little early for that?" She asked. "I'm just saying…"

"I don't think it's too early. I've known her longer than I've known you."

"We dated forever before we said it."

"Eight months."

"Exactly."

"Exactly nothing. I'm going to marry her."

"You cannot possibly be serious Derek!"

"I am Addison. I'm going to marry my little princess."

"See Derek that's why you cannot marry her. She isn't a little princess. She just a young girl. She's not ready for marriage. Not like you are. Not like you have been for a long long time. Are you sure you're not just projecting?"

"Projecting? No."

"No? I know I don't know Meredith that well, but there is no way she's going to want to get married after dating for three months."

"I'm not saying we're getting married in another month."

"Then when?"

"After she finishes seminary."

"Seminary? Jesus Derek that's years from now. We only made it three years before it ran cold."

"What are you talking about? You and Mark dated for years before you got married."

"But we were having sex most of the time. And I know you don't believe in sex before marriage. And I respect you for wanting to wait, I think it's amazing. But relationships, they just don't last that long without it. It's rare for them too. Sex is important."

"If we're committed it'll work."

"But are you really willing to wait that long? Five years? You've been ready to settle down and start a family for a while. Five more years? Almost as long as we've been broken up, are you ready to wait that long again?"


	48. Chapter 46

-1Finally it was Tuesday morning and time for them to drive back to Virginia. Derek was loading their things while Meredith and Kay were standing in the kitchen saying goodbye.

"Now you call me anytime you want." Kay reminded Meredith. "Call me if he gets out of line. Though I know you can handle him. And you call me the moment you find out about any grandbabies."

Meredith turned bright red at the last demand. She tugged at her hair and looked for Derek, who conveniently was still packing the car. "Oh well Kay there won't be any of that until after we're married, we haven't umm. We just… You don't have to worry about that for a long time." She finished. "And besides we aren't even thinking about an engagement."

"Mom, stop badgering Mer about kids." Derek ordered from the doorway. "We might not even have any just to spite you."

"Why are we talking about children!?" Meredith asked a little frantic. Kay and Derek laughed at her. She stepped forward and gave Kay and quick hug. Kay kissed her cheek and Derek moved in to say good bye to his mother. She followed them to the door and watched Derek help Meredith into the car.

Derek drove for a long time, finding his was back to the interstate while Meredith quietly stared out the window. She was tired. Derek could see this weekend was a drain on her.

"Are you emotionally scarred forever?" He asked playfully when he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Your family is big." She said softly. "Overwhelming."

"Yeah." He offered sympathetically.

"I like your mom."

"I don't like yours." He said with a grin.

"Neither do I, but she's my mother." She replied. "Loyalty bothers me. That inherent loyalty to my mother. I love her. And I would do anything. But she hates me. And I have no control over any part of the relationship."

"She doesn't hate you my love. She just…She has issues. Maybe stuff has happened we know nothing about. But nobody could ever hate you. Especially not your own mother. She's just mean and selfish. But she does love you."

"Everybody knows."

"Hmm?"

"Everybody knows. About us. Everybody. Work. Friends. Family."

Derek sat quietly for a moment letting her work it out for herself.

"Are we going to be able to do this?"

"What?" He asked confused by the curveball. This wasn't what was supposed to be said next.

"Are you happy like this?"

"Like what?"

"Dating."

"I am very happy."

Wednesday morning Meredith woke up early and packed her suitcase. She dragged it out to her car and tossed it in the trunk. She walked along the path down to Derek's house and walked in. She kicked off her shoes and pulled the blanket back. Derek rolled over and pulled her close.

"I love morning snuggles." He laughed.

"I have to get going."

"Where are you going?" He asked confused.

"To Cristina's. It's spring break for the both of us. We wanna hang out."

"Does hang out mean drunkenly dance on a bar like it used to?" He asked.

"I'm not really sure. But I wanted to tell you bye."

"I can't convince you to stay?"

"Nope. I need girl time."

"What about us time?" He asked quickly covering her mouth with his own, teasing her gently and pulling away.

"As much as I enjoy us time. I need girl time."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, while I'm picking up hot boys on that bar you mentioned."

"Hey." He growled holding her close. "You don't get to do that anymore. If you want to shake your money maker you can shake it for me. And that's it." He ordered stumbling awkwardly over money maker.

"I don't like the bossing."

"I apologize. Give me kisses."

She kissed him one last time before sliding out of bed. "I'll give you a call later today."

Once she got to Cristina's she grabbed her duffel bag and tossed it over her shoulder. She let herself into the apartment and quietly set her bag inside Cristina's bedroom, where her best friend was still sleeping. She glanced into the kitchen and saw every dish she owned in the sink. She sighed and began to clean up.

When she finally finished she crashed onto the sofa and flicked through the stations. A long time later Cristina came stumbling out of her room. "Turn it off bitch." She ordered. Meredith flicked the volume down a few notches turning to look at her friend.

"You party way too hard for a med student."

"The fuck you do to my place? Looks like my mother was here." She grumbled flopping on the couch beside Meredith. "Alex said he'd be by with some shit for us."

"Nice." Meredith said. "Go take a shower. You smell like a brewery."

Early on that evening Meredith and Cristina got ready to hang out with some friends. It was a Wednesday night, which in the bottom meant a bunch of drunken college kids. Cristina voted they hit the clubs and pick up cute young boys, but Meredith turned her down. They instead settled on hanging out with a bunch of their old coworkers.

Cristina and Meredith had valeted for the hospital not too far from where Cristina lived during college. It was an easy job, despite it being outside all year long. The running kept them in shape and the tips were nice. Mostly college kids worked there. Well over three quarters of the valets were guys. Usually girls took the easier job of cashier or key attendant. But Meredith and Cristina were among the few girls who actually parked the cars. They had long since been hanging out with the guys outside of work. Most of whom were now in grad school at VCU, still working at the hospital.

Meredith pulled into the driveway parking close behind another car. Cristina grabbed the liquor and Meredith slipped what Alex had brought her into her purse. They didn't even bother to knock on the front door. Even though it was the middle of the city the boys rarely locked the house because they were constantly losing their keys.

"Look at what the bitch dragged in." Greg yelled from the kitchen doorway. Loud and vaguely lewd greetings were exchanged as Cristina tossed him a handle of vodka and smaller bottle of tequila. "Processed, labeled, and taxed, just like the government likes it." He laughed offhandedly. Greg often brought shine to the parties, his family's own. He and Meredith always joked about being from the country.

"Dude you look good." Alex complimented from the other side of the room where he was playing cards with some guys.

"Uh hi Meredith. Cristina." George said awkwardly taking their coats.

"Don't rifle through the pockets either." Cristina called after him.

"Anybody called Izzie?" Greg asked from the kitchen. Meredith was beginning to wonder what he was doing in there.

"No!" Alex yelled back, aggravated. "We agreed the list was jocks only; supervisors, valets, and lane captains. No key attendants, cashiers, or greeters."

"I'm just saying let's have some boobs."

"I have boobs." Meredith cut in.

"Are you gonna share them?" Alex asked.

"No." She replied with a laugh.

Greg stuck his head around the kitchen door and gave Alex a knowing look. "Fine I'll call Iz." He dug into his pockets and flipped open the phone. "Yo Iz."

"Did you ever call Derek?" Cristina asked not wanting to deal with Meredith after they got home and she realized she had forgotten.

"Yeah. He didn't answer. I left a message." She answered. Cristina gave her a look and she shrugged. "I'll deal with him after the hangover subsides."

Derek was in his office at church that afternoon, cleaning out e-mails and checking messages that had piled up while he was away. He was in the middle of returning a message to the chair of the youth council with Donna beeped in.

"Yeah Donna?" He asked.

"I have a pretty friend of yours standing out here." She answered.

"Is it Meredith out there pulling something? I knew she wasn't going to just leave me at home like that." He replied as he walked out of his office and down the hall to Donna not waiting for her answer.

He was shocked to find a tall slender redhead standing in front of him, elegantly dressed smiling calmly. He took a long moment to take her in, something was wrong, he could already tell. "Addie." He beckoned warmly, gathering her in his arms for a tight hug. "Donna this is an old friend of mine, Addison Montgomery."

"Montgomery-Sloan." She reminded him.

"Montgomery-Sloan." He echoed. Donna and Addison exchanged pleasantries before Derek led her to his office. "What are you doing down here?" He asked.

"Just in the area for work and I wanted to stop by. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No I just got back from home for Easter, so I'm just clearing crap." He explained. "How long you got?"

"As long as I want."

"Let me get through a little bit more and we'll go get something for dinner." He explained and she nodded quietly settling in one of the chairs in front of his desk while she waited.

He shut his computer down and stood up leading Addison out of the church. "Let's go. I know what I want to make you. Meredith taught me how to make this dish, I wanna show off." He told her with a laugh. They stopped by the store and picked up what Derek needed before driving back to his house.

"Welcome to my humble abode." He said waving his hand as he opened the door for her. She laughed, comforted by the familiarity of his teasing. It had been a long time since she had seen him. "If you want to change into something more comfortable I can get your bag, Meredith's room is top of the stairs to the left of the bathroom." He offered. She nodded and he grabbed her back. "I'm just going to start dinner. You take your time."

Derek went to the kitchen and started making what Meredith referred to as a masterpiece. He cut the angel food cake in half sliding the bottom into glass dish. Then he cut up the strawberries and added a layer of them, then a layer of blueberries followed by whipped cream. He repeated it again with the top layer of angel food cake and put it in the refrigerator.

Addison changed quickly checking her reflection in the vanity in Meredith's room. The pictures on Meredith's dresser caught her attention and she moved to look through them. There was a cluster of Meredith and Derek together that caught her attention. Random shots. She laughed as she touched the pictures. With a sigh she walked out of the room.

She leaned against the counter as Derek chopped zucchini. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Derek asked quietly.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" She asked thoughtfully. He gave her a look over his shoulder. "Fine something is." She admitted. He nodded turning back to the zucchini. "Mark and I. We. I don't know. All we do is fight. We're rarely both home. I think I made a mistake." She whispered. She watched Derek's body, his back facing her, as his shoulders rose and fell. He scooped all the zucchini into the pan at once and covered the pan. He switched on the water for the pasta. Then he turned to face her.

_Now and then I confess you cross my mind_

_Now and then I guess I have a little too much time_

_I've changed my way of thinking_

_I've tried hard to separate what came too soon_

_From what came too late _

Since they had broken up they had remained good friends. Six years was a long time to be in love with somebody who didn't love you. At least not anymore. His mind instantly flashed to that night. He could still remember every detail. The way she had pulled back when he walked in and tried to kiss her forehead. The pain in her eyes when she said the ominous words 'we need to talk.' Sitting on her couch as she ended it, feeling like his world was crumbling and he couldn't even catch his breath.

_I don't think about me in terms of you_

_I don't think about you in terms of us_

_I don't think about us in terms of love_

_I don't think about then in terms of now_

_I've found a way to start again some how_

_I don't think about what we though it was_

_Oh in terms of love_

**_He left Addison's apartment in a blur. A surreal blur. He needed to get away from everything. It was too much. Too crazy. He didn't understand how she could end it. They were in love. But now they weren't? How did you just turn it off like that? He felt his phone vibrate against the cup holder in his car. It was Meredith. _**

_I'm counting on heaven to understand_

_I didn't mean to go and mess up all you plans_

_Sometimes you know where you should go before you know the way_

_I'll bother with tomorrow once I've made it through today_

_**He sighed, not wanting to answer it at first. When Meredith called it usually meant some emotional crisis. It wasn't that he didn't love that little girl. He did. He worried about her and prayed for her and thought about her every day. But he didn't know if he could take another blow. Especially not when Meredith's blows generally included some pretty stressful issues. He let it go to voicemail and listened to the message as soon as it arrived. "I'm sorry to call." She said softly, her voice warm. "But I've been thinking about you all evening and I know it's silly, but I had to check on you. Just shoot me an e-mail or a text. And I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something…"**_

_I don't think about me in terms of you_

_I don't think about you in terms of us_

_I don't think about us in terms of love_

_I don't think about then in terms of now_

_I've found a way to start again some how_

_I don't think about what we though it was_

_Oh in terms of love_

He wasn't sure why his mind flashed back to that moment. But it did. He took a deep breath before he quickly moved to Addison, pulling her to his body to comfort her. Her head quickly landed on his shoulder, burying her face into his neck as she began to cry. He held her closely one hand secured around her waist, as she sobbed, whispering comfort in her ear. His other hand glided over her hair a few times before he slipped it into her hair, cradling her head.

_I don't think about black in terms of grey_

_Revelations in the light of day_

_I don't think cold in terms of ice_

_Or second chances happening twice_

"Derek I'm so sorry." She whimpered against his body. "I'm sorry for what I did to us. Sometimes I wish we could just go back. We were happy together."

"Shhhh. We did what we thought was best." He breathed, resting his cheek atop her head. "Addie we've moved on. We've grown up. You can't tell me you don't love Mark. I know you do. You guys were together for far too long before you married. It's just…an adjustment you have to make."

He pulled back to look at her, eyes red cheeks wet. He tenderly kissed her forehead. "It's an adjustment." He repeated. "I'm sure Mark's just as frustrated as you are. You should talk to him Ad. Sit down and have a conversation. Please?" She nodded and he pulled her close again for another hug. "It'll take work, my dear. But anything that's worthwhile will take work. Love is worth it."

_I don't think about me in terms of you_

_I don't think about you in terms of us_

_I don't think about us in terms of love_

_I don't think about then in terms of now_

_I've found a way to start again some how_

_I don't think about what we though it was_

_Oh in terms of love_

"Why don't you go clean your face up." He suggested. She sighed and walked away while he returned to dinner.

The music was blasting in the house. Meredith was sitting on the couch, George sitting beside her. Drinks were every where. Shot glasses, empty beers. Clouds of smoke from cigarettes and the occasional bong hit.

"Scarlet Begonias." Cristina called out randomly. George made his way to the stereo and flipped it to the right song. Cristina hit a passing joint and offered it back to Meredith as the song began. She shook her head and George awkwardly looked at it. Finally he shook his head.

"Well there ain't nothing wrong with the way she moves, scarlet begonias and a touch of the blues." Meredith sang softly, leaning against George. "I feel sick." She mumbled. She stumbled to the front door and puked off the side of the porch. She went inside and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"You okay?" George asked from the doorway. He had followed her to make sure she was fine. She nodded with a smile.

"I guess my dinner didn't wanna stick around for the fun tonight." She laughed. "Do you not smoke?" She asked. She knew George from work, but she hadn't ever hung out with him.

"I haven't ever tried it." He softly replied

"You wanna?"

"Sure, but I don't know how." He admitted, scratching his head. Meredith laughed and led him into the kitchen. She quickly rolled a blunt, knowing it was the easiest way to learn.

"Okay I'm going to light it. What you do is draw the smoke into your mouth and then breathe in. Hold it for as long as you can and then release." She explained easily. "I'm not really in the mood for smoking, let me get Cristina to show you how. CRISTINA!" She called.

"No don't call her. She won't let me live this down."

"Shhh, just keep quiet and watch her." She replied easily.

Cristina walked into the kitchen looking at her expectantly. "We sleeping here?" She asked as she rotated the blunt, making sure it was completely lit. Casually she offered it to Cristina who hit it and shrugged walking back out of the room.

"Did you see how she did it?" She asked. He nodded and she handed it to him. "Now be careful about mixing this with alcohol until you're used to it. Hit it one more time as you walk into the room and pass it off to somebody."

"Mer." Cristina said as she walked by. "That kid has a massive crush on you, be careful with him." She warned with a smile. "Now what's wrong with you? C'mon, let's party."

"I just feel odd that Derek hasn't called me back." She admitted. Cristina shot her a look. "I'm sorry. I'll try to have fun." She promised. Cristina handed her a beer with a smile. "Thanks." She said tipping it up and chugging it in a moment. She let out a loud belch and the guys clapped and cheered appreciatively. She did a little curtsy and sat back down on the couch to do a little more drinking.

Derek and Addison were sitting together on the couch eating dessert a while later. Addison had calmed down and they were talking about the youth group. When they were together, she had helped him out where he had needed her to, but she was no where near as involved as Meredith. It just wasn't her forte.

"Are we going to talk about Meredith?" Addison asked as Derek described what had happened at youth group a few weeks ago.

"Well I didn't want to force that on you."

"You're not forcing it. C'mon I want to know. Tell me how things are going."

"They're really really amazing. Meredith is…I don't know. It's incredible to be in love with my best friend."

"In love? Isn't it a little early for that?" She asked. "I'm just saying…"

"I don't think it's too early. I've known her longer than I've known you."

"We dated forever before we said it."

"Eight months."

"Exactly."

"Exactly nothing. I'm going to marry her."

"You cannot possibly be serious Derek!"

"I am Addison. I'm going to marry my little princess."

"See Derek that's why you cannot marry her. She isn't a little princess. She just a young girl. She's not ready for marriage. Not like you are. Not like you have been for a long long time. Are you sure you're not just projecting?"

"Projecting? No."

"No? I know I don't know Meredith that well, but there is no way she's going to want to get married after dating for three months."

"I'm not saying we're getting married in another month."

"Then when?"

"After she finishes seminary."

"Seminary? Jesus Derek that's years from now. We only made it three years before it ran cold."

"What are you talking about? You and Mark dated for years before you got married."

"But we were having sex most of the time. And I know you don't believe in sex before marriage. And I respect you for wanting to wait, I think it's amazing. But relationships, they just don't last that long without it. It's rare for them too. Sex is important."

"If we're committed it'll work."

"But are you really willing to wait that long? Five years? You've been ready to settle down and start a family for a while. Five more years? Almost as long as we've been broken up, are you ready to wait that long again?"


	49. Chapter 47

-1Thursday morning the girls returned to Cristina's apartment early. Meredith found some doughnuts and was standing over the sink to eat them.

"I want brownies." Cristina sighed.

"Mmmm chocolate." Meredith agreed.

"No good brownies." Cristina said with a suggestive rise in her eyebrow.

"We can't make them here. It stinks too much. We might as well call the cops ourselves."

"Let's go back to your place. We'll just keep Derek outta the house." Cristina suggested. After a bit more prodding Meredith agreed. They called Alex who reluctantly, at such an early hour, brought them a necessary ingredient and they packed their things to drive to Charlottesville.

"Here I'll start the oil and you get all of our stuff to my room. Oh and lock the doors." Meredith called as she made her way into the kitchen. Cristina checked the doors and began to carry their things upstairs. She quickly joined Meredith in the kitchen and they finished their brownies.

Derek sat at his desk trying to get some work done. But it was impossible. Addison's words from the night before kept running through his mind. Another five years. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Five years. And that was minimum. What if Addison was right? Could he wait that long? Or would Meredith change too much. Was sex really that important? Another five years. He would be almost forty. Forty. That meant he would be in his sixties by the time they finally got to start their life together. Freaking ancient.

He sighed and stared blankly at the paperwork before him. Audits were due in about a month. He was trying to get a head start on them. He didn't know how much of a stickler this particular district would be about it. Numbers swam before him. Reports of attendance and records of events melted together. He looked up and the pictures on his desk caught his attention.

One weekend they had gotten the youth together to paint one of the rooms. She had wiped her hair out of her face, succeeding in getting yellow paint in her hair and on her face. He had laughed her and tried to wipe it off her face, but she stuck her fingers in the paint and ran it all through his hair. One of the youth had snapped a picture of them together after everybody was supposed to have left. They were sitting together on the couch. She was leaning against his chest asleep with her thumb in her mouth. His cheek was resting against the top of her head as he started off into space.

Looking at that picture now her childishness jumped out at him. She looked like a little kid. Granted she was only twenty-two, but she looked even younger. He gave a frustrated sigh and turned the picture down so it wasn't facing him and tried to get back to work.

"It stinks in here." Meredith pointed out as they pulled the brownies out to let them cool. She rummaged under the sink and found some febreeze. She walked around the entire house, spraying the contents of the can. She walked back to the kitchen and took a seat beside Cristina. "I can still smell it!" She complained. "Derek is going to kill me!"

"Derek's never smoked?" Cristina asked.

"No! He's a control freak." She explained.

"So? We're both control freaks." She pointed out.

"Yeah, but he won't try it. Never has and never will. And he will murder me if he finds out about this."

"Relax. The doors are locked. He's not due home for a few hours. It will be fine. He'll never know. Has he ever caught you before?"

"No. He doesn't notice." She said thinking back to the few time he had seen her stoned and not realized it.

"See we're fine. Calm down. I hate it when you get paranoid." Cristina soothed. She held her hand over the brownies testing their warmth.

"I'm going to put on some music." Meredith announced walking quickly out of the room. She started the music and returned to the kitchen to light some incense.

"Stop pacing." Cristina commanded. "C'mon Mer. Let's try these out."

Meredith sat down in a chair only to leap up again, getting Cristina a knife. Then a plate. Then napkins. Cristina finally threateningly brandished the knife at her. "Sit your ass down. Enjoy your hash. And shut up!" Meredith quietly obeyed, sitting down and taking the brownie she offered.

Derek sighed as he hung up the phone. He jiggled his mouse and checked his e-mail one last time. Nothing new appeared. He rolled his neck and stood up.  
"I'll see you later Donna." He called to the secretary behind the desk as he made his way out of the office.  
"Say hi to Meredith for me." She replied. He nodded and pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock his door.  
He pulled into the driveway a few moments later noticing Meredith's car in the driveway. He smiled to himself happy to have his girlfriend back home. He tried the front door and found it locked. He pulled he keys back out and opened the door.  
"Meredith!" He yelled, looking through the downstairs for her. He walked into the kitchen and gazed at the table, confused by the objects he found. He called for her again, but didn't get an answer. He sighed and walked back out to his car. Then he headed to his house.

Meanwhile the girls walked up the path carrying a carton of ice cream each. They walked into the den and began to eat their ice cream

"Put on a movie!" Cristina ordered shoving Meredith with her feet. "And bring me Herbie!"

Meredith laughed, handing Cristina the bong and switched the TV to the Godfather. She took her place beside her best friend. Meredith took Herbie from Cristina's lap. She lit the bowl and lifted the slider before inhaling the cooled smoke.

Neither hear the back door ease open, nor Derek's foot steps as he followed the sound of the familiar movie to the den where he found the girls. His gaze wandered over the items he has dismissed earlier during his search for Meredith; the almost empty pan of brownies, the Buddha, the pungently sweet smell hanging in the air, the long object resting between Meredith's legs. He couldn't move as the realization overtook him.

"Shit." Cristina murmured quietly as she noticed Derek in the doorway. Meredith looked up seeing him too.

Their eyes locked for a moment, both standing completely still. Derek's eyes became unreadable as he stood before them. Meredith sat in shock unsure of how he was going to react. He took a deep breath and threw a glance to Cristina before turning to leave. He slammed the back door behind him, rushing to the guest house before she came after him.

"I thought you locked the door." Meredith asked quietly after the silence settled over the room.

"We must have forgotten after we raided his ice cream." Cristina answered. Meredith sighed deeply burying her face in her hands.

"I can't believe this. I can't believe this!" She kept repeating.

"Let's just chill out for a moment. You have to calm yourself or you're going to tweak!" Cristina reminded her. "You need to talk to Derek. Do you want me to stay or go?" She asked, not wanting to leave until things were repaired between Meredith and Derek.

"Go home." She replied softly. "Take all of this crap with you too. Otherwise I'm sure it'll ignite a fight."

"Mer, it's going to be fine." She assured as she picked up the things they had brought from her apartment.

Meredith sat on the couch for a few more minutes trying to prepare herself to face Derek She had never expected Derek to find out that she occasionally did this. He had never even suspected it. She knew how he felt about if from his UMYF talks or when he used to e-mail her emotionally exhausted from dealing with a situation with one of his youth. She pulled her long hair off her face and stood up.

She tried the door to the guest house and found it unlocked. She took that as a good sign as she searched the downstairs for him. He was sitting on the sofa staring blankly at CNN. She walked to the back of the couch and gently let his hair slip through her fingers before leaning forward to kiss his neck. He pulled away throwing a disgusted look in her direction.

"That is definitely not how you go about this." He spat, coldly. "You should go."

"I don't want to go. I'm trying here Derek."

"You smell, your eyes are blood shot and you can't even focus."

"But I'm trying. Even fucked up I know that I want to talk to you."

"Go home Meredith. You stink." He insisted. She tried once more to get his attention, but only succeeded in faking herself out and tripping on the rug. Derek didn't bother to look at her.

She walked back to the main house to shower and pull herself out of the fog. By the time she dressed her mind was starting to clear. She left her damp hair down and sent a text to Derek's phone.

"Can I come down to talk?"

"I'm not home. I'll be back later." His reply read. Meredith settled down on the couch pulling a blanket around her as her low began to set in.

Derek was sitting in his car in the parking lot of a park he and Meredith occasionally went for walks in. He remained in the driver's seat, head on the steering wheel for a long time as Addison's warning flooded back to him. He knew it wasn't a big deal, smoking pot. The most he had against it was that it was illegal and the dosage was different each time. But he didn't generally elaborate on that. But here was more proof that Meredith was merely a child in an adult's body. She still spent her spring breaks at parties and making hash brownies. Marriage, even the possibility, was not even a blip on her radar.

Granted she was an old soul. Intellectualism was a passion, making for a fulfilling relationship. But she was a child. The age difference loomed large before him. A gap that would effectively cool their relationship before she was ready to offer the sort of commitment he longed for in his life. He would soon be thirty-three. It was time for him to settle. And had long been. His identity was firm, emotionally secure. It was time for him to build a house and have babies. He was ready for the stress and uncertainty of that new type of life. He found the woman he was ready to do all of this with. If she wasn't ready and it was only going to kill what they had to remain in this relationship…

He breathed deeply, fighting the sting of tears in his eyes. He was ready. So completely ready. He would slip a ring on her finger in the next heartbeat, but Meredith wasn't ready. Meredith was in her first serious relationship. She knew heartbreak intimately, but she didn't yet understand how to exist in a loving relationship. She was mere months into her first experience.

"There is nothing right about this." He thought to himself. "I fell in love with a child. A beautiful little girl with no experience. No examples. I pulled her headlong into this adventure, making promises all along the way." His heart began to break as he realized that he couldn't hold onto her. Not anymore. Not now that he knew it was going to fall apart. But he couldn't abandon her either. He had made too many promises to her.

He felt lost as he sat there in the driver's seat. He need somebody to be his sounding board. He picked his cell phone up out of the cup holder, but couldn't figure out who to call. He had friends. Good ones. But as the years had passed and he had remained hung up on Addison he had come to only confide in Meredith for emotional issues. As he dated Mer he hadn't allowed anybody to fill that role.

He considered calling Addie, but the last thing he needed was her saying I love you so. He put the phone back down and began to pray. He talked to God, asking him for advice and understanding until he began to relax. His breathing deepened into long regular beats. The tears in his eyes cleared. He blew his nose into his handkerchief as his phone rang. It was Kathleen.

"Hey Kath." He answered calmly. "S'going on?"

"Nothing much. Just checking in on my favorite brother. Did Meredith recover from her time with us?"

"I assume so."

"Uh-oh. What did she do?" Kathleen asked with a laugh.

"I came home to her and Cristina blazed. Brownies half eaten, a bong in hang."

"Shut up!" Kathleen exclaimed. "That's hilarious!" She said laughing harder.

"Kath. Not funny. I'm dating a stoner."

"You are not. Relax." She ordered. "Has she ever done it before that you know of?"

"No."

"Then I say that it's probably not a real issue. Professionally I'd say she is just using recreationally. From what I can tell she doesn't' have an addictive personality. She's not an addict."

"I know she's not an addict."

"No Derek, I don't think you understand. She isn't built for addiction whether it's drugs, sex, or money. Or even something relatively harmless like say shopping or chocolate." She explained. "That should really be something to you considering her behavior even last summer."

"What behavior?"

"The cutting."

"She hasn't cut in years." Derek protested confused.

"I'm mistaken then." She recovered quickly, gliding of her breach of confidentiality. "Pot isn't' a big deal. Everybody experiments with it. You should trust Meredith to be smart and safe."

"I never tried it." He argued.

"You didn't?"

"You did?"

"All of us did. Mom even had." She laughed. "Why are you freaking out so badly?" She asked, sensing there was more to this than he was letting on.

"Addison and I suggested that staying with Mer until she's prepared for marriage will be a mistake and just ruing the relationship since Meredith and I aren't having…sex." He explained, stumbling over 'sex.' Kathleen giggled at her brother's awkwardness.

"Derek I think you should just go home. Forget about Addison for a moment."

"I don't wanna forget about Addison if she's right." He argued stubbornly.

"Listen to me. Go home. Take her a cheesecake or some other munchie. Let her talk."

"You're bossy." He complained.

"You're a geek." She shot back. After a moment of silence she told him goodbye and closed her phone.

Derek clicked through his phonebook and dialed the number he was looking for. After a few rings a voiced answered.

"Mom did you smoke pot?" He asked.

"Derek?"

"Did you?" He pressed.

"Yes." She answered thoroughly confused.

"Bye." He replied hanging up the phone and turning the key in the ignition. He wound his way towards the house trying to figure out the jumble racing through his head.

He quietly opened the door to find Meredith asleep on the couch. Silently he moved to the kitchen and poured to glasses of juice that he carried to the den. He set them on the coffee table as he sat on the couch to wait for Meredith to wake up.

Meredith continued to sleep for a while as Derek sat beside her. She stretched her legs against his thigh. He smiled as he lifted her tiny feet into his lap. He removed her socks and kneaded her feet with his fingers. He sighed as he massaged her feet, praying for guidance. His mind was running a million miles a minute and he had no idea what he wanted to do. He had no idea. Dump her? Stay with her? He couldn't even figure out what he wanted.

Meredith yawned as she opened her eyes. She focused in on Derek at the other end of the couch. He leaned forward and picked up a glass off the coffee table. He handed it to her, letting his fingers graze hers as her hand closed around the glass.

"You wanted a chance to explain." He said softly. "I'm listening."

Meredith sipped her juice and opened her mouth to say something, to explain, but no words came. She dragged the back of her hand across her eyes and slid her fingers into her hair scratching her head for a moment. Derek fought the urge to gather her into his arms and let her melt into him.

"I'm sorry." She said simply, catching his gaze and holding it for a moment. "I really am. I'm sorry that it's making you so upset."

Derek was torn as he sat there watching her as she apologized. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to push her away. But he couldn't move as he sat there. He thought he could actually feel his heart breaking as he tried to make a decision.

"Why do you do it?"

"It's really not a big deal. It's like drinking, but a different feeling. I do it because it's a good time."

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you could get in to? Meredith if you got caught you could kiss most of your aspirations goodbye. Don't you understand that."

"Don't patronize me. I'm not a child. Of course I understand the consequences."

"But you are a child Meredith. You keep proving it over and over to me. You're an innocent little child."

"Stop calling me a child. I am an adult. I have worked hard at becoming on."

"Meredith look at how you act."

"Look at how you act." She retorted angrily.

"Sweetie don't get upset."

"Stop patronizing me. What is your problem?"

"Maybe we need to take some time to ourselves." He suggested quietly

"Are you breaking up with me?" She asked confused.

"No I'm taking space."

"You are breaking up with me." She accused softly, staring at him with a hurt expression.

"Mer please understand. I love you so much…" He began, but Meredith cut him off standing up and walking to the stairs.

"I screwed up Derek. I screwed up. If you loved me you would try to understand. Not give up on me." She cried running upstairs to her room, locking the door behind her.

Derek wearily stood to walk home, fighting the tears himself knowing how much he had hurt her. He just wanted to slow things down. Not because he was unsure, but because she was obviously confused about what she wanted. He was worried he had made the wrong decision. But he decided to let it work itself out. He would let her cool off before he tried to explain his self.

But just so she knew he was thinking of her he called. She refused to answer, but that was okay. He began to talk to her voicemail. "Princess I love you. I love you more than anything. Don't ever forget that. I just…We need some time. We need a break without the pressures that we're putting on us. You're the love of my life. Always will be."


	50. Chapter 48

-1;"Where's Meredith been lately?" Donna asked as she and Derek shopped for the rest of the needed items for the senior farewell picnic that weekend. It was Just, time for youth group to disband for the summer because of retreats and mission projects. "We miss her bouncing around the office. Is she doing alright?"

Derek had developed a friendship with the woman, so he admitted they weren't seeing one another any longer. Since the break up Derek had been working hard on fundraisers and last minute details for the summer. Meredith had been insanely busy with her classes. She had just finished her finals the week before. It had been over two months since their argument and drifted back to their previous friendship, but with an added distance and a touch of animosity.

"That's terrible." Donna remarked sympathetically. "How are you handling this?" She asked, having noticed a slight change in him.

"I'm fine. I miss her of course, but we still are friends and that was the important part of it all."

"Don't try bullshitting me. What's really going on?" She pressed.

"I really can't tell you, but she needs to grow some before we start this thing again." He explained. Donna continued to stare at him as he ignored her, still shopping.

"I don't know her as well as you do, but I do see how you interact. She's a good thing for you. And incredibly mature. Maybe she's more ready than you think."

"She's not ready for what I am." He scoffed.

"Then maybe what she needs is you to wait for her. And be there." She pointed out. "The two of you were always together and now… We've noticed a difference Derek. Maybe you should consider what you're doing again."

Meredith sat on her bed holding her favorite stuffed bunny closely while she considered, again, what Derek had done to them. She wished for a moment she was still in the insanity of finals week. She was going crazy with all of this free time. A cloud had descended on her life. Overwhelming. Consuming. It felt a lot like the depressions she had sunken into over the years. But there was something different about it too. She breathed in the comforting smell of her bunny while she thought about her mixed up life. She needed to verbalize her feelings. Somebody to bounce off of and argue with. She absentmindedly picked up her phone, fingers posed to dial Derek.

At that moment she realized why she was so upset. She didn't have Derek's friendship anymore. Of course they had agreed to remain friends through this, but that was just a charade. The Meredith and Derek they had been no longer existed. There wasn't a friendship to fall back on anymore. She felt an overwhelming pain deep in her chest that rose, breaking to the surface despite the way she fought it. Tears fell hard and fast, but she made no effort to wipe them away. The emotional pain was overtaking her mind. She was in the moment, unable to step back from it. All she could do was let the tears fall as she felt the emotions she had been holding back for months.

But the tears didn't provide the relief she was so desperately seeking. Instead it was numbing her again. The pain was subsiding, but as the waves receded it left in its wake…nothing. Absolutely nothing. She couldn't even muster the panic she should be experiencing. She turned off her phone and dug through a box under her bed finding the box cutter she was looking for. Once she found it she made her way to the bathroom settling on the floor draping a rag over her lap. She flipped the box cutter open and removed an extra blade from the cutter and leaned against the sink while she quickly slipped the blade across her arm repeatedly for a moment, pausing to watch the lines of red blood appear and ooze. She covered her arm with the rag blotting away the blood, before repeating her actions again and again.

The stings were a welcome relief, but the sense of calm she always felt didn't come. It was replaced by sheer anxiety. She was familiar with the science behind cutting; the transfer of emotional pain to something physical that caused the first release. And then the endorphins that were released into the blood. It created a sense of peace. A good balance that allowed Meredith to sleep it off. She needed to calm down. She quickly stood up, letting the bloody rag slip to the floor. Not noticing the blood that was dripping down her arm. She made her way to her bedroom, pulling on a bathing suit and walking downstairs. She struggled to drag the cover off, but managed. She set the switches and waited for the water to warm as she sat on the edge freezing.

The steam began to billow out of the hot tub before she stuck her feet in the water. She felt sick. Ashamed. She hadn't even considered that it was now summer, making it impossible to hide her arms under sleeves. She cried, longing for the comfort the cutting was supposed to provide. Instead it had left her cold and insanely empty. She slowly submerged her body in the bubbling water. The warmth enveloping her completely.

In the pit of her stomach she knew something was wrong. She felt dizzy. But the warm water felt so incredible around her she couldn't find the strength to move. So she remained there as she felt more and more exhausted.

Donna and Derek finished their shopping before too long. He thanked the older woman for her help and company before heading to his office. He his there for some time processing Donna's words. He decided to make dinner and attempt to spend an evening with her, something they hadn't done since the break. He stopped at the grocery store and picked up some food. He called Meredith as he was checking out to make sure she was around. But she didn't answer. A pang of dread hit and settled in his chest as he pushed the accelerator a little deeper.

When he got to the house he immediately walked into the main house and dumped the groceries on the counter. He called for her with no answer. He checked her bedroom, but noticed the bathroom light was still on. He walked in to find the rag tossed on the floor. His eyes were instantly drawn to the blood. His heart dropped for a moment. What was she thinking…

Derek looked through the rest of the house, not finding her. Her car was in the drive so he headed out the back door towards his house. Relief flooded his body when he saw he in the hot tub. Then he noticed her stillness. He made it to her in seconds, lifting her form the water. He didn't panic though. He knew she already had an issue with the hot tub. The warmth when she was tired overwhelmed her body. One of the reasons they rarely used the hot tub. He wrapped her in a towel before taking her inside. She groggily opened her eyes recognizing him.

"I'm so tired." She whispered weakly. "I couldn't get out." He nodding making his way across the house.

He left her in her room to change as he tried not to jump to conclusions. Cutting was about relief, not suicide. They could deal with it, whatever it was. He heard her bedsprings creak and he pushed the door open, not waiting for an invitation. He took a seat in the comfortable overstuffed chain she liked to read in while he waited for an explanation.

"I'm fine now." She offered, wanting him to just go away. She was too tired to deal with his anger. But he didn't move, just started at he, waiting for her to start. "Seriously I'm fine. This isn't something you need to deal with. Not that there's anything to deal with. I'm good Derek." She rambled, trying to convince him to leave. Finally she sighed and leaned back against the pillows giving him dirty look.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I'm sorry I haven't been here for you. And that I broke up with you. And that I broke all the promises I made. I thought you needed me to step away for a while or something. I've been trying to focus on doing all of this right and I forgot all about the important stuff we've been. Love doesn't have a set of rules that if we follow we're guaranteed a happy ending. And even if it did work like that it wouldn't matter. We have yet to follow the rules. Even from the very beginning when after I moved I wasn't supposed to keep in touch with my youth. You have to admit we're backwards." He moved from the chair to the side of her bed. He pulled her sliced arm from under the blanket where she had tucked it. He continued to talk as he carefully peeled her sleeve up to her elbow. "But we work together. We balance one another I think. And if we never work as a husband and a wife it'll be fine because we work together as friends and we keep each other sane. Even if we drive each other insane in the process. That said Mer, I have to ask about your arm. What could have happened that you couldn't talk to me. We ended our romantic relationship, but I never ended our friendship."

"You dumped me Derek. You ended all of it because I screwed up. And I've been trying to tell you that I'm going to screw up. So…" She trailed off. "This conversation is so clichéd." She admitted, feeling anxious. "Sometimes I feel forced to read off a script with you. I fucking hate it! Derek be real with me! Be Derek!"

"Okay okay. What made you cut?" He asked.

"I needed to feel." She answered.

"You haven't been feeling what?"

"Anything. I've been too busy to feel anything. Been running so fast I haven't allowed my emotions to catch up."

"Okay…" Derek echoed, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Derek!" She yelled "What the hell is wrong with you. You're supposed to help me. Not like this Derek. Damnit you asshat!" She growled. "Get out of my room! Just get out!"

"Nope." He replied easily, realizing what she was getting at.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd! Get out of my room! Get out of my life!" She yelled weakly punching him in the chest.

"Like hell I will!" He yelled back sliding behind her grabbing her fists, careful to avoid the slices on her left arm. "I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me. Okay woman. You screwed up. I screwed up. Now. We're moving forward. We'll deal with what we did. But there will be no hitting. And there will be no slicing of the arms." He ordered in her ear sternly.

"I am an adult whether you believe it or not. And I will do as I please." She growled back. "Let me go!"

"Meredith Grey you are in no shape to fight with me. Stop being stubborn." He replied. She tried to pull out of his grip, but he easily prevented her escape. He sighed, knowing he wasn't getting through to her and he needed her to calm down before she hurt herself.

"You're a pain in my ass!" She yelled. "This relationship doesn't exist for you to come and go as you please you know." She had a point but he wasn't going to concede in this war. He lifted her arms above her head, holding them in place with one hand. He stretched her along the length of the bed, straddling her waist he used his free hand to obnoxiously pinch her butt.

"Now I'm really a pain in your ass." He laughed stretching out beside her, draping one leg over her preventing any false moves. "Now my love. I'm sorry. Sorry for what I did, what I said and what I didn't see. I love you. I thought we needed some time and space. I honestly did. But that charade was an outstanding mistake, so I guess now we need to figure out how to deal with it. And how to deal with this." He whispered letting his lips flutter over her marred skin He released her hands at the same time his lips headed for her ear. "Princess." He murmured before softly drawing her ear into his warm mouth. She refused to acknowledge him so he made his was from her ear to her neck biting and sucking on the tender skin. He grazed his scruffy goatee along her sensitive chin. He kissed his way all along her body while she remained motionless. His hands roamed while he finally braved enough to kiss her lips. His soul spilled from his eyes as he poured all the love he had into kissing this woman he knew he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. She opened her eyes and locked his gaze. A shiver trailed down her spin and she pulled out of the kiss, cuddling close to his body burying her face in his chest, clinging tightly as she took a deep breath. She needed to be closer to him, she needed the physical reassurance that what she saw in his eyes was real. She didn't need the make your panties qet kisses. She needed security. She needed to feel safe. She took another breath as the tears spilled over.

"How do I know what's real?" She asked after a long time of crying. "What if I wake up and you really didn't save me?" She asked before drifting to sleep.


	51. Chapter 49

-1Meredith awoke alone. She untangled herself from herself blankets and looked at her bedside clock. It read 4:30 p.m. She shook her head, glancing outside confused by the light when it should be morning. Was it really the afternoon?

She ran her hand over her injured arm, but felt no pain. Flipping on a light and inspecting her arm she found no marks. He heart fluttered as she realized it had been a dream. She hadn't cut, nor had Derek found out. Relief flooded her body. But moments later the flip side crashed to her mind. She and Derek were still on a break. "Whatever the hell that meant." She through angrily.

She could still feel his arms holding her tightly. His lips grazing her skin. setting it on fire. His body comforting her just as she needed. His whispers warming her soul. She missed him.

Derek however, was hiding in his office following his conversation and shopping spree with the church secretary. He felt a tug at his heart as Donna's words refused to let his attention go. He gave in, allowing his mind to wander for a while praying for some sort of guidance.

She missed him…

She breathed a sigh before repeating her momentary mantra. "I miss Derek." She got out of her bed and opened to closet looking for an old shoebox she knew was here somewhere.

_Derek sighed as he walked up the trail to his cabin. It was his first trip of the summer. A mission service he was fond of. This year he was the program director. It meant he missed the Virginia Annual Conference, which was a sacrifice for him. Annual Conference was a meeting of all the Methodist leaders in the state; all the pastors, delegates from each church, board, program, district superintendents and other big wigs. And tons of people he only got to see once a year at Annual Conference. But more importantly one of his former youth was being commissioned as a probationary member. Which meant in three years he would be ordained within the church._

_He picked up his phone that he had left charging in this from after dinner. He found a text message from Meredith. She had completed her sophomore year at Randolph Macon not too many weeks before, but they hadn't caught up in months._

_"Of all the times for you to not be here." The message read. _

_He wasn't sure where he wasn't that she was, but he rarely received text messages from her so he quickly typed out his reply, "What happened?"_

_"Ah just incredibly intense days. Candidacy decisions/considering all of it. I'm overwhelmed. Would have been good to have you at the ordination service." She replied, referring to the service that he was disappointed to be missing. It made sense she would be there. Tom, one of his former youth, had been a friend of Meredith's too. But he was surprised to hear she was considering her candidacy. While the Methodist church didn't require it as a prerequisite to ordination, it was a way of declaring your intention and call to ordained ministry. A logical step for somebody in her position. But it was out of the blue; last he had heard she wasn't considering pastoral ministry any longer. _

_"You're at conference? He asked to clarify_

_"Yeah. I was supposed to leave this morning, but I'm in no shape to drive. So I'm crashing for another night I suppose."_

_"Leave from conference or from home?"_

_"Conference to go home and sleep! I'm exhausted. No time off in weeks!"_

_"Sleep now thus saith the overseer of thee." He commanded, knowing she would laugh._

_"Yes sir. I have to leave the hotel at 4:30. Bagging potatoes! Make it all better. Make it all clear. Make it all easy." She replied causing his heart to break for her, until another text chimed making him laugh. "Otherwise I'm turning to Moralistic Therapeutic Deism!"_

_"Y'know I doubt MTD offers answers. Instead learn to be content with no knowing and answers will come. Maybe the lesson God wants you to learn is to move without knowing."_

_"If I accepted MTD I could make lots of money. Have sex. Smoke pot. I've been patient. I wanna know what's next. Where am I going?"_

_"Derek sighed as he read her response. She was making fun of it but he knew the turmoil she was experiencing. He stripped down to his boxers and brushed his teeth, then climbed into bed before picking up his phone again to respond._

_"Those things won't make you happy. They just say they will. Sleep love. Sleep." He replied before settling himself to pray for his little girl._

She finally found the box. It contained tons of the most important stuff from Derek over the years. Mostly e-mails or AIM conversations she had printed out to refer to. Some bedtime stories he had sent or bible studies. She started reading hoping to find what she needed.

_MerGrey: David confuses me. We talk every day. Usually more than once. Aim at night. Texts e-mails facebook through the day. We hang out all we can. How can you hang out that much and not want to date? I want to be over him. I want to be fine with being just friends. I want to stop thinking about him. It's too too much. What do I do Derek?_

_Dshepherd: Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Get it in the open. Knowing is better than wondering._

_MerGrey: I don't want to talk to him. He should know how I feel by now. _

_Dshepherd: Once upon a time there was a little princess who lived deep deep in the woods surrounded by trees and vines and flowers and plants. Everything she ever needed was just outside her front door._

_MerGrey: I love bedtime stories_

_Dshepherd: One day she was picking berries to make pie, but the berries were more scattered than usual. So she had to venture further from her snug little cabin nestled in those safe comforting familiar woods. She would pick a few berries and take a few steps until she was the farthest she had ever been from home. She began to notice a loud roar coming from the other side of the woods. So she ventured closer. The forest gave way to an overwhelming cacophony of sights and sounds. A young man caught her eye and turned to walk away, pausing to beckon her with a casual flick of his finger. She was intrigued by this boy. She felt it was certainly safer to follow him than stand here among the honking horns, smelly smoke, and bustling people. She trotted off after him, keeping pace with him until the voices started whispering. The what if's began and the who know's chimed in. She paused to listen as the better safe than sorry's broke through. The little princess grew scared and took off running back to the safety of the woods. The young man started after her hurt and confused. But the princess didn't look back. She made her way, fast as lightening to her cabin, throwing open the doors and diving under her blankets. She remained there until long after the birds resumed their chirping and the crickets their creaking. But even though the small princess couldn't help but wonder where she had been headed with that boy._

_MerGrey: Wow! Good story._

_Dshepherd. Don't overlook the point my love. I'm going to bed while stew over it. Okay Mer?_

Derek continued to consider his own words as he remember that evening of texting while she was at Annual Conference and he was at Jeremiah Project. "Move without knowing. Accept uncertainty and God will provide answers as needed." He thought. His advice to her three years ago was ringing true to him in this situation. Maybe Meredith wasn't ready for anything more than dating. But they both were content with it. Or had been before he had started to worry about it. And he knew he was far happier in the uncertainty of dating than he was in the stability of celibacy. He wasn't strong enough to take care of it all and neither was she. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He repeated to himself as he continued to pray for assurance that he was correctly discerning God's will for the future of his relationship with Meredith.

Meanwhile Meredith sat in her bedroom floor, covered in sheets of paper as she held the aim conversation that included that particular bedtime story.S he too began to pray for guidance. He heart was tugging in a billion different directions as she considered Derek's intended moral.

"Once things go wrong in a relationship I freeze." She said praying out loud. "It's always easier, more logical, to stop dealing, pull out before emotion get tangled. Derek broke things off here and I followed his lead. I don't think I should have. I'm looking for some reassurance to jump. To let go of my fears Lord. That even if I jump and Derek doesn't that catch me that you will.

A promise or a dare, I would jump if I knew you'd catch me. Staring over the edge, I can't tell if you'll be here for me. I close my eyes and make a wish. Turn out the lights and take a breath. I pray that when the wick is burned you would say that it's all about love. You were there when I needed you. You were there when the skies broke wide wide open. But you were never here. I remember you said, love is more than your good intentions. Empty boxes on the floor of things I never asked you for. I pray that when the wick is burned you would say that it's all about love. " She sang quoting from her favorite band.

They both remained where they were for a long time trying to figure out their next moves.


	52. Chapter 50

Meredith checked her phone realizing her had promised to be at a soccer game in half an hour. Derek made it a point to be a part of the rest of his youths' lives, not just the church part. Meredith followed his lead attending what she could or what Derek couldn't. She quickly freshened up, pulling on shorts and a tank top. She rummaged around looking for her favorite sunglasses before skipping out of the door.

Derek sighed as the clock slowly ticked forward. It was time for a club match. Some of his youth were on a summer league that, according to Meredith, was a big deal. He hated soccer. He found it boring yet difficult to follow. Meredith had a few soccer channels on their satellite programming. How she could get so into it was beyond him. He did enjoy it with her though. She was so adorably feisty and animated. Plus she explained what was going on. He didn't wanna go. But it was better than sitting at the office waiting around for a council on ministries meeting. So he made his way to his car and drove to the field…excuse him pitch, as Meredith called it. He had once heard a friend of Meredith's describe her as hard core European about her soccer.

He made his way to the bleacher and settled in before the match started. He looked around for Jake, the junior he was here for, surprised to see Meredith standing on the sidelines. "Was it called a side line in soccer, er football?" He wondered to himself. "Wait doesn't a pitch have something to do with sidelines?"

He gave up trying to figure it out, knowing Meredith could explain it to him if they caught a game together. Meredith was talking to the young guy. His coach called his name and he ran to join the rest of the team. Meredith shook out her hair, winding it into a messy bun off her neck before she walked back to the folding chair she had brought with her. After a bit she took a long moment to stare into the bleachers. Her face melted into a smile as she locked eyes with Derek, which surprised him. Lately she ignored him or avoided him completely. He smiled back at her and raised his hand in a sort of wave. The crowd cheered and Meredith turned her attention back to the game.

Later she glanced back to Derek's seat and stood. She cocked her head and walked to the concession stand. Derek quickly stood to follow her. He slid behind her placing a hand on her back to let her know he was there.

"I'll have whatever she's having." He said brushing away her outstretched hand holding a ten dollar bill. She laughed at him as they waited for their chilidogs and slurpees.

They slowly walked back towards the game eating as they went. Derek gave her a sideways glance as they leaned against a fence midway between the bleachers and Meredith's chair.

"How's life treating you?" Derek asked carefully. He waited as she finished the mouthful of hotdog, smearing mustard all over her mouth.

"Meh…" She answered. Derek reached over and wiped the mess off her face with his thumb. He stuck his thumb in his mouth, licking it clean without thinking about it. Meredith watched him as he did.

"Meh?" He asked through a mouthful . She rolled her eyes and wiped the ketchup off of his lips offering him her finger. He glanced at her quickly, with a small smirk.

"I don't like ketchup." She explained. He laughed taking her hand, lifting it to his mouth, cleaning her finger giving it a gentle bite before he let it go. She shoved him, laughing as she slipped her body closer to his, turning to watch the game. Derek wrapped his arms around hers against the fence and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"What are you doing tonight?" Meredith asked.

"Meeting in a bit. After that nothing…"

"Let's have dinner, watch a movie." She suggested with a touch of uncertainty. After all, for the last two months they had barely been in the same room.

"Hmmm, which movie?" He asked softly.

"Dead Poets Society."

"You're rather depressing, aren't you?" He laughed. "Want something for dinner?"

"Frozen macaroni and cheese."

"Okay I'll pick that up and meet you at the house?"

"Lemme get it. I'll cook it while you're being bored out of our mind."

"Hush woman. This could be your life shortly."

"My worst fear." She laughed. Derek pulled away from her letting his hands linger on her waist. Relishing the feel of her body beneath his hands. She was absolutely perfect in this moment.

"I have to head on out for this meeting." He offered regretfully. "I'll be home before too late."

Meredith turned her body to face him as she leaned against the fence. His hands slipped from her hips. At the last second she hooked her fingers on his belt loop and pulled him close. She kissed him quickly, barely feathering her lips over his before she pulled away and walked towards her seat, not tossing another glance in his direction.

Derek could no keep his mind on the meeting. Voices swirled around his head as he tried his damnedest to focus. She had kissed him. He tried not the think about it, he didn't want to get overexcited. He had no idea what it meant. But he couldn't do it. His mind refused to obey. All he could do was replay that briefest of kisses as various members presented boring reports. He could feel her tiny fingers on his belt loops. The faintest bit of sweet tasting lip gloss was still on his lips. He sighed to himself and ran a hand through his hair.

Meredith went home after the game. She said her goodbye to Jake and left. Making her way to the fridge she pulled out the box and quickly slid a frozen pan of macaroni and cheese into the oven. She went upstairs to change while that cooked.

She had no idea why she had just done that. She hadn't gotten a reaction from him either. She didn't know what she had expected…but to get no reaction… The uncertainty was making her nervous as she changed into a pair of pajama pants and a tank top. She made her way downstairs fretting about what the evening would hold.

Two hours later Derek still hadn't gotten home. The macaroni and cheese was growing cold on the counter. The movie was almost finished. And Meredith was half asleep on the couch feeling like a complete failure. All this time she had been worrying about what she was going to say when he got home and he wasn't showing up. He didn't want her. He didn't love her anymore. He hadn't even called…

The first tear had just slipped down her face when she hear his car pull into the driveway. She stood up and quickly straightened her clothes, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose as she walked to the front door. The door flew open just as she reached for the handle, planning to meet him at the door and give him a piece of her mind. She jumped back startled as Derek rushed through the door, almost frantic. Before she could even breathe, let alone form any words he was moving towards her. She just stared at him as one hand moved to cradle her neck and the other circled her waist pulling her as close as he get bring her. He dipped his head down meeting her lips for a fleeting second, just as she had. Her hand slipped to his cheek as he crashed back down on her lips. He quickly pulled her bottom lip between his own lips, sucking on it, running his tongue over it, needing to taste her lip gloss again as he closed the door behind him. She pushed against his body pinning him against the door, drawing his tongue into her mouth as her hand moved from his cheek to his hair grabbing a fistful, enjoying the silky sensation as it slipped between her fingers.

He smiled as the tiny woman pushed him against the door and he felt the bite of the doorknob. He easily maneuvered her against the door, careful to keep her body away from the handle. He changed his mind taking a step backwards, taking her with him, his lips never leaving hers. He managed to make it to the couch where he settled her body, hovering over her for a moment while he slipped a pillow beneath her head. He finally pulled back, cupping her small face between both of his hands, stroking her cheek with the pads of his thumbs while he stared into her eyes for a moment.

Her hands found his shirt and she tugged on it to bring him closer. He eagerly complied, his lips landing on her neck, covering every bit of exposed skin with gentle kisses as the scruff on his chin scraped the already tingling area. Then he made his way to her ear giving it a nip, then enveloping it in his warm mouth as he sucked on it for a moment. He pulled away, blowing a soft breath on the wet skin before biting her lobe, letting it slide slowly through his teeth, barely releasing it before his lips landed on her neck again sucking carefully as he felt her gasp beneath him. He moved back to her mouth and she eagerly strained to meet his lips.

Derek soon found he had no where to settle his weight as he grew tired of hovering over her. He slipped a hand under her, in the small of her back, lifting her bottom up. Meredith wrapped her legs around his waist and locked her hands behind his neck as he easily stood up. As he walked to the steps her lips slid to his neck as she licked and sucked her way along. He moved quicker, opening the door to her room and depositing her on the bed as she pulled her to him, nibbling at his lips. She captured his tongue in her mouth, giving it a long suck before she moved to his bottom lip, licking it quickly slowly devouring it while her hands moved in his hair, gently pulling and scratching his scalp with one hand as the other danced along his jaw line, softly scraping her nails against his skin.

Their lips met once again and the ferocity slowly waned as their tongues moved together in a long slow intricate dance. Derek's fingers tangled in Meredith's long hair and Meredith cuddled closer to his body.

"I remembered a bedtime story today. One you told me about a princess who lived in the woods and was afraid to leave them, whenever she did she just ran back to the woods immediately." Meredith whispered softly, staring at his chest. He moved a hand to her cheek softly kissing her. She deepened the kiss for a moment, but pulled back and looked into his eyes. "See the thing is I've been living in those woods all my life. The sun is bright. It hurts my eyes. It burns my skin. Sometimes I run back to those woods, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the sun on my face…"

Derek's own mind was reeling as she spoke. From his own time spent contemplating their disaster of a relationship this afternoon. Move without knowing while trusting God. He had so many questions, so many uncertainties about where it was headed. But holding this woman, this made sense. It felt right, even when it felt wrong. But nothing he had been through since they moved in together had felt as wrong as the last two months. Not being with her. Not spending time with his best friend.

She was just a baby sometimes. Just a little girl. But that was who she was. She had, up to this point, refused to have her heart broken in meaningless relationships. She was twenty-three and this was her first real relationship. Addison was wrong and he was an idiot for having listened to her. He would wait fifteen years if it meant spending a lifetime with her. Because he knew that's where it was headed. He couldn't imagine a life with anybody else. Five years would fly in a heartbeat because after that was another fifty years waiting for them. But he would wait, patiently. Not enough of her was far better than none of her. And even the not enough was enough when he realized how much pressure he was putting on the relationship for no reason.

"So what are you saying?" He asked.

"I want you to be patient with me. More than you have. Sometimes you're too much. And sometimes I need my me time. But I don't always recognize that. Before we started this you used to say 'Mer take some time for you' but now when you see I need time you step in. And I love that. After all the times I would have killed to be able to talk face to face it's amazing to hear your voice and see your face when I'm upset. But I need you to make me take time for me and make me be social. There's more, but if we can handle this much, I wanna make another go of this. I can't imagine myself with anybody else. But I'm not going to change who I am just to be with you." She said seriously as he gazed deep into her eyes.

"I am so in love with you." He responded softly kissing her lips.


	53. Chapter 51

The next morning Meredith woke by herself. She quickly looked around for some sort of evidence she hadn't once again imagined a reunion with Derek. She rolled over in bed and caught sight o the shirt he had shed before they had fallen asleep together. She picked it up, holding it close to her, smelling his cologne on the blue button down. She pulled it on over the tank top she had slept in and climbed out of bed. She stuffed her feet into her favorite slippers before she made her way downstairs

"G'morning sleepy head." He smiled as she wrapped her arms around his waist and settled her cheek against his back. "I owe you a birthday present." He turned around to hug her close.

"Don't worry about it." She said softly, wanting to forget about their wasted time together. Her birthday had been just after their fight began and it was on of the worst. She bought a bottle of champagne and cried in her room all day. Derek had been on a retreat for the weekend so he wasn't even home. Not that it would have mattered anyway.

"I can't just ignore your birthday Princess." He said planting a kiss on her nose. "Will you be home this evening? Do you work today?"

"I don't have work." She replied.

"Then come with me." He offered enticingly, kissing her nose once more.

"I can't. I don't have work, but it's Mom's birthday. I have to go home."

Derek sighed knowing the outcome of this situation before it even took place. He wished he could relieve her anxiety or prevent this altogether. "Do you want me to go with you?" He offered.

"No you'll just make her worse. She said as delicately as she could. She still saw the pain flash in his eyes. He wanted so badly to help and for once she wanted to let him. But this just wasn't the place or the time for that. "I'm sorry." She whispered, biting her lip anxiously.

"Hey now. You stop that." He ordered lightly, pressing his thumb against her lip, pulling it from between her teeth, quickly kissing her. "I'm okay with your mom's intense hatred. I'll survive, but only if you promise to come home to me tonight."

"I promise. But only if I get a bedtime story."

"We'll see." He said.

Meredith left not much later and Derek quickly got ready knowing he had a long day ahead of him. He was excited for the evening when he could give Meredith her present.

Meredith gathered her phone, purse, keys, cake, and birthday present and got our of the car. She took a deep breath and let herself into the house. "Mom?" She called as she walked through the foyer into the den.

"I'm in the kitchen." Ellis called.

"Happy birthday Mom." She said happily, hugging her mother who stiffened at the physical contact. She pressed the wrapped gift into her mother's arms.

"Meredith I don't have time for this.: She argued sternly, refusing to accept the gifts, pushing past her daughter.

"You said you had today off." Meredith countered trying to corner her mother into sitting down. Ellis sighed pulling out on of the stools in the kitchen. She gave Meredith a look. Meredith quickly lit the candles and began to sing 'Happy Birthday' to her mother. But Ellie blew out the candles before Meredith go to the first 'to you.'

"Are you going to have any cake because I'm not hungry." Ellis asked in a no-nonsense manner as the smoke wafted up between them. Meredith quietly shook her head no, silently passing her mother a card and a wrapped present. Ellis opened the envelope, slipping the card open. She glanced at it without reading it and set it aside on the counter. She ripped the paper off her gift, setting it beside the card.

"Thank you." Ellis said distantly.

"You're welcome Mom." Meredith answered quietly.

"How is life?"

"Good. Charlottesville is a good place for me. I'm still with Derek. Still interpreting."

"How's school." Ellis asked, ignoring the mention of Derek.

"Summer session starts soon. I'll graduate next spring I believe."

"Then…"

"Divinity school." Meredith answered. Ellie replied with a sigh, once again voicing her displeasure and disappointment of Meredith's decision to be in the church. Ellis believed religion was for the weak and undirected who needed a scapegoat to blame and a crutch to lean on. She hated she had raised a daughter who clung so tightly to foolish ideals.

They sat in silence together for a while longer. Ellis checked her pager multiple times, but it remained silent. Finally she stood and walked out the front door. "Goodbye Meredith." She said in that gruff voice of hers before she shut the front door behind her and drove off.

Meredith remained seated for quite some time. She cleaned the kitchen and turned the television on in the den. She didn't feel like dealing with Derek right now. He would be upset because she was upset. But she couldn't help feeling that he would secretly be aggravated. He had often said he didn't understand why she allowed her mother's actions to affect her. After all the result was always the same. She couldn't help it. Or maybe she didn't want to give up hope. She would go home in a few hours and Derek wouldn't suspect anything.

"Meredith?" Derek called opening the front door.

"I'm right here." She said softly, curled up on the couch with a pint of ice cream.

"Princess." He said with a soft smile. "Missed you today. How was your mom?"

"She was mom." She admitted. Derek slipping onto the couch beside her offering her an arm. She buried her face in his neck and he cuddled her to his body.

"I'm sorry sweetie." He murmured against her hair. "I have a present for you. Do you want it?"

"Yeah…" She sighed, not moving her head.

"Can you promise to sit here with your eyes closed until I tell you to open them?" He asked pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I can."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I need more enthusiasm than this." He said with a smart grin.

Meredith smirked back at him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. "Derek fork over my present so I can kiss you!" He laughed and walked to the door.

"Close your eyes." He reminded her. "Keep 'em closed!"

While Meredith sat on the couch with her eyes closed Derek ran out to his car. He returned with a caked and ice cream and ran out to his car again.

"Are your eyes close?" He asked as he brought in an arm load.

"Yes." She answered, fidgeting anxiously.

"Keep 'em that way because I have one last thing to get.

"Hurry!" She whined impatiently. Derek smiled to himself as he picked up Meredith's gift, carefully cuddling the fluffy puppy to his chest.

"Okay I'm ready. I want you to hold out your hands and keep your eyes closed still! Alright?"

Meredith nodded and Derek sat beside her on the couch and placed the puppy in her lap. Then he buried her hands in the puppy's fur. "Open your eyes." He said softly.

He watched her face as she realized what was in her lap. A tiny black Pomeranian puppy with brown yes. Meredith carefully lifted the puppy, burying her face in her fur, breathing in the safe puppy scent. She kissed her head and received the sweetest little lick from the pinkest little tongue. She was melting into the puppy, falling into a puddle of mush as she stroked the furry little ball.

"So she's six weeks old. AKC registered. Under two pounds. First round of shots and stuff." He said pausing to allow her to say something, but she continued to quietly pet the puppy. "Mer? Sweetie? Is it the wrong dog? Is this okay."

"I've never had a dog of my own before. How did you…" "John's wife was a handler years ago. She helped me pick her out." He explained. Meredith quietly rested her head on his shoulder sighing as she continued to pet her new dog. "She's beautiful." She smiled "I love her." The small dog started to get restless so Meredith picked her up and took her outside. "Time to potty." She announced happily as she set the puppy on the grass. Derek followed her outside, wrapping his arms around her from behind. She leaned into his body nestling her head under his chin as they watched the dog play in the yard. "Derek?" "Hmm?" "Thank you." "You're welcome Princess." He murmured pressing a kiss to her hair. "Are we going to make it?" She whispered. "Do what?" He asked confused. "Are we going to last?" "Do you want to?" He asked. "Do you?" She asked turning to face him. She leaned against him, grasping his shirt in her hands as he wrapped his arms around her. He held her for a long time outside enjoying the warm breeze around them.


	54. Chapter 52

-1Meredith came down the steps in a rush one morning, her long hair flying behind her as she quickly made her wait into the kitchen.  
"Where are you going in such a hurry?" Derek asked pouring her a cup of coffee.  
"I'm running late. I have a meeting before class."  
"You're taking classes? It's summer." He said confused.  
"I've been in classes for four weeks."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. Sweetie you've been gone the last few weeks." She reminded him as she gulped her coffee. "Can you watch Bella today?" She asked.  
"Yeah. What classes are you taking?"  
"Derek…" She said, pushing at his chair, trying to slide past him.  
"Sorry." He apologized moving his chair. "Who are you meeting with?"  
"Candidacy mentor." She said briefly, looking around for her phone.  
"Top of the fridge." Derek said softly.  
"Thank you."  
"You're starting your candidacy again?"  
"I tried to talk to you about this when you were home for the night two Saturdays ago."  
"I'm sorry. I'm home all week. Do you want to go out tonight?" He asked.  
"We don't go out."  
"That's because we spend so much time out with church meetings." He reminded her. "We never feel like being out. When will you be home?" He asked.  
"Three?"  
"We'll go out to dinner?" He suggested.  
Meredith sighed. It had been a long few weeks for her. She was taking too many classes. She had decided to take more than a full load for the summer session in hopes she'd be able to graduate a semester early.  
"Casual?" He suggested.  
"Okay." She agreed, bending down to kiss him.  
"I love you…" He called after her. He heard the front door shut and her car start up. "And I love you too Bella boo." He said sweetly picking up the tiny puppy letting her cover his face with kisses. "C'mon pretty girl, are you spend the day with Daddy?"

Later that afternoon Meredith texted Derek to let him know she would be later than she expected, he responded with a sweet okay. She sighed flipping her phone closed and hurrying off to another meeting that had just been scheduled.  
She was so stressed out from all the decisions she was making and her course load. What made it worse was Derek being gone all the time. Of course since it was summer he did have retreats. She knew this is what would go on, but it still was a difficult adjustment. Especially considering they had only been back together for about a week before the retreats started.  
It frustrated her that she was so upset. Derek was home for a few days. Her meeting with her candidacy mentor had gone good, amazing even. But she felt rushed and frazzled. She needed to spend some time with friends. With Derek gone there was nobody at the house. David was on an internship in DC. And Cristina was up north with her professor. She sighed again as she thought about that. She hadn't had the energy to do anything but crash the moment she got home lately. And it was starting to really wear her down.  
She ran a hand through her hair flipping it out of her face before she knocked on the door to the office. Entering when she heard the man's voice beckoning her in.

A bit later Meredith finally got home. After dropping her books purse and shoes in the chair she went into the kitchen to pour herself some juice. She didn't feel well, shaky and dizzy. She had skipped lunch because she had been too hyped after her meeting with her candidacy mentor to be hungry. And now it'd had just been too long. She didn't notice Derek in the office. He leaned back in his chair and watched her pour herself something to drink.

"Are you okay?" He asked, startling her, causing her to drop the glass. It shattered as it hit the floor, pieces scattering everywhere. Bella ran in from the office to inspect the noise, bending her nose down to lap at the spilled juice.

"No Bella!" Meredith exclaimed taking a step towards her puppy before she licked up a piece of glass, inadvertently stepping on the glass herself. "Owww!" She cried switching her weight to her other foot only to grind shards of glass into that foot as well.

Derek was at her side in a flash, scooping her off her feet and carrying her to the den, calling for Bella as he did. He gently placed her on the couch, setting Bella in her lap. "I'm going to clean that up. You hang tight Mer."

He returned to the den after a few minutes and handed her a fresh glass of juice, leaving the room again for a few minutes. He came back with supplies this time. He kneeled down by her feet, carefully removing one sock, then the next as he inspected her feet. As easily as he could he removed the small shards of glass from her feet. When he finished he pressed a kiss to each of her feet, moving to sit on the couch with her feet in his lap.

Bella jumped off the couch happily dragging a toy or two under the coffee table as Meredith and Derek sat in silence. After a moment she emerged from under the table and stood in Meredith's sight. She glanced up at the two of them on the couch before squatting down to make a puddle.

"Bella…" Meredith sobbed, hitting a breaking point. Tears began to stream down her cheeks as the puppy dashed back under the table.

"Mer it's okay." Derek whispered pressing a kiss to her forehead before letting Bella outside. When he brought her back in he put a baby gate up confining her to the kitchen for a few minutes.

He knelt in front of Meredith, pushing her hair out of her face, waiting for her to look at him. "Mer…?" He asked, trailing off. "It's all taken care of. I got it." He soothed. She leaned forward, melting into his arms, burying her face in his neck as she cried harder.

He held her as she drained herself, waiting for her to explain what was wrong as his heart broke for her. After a few minutes her sobs slowed and he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped her eyes. "Blow." He ordered with a smile. "Finish your juice." He said handing her the glass. "Mer what's going on?"

"I forgot to eat today."

"There's more to it than that…" He said knowingly.

"I'm taking six classes and you haven't been home for more than twelve hours in three weeks. Things are just…intense."

"Why are you taking so many classes?" He asked confused.

"So I can graduate in January."

"January?" He repeated. "You're packing a master's degree into a year and a half?"

"Yes." She replied stubbornly.

"Care to explain why?"

"I can't. Not until I make a few decisions."

"Meredith, I'm your boyfriend. I deserve details."

"You'll get details. But right now this is between me and God."

"Does this have to do with candidacy?" He asked thoughtfully. When she didn't answer he sighed. "Fine I give up. I'm guessing you don't want to go out. How about we order something in?"


	55. Chapter 53

-1"Hey Mer." Kathleen responded as Meredith answered the phone. "So what's up?"

"I need some advice." Meredith replied. "I'm trying to make some decisions."

"What sort of decisions?" Kathleen asked warily.

"Mostly about candidacy and seminary. I'm graduating in December."

"You like to rush things don't you?"

"No."

"What's candidacy?"

"It's a process in the church before you go to seminary. A way of declaring you're headed towards ordination. And a way for the church to decide if they will approve of you. You have to be certified as a candidate before you can begin ordination.

"Derek mentioned you were starting candidacy again. But I didn't know what he was talking about."

"You talk about me?"

"Relax all he said was you were taking classes and starting candidacy again when I asked how you were."

"Okay."

"Tell me about the decisions."

"I have to decide if I want to start seminary in January or wait until the following fall."

"What's difficult about the decision?" Kathleen asked.

"I wouldn't be going to school in Charlottesville anymore. Derek's only a year into this ministry. I want to make my decision, but I'm worrying about Derek finding out and feeling compelled to drop it all and go with me. If I go to school in January then he wouldn't be able to find a job. At least not a worthwhile one."

"So are you just worried about Derek tagging along or are there other reasons why you aren't telling him?"

"Our last big fight was my reactions to him rushing in to fix my problems rather than being the objective Derek he used to be. And I don't want another fight. I want to work through it on my own. It feels like something I should do on my own."

"You want him to be the sounding board he was?"

"Yeah."

"Tell him that."

"But…" Meredith began.

"The reason he rushes in is because he needs a role." Kathleen interrupted. "For years you begged him to fix it. It was absolutely heartbreaking to him to not be able to take care of you for whatever reasons. Now he can. He's trying to be what you've asked him to be. And it's not what you want. So tell him. Give him the role and he'll do it."

Meredith heard a lot of commotion on Kathleen's end for a moment, then a sigh. "Meredith I have to go. The kids are fighting."

"Okay. Thank you Kath."

"I'm serious. Talk to him."

They hung up and Meredith slipped into her bikini. She wandered downstairs as the tiny little puppy bounced around her ankles. She laughed grabbing a towel and opening the back door. While Bella flounced around the back yard Meredith dragged the cover to the hot tub off and started it up. She put down a water bowl for Bella and climbed into the water.

Some time later Derek was walking up the sidewalk to leave for a meeting. He noticed Meredith in the hot tub so he walked up to her, pressing a kiss to her neck. She jumped, startled by his touch. Her face melted into a smile as she realized who it was. She flipped her body over so she could face him. He leaned towards her, touching his forehead to hers. Her hands wound their way around his neck.

"How was your day Princess?" He asked. In response she pulled him closer, finding his lips with her own. "Mmmm good day." He laughed. "I have a meeting." He explained. She kissed him again as her fingers twirled his hair around themselves. When he pulled away she tightened her grip on his hair almost imperceptibly. "I can skip it." He offered returning her kisses with her face in his hands.

"No. I'm okay." She smiled at him as he watched her carefully. "I want to talk though. Will you be home soon?"

"Quick as I can." He promised, dropping one last kiss on her nose. "I'll bring back something for dinner. I love you."

"I me you." She echoed softly, watching him disappear around the house.


	56. Chapter 54

-1Derek walked into the main house carrying bags with the dinner he had picked up. The meeting had gone on a lot longer than expected, which put him in a mood to begin with. And he had presented early on. So basically he had sat in a room with an argument surging on around him for eighty minutes, knowing Meredith was at home waiting to talk to him. He pulled the containers out of the bags and fixed them each plates.

Meredith heard Derek come in and head to the kitchen. She stood in the door and watched as he opened a bottle of wine. He looked tired as he lifted the bottle to the glasses. She soundlessly made her way across the from, wrapping her arms around him. She stood on her toes, pressing kisses against his neck, then laid her head against his back.

"How was your meeting?" She asked knowing he had been gone far too long.

"A test of my patience." He replied quietly. He handed her the glasses and carried the plates to the table. They prayed together and began to eat. Meredith watched him carefully as he ate.

"Do you want to talk about the meeting?" She asked, uneasy as something was weighting on Derek's mind.

"I don't know what's going on." He admitted. "But I'm so tired. I'm feeling overwhelmed that UMYF is starting up soon. And I'm tired of struggling to keep a ministry going that I'm not sure will last. I'm feeling a little burnt out. Maybe a little outdated. Why is my ministry no longer effective? Was it ever?" He asked staring deep into Meredith's eyes looking for a response. Her heart broke as she saw the pain in his eyes, but she had no idea how to fix it. She stood beside his chair, he turned to face her. She kissed his forehead gently as he had so many times for her. He melted against her, letting her pull him into a hug as she continued to stand in front of him.

"Do you want to eat or talk?" She asked after a moment.

"Let's finish eating." He decided, releasing her. They finished dinner and moved to the den. Meredith settled onto the couch, her feet on the coffee table as Derek left to change into more comfortable clothes. When he returned he settled comfortably against her, laying his head in her lap.

Generally their relationship was fairly mutual. But because of their history, they rarely found themselves in a position where Meredith took care of Derek. But he had opened himself up at dinner and was still feeling vulnerable. It had brought out Meredith's protective instincts, which he was grateful for.

He stared at the ceiling for a moment before her hands made their way to him. One in his hair, quietly relaxing him. And the other to his chest. Out of nervousness he picked her hand up, examining it as he threaded his fingers between hers. He began to feel at ease as her fingers worked their way through his hair.

"Your ministry is effective." She offered reassuringly. "I know it is because you love the teens and you love God. You always have. What is your mission statement?" She asked pointedly.

"With God's grace, the youth ministry seeks to foster an empowering ministry in which youth are inspired to grow in Christ and become disciples in the church, the community, and the world." He quoted softly.

"Derek look at how many of your youth are in the ministry, or in seminary. Or have grown and are involved in their own churches. Your youth don't just have fun at King's Dominion. They love and adore you. And what's more they love God. And they want a relationship with Him. That's what it all boils down to. For any ministry."

"But I used to have youth who cared about the deeper stuff. I miss district youth who wanted to know about the symbolism in Revelation, or the numerology implied in the ages in Genesis, if time existed, or how Christian theology and quantum mechanics can coexist. My youth are normal. Superficial at times. I'm producing a generation with a superficial faith. A superficial faith won't support them when they need it."

"Do you remember what was going on in those days?" She asked pushing his hair back as she smiled at him. "You were headed to seminary yourself. You were learning these things at the same time you were teaching. You were excited! And you built up a ministry where there was an expectance for the subject matter. Remember that's the district ministry I walked into. It was scary for me to be a part of that where everybody knew SO much. I felt like I had no time to learn the basics. And it was district. The youth were there because they were committed to a deeper ministry. You aren't producing superficial faiths. You're producing a strong foundation for their faith. You've gotta learn the basics some time."

"I can't stay in youth ministry forever." He sighed. "What if I'm feeling this way because it's time to move on?" He asked, apprehension shaking his voice.

"So you move on. We move on. As long as we're both working towards what God wants for us we'll be fine."

Derek rolled over, settling himself face down on her lap, pressing a kiss to each of her thighs before he rested his head. Her hand immediately traveled to his back, slipping her hand beneath his t-shirt she scratched his back as they sat in silence for a while.

"What do you want to do?" She asked after some time had passed.

"I have no idea." He admitted. "It's scary to not know. I'm not used to not having answers for you."

"Maybe that's part of our problem. We need to forget about the previous dynamics where you were in charge. This is supposed to be mutual. No hierarchies."

"Mmmmm." He murmured, knowing she was right. It was difficult for him to put it into practice though. She had always been his little princess. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" He asked, remembering they were supposed to be talking about her.


	57. Chapter 55

-1"What was it you wanted to talk about?" He asked, remembering they were supposed to be talking about her.  
"Uhhmm." She began nervously. "You remember the last time you were home a couple of weeks ago I said I was making decisions?"  
"Yeah?" He answered.  
"You've been my sounding board for the last ten years. I can't make a major decision without at least verbalizing it to you." She admitted. "So I need you to be objective. And I need you to not feel like you need to make any decisions about your own life okay?"

"Alright sweetie." He agreed.

"I graduate in December. And I'm trying to decide when and where I want to go to seminary. Because I could start in January. Or I could wait until next fall. I could go to Wesley Theological Seminary in DC and still be able to live with you most of the time. Or I could go to one of the other schools we've talked about. And I just don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And I don't want you to feel like you have to pick up and move right along with me. We thought we had a while left. I know you hadn't planned on leaving C-ville any time soon. I want to make my decision without worrying about that. And I want you to be able to help me without you worrying about anything."

"I don't want you to go to WTS." He said with a sly look. "Duke. I can live with Candler or Princeton. But not WTS."

"What's wrong with WTS? It's close."

"It definitely isn't Duke." He said.

"You're worried about bragging rights aren't you." She accused, pinching his cheek. He laughed nipping at her fingers while she continued to try to pinch him. "You're horrible Derek. Absolutely positively horrible." She declared.

"But I love you. And I only want what's best for you. Which isn't WTS."

"Even if it means we'll be living far apart."

"Love, grad school is going to be pressured enough without driving all the time. You know, look at you managing a masters in half the time. From UVA at that. Promise me you won't do that with your M. Div. Take your time. Enjoy it. There's nothing quite like divinity school. You're constantly surrounded by people who share that longing to know God on a deeper intellectual level. It's going to be so different from anything you've ever known."

"But what's going to happen with us."

"We'll figure it out as we go. But we'll be fine. Do you want to hash through the specifics now?" He asked, his head still resting in her lap.

"No. You leave tomorrow." She said, here eyes filling up. She bent down to kiss him, her tears falling onto his face as she closed her eyes.

"Hey now, don't cry. I can't have you crying when I won't see you for a week. It's hard enough for me to leave you when you're smiling. You'll break my heart if I have to leave you crying. Do you want to go upstairs and watch a movie?" He asked. She nodded and he sat up out of her lap. He stood up off the couch and bent down in front of her. He lifted her up off the couch and her legs immediately encircled his waist. She pressed a kiss to his neck before settling her own head down as he easily walked up the stairs with her attached to his body. He carefully deposited her in the bed and climbed in after her. She snuggled up to him as the movie started and he held her, hoping she felt secure as she fell asleep.

"You know Mer, I've been thinking."

"Oooo. Would you like a cookie." She teased, rolling her body into his so he couldn't tickle her. "Okay what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking." He said loudly, ignoring the giggling body pushed up against him. "That we should take a vacation together. We haven't gone away together yet. Except on retreats and to my mom's. Can you take a week or two off when I get back?"

"Mmmhmmmm."

"Then we're going away." He declared.

"Where?"

"I'll handle details. You just handle the last few weeks of classes." He told her as she giggled into his chest.


End file.
